Blame it on the Stars (The Blame Game)

by Hill, Jamie

He chuckled. “I’m sorry, Catlin. I feel like we’ve done nothing but argue for two weeks. I feel like hell, and you’re a mess.”

  “I know I am.” She sniffled. “And I’m sorry, too. I hate the sniveling idiot I’ve become. I’m just desperate to make this work. I can’t lose him, Steve.”

  He reached for her and held her gently. “You’re not going to lose him. And if you’re worried about your job, don’t be. You know I have connections at St. Joseph’s. But if worse comes to worse and you have to quit, so what? You’ll move in with me and we’ll live happily ever after. So you see, things aren’t as gloomy as you’re imagining them to be.”

  She buried her face in his neck. “Thank you. I’m sorry for what I said today.”

  “Sorry?” He pulled back and grinned. “I thought it was an offer. That’s why I’m here.”

  She swatted his shoulder. “If I was sure I wouldn’t barf, I’d take you up on that.”

  He seemed to think about it. “Appealing as that sounds, I guess I’ll take a rain check.”

  She snuggled up to him again. “Kids make it home?”

  “Yep.”

  “Can we talk to them tomorrow night?”

  “Are you sure? I can wait until you’re ready.”

  She nodded. “Yes. It’s time.”

  Tuesday night they told Dana and David selected parts of Catlin’s story. Both kids were very surprised about it, but Dana took it better than David.

  “This really bites, Dad.” He ranted around the family room. “Not only is she moving in, but now she’s bringing a kid?”

  “David.” Steve tried to calm him down. “Christian is not moving in. He’ll visit sometimes, like you visit your mother.”

  “Yeah, and I’m sick of that, too. Why don’t you just admit you made a mistake and let Mom come home? She’d be here in a second.”

  “The only mistake I’ve made is letting you run off at the mouth. You’ve got to face up to things the way they really are, son.”

  “What if I don’t want them to be that way?” he yelled. “How come nobody cares what I want?”

  Steve sighed. “We care, Dave. But this time it’s not about you. Next year you’ll graduate and leave for college. But I’m still going to be here, living my life. So I have the decision making power in this matter. You just have to put up with it for a couple more years.”

  “It sucks.” David looked at him.

  Catlin said, “I’m sorry you think so. Frankly, the ‘put up with it for a couple more years’ argument didn’t work with me, either, when I was bitching about you.”

  David looked at her in surprise.

  Steve groaned. “Catlin, please.”

  David said, “No, that’s okay. Let’s get it all out in the open. I’ve got nothing against you, Catlin, and personally I think you’re pretty cool. But my mom and dad belong together.”

  Catlin rolled her eyes. “So she says.”

  He faced her. “That, and plenty more. She understands you’re Dad’s flavor of the month. She’s biding her time ‘til he gets tired of you.”

  “You are out of line!” Steve yelled at his son. “You need to apologize to Catlin.”

  David snarled, “Fat chance.”

  Catlin could barely breathe, her chest hurt so bad. The things Barbara said to her children were shocking and astounding. She made a mental note to never be that evil with her own child. Nose to nose with David, she frowned. “I don’t want your apology. I’ve done nothing but bend over backwards to be nice to you, and this is what I get. I suppose we’ll learn to co-exist, for your father’s sake. But right now I think you’re a spoiled, rotten brat.”

  Dana stepped up next to Catlin. “No kidding! David, why are you acting this way? I know it’s a pain to have Mom and Dad living in different cities. But Dad’s so much happier now. It’s fun having Catlin around, and personally, I think a little brother might be kind of cool. Just relax. Everyone will be happy.”

  “Mom’s not happy, is she?” David challenged her.

  Steve’s voice was steely. “I’m sorry about that, Dave. I really am. But it’s not our job to make your mother happy. She has to try and do that herself.”

  David glared at his father. “It used to be your job.”

  Steve reached for the back of a chair to steady himself. He turned toward the wall for a moment, and when he finally turned back around, Catlin thought she saw a tear in his eye.

  He rubbed his hands over his face. “I think we’re done here tonight.”

  David stomped off to his room. Dana hugged Catlin and then her father. Steve held Dana for an extra long embrace before letting her go.

  Catlin gathered up her purse and jacket. “I’m going to take off.”

  “Stay.” Steve reached for her arm.

  She shook her head. “It’s been a long day. I think it’s best we close the chapter on this one.”

  He nodded. Neither of them had anything more to say, so she slipped out the door.

  Wednesday, Catlin entered Steve’s kitchen after work. He was heating a casserole Teresa had made for dinner. “Hey.” He smiled at her.

  “Hi.” She gave him a kiss. “That smells good.”

  “You’re just in time. It’s almost ready.”

  Catlin shook her head. “I’m not staying for dinner. After last night, I think David and I need a little distance.”

  Steve pulled her close. “But you’re putting distance between you and me, too.”

  She kissed him gently on the lips. “I don’t mean to. I’m just trying to work everything out.”

  He nodded. “I can run a staff meeting with fifty people better than I’ve been running this house lately.”

  Catlin put her head on his shoulder. “It’s all going to be okay. I tell myself, just get through one day at a time.”

  “That’s profound. Did you make it up?”

  “Yes, I did. Oh, hey, it looks like I’m going to Kansas City this weekend.”

  “You are?”

  She nodded. “Nick is busy Friday night, and Saturday he promised to take Chris to a Harlem Globetrotters game at the Expo Center. I guess Chris is really looking forward to it.”

  “They put on a good show,” Steve agreed. “So what are you going to do?”

  “Well, I guess I’ll go Friday night and stay with them until Sunday, then come home.”

  Steve leaned back against the counter. “If they’re busy, why go at all?”

  “Because Chris is not that busy, and he wants to see that game. I can’t lose any more time with him, Steve. It’s almost Christmas, and I’m still getting to know him.”

  “I don’t like the idea of your staying with them.”

  “It’s my brother’s house. I have my own room. It’s not that big of a deal.”

  Steve sighed, and tossed a hot pad down on the table. “I still don’t like it. This is not how I envisioned us spending our weekends.”

  “Well, I’m sorry. But I don’t see any other way.” She moved close to him and whispered in his ear, “Besides, we have the rest of our lives, don’t we? Can’t you give me this time now, please?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you know I’ll give you anything you want? Especially when you whisper in my ear like that.”

  She kissed his neck. Steve took her in his arms, and they kissed passionately. “Please stay.”

  “No, I’m going home. But I’ll be there if you think you can slip away later for a little while.”

  “I feel myself slipping right now.” He kissed her again.

  She hugged his waist tightly, then pulled away. “I’ll see you later.”

  Thursday night Catlin was packing when Steve showed up at her house. “Well hi. I thought you were working late.”

  He slipped off his jacket and hung it over a kitchen chair. “I was. But I cut it short to see you. I want to talk to you about the weekend.”

  “Oh.” She flopped down on the sofa and watched him mix himself a drink.

  “Get you anythi
ng?”

  “No thank you.”

  He came out and sat across from her. “I think I should go with you.”

  “Go with me?” she repeated. “Why? Don’t you trust me?”

  “I trust you.” He looked at her evenly. “It’s the two men in that house I don’t trust.”

  “Just what do you think is going to happen?”

  “I don’t really like to think about it,” he snapped. “I thought if we stayed at a hotel, it would be easier.”

  “Easier for whom? You?”

  “Well, yeah,” he admitted, sipping his drink.

  “Christ, Steve.” She rolled her eyes. “This is ridiculous. I’m only going to spend some time with my son. Like I told you, it’s two weeks to Christmas and he and I are still getting to know each other.”

  “You don’t think I need to be involved in the ‘getting to know’ process? And what about Christmas, anyway? What plans do we have?”

  “I don’t know. You’re the planner. What plans do we have?”

  “I haven’t been able to make any plans with our lives up in the air like this. Who knows when you’re going to be running off to Kansas City? But it’s just not fair, Catlin. Christmas has always been a big deal in my family. This year things are so screwed up, we don’t even have the damn tree yet.”

  “And that’s my fault?” She stood and paced around the room.

  “Well, yeah, I think it is.” He faced her. “Ever since Thanksgiving weekend we’ve been on the Christian express, hopping back and forth to Kansas City.”

  “How rude! May I remind you, what happened over Thanksgiving was not arranged by me. But now it is what it is. And you’re saying it’s okay for me to rearrange my life to accommodate step-children, but it’s a pain in the ass when you have to do it? Is that what I’m hearing?”

  “I’m doing it, aren’t I?” he said sharply. “And may I remind you, my children weren’t a surprise to you. I think I’m being quite accommodating, given the circumstances.”

  Catlin muttered under her breath, “Oh, your children were a surprise, all right.”

  “Excuse me?” he challenged her.

  She changed the subject quickly. “So what do you want to do for Christmas? Make your plans, and I’ll accommodate.”

  “Right now, skipping it sounds like the best idea I can think of.” He tossed back the last of his drink.

  “Oh, that’s constructive.” She shook her head.

  “You don’t know how many ways I’m being pulled, here. I’m trying to make everyone happy, and give everyone this wonderful Christmas. You think this is easy?”

  Catlin didn’t answer; just walked over to the window and looked out at the darkness.

  Steve went on, “Barbara needs to know—”

  Catlin whirled around, her eyes flashing. “Screw Barbara! She is the least of my concerns right now, and should be the least of yours, too.”

  “Oh, really? You don’t think I should consider her when making plans for the kids’ holiday? Would you like Nick to do that to you?”

  “Don’t compare Nick and that bitch. They are light-years apart.”

  He laughed sarcastically. “You’re right, we’d better not go there. The last thing we need is to fight about who’s got the most screwed up ex-.”

  She glared at him. “Okay then, so what does Barbara want to do for Christmas? When does she want the kids?”

  “Actually, she’d like them the whole two weeks.”

  Catlin laughed. “Yeah, right. She doesn’t want them to be with you at all over the holidays?”

  Steve looked at her. “No, she doesn’t want them to be with you at all over the holidays.”

  “That fucking bitch!” Catlin picked up a small pillow off the sofa. She squeezed it, and slammed it to the floor.

  “Feel better?” He faced her.

  She stared at him.

  “We’ve talked about this before. You know she’s always going to be in our lives, because of the kids. Your shitty attitude doesn’t make anything easier.”

  “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because you’re failing miserably. How about this, here’s another vote for skipping Christmas this year. A joint Christmas, anyway. I’ll take Chris to Kansas City, and maybe you can take your family someplace. How about Vail? Does Barbara like skiing?”

  “Catlin—” Steve started to object, but she walked to the front door and opened it.

  “We’re done with this conversation for tonight. I still need to pack for my weekend in Kansas City. You have plans to make, and a tree to chop down. I’ll see you when I get back.”

  “Is this really how you want to leave things?”

  “Ho ho ho.”

  He stepped out the door, and she slammed it behind him.

  Catlin had butterflies in her stomach all day Friday. She knew she should call Steve, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Friday evening Nick and Craig had a show to perform, so she took Chris to a late movie. When they got home and she’d put him to bed, she decided she had to make the call. She looked at her watch; it was almost eleven-thirty. She decided to call anyway.

  “Hello,” Steve answered quietly. It didn’t sound as if she’d woken him.

  “I’m sorry to call so late.”

  “I’m awake. I hardly slept last night, and the prospects for tonight were looking grim.”

  “I’m so sorry, Steve. I’ve been thinking...this year we have to understand that it’s going to be a different kind of Christmas. Everything is too new. I think we should be happy with whatever time we can muster together, with whatever kids are there. If we have more than one Christmas, that’s okay, too.”

  “I was thinking the same thing, sweetheart. I’m sorry for getting so worked up.”

  “Next year, we’ll have been a family for a whole year, and I’m sure we can pull off a Norman Rockwell holiday by then. But dammit, it’s too hard this year. Let’s just be happy with what we get, and not fight about it anymore.”

  “I agree. If you’re not too tired when you get home, would you like to come with us to pick out the tree? We could do it without you, but it would be more fun with you.”

  “I’d love too. I’m sorry we haven’t gotten it yet. I guess it slipped my mind with everything that’s going on.”

  “Mine too, actually. I should never have said it was your fault.”

  “Let’s put Thursday night behind us. A lot of things were said that shouldn’t have been.”

  “I love you, Catlin. That’s one thing that wasn’t said.”

  “I love you too, babe. I’m glad I called. Maybe we’ll both be able to sleep tonight.”

  “I hope so. Think you’ll have time to call tomorrow?”

  “I’ll try. We’re going to the Globetrotters in the evening; I don’t know how late we’ll be.”

  “I understand. Have fun, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Goodnight, Steve.”

  “Goodnight.”

  She hung up the phone, and went to brush her teeth.

  Saturday she took her son Christmas shopping, and bought him a few things just for fun. She and Nick took him to the Harlem Globetrotters Basketball game that night, and Craig went on a date. Catlin was teasing him about meeting her, but he wouldn’t agree to it.

  She was just putting Chris to bed when Craig came home. They sat in the front room with Nick and drank some beer.

  “So how was the date?” She teased Craig.

  “Fine.” He didn’t elaborate.

  She looked at Nick. “Sure doesn’t like to kiss and tell, does he?”

  Nick shook his head. “Never has, thank God.”

  Catlin laughed. “This has been the best day. I’m having so much fun with Chris.”

  Nick said, “He loves being with you, too.”

  Craig looked at Nick. “This seems like a good time to bring it up.”

  “What?” Catlin looked from one man to the other.

  Nick said, “Well, you know we’re leaving Decemb
er 29th for our tour. We’ll be gone three months.”

  “Three months,” Catlin repeated. “I didn’t know it would be for so long.”

  Nick nodded. “I was thinking, maybe you’d like to keep Chris while we’re gone.”

  Catlin jumped up. “Are you kidding me?”

  Nick and Craig were smiling, and Nick shook his head. “No kidding.”

  Catlin pounced on Nick and gave him a hug. “I would love that! Three months!”

  Nick looked at Craig “Now she wants us to stay away longer.”

  “No.” Catlin curled up on his lap and patted his chest. “But...” she did some figuring in her head. “I would hate to interrupt him mid-semester. He could start the new semester in January, but I think he should stay with me until school’s out at the end of May.”

  “The end of May?” Nick teased her. “Man, you’re getting pushy.”

  “You can’t move him around from school to school.” She smiled at Nick hopefully. “It’s really the best thing for Chris.”

  Nick looked at Craig who nodded. He looked back at Catlin. “Yeah, I think it is too. Through May, then.”

  Catlin threw her arms around Nick again, and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  Nick held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay! You’re welcome.”

  Catlin moved back a little, and hugged her knees to her chest. “This is so great. I can’t wait to tell Chris.”

  Craig stood up. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

  “Good night,” they called, and he slipped into his room.

  Catlin hugged her knees again. “I’m so excited!”

  Nick put his hand on her back and rubbed it up and down. “I love seeing you so happy. It’s been a long time.”

  She grinned at him. “Everything is finally coming into place.” She put her arms around him and hugged his neck again. “Thank you so much for this!”

  He took advantage of the closeness and brought his mouth to hers.

  Catlin’s head felt giddy, either from the happiness or the beer. But she returned the kiss, and opened her mouth to him willingly. When Nick’s hand slipped inside her blouse she realized what she was doing, and pulled away quickly. “No, stop.”