by Clare Lydon
She bit her lip as she jumped up and ran inside to get her phone. She tripped on the mat by the back door and nearly fell head first into Karen’s expensive Liberty vase, saving herself at the last moment. Was that a sign, an omen? Steph was big on signs. Karen was not.
She pressed the green call button and waited. Karen picked up on the third ring.
“Hey.”
“I might have found him.” Steph’s throat was dry, she could hardly get the words out. A ripple of excitement slithered down her spine.
“Found who?”
“Our son.”
Silence on the other end of the line. “You really think so?”
“I’m going to call Linda and see if she can set up a meeting next week. He just jumped off the page. And his little face, you should see it. I just got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw him. Like this was meant to be.”
“That’s great, honey. Only, don’t get your hopes up. Remember last time.”
Steph remembered, how could she not? She pushed away a lock of her curly red hair and tried to press down all the feelings she’d pushed away ever since. She was nearly successful, like always, a wisp of melancholy tickling her face.
This wasn’t their first rodeo, it was true. Last year, they’d chosen Erin, with her cute button nose and her harsh fringe. Erin had been child number one, chosen from the same brochure, while sat on the same garden chair. In fact, this whole conversation had a déjà vu feeling about it, memories flooding back in waves. Steph couldn’t recall what Karen had said then, but it was probably something similar.
Don’t get your hopes up. Stay calm. Long way to go.
Karen was the sorted, stable one in their relationship. Whereas Steph was the more wilful, the one who followed her heart. And yes, admittedly, her heart had led her down many dark alleys in her time, including the shattering disappointment of losing Erin. They’d been two weeks away from finalising the adoption when Erin’s father had moved back into the picture, and their carefully laid plans and newly decorated spare room – Erin’s room – had disappeared like they’d never even happened.
All the hopes and dreams they’d had for their future had been neatly tidied into a dark corner, and all they’d been left with was a spare room painted pink, because they’d been told that was Erin’s favourite colour. It wasn’t Steph or Karen’s favourite, so they swiftly painted Erin out of their lives.
The spare room was now white, and it wasn’t changing. They’d made that pact last time, after the upheaval had left Steph heartbroken. Steph was sure Karen had been, too, but she kept her feelings under wraps. Karen had gone into work and pretended everything was fine, while Steph had been between acting jobs, and had failed to learn the lines for her role as the coping adult in that scene.
But this time was going to be different. Steph was working, a role in the West End that was running for at least the next six months. Karen had her steady job as a local GP. Their circumstances had improved exponentially since the last time, so she was sure they’d pass the checks with flying colours. Then it was just down to whether they all got on; and whether any close family were waiting in the wings to spring a surprise.
“I’m not, I promise. I’m just going to phone Linda to set up an exploratory meeting, okay?”
A pause on the line. “Okay. Get a time and I’ll see what I can do workwise.” Another pause. “And Steph?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you. If you think he could be the one, then call Linda.”
Steph did just that.
-----------
Four months later, Steph was sitting on her deck, coffee in hand, phone right beside her. It was August now, and the sunflowers in the garden were in full bloom. They’d been her mum’s favourite, and she choked up wondering if this was her mum’s way of telling her she approved. Steph was sure she would. Because today was momentous. Today they were getting their son.
The first meeting had been tentative, with all of them trying to suss each other out. Steph had been nervous, but she was sure Darius was the most on edge. After all, she was the adult, she knew how the world worked. To Darius, the world must be a constantly scary place, where he never had any control. Steph wanted to give Darius back his control.
At that first meeting, they’d played Connect 4 – an old version that was always on the table whenever they’d gone to the community centre where these meetings took place. Steph had let Darius beat her, but he hadn’t celebrated. In fact, he’d hardly moved his face. That then became Steph’s aim: to give Darius a reason to smile.
The second meeting had been at a Costa Coffee. Still Darius hadn’t said a word. The third and final meeting had been two months ago, and Darius had at least met her eye, their first meaningful communication. Karen hadn’t been there that time, but she’d been thrilled when Steph had told her.
They’d laid in bed that night coming up with all sorts of plans about what they would do on their first weekend together. How they’d give him chicken and chips for his first meal, his favourite. How they’d make him feel warm and loved, but give him space, too. And then they’d realised they were making plans that might not come true, and they should stop. Instead, they’d held hands under the covers, lost in their own thoughts and fears.
But today was the day they’d been waiting for since they’d first talked about it three years ago. The day they’d hoped would arrive, somehow. When they’d settled on adoption, they knew it would be a long road. But now, here they were. The day their wait would finally be over.
Next door, Steph could hear Scott and Kyle kicking a ball in the garden. They were around the same age as Darius. Steph had already spoken to their mum, Heidi, about getting the boys together to play, and she was all for it. Steph had been thrilled on Darius’s behalf. He already had two new friends.
Steph heard footsteps approaching, and then Karen stood beside her. She put two cups of coffee on their garden table. Her wife leaned in and kissed Steph’s lips, and it had the usual effect. The loving caress of her lips calmed Steph down, stopped the chatter in her brain. So long as she had Karen’s kisses in her life, Steph knew she had a solid foundation to build on.
“How you feeling?”
Steph smiled. “Like my birthdays have all come at once.”
Karen snorted. “You hate birthdays. You say they always make you feel old.”
It was true. “I feel like this is how I should feel on my birthday, you know? Excited, overwhelmed with anticipation, gripped by what the year might hold.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Karen pointed one of her long, slim fingers at the yellow mug in front of Steph. “That’s yours by the way.”
Steph hadn’t noticed it, but she did now, and her stomach rolled. She’d bought her mum that mug for Mother’s Day when she was a teenager. Given it to her with a box of Roses chocolates, her mum’s favourite. When her mum died two years ago, Steph had reclaimed the mug, but it had lived on the top shelf of their cupboard ever since. It was too precious to use.
The mug was sunshine yellow, and written across it in jaunty black font was the phrase, ‘World’s Greatest Mum!’ When Karen had bought her the ‘World’s Greatest Wife!’ mug last year for their anniversary, she’d known it would make Steph smile. But getting this mug out on this day? It was significant.
It was also too soon. “I don’t think I qualify yet.” Steph frowned at the mug, pressing down on the need to put it back in the cupboard. It wasn’t hers to hold yet. She hadn’t earned it. Maybe one day. But not today.
However, Karen simply painted a serene smile on her face and held her gaze, taking Steph’s hand in hers. Again, her gentle touch soothed Steph’s racing heartbeat.
“Your mum would have wanted you to use her mug every day, but especially today. From today, you get to teach our son all the lessons she taught you. She drank so many cups of tea from that mug, and by you drinking from it today, it’s almost like she’s here with us.” Karen squeezed Steph’s hand. “S
he is here with us, I can feel it. So drink your coffee and shut up.”
Karen always did have a way with words.
Just then, Steph’s phone lit up. Linda. This was it.
“Linda?” Steph’s heart dropped into the soles of her flip-flops and she tried to control her breathing.
“We’re ten minutes away. I hope you’ve got the kettle on. I’m ready for some of your Italian roast.”
“I have now.” She hung up and nodded at Karen. “Ten minutes. Linda wants a cup of coffee.”
Karen’s face broke into a scene of glee. “Fuck, this is really happening!” She got up and gave Steph an enormous hug. Steph sank into it. This was one of the last times they’d be on their own from now on. Was she ready? Were they ready? They were about to find out.
A screech from next door snagged their attention. In a matter of seconds, a football sailed past Steph’s nose, coffee flew through the air, and something smashed on the decking at her feet. Steph jumped up. Crunch. She pushed her Ray-Bans up her nose, not knowing where to look. When she glanced at the deck, her mum’s mug was in pieces.
Not her mum’s mug. Steph’s heart caught in her throat.
“Sorry Steph and Karen. Could we have our ball back please?” Scott’s voice was sing-song, a note of apology in it. He was bent over double, peering through the gap at the bottom of the rickety fence that magically held up between their gardens even in the strongest of winds.
But Steph couldn’t tear her eyes away from what was left of her mum’s mug. She got on her knees, scrabbling around, then jumped up again, realising too late she was kneeling in coffee. Shit. Did she have time to change her jeans before Linda and Darius arrived? This wasn’t how his arrival was meant to go.
She glanced at Karen, whose cheerful face was now sporting a deep frown. “I’m so sorry, this is my fault, I shouldn’t have brought the mug out. I hope this isn’t a sign.” She put her hands to her face, somehow rooted to the spot.
But then it was Steph shaking her head, Steph, the more volatile one. Her heart wrenched inside her, but she knew today, more important things were at stake.
She bent down and gathered up the larger pieces of the mug, shaking her head. “You don’t believe in signs, and now is not a great time to start.” Steph took a deep breath as she drew herself up to her full passport height. “And you know what? I lost my mum two years ago and I miss her every day. Mug or no mug, that’s not going to change.” She held up the pieces. “We can stick it back together, or make a montage with it.” She laughed then, because this situation was absurd. “Now let’s go inside and get ready for Darius and Linda to arrive.” Steph wasn’t going to cry. She had so many reasons to let the tears fall, but she held firm.
Karen hadn’t taken her eyes from her wife. “You surprise me every single day, you know that?” She kissed Steph on the lips one more time. “And this right here is why you’re going to be the greatest mum ever.”
------------
“Mum! Over here!”
Karen kicked the ball to Darius as Steph sat on their deck, going through some emails from her agent. She had a new audition lined up later this week for a major film that would be shooting next year. It could be her big break, but it would also mean time away from Darius and Karen. The timing couldn’t have been worse, as things were settling down and Darius was starting to trust them. Big break or not, she wasn’t sure it was the right move. Still, it was a nice problem to have. This time last year, they’d still been heartbroken over Erin. Now, they had a son who was pretty nifty at football. Luckily, so was Karen. Steph had never been sporty.
A cheer made Steph look up. Karen had scored a goal and was wheeling around their garden like she’d just won the World Cup, arms outstretched as if she were flying.
“Just like Harry Kane!” Karen’s voice boomed as Darius laughed, kicking the ball back to her.
Steph shook her head. “Shouldn’t you be a little less pleased with yourself scoring a goal past your eight-year-old neighbour?”
Karen threw her a look. “This eight-year-old happens to be a brilliant goalie. So no, I’m thrilled!”
“She won’t get another,” Scott said. “Show me what you’ve got, Darius.” Scott banged his gloves together and set himself between the posts.
Darius sized up the goal and hit his shot.
Scott saved it.
Steph clapped anyway. “Great shot, Darius!”
He smiled up at her. “Thanks.” He trotted up the steps of the deck and stood next to her, glancing at the mug in her hands. He gave her a gap-toothed grin when he realised it was the one he’d given her last week, for her birthday. “You’re using my mug!”
Steph held it up, giving him her most genuine smile ever. Everything about Darius made her smile. “I love it, mostly because you chose it. You have great taste.” The mug was black, and written on it in brilliant white, was: ‘World’s Greatest Actor!’.
“You sure you don’t want to come and play? I’ll teach you how to kick the ball.” He waited, expectant.
Steph took a sip of her coffee, closed her laptop and jumped up. Work could wait. This was the kind of Saturday she’d been longing for all her life. Now she had a child, wasn’t it about time she learned to kick a ball?
“You know what, I’d love to play.” She held out her hand and Darius put his tiny hand in hers.
* * *
THE END
* * *
Want a free lesbian romance? Sign up to my VIP Readers’ Club and grab your copy of It Had To Be You now!
Did You Enjoy This Boxset?
If you did, I’d really appreciate a review on the site you bought it on. Reviews are hugely important for authors, so if you’d like more books from me, please take a moment and leave a review. It can just be a couple of lines, but every one counts and you’ll win my everlasting gratitude!
* * *
If you fancy getting in touch, you can do so using one of the methods below. I love a bit of Twitter & Facebook and am sporadically on Instagram. If pics of me and my life interest you, follow me now!
* * *
Twitter: @ClareLydon
Facebook: www.facebook.com/clare.lydon
Instagram: @clarefic
Find out more at: www.clarelydon.co.uk
Contact: [email protected]
* * *
Thank you so much for reading!
Also by Clare Lydon
London Romance Series
London Calling (Book One)
This London Love (Book Two)
A Girl Called London (Book Three)
The London Of Us (Book Four)
London, Actually (Book Five)
Made In London (Book Six)
Other Novels
A Taste Of Love
Before You Say I Do
Nothing To Lose: A Lesbian Romance
Once Upon A Princess
One Golden Summer
The Long Weekend
Twice In A Lifetime
You’re My Kind
All I Want Series
All I Want For Christmas (Book One)
All I Want For Valentine’s (Book Two)
All I Want For Spring (Book Three)
All I Want For Summer (Book Four)
All I Want For Autumn (Book Five)
All I Want Forever (Book Six)
Boxsets
London Romance Series, Books 1-3
London Romance Series, Books 4-6
London Romance Series, Books 1-6
All I Want Series, Books 1-3
All I Want Series, Books 4-6
All I Want Series, Books 1-6
%); -ms-filter: grayscale(100%); filter: grayscale(100%); " class="sharethis-inline-share-buttons">share