by Jason Tesar
the front door. At a time when he should have been putting in more hours to make up for Rena’s mistake, he’d taken some time off to watch Gareth and Suzanne so Clarine could take Rena to meet with Dr. Mallory. Which only added to Rena’s feelings of guilt.
After a short walk to the transit station and a ten-minute ride toward the Center, Rena found herself on the third floor of a tall, glass building. She and Clarine sat in a small waiting room outside of Dr. Mallory’s office. The entry room was kept separate from the exit room so outgoing patients had a private place to collect their thoughts after their session. And incoming patients didn’t have the opportunity to make any judgments about the doctor’s previous session.
Rena had already talked with her mom about school in transit, so there wasn’t much else to do but wait. Clarine walked over to the Collective terminal and began skimming through various articles on psychological conditions and treatment. Rena stared out the window at the darkening city, mesmerized by the third-story view, which wasn’t a common sight for her. She wondered if this was how Dal felt every day, being as tall as he was.
The office door finally opened.
Dr. Mallory hadn’t changed at all. She still had the same shoulder-length, red hair that curled outward at the bottom. The same thin glasses. The same freckles on her nose and cheeks.
“Mrs. Waite.”
“Hello, Dr. Mallory! Thanks again for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice.”
“It’s no trouble at all,” she said before turning in Rena’s direction. “Hi, Rena. It’s good to see you again.”
“Hi,” Rena answered with a smile. She couldn’t help but think that, technically speaking, it wasn’t good for the doctor to see her again. But she kept the comment to herself.
“Both of you, please come in,” Dr. Mallory said, stepping aside as she held open the door.
The office looked the same as the last time Rena had visited. In over eight years, the only thing that had changed was the couch where patients sat. It used to be gray. The new one was tan. Dr. Mallory was obviously trying to provide a consistent, non-threatening environment for the patients. But it just made Rena feel unsettled, as if the whole thing were fake.
“Please, have a seat,” Dr. Mallory said, motioning to the chairs in front of her desk. “Can I offer you something to drink?”
You just did, Rena thought.
“No, thank you,” Clarine answered. “We’re fine.”
Dr. Mallory sat down in an expensive-looking chair and waved her hand across her desktop. A holographic image of a folder appeared in the air above it, opening as lines of text flew out and arranged themselves into multiple documents. “I reviewed my notes from our previous sessions. And I’ve already read through the police report, so I’m up-to-date … unless there’s anything you’d like to add?”
Rena shook her head.
“Just that … we’d been doing very well until yesterday,” Clarine replied.
Dr. Mallory tilted her head to one side and nodded. “Rena, do you remember the delusions we discussed when you were younger? The trees? The land that stuck up in the air like buildings?”
“Yes.”
“Did you have any of those delusions yesterday, when you were out in the Barrens?”
“Not really.”
Dr. Mallory smiled. “What does not really mean?”
In the past, she’d encouraged Rena to use specific language. Their conversations had been exhausting after Rena learned to second-guess everything before she spoke.
“Well … I didn’t see anything.”
“Did you hear something?”
Rena nodded. “When one of the men pulled out a knife, I heard a voice.”
“What did the voice say?”
Rena glanced at her mom before answering, “People may try to hurt you.”
Dr. Mallory’s eyebrows came together as she nodded. It was her sympathetic look. Clarine often did the same thing.
“Mrs. Waite …”
“Please, call me Clarine.”
Dr. Mallory smiled. “Clarine … the last time I met with Rena, we were dealing with her feelings of abandonment and insecurity. Completely valid feelings given the circumstances of her childhood. I advised you to concentrate your efforts on making her feel safe, secure, and loved.”
Clarine nodded, her eyes glossy.
“Which she did,” Rena quickly added.
“Of course,” Dr. Mallory agreed, looking back to Clarine. “And over time, what that did was create a new foundation upon which Rena could build her life. She’s now had nine years of stability, but what happened yesterday was an extreme situation. Her physical safety was threatened in a very … tangible way. Her response was instinctual.”
Rena had actually been thinking about Kirti and Dal’s safety more than her own, but she didn’t bother interrupting. She and Dr. Mallory could discuss details later, if it came to that.
“What I’d like to say to you, Clarine, is that you shouldn’t feel guilty. You’ve done an amazing job as a mother.”
Clarine nodded and wiped at the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.
“By focusing on Rena’s foundational feelings, you were able to minimize her need for delusions, which were merely symptoms of the deeper issue. And, Rena, you accepted Clarine’s love. You trusted her. Together, you’ve made a tremendous amount of progress.”
What is she getting at? Rena wondered.
Clarine reached over and patted Rena’s leg.
Rena smiled in return, but only for Clarine’s benefit.
“With permission from both of you, I’d like to try a different approach this time. Rena, I think you’ve moved beyond the need for your delusions, but your brain is still holding on to them. It’s a defense mechanism against future threats … or the possibility of them. Instead of ignoring these delusions, it might be beneficial to explore them. Treat them as though they were repressed memories. If we can move them out of your subconscious and into your conscious thoughts, we might be able to pacify them. Show your subconscious there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“What about Rena’s actual past?” Clarine sounded worried.
“That may come … in time. For now, her delusions are all that her subconscious is willing to show us. So, we’ll start there. How does that sound to you, Rena?”
Rena glanced at her mom before answering. “Good, I guess.”
“What should we expect in terms of Rena’s behavior?” Clarine asked. “Will this treatment make her less stable at first?”
Dr. Mallory shook her head. “The repressed memory exercises are very simple, initially. It’s a gradual process that allows the brain to work at its own pace. I don’t anticipate it being any more difficult than a good, heart-to-heart conversation. And Rena’s had plenty of those over the years, right?”
Rena nodded and smiled back.
“That’s good,” Clarine said. “When should we come in next?”
“I’d like to get started tomorrow afternoon, if that’s possible.”
“Uh … I think so.”
“And if you’re comfortable with it, I’d like Rena to come on her own. Right after school.”
“Oh.”
“There’s no need for you to take time off work, Clarine. It’s more effective anyway if Rena assumes more responsibility for her own sessions. Again, it’s about getting the subconscious to release its control over the conscious.”
“Oh. OK. Are you comfortable with that?” Clarine asked, turning to Rena.
It was a relief to hear that Rena’s counseling wouldn’t interrupt her parents’ work schedules. She already felt enough pressure without adding her family’s financial worries on top of it. As it was, these sessions with Dr. Mallory were going to cost Marshall and Clarine more credits than they could afford.
“Whatever it takes, Mom.”
Clarine smiled and patted Rena’s leg again.
“Excellent! So, Rena, I’ll expect you tomorrow afternoon when you’re do
ne with school. Clarine, it was wonderful seeing you again. If you ever need someone to talk to, you’re welcome to ‘verse me.”
Rena suddenly noticed the 056 on Dr. Mallory’s hand. She’d obviously learned to make herself useful to many different people.
“Thank you, Dr. Mallory … for everything.”
“You’re quite welcome. And please, call me Lyn.”
Minutes later, Rena and Clarine left the lobby of the glass building and headed for the nearest transit station. The night air was cool in Rena’s lungs, and it felt refreshing to be walking again. Unlike her neighborhood, where only the corners were illuminated by freestanding streetlights, these sidewalks had continuous illumination from lighting strips inset into the perimeter of every building.
“Well, this seems very promising. Don’t you think?” Clarine asked.
“Definitely.” Rena had never quite accepted the explanation that the images and sounds in her mind were delusions. They’d always felt more like memories. And the strategy of exploring them as such was exciting.
Clarine took in a deep breath. “Dr. Mallory is such a wonderful person. I need to remember to give her a good rating as soon as we get home. Don’t let me forget.”
006
“Did it go up before or after Clarine rated her?” Dal asked.
“I don’t know,” Rena said, looking again at the 012 on the back of her hand. “I noticed it after I woke up. Dr. Mallory may not have even been affected by my mom’s rating. She has so many interactions with patients.”
“But you, on the other hand, don’t. So you must have said something right.”
Rena shrugged. “I can be charming when I want to be.”
“Which brings up a