by Clare Lydon
Dot passed Caitlin her peaches. “You’re going to fit in just fine in New York. Apparently, sarcasm is a sincere form of communication there.”
Caitlin flinched at Dot’s words, then bowed her head.
“What did I say?”
“Nothing bad.” Caitlin raised her gaze. “It’s just, I got an email last night saying my job offer has been revoked. Due to the international pandemic, they’re freezing all hires.” She exhaled a huge breath. “So I won’t be going to New York. I’ll never get to see my words come out of an actor’s mouth.” She flipped her head back to the ceiling. “I blew us up for nothing.”
There was a pause as her words floated around the kitchen like a punctured balloon, bumping into the walls, bouncing off the floor, hitting the ceiling — each one dying as they fluttered into the silent room.
Something inside Dot ripped in two. “You had itchy feet for a while. I was always second best.”
Caitlin sat up straighter, then swayed in pain, clutching her ribs. She shook her head. “You were never second best.” She inhaled sharply. “But if I hadn’t had the offer, I’d still be working at Total PR.”
“You hated that place, so let’s not pretend your destiny was cruelly snatched away.”
“I’m not.”
“You were about to. It wasn’t about New York. You decided we had a shelf life.”
She frowned. “It was about New York. I couldn’t find a job here.”
“You never looked.”
Caitlin dropped Dot’s gaze and stared out the kitchen window. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m the biggest idiot going. Because now I’ve lost you, the job I had, and the job I was going to. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, and I’m jobless, homeless and single.” She glanced back, lips pursed. “And yes, it’s my fault. I’m not asking for sympathy. Just know, I never meant to hurt you.”
“You did a really bad job.” Dot leaned her head back before addressing Caitlin again. “Can we not rehash the past? I’m emotioned out.”
Caitlin gulped, then nodded. “Of course. I’m sorry for turning your life upside down, on top of everything else.”
Dot sighed. “It’s not the end of the world.” She pointed out the window. “The end of the world is outside.”
Caitlin gave a sad laugh, then clutched her ribs, wincing.
“Look, you can’t sleep on the sofa tonight. Not with cracked ribs.”
Caitlin’s eyes widened. “I can’t kick you out of your bed. You’ve been kind enough to me as it is.”
“I wasn’t suggesting I was going anywhere.”
Caitlin’s eyebrows shot up.
Dot held up a hand. “I’m suggesting we share the bed until you’re on the mend. It’s king-sized. There’s room. It’s not like we haven’t done it before and kept our distance.” Dot wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
Caitlin nodded slowly. “Have I told you before you’re a kind person?”
Dot cracked a wry smile. “It’s a fault of mine.”
Chapter 7
When Caitlin woke the next day, her nose was pressed against Dot. She flung an arm around her, gathering Dot up, breathing her in. She loved Dot’s smell in the morning, like a freshly baked loaf. She tightened her grip, a smile stuck to her face. She was just about to doze off again, when her eyelids sprang open.
Shit.
She wasn’t meant to be doing this.
They weren’t together anymore.
Had Dot noticed? If she had, Caitlin hoped she’d let it slide.
Muscle memory. She could totally blame it on that.
What she couldn’t ignore so well was the thundering of her heart, and the flash of light zapping around her body.
Holding Dot was giving her life.
Caitlin rolled away holding her breath, before letting out a cry of pain as her ribs tweaked. She lay on her back, waiting for the throb to subside. When she opened her eyes, she left it a good few moments before she peered left.
When she did, Dot had her eyes half-open, a sleepy, sexy grin on her face. Damn her.
“That was quite a performance.”
Dot’s words swept through Caitlin like a sultry breeze.
“I’m sorry.” She took a breath, her mind blanking. “I kinda forgot where I was. Who you were. It just felt so normal.” Shut up! Every part of her was blushing. Probably even her toes.
The corners of Dot’s mouth turned upwards a little more. “Well, I’m dying for the loo, so I’ll leave you to curl up in a ball about hugging me.” She paused for far longer than she needed to, as if searching for the right words. “For what it’s worth, I woke up with a smile on my face, too.”
Dot’s chest went up, then down, before she jumped out of bed and left the room.
A sharp, sudden bolt hit Caitlin, and she flinched.
Was that her ribs?
There it was again, nudging her.
It wasn’t her ribs. It was emotional pain. It was her body crying out. Telling her something. That she’d missed this. Their bed. Them. She pressed her head into the pillow and let out an infuriated breath.
She should have tried long distance, but she was scared of it. Or asked Dot if she’d come with her. Dot had given her that smile this morning. The kind that had made Caitlin late for work many times. She replayed it in her mind, a flush spreading through her.
Was there a chance she might be able to win Dot back?
The job falling through in New York had to be a sign. Everything happened for a reason, right? She had to believe that, starting right now.
Caitlin swung her legs out of bed, then located her clothes, lying in a pile on the floor. She glanced over at Dot’s side of the room. It was so much neater. She was going to fix that. Show Dot she could be tidy, too.
Caitlin got dressed very slowly, just as Dot reappeared in the bedroom, wearing a plain white T-shirt and green shorts. Her hair was tousled. Caitlin wanted to reach out and stroke it down, but she didn’t.
“You’re up and dressed. I was just coming back to see if you needed a hand.”
“I’m more agile than you give me credit for.”
“Your agility is something I’ve never doubted.”
Their gazes caught in mid-air, and Caitlin sucked in a breath.
It was still there between them. That certain something. Their chemistry.
Caitlin was going to make it her mission to make Dot believe she was an alchemist again.
“I want you to know, I’ll start looking into places to live today.” Caitlin sipped her coffee. “I’m not taking this for granted.”
Dot shook her head. “Take your time. It has to be right. Especially seeing as you can’t really move right now.”
Caitlin lifted her right hand. “I can move this, which is what I use to scroll and search the internet. Operation house hunt and job hunt commence today. I’m going after a similar job, but here. New York could have been great, but maybe I was running. From us. My mum.” She gulped. “And maybe it’s something I need to tackle head-on before I can really move on with my life.”
Dot put down her fork and stared. “You’ve no idea how many times I was hoping you’d say that. Well done. I’m proud of you.”
Caitlin felt the heat hit her cheeks. “Shut up, you’re going to make me cry again. I think we can agree, I’ve done way too much of that since I landed here four days ago.” She shook her head. “Has it really only been that long?”
Dot snorted. “This resort makes time stretch out into some weird kind of yoga move.”
“Let’s not talk about yoga please.”
Dot let out a howl of laughter. “Your face when I fell on you. I could tell you wanted to shout at me. But then you remembered you couldn’t.”
“Did not.” But Caitlin was smiling.
“Did too.” Dot began to laugh gently, but after a few seconds, she’d wound herself up into a round of hiccups. That caused her to laugh some more, and before long, Dot’s laugh
ter was uncontrollable, tears rolling down her face.
A wave of affection rolled through Caitlin as Dot’s laughter pierced her veneer and Caitlin’s smile turned into laughter, too. Soon, the pair were doubled over, but this time with happy tears flowing. It reminded Caitlin of all the good times they’d had together. Of the reason they’d always worked. Because Dot made her laugh. More than that, she made her happy.
Caitlin hadn’t had a whole lot of happy since December 17th, when she’d told Dot she was choosing her career over them.
She’d been so stupid.
There was that feeling again. A jolt of recognition of something she’d been trying so hard to forget. She’d been hoping that Mexico would put a smile on her face, but it hadn’t happened. Now, Dot was the one doing it.
When she came up for air, Dot’s face was red and creased with smiles. “I haven’t laughed like that since…” She let the sentence hang.
Caitlin finished it for her. “Before Christmas?”
Dot smiled. “Something like that, yes.”
“I haven’t either.”
The moment sat between them, and Caitlin breathed it in.
“By the way, after you’ve applied for all your jobs and found your perfect flat to live in, perhaps you’d like to join me at the Zoom party I’m having later. With Mylo, Sherry and Em.”
Caitlin’s stomach turned to lead. She winced. “Don’t they all hate me? They’re your mates, after all.”
Dot tilted her head. “It’s safe to say, they think you’ve made some questionable decisions of late.”
Caitlin snorted. “I’m in total agreement, so maybe it’ll be a breakthrough moment for all of us.”
Chapter 8
“Are you sure about this?” Caitlin’s face told Dot she was anything but.
Dot nodded. “Never been more certain.” Her palms were sweaty, her jaw tight. Dot’s friends knew what had happened with Caitlin. However, they had no idea she was living with her again. It was probably best not to tell them Caitlin was also sleeping in her bed. That might flip their minds. But with a video chat, unless she banished Caitlin from the lounge, they were going to see her. She was just going to tell them. Rip the plaster off quickly.
“I’ll give you ten minutes before I come in. I’ll wash up, give them time to bitch about me.”
Dot went to say they wouldn’t do that, but then stopped. That is exactly what they would be doing. “Okay, great.” It hadn’t escaped her notice Caitlin was clearing up, too.
She walked into the lounge, the carpet freshly hoovered, a lemon scent in the air. Dot glanced back towards the kitchen. Caitlin was really trying.
Dot connected the laptop, then dropped the bombshell.
Three stunned faces stared back at her.
“She’s living in your flat with you? The same Caitlin who casually ripped up your future into teeny tiny pieces?” Mylo wasn’t even trying to hide his astonishment.
“Her flight was cancelled due to the virus, and she had nowhere else to go.” The muscles in Dot’s chest tightened. It sounded bad when you put it like that. But Caitlin was trying to make amends.
“But seriously? She’s got some nerve.” That was Sherry. She’d taken the break-up almost as badly as Dot. Sherry had loved Caitlin from the start.
“She was never short of that.” But something had changed today. Was it just about this morning? How good it felt to have Caitlin’s arm around her? To re-envision the future they’d once planned?
The door opened and Caitlin walked in, carrying two cold Peronis. Dot couldn’t quite read her face as she sat next to her, facing the laptop on the coffee table. Caitlin gave Dot’s friends an uncertain smile as she got comfortable.
“Hi everyone,” she said. “I expect I’m not who you thought you might see tonight.”
“No, we thought you’d run off to New York.” Sherry’s voice was deadpan.
Caitlin shifted on the sofa. “I was going to, but then the virus happened. But I believe in fate. I’m glad I’m here.” She glanced at Dot. “Plus, it turns out Dot is the best person on the planet — which I already knew — because she’s let me stay here until I can sort myself out, which I am totally doing.” She put the bottle on the table and stared straight into the camera. “I know you probably all think I’m a bitch, and I get why. But I’m gonna try to convince you I’m not the enemy.”
“That’s going to take some doing,” Sherry replied.
Caitlin dropped her head, before turning to Dot. “I know, but I’m determined to try.”
The weight of her words soaked into Dot’s skin, and she had to tamp down a flurry of butterflies in her chest.
They exchanged a brief look before Em outlined the rules of Zoom Pictionary.
However, Dot’s heart was still beating fast every time she caught Caitlin’s eye.
On the screen, Em was drawing an image of a woman with close-cropped hair. Dot had no idea how it represented a TV show.
“Sinead O’Connor!” said Sherry.
“It’s a TV show,” Em replied, frowning.
“It looks like that girl Dot shagged recently,” added Sherry.
Dot’s blood iced over. There was a moment where it looked like the whole Zoom chat had frozen. It hadn’t. Everyone had simply stopped talking and was holding their breath.
She’d done nothing wrong. Yes, Dot was guilty of having a rebound shag. She and Caitlin were broken up. It was totally allowed.
And yet.
It felt like she’d been caught cheating.
Dot’s cheeks burned. Everyone carried on guessing, including Caitlin.
When they logged off the call at just gone 10.30pm, the elephant in the room loomed large.
Dot caught Caitlin’s gaze and her breathing stilled.
Without the screen to focus on, they had to look at one another now.
“So,” they both said at the same time. Followed by two wary half-smiles.
“You go first.”
Caitlin fidgeted with the label on her empty beer bottle, then put it on the table. “I just wanted to know if you were seeing someone.” She glanced up, her eyes watery. “More than fine if you are. I just wanted to check.” Her right hand balled into a fist as she spoke.
Dot shook her head. “I’m not. Sherry was talking about a night a few weeks after you left.” Dot took a deep breath. “We went to a queer night in Hackney Wick, and I met someone there. It was a one-night thing.” Her voice was now so thick in her throat, it felt like it belonged to someone else.
Caitlin nodded. “Cool.” She twisted her mouth to the side. “So you haven’t seen her again?”
Dot shook her head. “Bringing someone back here felt weird. Wrong.” She paused, looking Caitlin directly in the eye. “It was still too new. Too raw.” When she’d woken up the following morning, it’d felt like she and Caitlin had unfinished business.
“It is still new.”
Dot sat up taller, her shoulders rigid. “Have you slept with anyone since you left?” Why had she asked that? She didn’t really want to know.
Caitlin gave her a slow shake of the head. “No. I was too upset by everything. I drove Sasha mad. She didn’t get why I was so sad when I’d chosen to leave. But it took me leaving to realise my mistake.” Caitlin reached out and put a hand on Dot’s knee. Then she drew a long breath before continuing. “I made the wrong decision leaving you, and I’m not just saying that because of what’s happened and where we are now. It’s the truth. Waking up with you this morning was magical.”
Dot shivered as the words settled in her heart. How she’d love to hold them close, believe them. But that wasn’t so easy. “We are still unfinished business. We were happy. But you chose your work over us. I agree this morning was a moment.” It was more than that. “But what if you get another New York offer? What’s changed? I can’t take that risk.” Dot drew a shaky breath, before adding, “No matter how much I might want to.”
But even as she said it, she knew there was leew
ay. It had happened slowly over the past few days. Dot had remembered who Caitlin really was. The best part? So had Caitlin. The anger in Dot’s throat had turned from a poisonous red to a faint, strawberry twinge. Could she learn to trust Caitlin again?
“I’m not asking you to make a decision right now,” Caitlin said. “I know it might take some time. But just know that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.”
Chapter 9
One week later and real life had crashed their temporary resort. Now, it was toast for breakfast, and Dot was back at work. Today, Caitlin had joined her, shopping for Dot’s elderly clients. Caitlin spent two hours in supermarket queues buying up their cake selection, after learning old people had seriously sweet tooths. Now she and Dot were on Terry and Sylvia’s back lawn, while the old couple socially distanced at their garden table. Tea the colour of bricks sat in floral mugs on the worn picnic blanket under them, along with doorstop-slices of Battenburg cake. It was like they’d joined the Famous Five.
However, what had truly taken Caitlin’s breath away were the gardens she’d seen today, and this one was no exception. Dot had done a spectacular job. Caitlin had no idea what any of the flowers were called, but she was surrounded by a rainbow of spring colour and smells. Nature had been under her nose all along, but she hadn’t stopped to admire it. She hadn’t admired Dot enough, either. Now she could.
Lockdown had made Caitlin stop and think. Dot had learned how to do so a while ago.
“We’re so thrilled to finally meet you, Caitlin. Dot has told us so much about you.” Sylvia raised her mug of tea, her fingers bony and pinched around the handle.
Caitlin glanced at Dot, who was looking anywhere but at her. She’d told this couple about them? Caitlin sat up straighter, pins and needles tingling in her crossed legs.
“When Dot told us you were going to New York, we were both sad for her, weren’t we, Terry?”
Terry nodded his agreement. “She’s brought us such happiness through our garden. We want the best for her.”