And my seatbelt… It didn’t keep me in my seat like it was supposed to. In one blurry moment, I was thrown off, the glass pierced my skin, and the road slammed into me for all I was worth.
The ringing in my ear didn’t last long, and then, I was deafened by silence. The car lay totaled against the tree, smoke or steam or something floating from the engine and up towards the heavens. I couldn’t see Daniel in the car.
My heart fluttered, like it skipped a couple of beats. I tried to run towards the car, and collapsed when I attempted to stand. Nothing hurt, but nothing worked. It didn’t make sense. Instinctively, I crawled towards the car, then stopped, distracted by the wetness. Had I been out that long? Did it start raining? I glanced down at the gravel, and my head spun when I realized it wasn’t rain that was soaking my body–it was a long trail of blood that smeared the road. My blood.
“Daniel?” My voice shook when I reached the car. Dents dotted the doors, and all the windows were shattered. I tugged on the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. “Daniel? Sweetie?”
No response. Weakly, I released the handle and slumped to the ground, breathing so quickly, no air actually made it into my system before I choked on a putrid smell… Smoke? Yeah. That was smoke. The car would go up in flames any second.
There was no noise… only the weeping cries that leaked from my mouth.
There was no one around… no one, except the deer that stared at me from the other side of the road. When I acknowledged its gaze, it turned its back on me and bolted into the woods.
lla?” Daniel’s voice was urgent. “Gabriella? Gabriella, speak to me!”
Why was it so hard to keep my eyes open? How did he find me? Had I been sleeping for long? I caught glimpses of Daniel–the gash on his head and the dirt on his face.
“What happened?” I push through lips too cold to properly obey me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I was thrown from the window, but I didn’t go far. I found you by the driver’s door.” He pulled me closer to his body, my blood staining his shirt. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance. It was a sound I always dreaded when I heard it in town, but at this moment the piercing ring was a sign of hope.
“Have I been dreaming?” My voice was slurred and I had no real control of my words. It was like I wasn’t in my body. “I had that dream of the ox again. Recurring dreams are just my imagination being lazy.”
“Shh, Ella,” Daniel said, rocking me like a baby. “Everything will be okay.”
“You called me Gabriella?” I pointed out, my eyes rolling to the back of my head. “You only call me that when there’s a problem. Is there a problem?”
“You’re concussed, my love,” he whispered, closing his eyes and gulping on his words. “Your legs aren’t working right now, but they will. I promise they will.”
“I have to dance next month,” I reminded him, my face growing cold. Lucidity was not on the cards right now. “I’m enrolling Jason in dance class, even if he is a boy. When he’s older, he can be a scientist by day and a dancer by night. He’s wonderful, isn’t he? He’ll be the best of both of us.”
Daniel suddenly howled, the way I did when I was giving birth to Jason. His pained cries matched the level of the ambulance and police cars that came to an abrupt halt when they found us huddled in the middle of the road.
“Why are you crying, Daniel?” I asked as the medical team lifted me onto some portable bed thing.
“Because I ruined you!” he sobbed, pacing with his head in his hands.
“Don’t be silly! I’m so lucky!” My voice was slow and nonsensical. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world…”
ou might walk again,” Daniel said reassuringly, stroking my hair. He looked so vulnerable with that bandage wrapped around his head.
I hated the hospital. The constant glare, the sanitized smell, the random beeps. No Jason.
“They said I wouldn’t.” I stared to the side. How could this paralyzed lump of meat and tears ever be enough for him now? I was half a woman, a burden. I couldn’t walk, and I couldn’t dance. Without dancing, I was nothing. After years of hard work, I would’ve had my first paid performance next month. It was going in front of casting agents and renowned artists… All a pipe dream, just like chasing my growing son around the neighborhood playground.
Daniel tugged on the sling that his arm was in, struggling with the itchy material. “What if…” He cleared his throat.
“Out with it,” I said, my voice dull from lack of sleep and constant crying. “What if what?”
Daniel scratched his nose as his chair tilted against the bed. “What if you were part of my experiment?”
“Which one?”
“The one where I transfer consciousness to another object so that the body can heal!” His eyes filled with enthusiasm, like he’d just split the atom. “We can do it!”
I shook my head. “No. It only works with disease. This is bone and nerve damage.”
“It’s worth a shot, Ella!” Daniel pleaded, his eyes watering. “I hate that I did this to you! What if… what if I put you inside a doll? That way you could still dance? Your body would heal in a… in a tank, yes! You could still do everything you wanted while you waited. You could still dance!”
I hesitated, mulling over the repercussions. It wasn’t like I had a job or could care for my child. And hey, there was a chance it could actually work!
“There’s just one catch,” Daniel lowered his voice. “I’d need to wipe your memories, but only temporarily.”
I blinked. “Why?”
“Because how can the body heal when you remember what happened to you? The concept is this: if you’re happy, then you give positive vibes to your body. You can’t know anything about your life except for the things that bring you happiness–like dancing, painting, nature.”
“That makes sense…” I said slowly, my chest tightening. Could I really do this? Forget my wedding, my family, my life? “How long would you put me in for?”
“We could try a year and see how you do. After one year, I will return your memories, and we’ll assess the changes. Then it will be up to you whether you want to return to your human life…” Daniel inhaled nervously. “God, it has to work! I need to fix you. I can’t live with the guilt.”
“Can’t I be allowed to remember who you are?” I swept his hair behind his ear and wiped away the single tear from his cheek.
He shook his head, pursing his lips to control the sobs. “No. It might trigger everything. As far as you’ll know… I’ll just be a professor. A crazy professor, secretly in love with a little doll.”
“But you’ll still be in my life?” I swallowed against my own tears. “You’ll never be far?”
“I’ll be right there with you. Every day. I made a vow, and I intend to keep it.”
“But I’ll remember what the house looks like!” I reached for the tissue box. “I picked out everything. What if I see our wedding photos? The curtains I put up? The monkey bars we just installed for Jason?”
“I’ll keep you in the attic.” Daniel looked shocked by his own words. “I mean…yeah, you can live in the attic. I’ll make it nice for you, though. You’re never there, so nothing should trigger a memory. Plus, you’ll be right beside my lab, so I can keep an eye on you.”
“You can’t clean to save your life. The place will be a mess.”
“I’ll try. I’ll try my hardest!”
“But won’t I remember you? You’re my husband, Daniel.”
“It’ll be like amnesia. You’ll be comforted by me, and you’ll love me, but you won’t know who I am in context. But if I expose you to too many ties to our past, like the rest of the house, your memories might come flooding back.”
“And what about our son?” My voice cracks. “What about Jason?”
“Your mother can take care of him, or, maybe, Sianne. At least until you get better.” Daniel wrapped his good arm around me, allowing me to weep into his shoulder.
“I
was going to dance onstage next month.” I burrowed into his neck. “It was a sold-out performance.”
“You’ll dance again.” He said firmly. “I’ll make sure of that!”
“As a doll?” I laughed, almost hysterically. “Do you really think it could work?”
When Daniel nodded, his head became a vicious blur. “Yes, Ella. This will be revolutionary, and I promise, you won’t be gone for long. Jason won’t even have the time to miss you. For a short time, you will be my little broken doll.”
I leaned back in the bed and squeezed Daniel’s hand tightly. “Let’s do this.”
ntie my husband,” I say, staring at the professor in the corner.
Lisa’s eyebrows raise and her jaw drops. “Husband?”
“Yes.” I click my fingers impatiently. “Untie him.”
Lisa shakes her head. “No way! He’s a psychopath! He turned us into dolls!”
“This was my choice. And if I recall correctly, your parents asked Daniel to turn you into a doll. I reverted back to my human form last month when Daniel decided to clean out the tanks. He told me all about you.”
Lisa slams her hand on the counter and strides towards me, bending over to meet my gaze. “What did you say about my parents?”
“I’ve gone back and forth from human to doll, human to doll, human to doll many times,” I say calmly. “This is probably my fifteenth time, but unfortunately, my memories are erased each time. I do remember Daniel saying something about his good friend Tony…”
“That’s my dad.” Lisa clenches her jaw. “What about him?”
“Tony was worried about his daughter. She was going through a phase. Cutting herself, drinking heavily.” I pause and narrow my eyes at Lisa. “You know the drill. Tony’s daughter contracted something very bad one day. Something incurable. He asked Daniel if he could help his little girl’s body heal by transferring her consciousness.”
“So you’re in on this?” Lisa whispers, backing away and leaning against the counter. Her chest rises and falls as she struggles to comprehend the situation.
“Untie my husband,” I repeat, managing to pull myself into a sitting position. “He’ll be able to tell you if you’re cured or not. If you are, you’re free to go back to your family.” I cringe as I listen to my voice. It gets more grating the more I speak. It sounds like I need to cough up a frog.
I’m actually surprised when Lisa reluctantly steps behind the professor–I mean, Daniel–and complies. Maybe it’s because I’m an older woman, and she feels obliged to listen. Or maybe she’s still in a state of shock. Regardless, I’m getting my way.
“And when you’ve done that,” I say steadily, “retrieve my granddaughter from outside. We will begin the process to turn her into a doll. We don’t have a lot of time.”
“A lot of time for what?” Lisa flings the ropes to the ground. Daniel rubs his chafed, old-man wrists and stands uneasily. He glares at Lisa and steps around her to the computer.
“Gabby is dying. Once she’s in the tank, it will slow down the virus. In time, she will heal. Hurry,” I add when Lisa gapes at me. She hops on the spot a moment before briefly disappearing through the door and reentering with Gabby in her arms.
My granddaughter, Jason’s daughter, is unconscious. We really are running out of time.
Daniel flicks a switch that turns the bubbles on within one of the empty tanks. He motions for Lisa to join him.
“What are you doing?” She pants, her arms shaking from the weight. Granted, Gabby wouldn’t be heavy–but Lisa and I are both weak from not using our bodies.
“Saving her,” Daniel replies quietly, untangling cords. He proceeds to plug the end of one into the computer, and sticks the other end onto her temples. Lisa passes Gabby into Daniel’s arms, and he slips her into the tank.
Gabby bobbles in the murky green water like a buoy in the ocean. Reluctantly, Daniel closes the lid and turns back to type furiously into the computer, pausing only to readjust his glasses.
“Activation takes twenty minutes,” Daniel says to Lisa once the sequence initiates.
“Where will her consciousness go? Do you have a doll already made?” Lisa doesn’t speak with conviction anymore. She’s out of her element–she’s scared, timid, worried.
“Of course I have a doll for her,” Daniel snaps. “I’ll retrieve it momentarily.”
Lisa clears her throat. “Is it true? My parents asked you to… to cure me?”
Daniel nods. “At a cost, I should tell you. This equipment is expensive.” He pauses. “I suppose you want to see if they’ve gotten their money’s worth?”
Lisa mimics Daniel by folding her arms and shrugging, so as not to commit to an answer. Daniel looks her up and down, his resentment unyielding. Eventually, he sniffs and walks towards another monitor, his movements rigid–his body’s reaction to an unwelcome task. That, I still remember.
“Give me your hand,” he says harshly, fumbling with a large needle. Lisa flinches when the scarlet liquid burbles up on her skin. He squeezes a few droplets onto one of his scanners and waits for the blue light confirmation to flash. Even with my returned memories, I still can’t name or describe his equipment–it all looks the same. Silver, shiny, and relatively large.
“Here,” he says rudely, handing her a cotton ball. “Dab off the excess.”
“What did you need my blood for?” Lisa shakily presses the cotton to her wound.
Daniel motions at the machine. Numbers flicker wildly on the small screen until they settle into: “5TATU5: CUR3D”.
“Does it…” Lisa bends over to read the screen, squinting her eyes against the glare.
“Yes.” Daniel says. “You’re finished. Done. I don’t have to manage you anymore. You can find your own way home because I’m certainly not wasting any more time.”
Lisa cradles the cotton ball close to her chest and looks to me for reassurance.
“Don’t look at me,” I bark. “Be grateful you’re alive and healthy. Just don’t mess it up this time.”
“I didn’t even know I was sick…” Lisa whispers, her eyes watering. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t understand. I only remembered the good things. I didn’t know I was…I didn’t know I am…”
“Honestly, Lisa, shut up.” I shake my head. “We get it. You’re a dumb person, and you’ve done stupid things. Rather than complain about it, fix it. You were a broken doll, but you’re not a broken human. Get your act together.”
“Ella,” Daniel hushes. “Don’t be like that.”
“I am like that!” I’m also tired of sitting on the floor like an idiot. “She’s cured! She’s cured after inflicting this on herself. She’s cured after terrorizing me. She’s cured after the turmoil she put her loved ones through. Yay for Lisa, she’s cured! The bad guys always win!”
No one responds. No one ever does when I’m in human form. I’m not as cute or polite as the doll I was in.
“I’m sorry,” Lisa says, her eyes focused on the floor. She awkwardly bows and runs through the door, her footsteps slapping the stairs. When the front door clicks closed, I know it’s the last time I’ll ever see Lisa.
Daniel steadily walks towards me, about to sit me up on the stool he rolls over.
“Stop,” I hiss, waving him away. “I’ll be fine here.”
“You can’t sit on the floor like that,” he says softly, his eyebrows puckered. “You’re soaked, and, and there’s glass everywhere!”
“I’m fine,” I mutter, glancing down at my stubby fingers. “It gets harder to re-remember everything. I don’t recall it being so emotionally difficult last time.”
“That’s what you said last time,” Daniel smiles grimly, taking his place on the seat. He tents his fingers and fidgets, sighing as if it’s going out of fashion. “I can’t heal you, Ella. I told you that last time, too. And the times before that. I can cure illness easily–in fact, I think it’s time I released it to the public–but, physical conditions like your spine…”
“Ye
s, it’s not meant to be,” I say with certainty, wiping away a rogue tear. “I was never meant to dance.”
“I don’t believe that!” Daniel grabs my hand to stroke it tenderly with his thumb.
“I don’t believe in a lot of things–herbal medicine, hypnosis–but it doesn’t mean they don’t exist, does it?” I counter, squeezing his hand the same way I did on the night of the accident. “I have to get over myself. It’s been thirty years. I never see my son because I’m too obsessed with being a dancing doll. Was this the first time I met Gabby? I don’t remember her…”
“You met her six years ago, when you returned to your human form for nine months. Since then, I told her that you moved to Florida to be with your sister, just so she doesn’t continually ask me where Grandma is. That was the last time you spoke to Jason.”
“Really?” Surely, it hasn’t been six years since I saw my son! “Was that when we had that fight?”
Daniel purses his lips so tightly, they’re barely visible.
“Oh…” I vaguely recall the day Jason said he never wanted to see me again. Maybe, I blocked out that memory, or maybe, it’s just taking a while for it to come back. It’s like having perpetual, yet fleeting, amnesia. “Remind me; did he not want to see me because I was a doll?”
“You were human when you fought.” Daniel sweeps my hair behind my ear. “He understood my experiment and how it helped others, but he… he said you were selfish and ungrateful for continuously wiping your memory to live a life free of responsibility.”
“And when did he come to you about Gabby?”
“It was only last week. This epidemic is nearly universally fatal to O Positive blood types. We knew Gabby would die, so he asked if I could help. He’s experimenting with medical cures too, but he’s not having any success. I’ve considered showing him how to transfer consciousness. It’d be great if he followed in my footsteps.” Daniel coughs into his fist. “I’m hoping Gabby will only need to go under for a week, at most. I’ve found a new technique that shortens the timespan. Libby will be cured in three days. It’s revolutionary, dear. It’ll be nice to have the money, and I’m thrilled to be saving lives… and yet, despite all the good I’ve done… I still failed you.” He chokes on the words and slumps over. I don’t expect him to break down into tears like he does, and I’m even more confused when he throws himself off the chair and snuggles into me, resting his head on my lap. I struggle to feel sympathy for Daniel. I suppose the whole ‘loving him’ part hasn’t returned to me yet. Truth be told, I’m far too busy pitying myself. After all, he was the one behind the wheel. He is the reason why I can never dance again.
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