by Leela Ash
When Trina started talking about having feelings for one of the other Dragon shifters and asking Gavin if he thought she might be experiencing the feelings that one had when they found their fated mate, Gavin had become jealous. He didn’t want to lose his friend. He wanted to keep her to himself and didn’t want anything to change between them. If she had already found her fated mate, then that would mean he was going to be left behind.
The feelings had been very confusing. Trina was an attractive girl. Well, a woman by the time she had come to Gavin with her predicament. She trusted him implicitly. More than anybody else. And he trusted her too.
But when she asked him what he thought, instead of telling her the truth−that it was possible she was experiencing the fated attraction she was considering−Gavin lied. He said it would be nearly impossible. And, in a moment of confused desperation and panic, claimed it was impossible because he was certain that she was his fated mate. And they were meant to be together forever.
Well, of course, this took Trina by surprise, but she readily accepted Gavin’s explanation. After all, they had been so close for so long. Of course, it made sense for them to feel that way toward each other. Didn’t it?
Except that, in truth, neither of them really did. They began to try and force it. Convincing themselves and everyone else that this was their truth. In the meantime, the man that was fated for Trina grew increasingly depressed and isolated himself from the community, not even coming out during public holidays and events that would honor him for his hard work and bravery.
Gavin noticed this and felt more and more guilty as the months wore on. But he and Trina were happy enough together that none of it seemed to make a difference. Except that it did. Because both of them knew in their heart of hearts that something was off. Something was missing. And Gavin was to blame.
Finally, one day, Trina was sick and feeling very under the weather. And Gavin had just come home from a long day of work, irritable and restless. When Trina asked him to do something for her, he snapped at her and soon, it exploded into a vicious fight. They each revealed that they no longer thought it true that they belonged together, and Gavin finally admitted what he had done when Trina had confessed to him her feelings about the other Dragon shifter. It had been quite a mess, and Gavin was lucky that she had chosen to be considerate about it and hadn’t publicly shamed him, otherwise, perhaps his banishment from Fiora would have happened much sooner.
The fight left him feeling miserable, and Trina eventually left him to pursue the original Dragon shifter man that she had started to fall in love with. They began a beautiful courtship and eventually produced amazing children, leaving Gavin alone and envious and to be pitied by several of the other Dragon shifters in his circle.
That was when he had begun to really immerse himself in his intellectual pursuits and focus as much of his energy as he could in excelling in physical and mental tasks. Because, clearly, he had been a failure at emotional and romantic tasks. He would just have to accept that much. Wouldn’t he?
There was a reason he hadn’t found his fated mate. It was because he was broken. He had made mistakes and ruined his chances. He had tried to cheat fate, and now he was being punished for it.
He had never admitted to anybody else what he had done. Only to Trina. And whether Trina ever told another soul or not, Gavin had no idea. All he knew was that it wouldn’t matter whether she did or not because he was alone now and paying the price for being so manipulative.
It had been heartbreaking for her when she had found out the truth. She realized that she had thrown away nearly two years in trying to love Gavin and force their relationship to work when she could have been trying to create a beautiful life together with the person she was meant to be with. Gavin had stolen that time from her. And he was sure she would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself.
And, of course, the universe would be keeping score. Sure, he wanted to believe there was someone out there for him, but he had given up the search long ago. And most of the time, all he could remember was that he was lonely, and that he wished he was able to be with the person he was meant to be with. It wasn’t until rare occasions like this when he would remember what he had done to Trina. He had buried it so far down that it almost didn’t even feel like a part of him. He had learned and grown so much since then. But there was still this thing in his past that haunted him deeply. This thing he would never be able to fully forgive himself for.
And he was certain that it contributed to his never finding a fated mate. That was just something he was going to have to come to terms with. He could clear all the resistance in the world and still feel the same way, because he had done something very wrong. Something nearly unforgiveable. What if he had never told her the truth? What if they had never had that fight and tried to make their relationship work for the rest of their lives? He would have stolen her happiness forever. How could he live with that?
The truth was, it was very difficult for him to. That was why he buried it so deeply. He had to try and move forward, but he couldn’t allow himself to make any more mistakes. Maybe he had put off the search for his own fated mate because he wasn’t sure he would be able to treat her well even if he did find her. Maybe he was just too damaged and too much of an asshole to make any woman happy.
He had certainly failed with Trina.
Gavin sighed and tried to push the thoughts away. None of it really mattered, anyway. No matter how much is body responded to Naomi, there was no point to it. He couldn’t even let himself think about it. He couldn’t want her.
He wasn’t going to be able to find a mate. The universe would make sure he knew just how pathetic he was. He was a liar and a thief of time. He couldn’t let himself get too invested in the idea that he might have someone waiting out there for him, no matter how badly he wanted it. No matter how much it would help his people to have another sacred child spawned from such a union. No, he was a failure. He had failed himself, and his people. And no matter how hard he worked to try and save Fiora, and bring the others their happy endings, he had already ruined his own. He was just going to have to accept it.
***
The drive had been long and had done Gavin a bit of good, but he was glad when he was finally back at the office. When he arrived, just like usual, he was bombarded with messages and questions about where this went or what that was or what they were supposed to be doing tomorrow. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to address any of that, though. He had a small shipment that had arrived, and he was eager to take it to the secret bunker. He had ordered parts he was sure might help to repair the finnicky device once and for all, so they would be able to really identify the Loni descendants without having to worry about whether or not the device was going bonkers.
More than once, it had misidentified women as potential Lonis and it had turned out that they had failed the blood test and they found themselves back at square one. It was not a fun process, and Gavin was determined to fix it. Even though he and TJ were the only ones on Earth without their fated mates with them, it was difficult to fathom not being able to identify the other Loni women out there. They were all in danger if they were descendants. Any Loni descendants were likely to be trailed from a very young age if they were identified. The ones that seemed to raise the most concerns were often abducted and taken away. Banished to a pocket of the universe where their magic would no longer be allowed to flourish.
And that was if they were lucky. Many of them were outright killed. Murdered in heinous and un-ceremonial ways. He had spotted many stories on Earth of women who had been abducted and murdered, only to recognize very specific physical Loni traits on the photos that the news broadcasted. It was a dangerous time, to be sure, for if these Loni women ever found that their fated mates were Sun Dragons, the sacred children that were born of that union would fight the forces of chaos and ensure the universe was headed toward peace.
“Gavin!”
Gavin was nearly startled out
of his skin by TJ’s voice barking from behind him.
“What do you want, TJ? You scared me half to death, I hope it’s worth it.”
“Oh, whatever, dude. You’re being dramatic and using that phrase I hate. You know that Dragon shifters don’t croak that easily.”
Gavin couldn’t help but smile. TJ had him there.
“Well, okay, but seriously. What do you need?”
“So, you remember that person I rented the house to?”
“I never met the person you rented the house to, but I do remember you renting the house and showing up to live at my apartment like it was your God-given right. What about it?”
TJ shrugged casually and continued, “Well, she needs a handyman out to help her. She wants to build kennels in the back and I told her we could do it. But I don’t know the first thing about it and honestly have way too much on my plate right now to worry about, but I thought maybe−”
“What makes you think I’m not busy?” Gavin pointed out irritably. “I’m always busy.”
“Yeah, but what with all the time you have been taking off recently to, like, ‘find yourself’ and stuff, I thought maybe this would be a fun project. You know, help you clear your head or something. It really doesn’t get much simpler. She’s got the supplies and if you don’t know how to do something, you can always use the internet. You’re really good at that kind of thing, right?”
“TJ, I don’t know about−”
“Seriously, Gavin. It will be great. And you can go check around the house to make sure there was nothing that we left behind. Remember how you were on me about that?”
Gavin froze. “Oh, right. Yeah, that had completely slipped my mind with everything else going on.”
“Everything else?” TJ asked, quirking a brow.
Gavin blushed deeply. His body was suddenly alive as he thought about his interactions with the woman he was so tempted to pursue. Everything else. His torment about finding a fated mate. His bizarre and unwelcome interest in Naomi. A human. A person who would probably never be interested back. If it even was an interest and wasn’t just some random thought that liked to creep into his head on certain occasions. It was probably nothing. He was just obsessed with finding a mate and looking for signs in all the wrong places. He was sure of it.
“Just, I have had a lot on my mind lately. With the device and … finding my fated mate. You already know that.”
“Sure,” TJ said, but it was clear he knew there was more to the story than Gavin was letting on. It made Gavin prickle, but he shook his head. Let TJ wonder, it wasn’t going to kill anyone.
“Fine,” Gavin said finally, sighing in defeat. “I will go to the house and then the bunker. I had to head there anyway with this package. If I find anything at the house that could be problematic or a giveaway, then I will just take it with me. It will spare me a trip.”
“Good plan,” TJ said. “Don’t really care about your gas mileage, but it’s always nice being let in on what’s going on in that head of yours.”
TJ thumped Gavin’s shoulder roughly a few times and then wandered off, rubbing his stomach lazily.
Gavin shook his head, exasperated, but what could be done about it? TJ was TJ, and Gavin was Gavin, and there really wasn’t much more to say about that.
Now, though, he was going to have to make a trip he hadn’t counted on, and he hated having to do things that he hadn’t counted on. It always made him anxious, because it was important to him to maintain a routine and structure. That was how he was able to accomplish so much. He knew what he could handle and how to manage time. It was a skill many people never managed to master, but in doing so, Gavin had made himself into the go-to guy. The kind of person everyone admired, and thought was inhuman in his ability to make progress.
That put a lot of pressure on him. But it had been a bit better since allowing himself the time to do the things he loved and take some space away from everything else. Why not? It was okay to do things that were good for you. Right?
Right.
Back to the truck Gavin went, sighing all the while. He would have to make a mental checklist of all the things they’d had in the house and where they had been stored. He was most concerned about the basement, where he had done most of his work and had kept the majority of the artifacts from Fiora, but everybody had come to Earth with their own tokens from home, and if any of them were left behind, it would easily be traced by an enemy. The energies from the Dragon shifters’ home planet were potent, and anyone with half a mind to track them would easily be able to.
It was truly dangerous. It was lucky that Gavin had quickly discovered a substance with the properties to conceal the energies from the outside world. A combination of aluminum foil and a specific brand of PVC tubing had created an incredible barrier. He simply had to build a small wall out of the two and paint over it with drywall mud, then paint it with a brand of paint that sucked VOCs out of the air. It was the best he could do, but it worked well under the circumstances. He’d secured the entire house that way, and the bunker as well. But if the human found one of their trinkets and decided to carry it around or give it away, who knew what could happen.
Gavin grumbled to himself as he approached the house. It was strange to be there from the other side of it. Not to live there, but to work there. He wondered what he would find when he went inside. None of the familiar furniture would be there any longer. None of his five brothers or their families. None of the things they had brought there to begin with. It was almost a bit sad. But he was happy that they were all moving on with greater chapters in their lives. He just wished sometimes that he could hold on to something once it became familiar.
It had been his idea to move out of the house, but he found himself regretting it often. He had loved this place. Put a lot of thought and care into making it a home and ensuring that they would be safe and protected there. Now, he was living in a little apartment with TJ, far less happy than he would have been to live in this house with TJ. He had thought that being independent would be what he needed to finally be able to find his fated mate. Now, he wasn’t even sure he would ever have one, and felt a twinge of regret at giving up the chance to live in the house.
He strode up to the door and knocked, holding his breath, curious to find the face of the person who was living in the house he had worked so hard on. When the door opened, however, it felt like all the wind was knocked out of him and he exhaled sharply.
“Naomi?”
Naomi looked just as startled to see him as he was to see her.
“Gavin!” She glanced about nervously and then opened the door slightly, hesitant as to whether or not she should invite the man inside. “What are you doing here?”
“I … well, what are you doing here?” he stammered in response, totally forgetting why he had been sent out to the house in the first place.
“I don’t know. I was expecting a handyman to come out and help me to build some kennels for the cats I plan to rescue.”
“Oh! That’s … that’s you? TJ sent me out here.”
“Oh! That explains everything!” Naomi said with a bright laugh. “He reminded me so much of you. Are you brothers or something?”
“Well … yes. We are related,” Gavin said, somewhat hurt by the fact that he would never be able to explain the full connotation of his relationship with TJ or the other Dragon shifters that had been banished to Earth with him. Nobody would ever understand. No, they weren’t biologically related, but they were the closest anyone on Earth would ever be to them genetically, and that made them brothers to some extent. Whether it was that they shared the same parents or not. They were a big family.
Why did he want so badly to be able to explain this to Naomi? Why did he want to show himself to her that way, reveal his secrets? Was it because he knew her to be a caring and compassionate person? Was that reason enough for him to want to reveal his secret?
No, more likely, he had just been carrying it with him for so long that it fel
t good to think he might have someone out there who would be able to understand him well enough that he could let down his guard and just be himself. Someone who might be willing to get to know him and start a new and honest relationship together. He wanted to connect with someone. He was sure it was all of his focus on finding a mate. That was all. It had nothing to do with her as a person and everything to do with his own selfish quest. He chuckled the thoughts away.
“So, where do you intend to put those kennels?” Gavin asked, glancing about the house nervously. He was eager to step inside and see what had been done to the house, and Naomi seemed both nervous and excited to have him there. It was alluring, to be honest, and his golden eyes were intent upon her as he waited for an invitation.
“In the back yard,” Naomi finally said. It was clear to him that she was flustered now, and he tried not to be affected as he sensed an energy from her that drew him closer. That wanted him.
He swallowed hard and did his best to ignore it as she led him inside. He was hit suddenly by a wall of her scent. He closed his eyes, pleasantly overwhelmed as all of his senses began to react to the woman’s nearness. When he opened them again, Naomi was looking nervously at her hands, trying to avoid eye contact with him. He smiled inwardly. It was kind of cute, really. He liked knowing that he impacted her this way. Even if it was never meant to become anything more serious. He was enthralled by it regardless.
“How many cats do you anticipate housing out there?” he asked, quirking his brow at her thoughtfully.
“Well,” Naomi said, finally looking him in the eyes. The directness of her gaze floored him, and he had to force himself not to falter. “It depends on how many I can catch.”
“Catch?” Gavin asked, puzzled. “What do you mean, catch?”
“If nobody will help me to postpone the demolition of this building, there are a bunch of strays that could end up being killed. I don’t want to see that happen, so I am trying to figure out a way to organize a rescue. I have one other person who might be willing to help, but it can be quite a tricky task to catch strays. They are smart. And fast. And they don’t trust anyone. They are definitely not going to want to leave their home. That’s where they feel the safest. So, I need to make sure we do it in a smart way, so I can save as many of them as possible. And I want the kennels prepared, just in case.”