“Sharon?” he asked, proud that his voice didn’t break.
No answer.
“Sharon? Baby? You awake?”
The answer was a sharp inhale, then her body started shaking. Fuck, she was crying.
“Baby—” he reached out to touch her shoulder but she pulled away. He took his hand back, unsure what to do.
She was still silent, but he could tell she was sobbing. He turned and strode to the wall, leaning forward until his forehead rested against the cool surface. Maybe he should just go get his mom. She’d know better what to do—
“I never felt it kicking,” she whispered, and he turned, back to her side in a flash.
“Baby—”
“She didn’t move. She never kicked.”
He closed his eyes. They hadn’t wanted to know the sex, wanted it to be a surprise. When the doctor told him his daughter was stillborn, Sharon’s body had just simply tried to get rid of it, what he fixated on was the word daughter. That was the most poignant moment. It wasn’t a baby that didn’t technically exist anymore, to his way of thinking anyway. He’d had a daughter on the way, and she didn’t make it.
They’d picked out names for both occasions; boy or girl. Not only was she no longer just “the baby,” she was Heidi Mickayla. Heidi because those were Sharon’s favorite books growing up, Mickayla in honor of Mickey. If it had been a boy it would have been Robert Michael, with Robert for her father, Michael for the same reason; Mickey.
He toed his running shoes off and climbed onto the bed beside her. After a moment she rolled over, and without giving him a chance to kiss her or even see her face she burrowed into him, arms going around him, head tucking under his chin.
He wrapped his arms around her, letting his tears fall in her hair because she couldn’t see them. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, squeezing her when he spoke. “Baby, I am so fucking sorry. What do you need me to do for you?”
“Nothing,” she whimpered, sniffling. “No one can do anything. She’s dead.”
He stoked her arm with one hand. “I’ll just hold you then, okay?”
She nodded, and they fell into silence. He wished he could absorb her hurt and sorrow, take it away and bear it for her. But in this, he was useless. Nothing he could fight, nothing he could tear apart, nothing he could kill to make it better.
After a long moment, he pressed his lips to her hair and said something he’d been unable to say for the last few months. But he had to say it now. “I love you, Sharon.”
She stiffened in his arms, and he held onto her tighter.
“I love you. I hate how much this hurts, I hate that it hurts you at all. I’d take it all away if I could, baby. And I love you, I love you so much I was completely out of my mind thinking I could lose you.”
She had softened in his hold, then she went up on one elbow, wiping at her nose. When she looked up at him it broke his heart; she was puffy from crying, her nose was pink and her eyes were painfully red. He cupped her face, thumb stroking her jawline.
“I love you so much,” he whispered, feeling the heat in his chest as he said it, knowing it was true to his marrow.
“I love you, too,” she whispered so softly he barely heard it. His stomach released a tension he hadn’t known was there and he smiled, stooping his head to kiss her. She softly returned the pressure of his mouth, then when he pulled away she placed a hand on the center of his chest. “I’m sorry I lost our baby.”
He shook his head, pulling her into a hug again. “No, no no no no no,” he murmured, pressing his face into the top of her head. “You have nothing to apologize for. Please don’t do that.”
She was crying again. Fuck, this was killing him.
“We’ve got each other,” he said, sounding stronger than he thought he could. “As long as we got that, we’re fine.”
“Yeah,” she whispered, nodding the small amount she could.
“Are you hurtin’?”
“No. They gave me something to keep me calm, too.”
“Feeling tired?”
“Yeah.”
“Fall asleep if you want, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
She relaxed into him, then the room fell quiet again. His head was spinning, his body trying to still itself. He felt like he needed to make this up to her somehow, but that was ridiculous. It was a baby. He’d bought her a new puppy to go with the new house, but that wasn’t really to replace Earp. He just wanted her to have a dog for when he was out on the road.
If the other husbands in the club had taught him one thing, it was that their women didn’t need them to fix everything for them. They just had to be there. Sure Buck killed the guys that raped Gertie, then they got the Mazaris that had hurt Gertie and Rose. And Jayce got to kill the guy that hurt Trinny.
But more than that, those men had to stand behind their women. Vengeance was one thing. More importantly, those women had to heal on their own. And all they needed was their man’s support. Buck did it for Gertie, Tank for Rose.
And he’d do it for Sharon.
About C.D. Breadner:
C.D. Breadner is a self-published author. Her first novel, Sin Eater, was the beginning of The Sin Eater series, an urban paranormal, slightly erotic series looking at the different forces of good and evil. Recently she was christened a contributing author to The Freak Circle; a collective of amazing and supportive writers who encouraged her to delve into the genre of motorcycle club fiction with them, which brought about her second series, the stories of the Red Rebels MC.
She recently also published a standalone novel that takes place during World War II, Drawing Blood.
She lives in a cozy home in the woods with her wonderful husband and two German Shepherds.
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