by Hill, Jamie
He nuzzled her neck. “Don’t want to stop.”
Shoving his hands away, she scrambled from his lap and stood in the middle of the room. “I’m sorry to get so carried away. I should never have sat on your lap. I was just so thrilled about Chris.”
He held his arms out to her. “Chris will be excited, too. But if you want to thrill me, get back over here.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to say no. I should go to bed now. Goodnight, Nick.”
“Catlin,” he called after her.
She closed and locked her bedroom door, and stood with her back against it.
How could I have kissed him? Thankfully, nothing else had happened. Nothing else can ever happen. Maybe Steve was right, and Nick couldn’t be trusted. Perhaps she shouldn’t be here alone with him. She’d totally have to rethink Christmas.
There was no way she could call Steve now. She’d talk to him tomorrow. Catlin climbed into bed, clothes and all.
She found Chris in the kitchen, eating leftover pizza the next morning. What the hell? She joined him.
“So how did you sleep?” He had an ornery grin on his face.
“Fine.” She looked at him warily. “And you?”
“Just great.” His grin widened.
“What are you up to?”
“Nothing!” He shoved a huge piece of pizza in his mouth.
Craig joined them, giving them each a little hug. He looked at Chris as he picked up a piece of pizza. “Who was on the phone?”
“No one,” Chris replied. “Wrong number.”
Catlin looked from one to the other, unsure how much each of them knew. Did anyone see her and Nick kiss? If they kept watching, they’d have seen her going to her room alone. She felt very queasy, and tossed her last piece of pizza back on her plate. It was almost eleven-thirty. Steve would be home by now. She went to call him.
The answering machine picked up, and she left a message. She tried several more times before she left for home, but got the machine each time.
She hugged Chris goodbye, promising to see him in a week and a half for Christmas. He wasn’t sad this time, because he knew when he saw her again, he’d be moving in with her. She said her good-byes to Craig, and Nick walked her out.
He pulled her into a hug, and she let him. Before she pulled away, she said softly “Nick, what happened last night can never happen again.”
“I know, but I had to give it a shot.”
She gave him one last quick hug, and left.
Her stomach was in knots as she drove home to Marshall. She drove straight to Steve’s house, and went in through the kitchen. “Anybody home?”
As she walked through the family room, she noticed the Christmas tree was up and decorated. “Hey,” she called again, and peeked around the corner into Steve’s office.
He was sitting in the dark, his back to his desk, staring out the window.
“Hi! What are you doing in here? I’ve been trying to call you all day.”
Steve didn’t respond.
Catlin continued, “What happened to picking out the tree together? It’s okay, it looks good.” She sat sideways on his lap. “I have the best news! Nick’s going to let me have Chris when they go on tour in January! They’ll be gone for three months, but I told Nick he couldn’t pull Chris out of school mid-semester, so he’ll get to stay with me until school’s out in May....” her voice trailed off as she looked at Steve’s face. It was red and his eyes were puffy. “What’s wrong with you? What’s happened?”
He gazed at her with steely eyes. “Why don’t you tell me?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I had a great weekend.”
“I’ll bet you did.”
“Steve.” Catlin put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed them lightly “What are you talking about?”
He removed her hands and gently scooted her backward until she stood up. He stood in front of her. “I’m afraid I’ve misjudged you. I was waiting for you to come clean with me, but it looks like you’re not going to do it.”
“What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean, misjudged me?”
“I didn’t want to believe that you were the kind of woman who could take me to bed one night and someone else the next.”
She laughed nervously. “You think I did that? Where would you get that crazy idea?”
“Are you denying it?”
“Of course I’m denying it, because it never happened!” She looked into his eyes, the eyes that had turned her world upside down a few short months ago. They were gray and angry now. “Do you really believe I could do that to you? I love you so much. I am closer to you, have been more intimate with you, than with anyone ever in my life. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know me?”
“I thought I did, but you’ve changed. It’s been nothing but secrets and lies for weeks now, and frankly, you’re not a very good liar. You’ve been a bundle of nerves. Honestly, I’m not sure you’re the person I thought you were.”
Anger set in and she put her hands on her hips. “And just who do you think that I am?”
“From what I hear, it sounds like you’re nothing but a slut.”
His words cut through her like a knife. She thought about slapping him, but when she looked at his face she knew she could never do it. She loved him too much.
She forced herself to remain calm. “I don’t believe you meant to say that. You’re being very quick to pass judgment. Don’t you want to hear my side of the story?”
“You admit there is a story, then. I guess that’s something. God, Catlin, I don’t want to hear anything about it. I’m totally sickened by this whole situation. I feel extremely foolish that I got so caught up with you. I want you to leave, and I’m going to try to get back some semblance of a normal life.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. “You’re nuts! It was one kiss! I told him no. End of story.”
“You’re really getting much better at this lying business. Of course, you had the trip back to get your story straight.”
“I’m not lying! Why would you think otherwise?”
He scowled. “You disgust me.”
Anger kicked in, shoving aside the frightened, hurtful feelings. “How dare you? Who have you been talking to? I’m supposed to be the most important person in your life. Who do you believe more than me?”
He got in her face. “I called you this morning. I wanted to hear your voice before I went to church. Your son couldn’t find you in your room. He found you in his father’s room. And he took that opportunity to describe to me what he saw happening. It was pretty graphic. I don’t believe a nine-year-old could make it up, even one with an imagination like his.”
Catlin’s heart sank into the pit of her stomach with a thud. Christian. She thought he’d acted funny at breakfast. Craig mentioned a phone call, but Chris said it was a wrong number. Why had he lied? And worse yet, why had he lied so vulgarly to Steve?
“I’m sorry,” was all she could think to say. She couldn’t throw her son under the bus.
“Don’t even tell me you’re sorry! I trusted you! I believed you when you said you were just going there to see your son! You took my trust, and you took my heart, and you flushed them right into the sewer. God damn it, I can’t even stand to look at you. I want you out of my house, and out of my life, you two-timing bitch.”
The life sucked out of her, Catlin picked up her purse and jacket, and slowly left the house. She drove home, and threw her suitcases on the floor of her bedroom. Between bouts of sobbing she threw up, pounded her fist into her pillow, and finally fell into bed, too exhausted to sleep.
She tossed and turned all night, and was miserable the next day.
Dana wouldn’t look at her, or speak to her.
She forced herself to make it through the day, narrowly avoiding Jetta, who would really read her the riot act when she found out.
But when Jetta called her later that night, she to
ld her parts of what happened. She could tell Jetta was angry, and she couldn’t blame her. But Catlin refused to rat on her son. She was the adult. She’d made her own bed, now she had to lie in it. For the second night in a row, Catlin punched her pillow and cried until she fell asleep.
Tuesday afternoon, Jetta came to Catlin’s classroom. “Things are not good,” she said simply. “I tried to talk to Steve.”
Catlin couldn’t even look Jetta in the eye. “How is he?”
“A hot mess. He was polite, but he said there was nothing to discuss. He’s torn up, Catlin.”
“What am I going to do?” Catlin felt horrible again, like she might be sick. Damn!
“Give us one more chance.” Jetta held her hands up. “Tonight, Jimmy’s going to drop in on him. He’ll make him talk. I’ll tell him to use the handcuffs if he has to.”
Catlin nodded. “Excuse me.” Stomach churning, she hurried to the restroom.
Wednesday morning, Catlin pulled her favorite pair of black slacks from the closet. She slipped into them, and realized there was no way they could be zipped. Her tiny little stomach was puffing out. Oh my God! She felt like a load of bricks had just been dumped on her head. “What have I been thinking?” She quickly found some other clothes to wear, and left early so she could stop by the drug store.
Her mind raced on the drive. Steve hadn’t used condoms since their first night together, but she was on the pill. She took it every morning. Well, almost every morning. She recalled one night she’d slept over with him, spur of the moment, and hadn’t taken her pills. And then there was the weekend that she’d forgotten to pack everything—shit!
In the pharmacy aisle, she looked at the wall of home pregnancy tests. She chose one that showed a plus sign for positive or a minus sign for negative. She paid for it and hurried off to school, where she made a beeline for the teacher’s lounge. She waved as she passed through, and went straight into a stall.
Catlin read the instructions quickly, and took the test. For an agonizing five minutes she leaned against the wall in the tiny space, going over in her mind all the signs she’d missed for the past month.
She looked at her watch, and then down at the test stick. There was a definite minus sign. There was also a faint plus sign. “God damn it!” She wrapped up the trash and tucked it in her purse to throw away someplace more private. The lounge was full of people so she couldn’t use the phone then. She waited until first hour had started, and left the yearbook staff for a few minutes to call her doctor’s office. They told her if she got to the lab by noon, they could have her results that day. Catlin made arrangements to take an early lunch, and went to the lab for a blood test.
She finally caught up with Jetta in the afternoon.
“Where the hell have you been all day?” Jetta scolded her. “I’ve been missing you or something.”
“Running here and there. Did Jim talk to him?”
Jetta nodded. “Not good, girlfriend. Steve is not interested in sharing you with your old boyfriend.”
“Damn!” Catlin slapped her hand on the table. “He’s so stubborn. I told him that’s not what happened. We did not sleep together. He refuses to believe me.”
Jetta tiptoed around the subject. “Jimmy suggested perhaps it was just a bit of leftover passion, which is out of your system now.”
Catlin blinked. “You don’t believe me either.”
She screwed up her face. “He seems pretty convinced. Regardless, Steve’s too far gone to reason with now. He doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to talk about it. Something’s going on with him, Catlin, and we’re not sure what it is.”
“Son-of-a-bitch!” Catlin muttered to herself. “What am I going to do?”
She found out one thing she was going to do when she talked to the doctor’s office later that day. She was going to have a baby.
Catlin went home and lay down on her bed. Her hands kept finding her stomach, which had pooched out ever-so-slightly. Her life was in shambles and her path wasn’t clear, but one thing Catlin knew for sure. I’m keeping this baby. She wanted Steve desperately, and she realized right then that she wanted his baby just as much.
She had to talk to him. Catlin wished she could talk to Jetta, but she felt it was cruel, since Jetta was so anxious to get pregnant. Catlin had done it a second time without meaning or even wanting to. She couldn’t talk to Jetta. But she had to talk to Steve.
She called the newspaper anonymously and was told he was out all day Thursday, but would be back Friday.
Friday was the last half-day of school before the holidays. Catlin wanted to reach out to Dana, but the girl was very quiet and withdrawn. She barely looked up, so Catlin kept her distance. When the final bell rang at eleven-thirty, she said her good-byes and “Merry Christmas’s” to her friends. She caught up with Jetta. “I’ll call you later. I’m going to track down Steve Naughton and make him listen to me!”
“You go girl!” Jetta cheered her on.
Catlin hurried to her car. She drove to the newspaper office, praying she could get in to see him. Her prayer was answered when she bumped into him, leaving as she was coming in. They stopped in the foyer.
“Hi.” She blinked, startled. She’d wanted to see him so badly, but now wasn’t sure what to say. She could barely stand to look into his gorgeous eyes, it was that painful.
“Hello.” He fidgeted. His eyes shifted uncomfortably.
Catlin plucked up her nerve. “We need to talk.”
He shook his head and started to reply, when the door behind him opened.
Barbara Naughton appeared in a sleek, mink-trimmed fur coat. “I think everything’s ready—” She stopped when she saw Catlin, her eyes flickering surprise. Barbara regained her composure and smiled smugly. “There’s so much to do this time of year, don’t you think?” She put her arm through Steve’s. “We’ve got the company Christmas party tonight, and then we’re getting ready for our trip. Steve’s taking us skiing in Vail the week after Christmas.”
Catlin forced her jaw to remain closed as she glanced at Steve. He appeared very uncomfortable.
She drew on inner strength and said to Barbara, “How nice for you. Would you excuse us for a moment? I need to have a word with Steve.” Catlin brushed her hair back from her face with her left hand. The big diamond ring was obvious to all, sparkling away.
Barbara’s face reddened and she started to speak.
Steve touched her arm. “Could you give me a minute, please? Go on out to the car.”
Reluctantly, Barbara obliged. She shot Catlin one last glare before exiting the foyer.
A customer walked in and inserted coins into the newspaper rack by the wall. Catlin looked at Steve. “Shall we do this here?”
He glanced around. “Come on.” He walked back in through the front office, going into an empty conference room. Catlin followed him, and he shut the door.
She could barely contain herself. “What could you possibly be thinking?”
“What I do is no longer any of your concern. Didn’t your friends get the message to you?”
“They’re your friends, too. They care about us.”
“Well, they’ll have to do it separately, because there is no longer an us.”
She held up her left hand. The engagement ring glittered under fluorescent lights. “I’m still wearing this, aren’t I?”
“You shouldn’t be.”
Catlin couldn’t have felt worse if he’d punched her in the face. She looked at her stomach briefly then back at him. “You know what? It was I that misjudged you. You are a spineless, gutless, jackass of a so-called man. The first sign of trouble and you high-tail it back to mommy.”
“The first sign of trouble should have been when you walked into my life, you conniving cunt.”
She thought her head might explode. “Ohh!” She pulled off her engagement ring, grabbed his hand, and slapped the ring into it. “Now who needs to wash his mouth out with soap? You’re screwed up, Steve. You don
’t know the difference between trouble and the best thing that ever happened to you. Well, there you go. Have a nice life with that fucking ice queen psycho-bitch and the rest of your wacked-out family.” She pulled the door open and looked back at him one last time. “I’d like to say I hate you, but whether you believe it or not, I don’t like to lie.”
“Well, I hate—” Steve hesitated.
Catlin looked at him warningly.
“—what you’ve done to me. And how you’ve made me feel.”
She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah, well, life sucks and then you die.” She walked out of his office, and out of his life.
Chapter Fifteen
Catlin went home, fighting back tears the whole way. When she got inside, she broke down and sobbed for an hour. When it was finally out of her system, she called Craig.
“I’m out of school for Christmas break, and I have nowhere to go.”
“What about Steve?”
“Oh, I’m definitely not spending Christmas with him.”
“Trouble in Toyland?”
“You could say that. He called me a cunt, and I gave him his ring back.”
He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “So that’s the end of that story, huh?”
“Not quite. Color me stupid, but for the second time in as many relationships, I find myself pregnant.”
“You’re what?” Craig made a horrible choking sound.
She tightened her grip on the phone. “Are you all right?”
He coughed. “I swallowed my gum. Did you say pregnant?”
“You heard me. Knocked-up. With child. Bun in the oven.”
“You seem to be in a pretty good mood about it.”
“It’s either that or suicide. But technically, that would now be murder/suicide, wouldn’t it?”
“Cat, you’re rambling. Are you sure you’re okay?”
She chuckled. “Yeah. I’m just trying to come to terms with being unmarried and pregnant, again.”
“You don’t have to keep it, you know.”
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious. I believe you suggested that last time, too. Lapsed Catholic I may be, but I refuse to consider abortion.”