by India Lee
She didn’t like not knowing how to talk to Damian. Even in their longest stretches without face-to-face contact, she had delighted in their occasional texts or calls. But in the weeks that she had been in Los Angeles after that day at his house, those moments were obviously strained. Damian never initiated a message unless it was to update on her the annulment proceedings.
Having some time between pre-production and production, Gemma decided to fly back to New York. Thanksgiving and the winter holidays were coming up and with everyone back on the East Coast, there was little reason to stay in Los Angeles until shooting began.
But as soon as she touched down at JFK, she had gotten a text from Damian asking when she would be available for a conference call. They were scheduled for a hearing with a Nevada judge – their paperwork had been processed. Gemma opted to meet Damian at his lawyer’s office in order to get through the hearing together, sign whatever papers were necessary, and just get on with things already.
There, she found Damian already sitting at the conference table with his lawyer, waiting for the call. Gemma sat beside him, slipping a hand over his. She let their fingers intertwine as they waited their turn for the hearing. Damian had given a her a stiff smile, glancing at her quickly before returning his eyes to the little conference call device sitting in the middle of the table. It sat on three legs and was oddly shaped, looking kind of like a toy UFO. Music played between the pre-recorded voice telling them to be patient as they waited for the judge to take their call. It all felt kind of silly considering how serious the moment was for her.
When the judge finally took their case, the process was rather swift. Damian had done all the talking and Gemma soon realized there was little reason for her to be there at all. They had cited “lack of understanding” due to intoxication and just like that, the judge had granted their annulment. The hearing took less time than their wait for it.
“That’s it,” Damian’s lawyer had said, hanging up their call by pressing a button on the conference call device. “Like it never happened.”
In the elevator to the lobby, Gemma tried to hold Damian’s hand. He let her despite seeming almost reluctant to touch her. He leaned against the back of the elevator, looking at her. She tried to read him the way he had always seemed to so easily read her. She tried to figure out what was the best thing to say, now that it was all over and they could continue their lives.
“So,” her voice cracked at the simple word. It felt like she had used all her energy to say it. “We can do this right this time.” Damian didn’t speak, nodding as he turned away from her. She dared to step in closer, pulling her body into his. “Do you want to go somewhere, maybe? Do something together? I have the day off… are you free?”
“I have to get some rest. You know. Now that the season has started,” he said, his voice sounding strangely foreign to her. The elevator door opened to the vast, empty lobby. A single doorman nodded in their direction. Damian held the door open for her, letting her out. She looked over her shoulder, holding her hand out to him. He didn’t take it.
Damian stepped backwards, back into the lobby, looking cold as he watched her. Gemma stepped back inside, trying to get closer to him.
“Is there something you want to say to me?” Gemma asked, fearing the answer. Her whispered voice echoed back at her. Damian stood silent for a moment before he nodded his head.
“So, the annulment,” he started, lowering his eyes. Gemma stepped in, hoping to meet them. He looked away again. “It’s like none of this ever happened.”
“Yes,” Gemma said. “So let’s make this a clean slate. Let’s take it from that day at my office when you caught me with the paint in my hair.”
“Or,” he continued. “Let’s take it back further.”
“Okay,” Gemma agreed, nodding her head as she grasped at his hands. “Just tell me when.”
“I’d like to forget as far back as it started to hurt,” Damian said, finally looking back into her eyes. Gemma felt her throat tighten as she watched him. She could tell he was pained – that much she could sense – but she struggled to find any familiarity in his face, his tone, his stance.
“When was that?” she asked, fearing this answer even more. His eyes looked wet, faraway – but a small smile crept up on Damian’s lips as he looked off to the side again, out of the dark lobby and towards the sun streaked sidewalks of midtown.
“To the beach house, the night of prom,” he said. “To just being in the ocean with you, holding you, but knowing we were about to say goodbye.”
“What are you saying?” Gemma felt her voice shake. She felt panicked, realizing she hadn’t thought that this was a possibility. She realized that they had started out rough. She realized they had made bad moves and she had perhaps said hurtful things. She realized it would take some work before they were back into their normal groove once they made the decision to annul the marriage and start over, but she didn’t realize that Damian was considering something else entirely.
“I just don’t think I can do this anymore…”
“We’ve barely even started Damian, we have to give this a real try before we just give up, right?”
“No, Gemma, you’ve barely even started,” Damian said, laughing sadly. He covered his mouth with his hands as he looked at her. “I’ve been doing this for years. And now, for my sanity and for the sake of everyone around me, it’s time for me to stop. And start over.”
KNICKS GET IT RIGHT FOR ONCE – DAMIAN EVANS DELIVERS
The Big Assist
October 30th
How’s this stat line for a debut with the Orange and Blue? 28 points, 11 assists, 4 rebounds, 3 steals in 37 minutes.
Feel that breeze? That’s New York’s collective sigh of relief. Sure, it’s only the first game of the season but don’t mind if we get a little excited about the fact that the Knicks actually look bound together under the leadership of superstar point guard, Damian Evans. What looked like a motley crew of mismatched players last season suddenly looks like a well-oiled machine with Evans calling the plays. Knicks shooting guard Marc Outlaw agrees. Said Outlaw after the Knicks’ 101-89 victory over the Celtics:
“It feels different out there. Damian sees the court, he sees open guys and he knows how to make plays. He’s talking to us during timeouts and he’s bringing us together. I couldn’t be more grateful to have him as a teammate.”
So, go ahead, New York. Enjoy the city’s new big guy. It looks like he’s the real deal.
“Look, Gemma! Look at that car’s plate!” Zoe exclaimed, pointing out the window at a novelty license plate that said something vaguely dirty. “Isn’t that funny?” She laughed, nudging Gemma slightly as she acted a bit too interested in the car in front of them. They were on their way back to Beauford for Thanksgiving, all too aware that Gemma and Damian were over before they even really began. Gavin was driving with a growler of beer and a tin foil wrapped ham strapped in the passenger seat that Zoe had opted not to take.
Gemma felt a bit guilty as Zoe sat in the backseat with her, holding her hand and pointing out every silly thing she could find on the road. She was also actively fighting a case of carsickness, apparently not used to extended car trips while sitting in the back. She looked at Gemma, her eyebrows raised with a big smile on her face, her nausea still detectable through her efforts.
“Funny, right?” Zoe asked again. Gemma forced a smile, nodding.
“I missed it. What did it say?” Gavin asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” Zoe frowned in defeat before collapsing back in her seat, actually prompting Gemma to laugh for the first time since they got in the car. Her eyebrows raised again as she turned at the sound. “You like it when I’m mean to Gavin? Because I can keep doing that if it makes you smile.”
“No, please don’t,” Gavin groaned. “I’m lonely enough up here on my own.”
They had unfortunately hit traffic on the highway right outside of the Holland Tunnel, stuck on some overpass overlooking old f
actories and gas stations. It was Thanksgiving morning and it seemed everyone had chosen to make their pilgrimage to the suburbs at the same hour.
Mira and Hudson were having the family over – the family now being more extended than ever. Her parents would also be there along with Harper and her boyfriend, Ian. Gemma realized quickly that she would essentially be the third wheel to every other couple there.
Gavin had mentioned in passing that Damian would be with his family for Thanksgiving, although he wasn’t sure if it was out in Brooklyn or back in Beauford. Gemma knew it didn’t really matter either way. Damian no longer wanted anything to do with her. She frowned at the thought, feeling a lump rise in her throat as she peered out the window. Zoe squeezed her hand, sensing Gemma’s sudden shift back into the sadness that had permeated her being since breaking up with Damian.
But what bothered her most was that it wasn’t just any breakup. Damian had essentially said he wanted to take back everything that happened between them since high school. Gemma couldn’t quite grapple the point of his request, not understanding how undoing their entire history could do either of them any good. It had almost felt like he had done it just to hurt her, though Gemma knew that couldn’t be the case – not even with all the recent talk of the emergence of a “new Damian.”
Being around family and friends was somehow exactly what she needed and everything she feared in her current state of mind. Gemma hadn’t seen her parents since her show at Fashion Week and she wasn’t exactly in the right mind to catch up with them, especially because it meant dodging the question of what had happened in Vegas.
Luckily, no one asked about the incident. There was good and bad to it, actually. Gemma didn’t have to deal with the questions but she did have to watch everyone absolutely dote over her. Her mother stayed by her side throughout the entire gathering, hooking her arm through hers and refilling her plate throughout the night. Malcolm made sure Gemma got the first piece of everything, just to ensure that it was the best one. Whenever Mira told one of her wild travel stories, she directed it mostly at Gemma, as if trying to hold her attention and keep it on the story instead of some negative place in her own mind. As much as Gemma appreciated all the gestures, she couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable with the fact that she was being completely babied by everyone around her.
To her relief, she had managed at some point in the night to break from her mother’s grasp and huddle in the den downstairs with a slice of pumpkin pie. Gemma could hear Harper and Ian talking to her parents about Harper’s raw vegan restaurant, Agno, and how it had been the host of many high-profile events as well as the recipient of much praise since its opening. She slumped down in her seat on the couch, watching the fireplace crackle as she spooned bites of pie into her mouth.
She sat there, remembering the years that she had spent in her Aunt Mira’s house. Her last year there was actually the year she met Harper, back when Harper was known for her addiction and considered a bad influence by Hudson, her own father. Gemma had been unsure of Harper for a good portion of their relationship, going so far as to believing she was responsible for the mess created by her crazed stalker, Elizabeth Tara Clarke. It was bizarre to think that they were now all family – that Hudson was her step-uncle and Harper was not only her step-cousin, but a totally changed woman. The media had happily embraced her transition from controversial junkie socialite to the health and beauty goddess that she was today. There were people now that didn’t even remember she was once known as nothing more than a party girl.
Gemma wanted that much for herself. She just wanted to be taken seriously, for once. She wanted to be her own person and not famous for being someone’s love interest or girlfriend. Leah had been right that she had the fortune of picking from among the most eligible bachelors in the world – it was just unfortunate that they were all so well known and so closely followed by the paparazzi and media. She had only ever had privacy in one relationship and even that came with its problems.
“Lucas!”
Gemma jumped at the sound of his name. She had thought it in her head as she recalled memories of her old neighbor and boyfriend, but she hadn’t expected to hear it said aloud. It was Gavin’s voice who yelled it and Gemma realized that it had followed the sound of a doorbell. No way, she thought.
But before she could speculate a moment longer, Gavin was making his way down the stairs with a tall, barely recognizable figure. Gemma stared.
Lucas was dressed like a lumberjack and looked the part too, sporting a beard so full that there was no question that he was no longer the boy she once knew. She put her plate of pie down, throwing off the fleece blanket and jumping to her feet. Gemma approached carefully, wondering how to greet someone that had once been a big part of her life but was now nothing more than a vague memory, materialized.
“What, I don’t get a hug?” Lucas said, his arms outstretched. Gemma laughed, reaching forward to hug him while shooting Gavin a look of confusion.
“Guess who’s back in the states?” Gavin exclaimed excitedly, his arms locking Lucas in place.
“How long have you been back?” Gemma asked. “And what are you doing here? Why aren’t you out in Arizona with your family?”
“I go to school in the city,” he answered. “And I live and work in Brooklyn.”
“Tell her who your new roommate is,” Gavin said, nudging Lucas in an exaggerated manner.
“Do I have to?” Lucas laughed, covering his eyes.
“Tell her,” Gavin insisted. When Lucas hesitated, Gavin said it for him. “He lives with Madison.”
“What?” Gemma shrieked, laughing hard at the news and her own reaction. “How the hell did that happen?”
“She’s dating my roommate,” Lucas continued, nodding as if he knew how ridiculous that sounded as well. “They’re very happy together.” Gemma stared with a dropped jaw and wide eyes.
“How?” Gemma shook her head, too stunned and amused to move.
“I’ll let you have the pleasure of telling this story all over again,” Gavin said, patting Lucas on the back. “I’m gonna head upstairs – got a lady and a pecan pie to attend to.”
As Gemma sat in awe, Lucas went on to explain how he had randomly run into Madison on the subway platform while she was in the city for an audition. What had started out as dinner became an extended conversation that went well into the morning. Madison had stayed with Lucas for the night, where she met his roommate, Jack. The two apparently hit it off immediately, though Jack didn’t sound at all like the type of guy that Madison would go for. Lucas described him to be a bit of a hipster nerd, an aspiring actor who barely made rent every month on a barista salary. When Madison took the new job as a regular on a soap opera, she opted to move in with Jack and Lucas, helping a great deal with their rent.
“It’s not weird? That you two are roommates and used to date the same girl?”
“Not really,” Lucas shrugged. “She doesn’t even feel like the same Madison I dated. It’s sort of like meeting and knowing this brand new person that also feels strangely familiar.”
“Kind of how like we feel now, I assume,” Gemma smirked.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Lucas laughed. “And it helps that Jack brings out this side of her that you probably never really saw. Back when I dated her, I got to occasionally see that soft side that she never really showed in public. But now that she’s with Jack, it’s like she only has that side.” He nodded with a laugh. “Makes her a much more pleasant roommate.”
“Man. That’s so strange,” Gemma said, shaking her head. “So where in Brooklyn do you all live?” She frowned slightly at the mention of Brooklyn, realizing that Damian was still floating in the back of her mind. He had managed to make her associate the entire borough with him.
“I live in Crown Heights but I work in Fort Greene.”
“Oh,” she said. Of all neighborhoods. “Damian… lives in Fort Greene.” Gemma hadn’t wanted to say his name but she couldn’t seem to stop herself fro
m offering up the information.
“I know, I actually ran into him,” Lucas said without pause. He clearly didn’t know their current status.
“When?” she asked immediately. She hoped it was a recent run in. She was desperate to know firsthand accounts of what Damian had been doing since they ended things. As much as she hated to, Gemma had been relying on the media as of late.
“Maybe like a week ago?” Lucas recalled. “I work for a repurposed furniture shop and he came in to browse for stuff for his new place.”
“Oh.” Gemma nodded. She almost wanted to ask Lucas what Damian had bought, what he was wearing, how he looked. She missed him more than she had previously realized. Oh, God. Do not, Gemma warned herself, feeling a tingling at the back of her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second, willing her tears to return to where they came from.
“Are you okay?” she heard Lucas ask.
Gemma nodded. “Uh-huh!” she answered brightly, opening her eyes to give Lucas a smile that matched her decently convincing tone. But to her horror, she hadn’t actually succeeded in fighting back her tears. They filled her eyes to the brim, spilling down her cheeks the second she blinked. “So-rry,” Gemma hiccupped as her hands flew up to her wipe them. Great, she thought bitterly, her throat too tight to even give an alarmed Lucas any sort of excuse for her sudden tears. She covered her mouth in an attempt to mute the sobs, but Gavin and Zoe had already scrambled down the stairs. Gemma could hear a hush fall amongst the group upstairs.
“Dude, what happened? What did you say?” Gavin asked, genuinely surprised.
“I’m not sure,” Lucas stammered.
“It’s nothing, he didn’t do anything,” Gemma finally managed, just about exhausting her word limit for the moment. “Just…” She tried to assure everyone that she was fine but since she couldn’t get anything out, Gemma simply shook her head, excusing herself past everyone to rush upstairs and away from their questioning stares.