“Thank you, it looks wonderful. How is it that you learned to cook?”
“Well, I’ve been a bachelor these fifteen years,” William smiled with a little twinkle in his beautiful eyes that made her breath quicken. “and it wasn’t always true that I had a cook. It was either learn to make food for myself or starve.”
“Well you learned it well. Truth be told, I don’t know that I can cook half so well as you.”
“That’s fine. I don’t expect you to cook. I’ve got a cook, I didn’t bring you here to be another.”
They ate in silence for a moment, but it was a silence full of possibility. This was also the first time he had really mentioned his reason for her being here and she wondered if that might mean they would marry soon. The further away from the devastation of losing Jeremiah she moved and the more interested in William she became, the more difficult she found it to live under the same roof as him in this way. She was ready to become his wife, ready to be all things to him and for him to be all things for her as well. She wasn’t convinced that what they needed was the same, but she had hope and she had her faith. She prayed about it every morning and she thought that just maybe this was the beginning of those prayers being answered.
“Where are the children this morning?”
“Still in their beds, I imagine.” William grinned, his fondness for the children shining through clearly. “I let them stay up a might bit too late last night playing and making up stories. I thought I might as well let them sleep today, especially since I’ll be going away again. It’s only for two weeks this time, but I know how they hate to see me go.”
Caroline wondered whether he knew how she hated to see him go as well. She supposed she did a better job of hiding it than the children, but inside she felt every bit as dejected and crestfallen as they appeared. She understood that these trips were part of the running of the Ryan Ranch, but she also understood that it didn’t have to be him who went. At least not every time. She knew that he had been a man on his own for quite some time and that old habits died hard, but if he didn’t at least try to break his habit of leaving, at least some of the time, they would never make any real progress with each other. The way they were going now, it was always one step forward, two steps back. She took a bite of her food (which really was good) and thought that perhaps it was best to change the subject to something that wouldn’t leave her feeling so blue. That was when she had asked about Celia, Tommy, and Trevor, a question far more incendiary than she had any cause to believe it would be.
“May I ask you a question about the children?”
“What about them?” he asked carefully, his voice level but also somewhat strained.
“Are they yours?”
“What do you mean by that? They’re here, aren’t they?”
“Well yes,” she stammered, taken aback by how hostile his tone was when only moments ago they had been getting along so well. “It’s just that they look nothing like you. That is to say, I was only wondering if you were their biological father.”
Everything about William changed. Eyes that had moments ago been soft and warm were now flinty and distant. Everything about him was removed and he stood quickly, so quickly in fact that the chair beneath him clattered to the floor. Half of his breakfast still sat waiting for him on the plate, but it was clear that he had no intention of eating it now. Without meaning to, Caroline had made him terribly unhappy, and although she wanted to fix it somehow, all she could do was sit and look up at him in shock.
“What does it matter if they belong to me biologically or not? They belong to me, and now to you as well, and that’s what matters. I’ll not have you bothering them about that kind of thing. I’ll not have you asking them about their mother. Is that understood?”
“Yes,” she said so quietly she wasn’t entirely sure that he had heard her. She couldn’t tell and she didn’t have time to ask because before she could even get her bearings, he had stormed out of the room and then out the front door. She could hear him barking instructions to the men outside and then, shortly after, the thunderous clatter of a horse’s hooves as he rode quickly away. She felt stunned, completely caught off guard by how quickly their morning had gone from perfectly lovely to sour. And now he would be gone for two weeks, two weeks where all she would be able to do was wonder where those children had come from and how she could possibly stay on this ranch with a man who had looked at her the way William just had. She had no idea how long she sat there, but when she finally stood again, the food on her plate was cold and her legs felt so shaky she thought she might fall to the floor. That interaction was just about the last thing she had wanted to happen between the two of them and she would not be able to rest easy. The very idea of William coming home and deciding to call off their engagement made her feel sick to her stomach. She could not do that again. She would rather just vanish in the middle of the night than do that.
*
“Father comes home soon, doesn’t he? He’s late, but he’s coming home soon?”
“Miss Caroline? He’s coming home soon, right?”
“Yes,” she said absentmindedly. “Of course he is. I’m sure he’ll be home any day now.”
But she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure at all. He had telegraphed to say that his work was taking longer than expected, but not to worry because he would be home soon. This children seemed to accept that with ease (although they continued to bring him up every day) but for Caroline, it felt like torture. Every day he was gone was another day she went without knowing how things were between the two of them. Perversely, every day also saw her feelings for him grow until she felt like a bundle of raw, exposed nerves. All she could think of was the word vanish. Was that what she should do? Should she vanish? Would it be better for all of them if she did?
“Miss Caroline? Is everything ok? You look pale and you aren’t eating your supper.”
“Fine. Don’t worry, I’m fine, Celia. Just feeling a bit distracted, I suppose.”
“You can practice our play with us!” Tommy shouted this with glee, Trevor and Celia both nodding vigorously. They had been practicing a play of their own design from almost the moment of their father’s departure and they were chomping at the bit to put it on. She had practiced it with them many times, but this time she just couldn’t. She needed to think, and in order to do that she couldn’t be in this house.
“I don’t think so, not tonight. I think I’ll go for a walk. I need to clear my head for a bit.”
“But the sky looks ghastly! It’s almost certainly going to pour.”
“The sky will wait to unburden itself. I’ll be back before you know it.”
As much as she had grown to love her three new children, she could hardly wait to get outdoors. They had been correct about the weather. She could feel the rain beginning to splash on top of her head as she fled the property closest to the house and she could see a wealth of activity as the ranch workers scrambled to get things locked down. This storm was going to be a bad one. She would probably be smart to go back inside, but she found that she couldn’t. Instead she wandered further and further out, far from anyone who could recommend she do otherwise. She walked for what felt like days, a lifetime. She walked with the desperate hope that if she could only walk far enough, she would find the answer to a question she wasn’t quite sure she understood to begin with.
She had walked a great while indeed when she fell. By that time the rain was coming down in raucous blankets, freezing cold and stinging her skin at the same time. She could see practically nothing at all and so did not notice the thing that she hooked her foot on, dropping her to the ground and twisting her ankle until she heard a snapping sound. She let out an animalistic cry of pain and fear and for a moment did not even try to stand. When she did try, she found that she could not. She couldn’t stand on her ankle because it was broken, and she had not told anyone just exactly which direction she was going. She lay there for a long, long time, feeling colder and colder and fina
lly so tired that she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. She couldn’t even tell whether or not she slept or just existed and when she heard the pounding of hooves along the ground she believed it was thunder rolling across the sky so loudly it was as if it came from beneath her head. It was only when she felt herself being lifted from the ground and turned gently that she realized what the sound actually was. It seemed to be completely impossible, but it was William. He was back and he had come for her, come to rescue her from her own folly. He lifted her into the air as if she weighed nothing at all and pulled her up onto his horse in front of him. With one arm clasped tightly around her waist and the other working the reigns furiously, he rode them back to the Ranch, into the barn and out of the torrential rain. Once inside, he pulled her gently down and set her on a bed of hay, wrapping a blanket around her and running his hand gently down the side of her face.
“It’s broken, isn’t it?”
“I-- I think so. I heard a snap.”
“What were you doing out there, Caroline? Why would you go out in a storm like that?”
She felt her lower lip quiver and for a second, considered keeping it all to herself. But in the next moment everything came tumbling out of her along with weeks worth of unshed tears.
“I just needed to clear my head. I’ve been so worried, about whether or not you would come home and if you did, whether you would want me to stay or go.”
“Go?” he asked with a gentle and genuinely surprised voice. “Why would I ever want you to go?”
“Because, you seemed so angry when you left! When I asked about the children, you seemed so angry and you were only just starting to warm up to me then. I love those children and having them is all I’ve ever wanted in my life, but I can’t have them and not have you. It won’t be enough. And now I’ve gone and said too much, which can’t have helped.”
To her surprise, he began to laugh, then pulled her into his lap. The movement hurt her ankle terribly, but she was made so happy by his touch that she did not care. He moved her wet hair out of her face and kissed her gently on the forehead.
“You know, for a smart lady, you’ve gotten this whole thing terribly wrong.”
“Have I?”
“I’m afraid you have. You’re right, I was angry when you asked about the children, but not at you. I was angry at myself.”
“But whatever for?”
“Because their mother’s death was my fault. I did not know her and because of my lack of generosity I never did know her. She came to my door with her three small children. So small, they looked too small to even be real to me then. She came asking for money or food, something like that. I didn’t even listen well enough to find out. I was busy and preoccupied with ranch matters and I turned her away. A few days later, she turned up dead. I guess nobody else had wanted to help her either. The children were going to be put in a home but I took them in. I took them in as my own. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to know how shameful I felt. I knew that if I told you, you would never be able to love me.”
“Do you want me to love you?”
Now it was her turn to be surprised. It hadn’t occurred to her that he would even care about what she thought.
“Well, yes. I do. I’ve been hoping that you would. I don’t see how you could’ve known that, what with the way I’ve been acting. But I would sure love it if you loved me back.”
“I do!” she blurted out a little too quickly, causing one of her now famous blushes. “I do. I promise.”
William grinned, the first real grin that she had seen make its way across his face, and kissed her again lightly, chastely enough to be proper but still enough to let her know the truth of what he felt. Her heart had never felt so full, not in all of her days, and she realized then that she would have this life she had dreamed of and she would have it with William. There would be him and Celia, Trevor and Tommy, and with any luck a baby of their own. Her tears now were tears of joy, and for the first time William seemed to understand her perfectly. His grin grew even wider and he held her closer to his chest.
“Well then, if it’s amenable to you, I think we’ve got ourselves a wedding to plan.”
THE END
Finding Elizabeth Harbin
Chapter 1
There are people in this world who shine so brightly it’s blinding. Others fall in love with that brightness and follow it blindly without ever seeing what’s behind that light. Then there are people who disappear into the crowds. They’re quiet in nature and while their light might have the potential to be bright, they never manage to break through.
I fall into the latter category. My name is Elizabeth Harbin and I’ve always been on the shy side. I never saw the need to be loud and ostentatious. The Bible stresses obedience and instructs people to be humble. I’ve always tried to follow those instructions.
My family wasn’t extremely wealthy but we were comfortable. We lived in the small town of Bethel, Virginia and there weren’t many people who could be called rich. The only wealthy family was the Pattersons. John Patterson’s father owned most of the coal mines in Virginia and ever since the locomotive came to town, the whole family had more money than they knew what to do with.
The fact that they were much better off didn’t escape their eldest daughter, Claire. She knew that they were ‘better’ than everyone else. That’s how she saw it anyway. She was a beautiful girl with golden hair and eyes bluer than a spring sky. When she fluttered her eyelashes people fell to their knees. They would have done anything for her. She had the entire town under this strange spell that no one could break free from.
At first look, Claire was a sweet girl with an even sweeter voice and a pretty face you could trust. She exuded confidence, and it radiated out of her and into everyone else. She was beloved by the community and I couldn’t really blame them. Who wouldn’t love someone like her?
While she seemed to be a wonderful person on the outside, the more you got to know her, the thinner that deceit became. When she was around proper company she always curtsied and wore her best dresses. She said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and, “No, sir,” and minded her P’s and Q’s, but when the adults weren’t around she transformed into the most vicious monster you could imagine, and for some reason I became the target of her wrath.
I’m not sure what I did to make Claire dislike me. I never ruffled any feathers and I always kept to myself. We’d grown up together and when you lived in a small town like ours, it was hard not to bump into one another. We’d grown up going to the same school house, sitting just a few desks away from each other, but I couldn’t ever remember doing anything that would have made her want to target me.
I decided that I probably hadn’t done anything and that Claire just didn’t like me for some reason. None of the other girls seemed to catch her evil eye and I hated that we couldn’t get along. I knew that there was something that was eating away at her soul and I struggled to show the kindness the Bible taught. Jesus loved everyone, even the worst sinner, and I tried to be as patient as him, but I’m only human.
She pulled my hair and pushed me down in the dirt, doing all manner of rude things. She disliked me from the top of my head to the soles of my feet and while I didn’t understand why, I knew it wasn’t going to change. She was the golden child and she could do nothing wrong.
I’d told my mother about the bullying, but when I came home covered in dirt and scratches, she never believed me. She would shake her head and sigh, telling me that envy was a sin. I realized very quickly that my mother didn’t believe a word I said. She couldn’t bring herself to believe that beautiful little Claire could be the evil witch I claimed she was. Mother was convinced that I was envious of Claire’s beauty and grace.
The accusation made my heart ache and eventually I stopped telling mother about the abuse I dealt with on a daily basis. I didn’t want to be seen as an envious person and honestly would have rather suffered in silence.
Next to Claire I seeme
d so dull. There weren’t many other young people in our town and all of them were drawn to her. I was the only exception and it made me an outcast. I had no friends and no confidants. I couldn’t even find comfort in my own parents because they wouldn’t believe a word I said about Claire. No one would. They were completely blinded by her.
I found comfort in church and the Bible. The preacher was the only person in town who would give me the time of day. I was afraid to lose his friendship so when I spoke to him, I never told him who or what was causing my problems. He never pushed me or asked me to tell him what was going on. He’d just put a hand on my shoulder and tell me to pray on it. It was the best and only advice anyone had ever given me regarding the situation.
Weeks turned to months and months into years and Claire never stopped teasing me. As we grew older and began turning into young women who were nearly ready to marry, I found that Claire drew the eyes of all the men. She was confident, loud, and beautiful. Who would notice me? I was in constant competition with her and I didn’t even realize it, though my plight became apparent soon enough. As long as I was in the same town as Claire, I would be alone.
My mother even fell for her charisma. She saw Claire as an angel sent from heaven. She was perfect in every way and I was a jealous, redheaded devil. Mother didn’t believe for even a second that Claire could do anything wrong, and that was never going to change. She would just shake her head, clearly disappointed in me, her eyes saying everything.
‘Why can’t you be more like Claire?’
Chapter 2
Claire teased me mercilessly as a child, but as we got older her tricks and teasing became even more vicious. I don’t think children really understand formulaic cruelty. They know that if they call someone names that person will cry and maybe run to their mother. It’s easy to get a rise out of kids when they’re young, but as those children grow up they develop a thick skin and learn how to let those kinds of things roll off their back. They pay less attention to the teasing and the cruelty and so the bullies have to get smarter.
Romance: Western Mail Order Bride Bethany's Love -Clean Christian Historical Romance (Western Mail Order Bride Short Shorties Series) Page 147