I found the restroom and made my way inside; weaving in and around all of the women coming out, all with book bags made for a tight fit. My eyes widened as I took stock of my reflection and quickly dug out the hairbrush and lip gloss that I kept in the front pocket of the backpack. Not one to retouch normally, I reapplied a light glaze of the gloss on my lips and smoothed my hair slightly. I didn’t want to appear overly anxious to Ryan and I chastised myself that I’d made this small deviation from my usual routine. I replaced the items in my bag and smoothed the dark denim over my thighs.
When I left the bathroom, I stopped to scan the snack bar. It was nice, set up like a restaurant with wooden booths and tables. Ryan hadn’t said where to meet him, and my eyes scanned the room. I didn’t see him, but the Student Union was large, and there were a lot of students walking through and hovering around tables and at the end of a few of the booths. I felt self-conscious walking around like a moron, looking into booths and glancing around like I was lost. Many sets of curious eyes met mine while I wandered around seeking the striking blue gaze of the man I met two hours earlier.
I caught sight of him quickly pushing in the front entrance doors, his eyes scanning the room. He didn’t see me right away, but was rapidly put upon by a group of others, a dark-haired man and two women; one with long blonde hair and one with cropped red locks. I was anxious and my feet wanted to move toward him, but I hesitated as I watched the group engage him. His gorgeous face split into a grin, and he nodded, the blonde’s hand coming out to wrap around his bare forearm. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved white T-shirt, the cuffs shoved up to show strong muscle and golden skin, the blue and green plaid shirt he wore over it hung open. He looked hot; the layers doing nothing to disguise the hard plains of his chest and stomach underneath the fine cotton material or the broad shoulders. The two women gazed at him in adoration, and I wondered if he knew it. It was sort of ridiculous, and I made a mental note not to allow myself to act like an idiot around him. I took slow steps toward him to make sure he saw me, not wanting to interrupt the conversation with his friends.
He bent slightly to listen to something the woman touching him said, but he continued to search for me. My heart stopped when his eyes landed on mine, and his lips lifted in the start of a small smile. He was so breathtakingly handsome. This was a chance to just look at him. He put up his hand and spoke to the group around him. Excusing himself, he walked toward me with his backpack slung over his right shoulder. The two girls turned to watch him walk away, disappointment and curiosity in their eyes as they checked me out.
“Hey.” His soft voice washed over me warmly as he flashed a quick smile.
He was several inches taller than me, and I had to look up into his face. I wanted to bite my lip, hardly able to contain the grin that was trying to break out across my mouth. “Hey. How was class?”
“Boring as hell. I can’t wait until all of this basic shit is out of the way. Want to find a place to sit and then I can get us something to eat?”
“Yeah. Did you want to invite your friends?”
Ryan smiled again and shook his head. “Nah.”
He motioned toward an empty booth in the corner, and I preceded him to it, flung my backpack in, shoving it closer to the wall as I slid in. Ryan did the same across from me. I watched him run a hand through his hair.
“Did you get the psych assignment read?” he asked.
“Ugh,” I rolled my eyes, and Ryan chuckled. “It was so bad I couldn’t concentrate. I think I’ll have to read it out loud to get through it.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe we can take turns and then just fill each other in.”
I smiled, leaning back against the booth, pleased at the prospect of studying together. “Okay.”
We started talking, and time flew. We talked about my parents’ divorce, his life growing up in Chicago, how his family adopted his best friend when they were ten, and my father’s latest criminal case, both of us leaning in toward each other intently. I ate up his words, and he was equally engaged; truly interested in all I was telling him. We fell into a rhythm that was easy, yet made my heart thud inside my chest. I’d forgotten I was hungry until my stomach rumbled loudly and Ryan chuckled.
My eyes widened. “Wow. That’s embarrassing.”
“It’s my fault! I promised you lunch, and I’ve completely failed.” He looked around at the clock on the wall. It was ten minutes to three. “The grill closes soon so we’d better order. What would you like?”
“I’m not picky. Grilled chicken sandwich and tea?”
“I’ll be back.” I watched him walk away and couldn’t help but admire the easy grace with which he moved or the eyes that followed his every move. I wondered about the young woman he was speaking to before. Surely, she wasn’t his girlfriend, or she would have joined us for lunch. In no time, I had the sandwich, green tea, and a pile of fries in front of me. Ryan had a burger, onion rings, and a Coke. He shoved the rings toward me. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted fries or rings, so…”
I pushed my fries in the middle of the table, too. “How ‘bout we share?”
Ryan smiled and grabbed an onion ring. “I hoped you’d say that.” He dipped it in the ketchup I squirted alongside and took a big bite. “How come I haven’t seen you around before?”
I lifted my right shoulder in a half-shrug. “Not sure. I don’t socialize much. First semester I was worried about the grades, so I kept to the books. Wasn’t sure what to expect, you know?” My eyes flashed up, and he was intently studying my face. I reluctantly reached for my sandwich. “Plus, you’re in arts and science, and I’m business admin. It isn’t likely we’d share many classes.”
Ryan nodded. “Yeah, that sucks. So, business. What are you going to declare?”
I swallowed the food in my mouth before I answered. “Well, I’m having trouble, because really, I’d like to double in marketing and art, but it crosses the schools, so they won’t allow it.”
“So, you’re an artist, then?”
“I feel weird saying that.” I shrugged a little, despite loving it and being told by teachers, friends, and family that I was talented, I still hesitated to allow myself the luxury of the label. “I’ve always been artistic, and I’d like to do something with it when I graduate, but my dad doesn’t think there is much of a financial future in it. So, the best I can do is take as many art electives as possible. I’ll also take extra classes during the summers so I can get the requirements in and at least mimic the major. Even if I can’t say I have a degree, I’ll have the knowledge.”
“I see.” The admiration on his face sent a small thrill through me. “It’s sort of the same for me. Stanford doesn’t offer a pre-med program per se, so I have to pick a science curriculum that I like best as a major that will still facilitate my getting into medical school.” I watched him talk, how he moved his hands, and the expressions that changed his features. “At this point, I’m leaning toward chem or bio.”
“What kind of doctor do you want to be?”
“Hmmph!” he let out his breath with an amused laugh. “To be honest, I have no clue, but probably some sort of specialty, though. My dad is a brain surgeon.”
“Are you serious?” My eyes widened as I tried to picture Ryan’s home life. Was his dad a stuffed shirt who was gone all the time and his mother a suburban princess? If so, it certainly wasn’t evident in their son. He was so down to earth and genuine.
“Yes. No pressure there,” he smirked. “He’s sort of brilliant. He’s a very giving man, but he can be tough at the same time.” Ryan laughed and continued to talk about his parents. It was obvious he loved them very much and his words refuted my original mental impression of them. Ryan was so animated and enthusiastic, his mood was infectious. “Tell me about you.”
“Not much more to tell, really. I mean, when my parents divorced, I moved to Kansas City with my mom. Since I was eight, I’ve spent every summer in California with my father. I think he felt guil
ty that he wasn’t around more, but I liked my life with my mom. She’s cool; way cooler than most of my friends’ moms. We like the same music and share clothes. I can talk to her about anything.”
“Is it weird for you, though? Being in the middle of your parents? I can’t imagine it, since mine have always been together.”
“No. They stayed friends and always parented together.”
He stopped eating and leaned back, his eyes coming back to mine. “I can’t imagine being in love with someone and then going back to being just friends. I don’t know if I could do it.”
A little shiver ran through me at his words, and I wondered if anyone had ever been lucky enough to have him in love with them. “It wasn’t always easy, but I don’t think they split due to lack of love. My mom resented my dad’s long hours, and she didn’t know many people. She got lonely and wanted to be closer to family. He was just starting out and working very hard. He wanted to be a prosecuting attorney and it required long hours in the D.A.’s office. He wasn’t willing to give up that dream. Looking back, I know he was only doing it for us, but at the time, he just wasn’t there. I know he was very angry when they first split.” I wiped my fingers on the paper napkin in my lap. “But after we moved, she was happier, and then, so was I.”
Ryan nodded in understanding.
“Do you live on campus?” I asked, wondering if he’d be heading my way and not wanting to end the afternoon, and knowing the answer since that girl, Rita, had asked him in the lecture hall.
“No. My parents argued about it. It’s cheaper to rent a place for Aaron and me than to pay room and board, and anyway, the food sucks ass and Aaron would’ve died. Eventually my mom gave in to my dad’s logic but she still worries we’ll party too much.” A gorgeous grin split across his face and amusement danced in his bright blue eyes.
I laughed and nodded. “And? Do you?”
Ryan joined in with a chuckle. “Nah. Sure, there are parties. Aaron’s rushing Phi Kappa Nu, so some are inevitable.”
“Not you, though?”
“No. I don’t want someone picking my friends. At least, that’s how I see it. You? Any sorority?”
I shook my head with a small laugh. “No. I’m of your way of thinking.”
He smirked at me. “There are worst things.”
“Agreed.” I nodded, still smiling.
We got up and gathered our things and began making our way toward the door. Ryan’s hand closed around the strap of the backpack hanging off my shoulder to carry it for me. His fingers brushed against my shirt, and I could feel his warmth through the material. I tried not to let him see the small tremor his touch caused. No other guy had ever offered to carry my books before. He was amazing, and I could barely stop myself from staring in rapt adoration like the girls he’d been talking to earlier.
“I’m jealous about the food. I have to be careful not to pack on the freshman fifteen. The food is awful in the cafeteria.”
“Ah. So you’re on campus.”
I sighed. “Unfortunately. But it’s all good. That’s how I met Ellie. She’s my roommate.”
We walked across campus toward my dorm, and I started to shiver. The wind was cold, and I regretted my lack of jacket and realized Ryan didn’t have one either. “Is your car this way?” I asked, indicating the direction I needed to go. “If not, you don’t have to walk me. It’s sort of chilly.”
“Julia.” My name rolled off his tongue for the first time. “I’m happy to suffer for you.”
My mouth clamped shut as I tried to figure out what he was thinking. I glanced at him and then straight ahead. “Thank you for lunch. My turn next time?” I was trying to gauge the nature of our relationship. Were we going to be friends or dating?
“Um…” Ryan began hesitantly, and I wondered if maybe he didn’t want to have lunch again. “Sure. I’ve had a good time talking to you.”
“Me, too.”
“That asinine class might even be tolerable now.” His shoulder lightly nudged mine as we walked. I could feel myself blush as I looked down at the pavement moving underneath my feet and I smiled, returning the nudge ever so slightly.
“I’m glad I met you, Ryan.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Can I get your number? We can text Wednesday and meet before class; so we can sit together. Cool?”
My heart thumped hard in my chest. “Cool.”
I lay on the couch, my foot propped up on the back of it, rhythmically throwing a basketball against the wall over and over. Aaron was in the shower, and I was waiting for my turn. We’d just come from a two-on-two basketball game with two guys who lived next door, and despite the weather, we were both dripping sweat. My hair was damp with it. We kicked their asses, but not without a serious workout. I knew I reeked, and Aaron was worse. I thumped the ball against the wall again, catching it casually as my thoughts wandered to Julia.
It had been a month since we’d met, and I was into her in ways I’d never been into a girl before. I found myself looking forward to seeing her, and every time her name flashed on my phone, I smiled so hard my face hurt; and not because she was hot. She was, but that wasn’t the reason. I huffed at the irony of it.
I wanted to take her on dates. To kiss her, and yes, I wanted her. It sucked because it didn’t take long to discover she was the person I wanted to spend time with more than anyone else, and I didn’t want to lose that. What if we dated and then it tanked? I’d miss her. I always missed her when she wasn’t around. It didn’t matter what I was doing.
We made a study date for Sunday since our first exam in psych was Monday, but it was Saturday morning, and I found myself racking my brain for a reason to see her today. I’d almost asked her to come to the basketball game just to watch us play, but that was lame and something a guy’s girlfriend does. I didn’t know what we were. If she did want me to ask her out or make a move, she was probably thinking I was a first class asshole for not doing so.
I was in an uncomfortable position. I didn’t know what I wanted for the first time ever in reference to a woman. I liked her. More than liked her but wasn’t sure what the fuck I was doing about it. My stomach tightened, and I threw the ball against the wall again, this time a little harder. I’d tried to work out why I hesitated to ask her out but the answers didn’t sit well. I couldn’t figure out a way to guarantee the outcome would be like I wanted.
Thump. Thump. Thump. I threw the ball over and over.
“Ryan, I’m out of the shower,” Aaron called as he walked out of the bathroom into his bedroom with a towel around his waist.
Thump. Thump. Thump. I didn’t move, lost in my thoughts.
Five minutes later, Aaron came out of his room, pulling a grey T-shirt over his head and sliding his arms into it. “Ryan?”
“Yeah.” I clasped the ball between my hands and sat up, putting my feet on the floor. I glanced at him. When he met her two weeks earlier, he’d hammered me about why I wasn’t trying to date her because she was so beautiful. How could I make him understand when I didn’t understand myself? He hadn’t stopped until I’d shouted at him to shut the fuck up and that it was none of his Goddamned business.
“Okay. I’m going.” I was distracted but stood and passed the ball to him. I started toward my room to gather clean clothes but stopped when he called my name.
“Ryan, there is that party tonight at the frat house. Are you coming?”
I raised a shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who’s going to be there?”
“A lot of people. Can you call Julia and make sure she will be?”
“What?” I turned fully around to face him. Heat started to rush under the skin of my face. Maybe he thought if I wasn’t going to date her, he would. I didn’t think I could take watching it.
“David Kessling wants to meet her. He was with me the other day when I was waiting for you in the commons, and he saw her with you. He thinks she’s hot and he is president of my frat. I’d like to introduce them. It will give me an in with him.”
The heat in my face turned to fire, quickly licking it’s way up over my face and down my chest. “Um…” I began, not sure what to say, but my chest felt tight at the thought.
“You don’t have a problem with it, right? I thought you guys were just friends.” He sat down and started to shove his feet into his shoes.
“Yeah, we’re friends.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “But,” I struggled to find something to say that would dismiss the subject. “She’s not really into frat guys. She thinks all that social who’s who is bullshit.”
Aaron looked up at me, skepticism filling his expression. “Really?”
“Sorry, dude.” I began to turn away, but Aaron wasn’t ready to let it go.
“Are you planning to date her? I’ve never known you to be indecisive about a chick before.”
I stopped again. “I’m not sure what I’m planning… I’m not really planning. Just going with the flow.”
“But you don’t want her to see anyone else? That shit will not fly for long. Guys are into her, and eventually, someone will land her.”
Exasperation welled inside my chest, and I wanted to smack him. “I don’t know. She’s cool. I like being with her, talking to her. I feel easy with her, and she doesn’t put all that shit on me like most girls do. I mean, she’s not all superficial and gooey.”
“But, she’s hot. I mean… spending time with her, how do you not go for it?”
“It’s not easy sometimes. I’m not blind. But I like her more than I want to get her in the sack. I never end up friends with girls I have sex with and Julia isn’t a girl you bang on a Saturday night for fun.”
Stories for Amanda Page 4