Ivan immediately recovered his spirits and filled Emily's glass. "Cheers," he said, raising his glass.
"Cheers," Emily replied, trying to match his enthusiasm. She put her glass down and caught Rain looking at her with interest. He seemed to be enjoying this little game he’d set up. Well, she could enjoy herself too. What would Rain do, she wondered, if I flirted with Ivan? She knew she wouldn’t, but it was still fun to think of Rain’s reaction.
"What are you studying?" she asked Ivan. It was all the encouragement he needed. Between bites he told Emily about his field of study. "We're in related fields, actually. I study public housing in Toronto."
"I haven't had much to do with public housing," Emily said. "Offices and condos mostly. And I don't study them – I design them."
"Well, they're still buildings." Emily laughed in genuine amusement at Ivan's enthusiasm. She took a sip of wine, using the opportunity to steal a glance at Rain, but he was engrossed in a conversation with Jennifer, their heads close together, their voices lowered intimately. She put down her glass and took another bite of her dinner. Ivan, undisturbed by her wandering attention, talked enthusiastically about his research. Emily smiled and nodded occasionally, letting him do most of the talking while she tried to come to grips with this new image of Rain.
Rain was clearly in his element with these people, in these surroundings. This was not the Rain that Emily had despised these past ten years. Far from the ignorant farmhand, Rain had surpassed her – a PhD of all things!
But there was something else. Rain was happy. Whereas she had become cold and bitter, using that bitterness to get ahead, Rain had enjoyed the attainment of success. He had friends who clearly admired him and a beautiful girlfriend.
Emily's sense of superiority was fragile. It was based not on what she was – an accomplished architect and businesswoman – but on what she wasn't: a farmer or his wife. Whenever she felt her confidence wavering, she could always say I got away from the farm. Against all odds, I escaped the farm. I did not marry a farmhand. My mother didn't get away, but I did. I can do anything.
Now here was Rain, blowing the illusion apart on all fronts. She felt like a fool in front of the one man she had tried all these years to prove herself better than. And even worse, she knew she was in love with him – had never stopped being in love with him. Even when she thought he was only a farmhand she had been in love with him.
She remembered the words of her lawyer. Why not just cut your losses and get on with it? At that time, she’d thought the only thing at stake was the farm. Now she realized it was her heart too.
"I’m sorry, am I boring you?" Ivan said, bringing her back to the present with a thud.
Emily, realizing she hadn't heard a word of what he’d said, apologized. "I'm a bit tired. Homecomings are exhausting."
"I know what you mean," Ivan said sympathetically before charging off on a new topic of conversation.
* * *
Rain looked down the table where he could see Emily was doing her best to respond to Ivan’s conversation. Ivan was a great guy, but his enthusiasm could be tiring. He smiled to himself as he felt Jennifer nudge him gently with her elbow. “Earth to Ray, earth to Ray,” she said gently.
“I was just wondering if someone should rescue Emily from Ivan,” he said.
“She’s fine,” Jennifer said. “All she has to do is nod occasionally, and Ivan is happy. And I’d say her thoughts are definitely elsewhere. Are you sure she hates you as much as you think? Because she can hardly keep her eyes off you.”
“I don’t know. Just when I think she’s softening toward me, something happens and she’s as cold as ever. She’s so hung up on the past,” he said with sudden irritation.
“Well, she’s not the only one. You’re both hanging on to it in your own stubborn ways. Why else set her up like you did tonight?” Jennifer asked, answering her own question. “I know I agreed to go along with this, but I’m having second thoughts now. It’s mean.”
“You don’t understand…” Rain started defensively in a low whisper.
“I think I do,” Jennifer said, interrupting him. “You love her, but after being rejected for so long, you’re just as scared as she is.”
“You’d think I was the one who ran away every time we get close to a kiss,” he said bitterly.
“Well, you’re sending pretty mixed messages. One minute you’re trying to kiss her, and the next minute you’re telling her you have a girlfriend.”
Rain sighed. Jennifer was right. All the time he had been telling Emily to get over, forget the past, when he too, in his own way, had been obsessed with it. It was time to say that everything that had happened between them, like the events of his book, was history. It was time to move on. Of course, that also meant telling her the whole story, and he was afraid that was more history than she could ever accept. He stole a look at Emily’s profile, watching her brush a wisp of dark hair from her eyes. His heart was about to explode from his chest. God, I love her….
At the other end of the table, Emily glanced up, her eyes meeting Rain’s. She felt a split-second jolt of electricity pass between them, but before she could dwell on what it meant, the waitress was asking her if she wanted coffee.
* * *
Over dessert, the conversation returned to Rain's book: the glowing reviews, the upcoming book tour. There was even a contract with the publisher for a second book. He had already received a huge advance on it, which explained the source of money for his writers’ colony. Sergi observed that the publisher knew a brilliant new author when they saw one, while Robert observed that Rain was on his way to being the Steven King of history books.
"Have you seen the finished book yet?" Sandra asked Rain.
"It's still at the printers. I'll see it the night of the book launch."
"Are you going to stay around for the launch?" Ivan asked Emily eagerly.
"No, I have to get back to Toronto,” she said, depressed by the idea of returning to the city.
"Oh, that's too bad," he said dejectedly. Emily suspected his disappointment had little to do with the book. She couldn't imagine why he would want to see her again when she had barely paid any attention to him.
"You know," Ivan said, brightening once again, "I'm in Toronto at least once a month. We should get together sometime."
"That sounds nice," Emily said without enthusiasm. She was saved from giving Ivan her phone number by the arrival of the bill.
"I put everyone on the same bill,” the waitress explained. “But it's all itemized, so you shouldn't have too much trouble figuring it out."
"I don't know," said Jennifer with playful laugh. "I never was any good at math. That's why I chose history."
Emily picked up the black leather folder that contained the bill from the table and, without even looking at it, slipped her credit card inside and handed it back to the waitress. "I'll take care of it," she said to the waitress. It was showing off in front of Rain’s girlfriend, pure and simple, and Emily knew it.
There was a flurry of protest from the others at the table. "It's my pleasure," Emily said, giving Rain what she hoped was her most winning smile. "It's not every day someone you know publishes a book about your family." There were extravagant thank yous from everyone at the table except Rain, who knew this wasn't just a generous gesture on her part. The waitress soon returned with Emily's card and receipt, signalling the end of the party.
They lingered over their goodbyes in the lobby as if to delay heading out into the weather. The wind was driving the rain against the windows of the restaurant and pulling the front door out of patrons’ hands. "A high wind warning has been issued," the hostess said. "There have been several power outages already, a few streets are flooded, and they're predicting thunderstorms as well. Not a nice night to be out."
Everyone murmured their agreement before resuming cheerful goodbyes while rummaging through the coat rack for their coats and umbrellas. Emily felt a light touch on her shoulder and tur
ned around to see Jennifer. She started aback but accepted Jennifer’s hand when she held it out to her. “It was nice to meet you,” Jennifer said. Emily murmured a response, thinking that under different circumstances she perhaps could come to like this woman.
“I know Ray led you to believe I’m his girlfriend,” Jennifer continued. Emily felt her heart lurch inside her chest as she looked at Jennifer speechlessly. “But we’re just friends. Always have been.” She released Emily’s hand. “Just thought you should know.”
“So if you’re not his girlfriend, who is?” she asked confusedly.
“There isn’t one,” Jennifer said.
Emily nodded dazedly, a million emotions overwhelming her, shock being number one. She nodded again as Jennifer said goodbye and turned to find Rain holding out her coat for her. She slipped her arms in the sleeves. He freed her hair from the collar, his hand resting for a moment against her bare neck.
“Ready?” he whispered.
She smiled. He took her by the hand and, emerging into the wild night, they ran toward the car. Using the remote, Rain unlocked the doors, and Emily got into the car with relief. They had parked within fifty yards of the restaurant, but already they were soaked. Emily peeled off her coat and, tossing it into the back of the car, was glad to discover her dress was still reasonably dry. She slipped off her wet shoes and curled her feet under her.
Rain too took off his jacket and placed it on the back seat. He put the keys in the ignition but did not start the engine. Water pounded down on the car and streamed down the windows. He turned in his seat toward Emily. Her face was softly lit by the streetlights and, even with water dripping from her hair, she was lovely. My Emily, he thought as a tender wave of love washed over him. My beautiful, beautiful Emily.
She faced him as if she had heard his thoughts, and for a moment they sat there, eyes locked.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I know you must be angry with me, and I don’t blame you.”
She looked away quickly, not knowing whether she wanted to scream at him or throw herself into his arms. She’d been riding an emotional roller coaster for days now, and her nerves had been stretched to the breaking point. She had left Toronto with a simple plan: to get rid of the farm and her past, only to find that the past still had a hold on her that she no longer wanted to break. Did she love him or hate him for having broken through the numbness of the last ten years? Perhaps it hadn’t been really living during that time, but she had been safe. Now, here was her heart just asking to be hurt.
But perhaps the turning point was Jennifer. As long as there was a girlfriend, Emily was safe. Now that she knew there was no girlfriend, she was in danger of going to the point of no return. It was all happening so fast. What should she do? Throw the last ten years away? Throw herself in Rain’s arms and trust him with her fate, her feelings, her very life? Trust that he would love her back and never hurt her? God, how she wanted to. But could she trust him after the game he’d played tonight?
In the end, she said nothing. She looked up at him again, and Rain could see the turmoil in her eyes.
“I wanted to get back at you....” His voice broke there; he was treading on dangerous ground. He was about to reveal to her just how much she meant to him, just how much she could hurt him, just how much his happiness depended on her. Could he tell her how much he had longed for her these past ten years? He had almost convinced himself that he could live without her, until the other night in the barn, when he had looked up and seen her standing there.... “I wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, these words costing him so much to say. How could he want to hurt someone he loved so much? It was only that he had been in so much pain all these years.
He looked away from her feeling as if there were no words to express what he wanted to tell her. Except for maybe I love you. And he knew those were dangerous words. Instead, he turned the key in the ignition.
Emily knew how much these words had cost him. All these years she only had been thinking of herself, not the pain of others. She was ashamed. She had no right to be angry with him for this evening, not after everything she’d done. But was she ready to tell him everything yet? “It’s okay,” she managed to say lightly, turning her attention to a couple running down the street, their bodies bent against the wind. “Despite everything, I had a good time tonight.”
Rain nodded as he pulled the car into the street. They would leave it there for now.
Conditions were much worse than when they had driven into town. The windshield wipers were almost useless against the deluge. The nearly deserted streets ran with water, while overhead the wind tore at trees, signs, and electrical wires. A tree had blown down into a major intersection, forcing them to take an alternate route. They drove in silence until they reached the town limits and were heading north to the farm.
"So when did you decide to become an academic genius?" Emily asked finally.
Rain glanced at her quickly before returning his gaze back to the road. He was surprised at the lack of sarcasm in her voice, only interest. He wondered if they could really talk now, could start breaking down the walls that kept them apart. He was more hopeful now than ever that this was possible. And that would only be the beginning.
“What's that up ahead?" Emily asked suddenly, peering through the windshield. Rain had seen it too and slowed the car to a near crawl. From a distance, they could only make out numerous flashing lights, but as they approached, vehicles began to take shape: a tow truck, a police car, a fire truck. Behind them was a large obstacle. A dark figure encased in a long black raincoat came out from one of the emergency vehicles, and Rain came to a full stop beside him. The figure came around to the driver's side of the car, and Rain lowered the window about six inches.
The man in the raincoat didn't bother with introductions. He shouted hoarse, barked sentences over the sound of the wind, rain, and commotion just ahead. "Tractor trailer overturned. Blocked the whole road. You'll have to go back and take the side road."
Emily could just make out the truck, underside exposed, beyond the emergency vehicles. She shivered. She had a special horror for any accidents involving wheels.
"I hope no one was hurt," Rain shouted back.
"No, he was lucky. Just a few scratches. You folks drive careful. This isn't going to be the last accident tonight."
"Thanks," Rain said, closing the window as the man stepped back from the car. He turned the car around, taking the first side road that would bring them in the direction of the farm.
"What a night," Rain said. "If I'd known it was going to get this bad, I would have cancelled dinner." He edged around a tree limb that had fallen partially across the road. "I hope we don't find a tree through the farmhouse or the cabin roof when we get back."
Emily agreed before bringing them back to their earlier conversation. “You were going to tell me about your academic career.”
"Oh, yes. I admit I started university to show you I was just as good as you were, but that changed. I enjoyed it for its own sake, and I had a bit of a knack for it. Three degrees in nine years. I had to work, too. And of course, help your dad." He gripped the wheel a little harder. "I not only put myself through school, I put you through, too,” he added quietly.
"What?" she asked in genuine puzzlement.
He had rehearsed this speech many times in his head. He had meant for it to hurt, to be a kind of revenge for all the pain she had caused. But there had been enough hurt; it was time to get on with the healing. “Your dad wanted to give you everything. He hoped it would make you happy. But he couldn’t afford it, and I had to help out.” That was enough – the bare truth. He didn’t need to go into the bounced cheques or the calls from the bank while the two of them struggled to pay for everything from Emily’s tuition to clothes and haircuts.
Emily didn’t answer. It was hard for her to get her head around it all. She had lived pretty well those years. Not only had she worked hard at school, she had worked hard at casting off her farm-gi
rl image. She had hung out with the most fashionable and well-off people at school, and that had cost money. And until now she had never wondered where that money had come from.
“How did you do it?” she asked finally. She knew she owed him an apology or a thank you, but now was not the time. She crossed her arms across her chest. It was an unconscious gesture that was meant to give her comfort. Rain, thinking she felt chilled, turned up the heater.
"I worked. For the three years you were in school, I barely slept. Every morning I did the chores, drove to school, came home, did the evening chores, sat up half the night writing essays, got up the next morning and did it all over again. I paid my tuition by working as a teaching assistant during the day and yours by working as a mechanic at the garage in the village on weekends and holidays." He laughed rather ruefully. "So you see, I have been a mechanic."
“Why?” she said quietly, although she thought she already knew the answer. All these years she had been thinking of Rain with contempt, and yet she owed him everything. And on top of it all, he was better educated than she was! Rain was right. She was a snob. And to think she had thrown a glass of wine at him for pointing it out.
“Why did I do it?” Rain repeated the question as he pulled the car into the driveway of Maple Tree Farm and parked in front of the house. He turned off the engine, switched off the lights, and sank back against the leather seat. There was a distant rumble of thunder. “For your father, for one. I owed him a lot for giving me a home. It was hard for him when your mother died, but when you left....” He broke off, knowing she would get the idea. He looked at her, her lovely profile faintly illuminated by the yard light. “And for you, of course. I did it for you,” he whispered. “Because I didn’t know what else I could do.”
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