by Vonna Harper
Maita couldn’t hear what the cowboy was saying, but there was no mistaking the man’s unabashed love. He nibbled a tiny nose, the girl squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Daddy.
Blinking back tears, Maita pivoted and walked away. She’d gotten a note from Kade the other day, a few lines telling her he’d gotten the number for the Pendleton post office box she’d rented from Rylan. He’d given her his cell phone number and asked her to get in touch if she hadn’t gotten her period.
She had.
Was Kade here? she pondered. After a moment of denial she faced facts. He was supplying this year’s stock—of course he’d accompany them. And it certainly hadn’t taken more than adding one and one for him to determine she intended to compete in the rodeo.
She shouldn’t have sent in this particular entry fee, damn it. She knew better! In the past three weeks she’d participated in four smaller rodeos. The first time out she’d been thrown but had finished in the money after that. When she was riding—or trying to—she thought of nothing except competing. During the mental and physical preparations she felt alive again, reconnected with her passion. Only afterward did she acknowledge her pain. But the three-day Pendleton rodeo included one of the largest purses, and she needed the money.
“You’re Maita Compton, aren’t you?” a woman asked.
Maita looked at the fresh-faced newcomer. Maybe she should ask how she managed to keep her white outfit spotless. “Yes,” she said.
“I knew it.” The newcomer stuck out her hand. “I’m Sandy Mercer. I’ve been participating in barrel racing since I was a child but hearing about you gave me the courage to try the riding events. You’re my hero.”
My hero. Maita feel old. “I appreciate the compliment,” she said. “Is this your first time on a bronc?”
Sandy explained that she’d been riding all her life and competed in a number of unsanctioned rodeos but had never gone after money before. “I’m scared to death,” she admitted. “But I figure it’s time we women gave the cowboys a run for their money, right? I hope you don’t mind me competing against you.”
“Not at all. You’re doing bareback?” Sandy was tall and slim with narrow shoulders and slender arms.
“No. I’m not that cra— I mean, I’m not that brave. I need a saddle under me.”
They chatted for a few more minutes, or mostly Sandy explained how her parents had encouraged her various interests while she was growing up. They’d always made sure she had the best barrel horses they could afford, and her mother had made her outfit. “They’re less than crazy about what I’m doing now,” she admitted, “but I need a challenge. To prove myself.”
Maita couldn’t say whether Sandy would make it, but she wished her all the best. From what Sandy had said, she suspected the younger woman was prompted more by rebellion against the sheltered world her parents had provided than a true competitive spirit. Still, talking to Sandy had allowed her to briefly break free of her inner turmoil. Sandy’s story had also brought her face-to-face with the difference between having parents and what she’d experienced.
Restlessness, or maybe something else, took her behind the chutes. A handful of women but mostly cowboys milled about. The stock handlers went about their work with a mix of determination and profanity while the competitors stood out because of their nervous intensity. Her own nerves resided where she couldn’t reach them. Either that or the question of when—not if—she’d run into Kade had distracted her from less important concerns. Ride. Prove your competitive spirit to him. Show him you don’t need what he offered.
The thoughts became her mantra. If a cowboy looked as if he needed someone to talk to, she engaged him in a bantering conversation. If he stood off to himself in silent contemplation or prayer, she simply acknowledged him with a nod. A stock handler pulled her aside and gave her a piece of advice about the bronc she’d drawn, and she committed what he told her about BossLady’s habit of tucking her head between her legs to memory. According to the handler, BossLady was a new acquisition with little experience in the arena but bullheaded and incorrigible.
“She ain’t got no use for humans,” the tobacco-chewing handler concluded. “Just flat-out hates people.”
“Is that true?” Maita asked the broad-backed mare as she perched on the top of the chute BossLady had just been placed in. “You’d rather send me into the next county as eat?”
BossLady responded by flinging her head skyward. Maita leaned away but kept her attention on the mare. For a moment human and animal locked eyes. This is what I live for, Maita told the mare. Pitting myself against you makes me feel alive.
I hate you, BossLady replied.
Appreciative of the honesty, Maita straddled the broad back. She clamped her knees against the mare’s sides, her buttocks not quite touching BossLady’s backbone. As had happened countless times before, all existence beyond this moment evaporated.
At her signal, the chute gate opened. BossLady stood unmoving. Then something ignited inside her, and she all but levitated in her determination to find freedom. Head so low her muzzle nearly dragged the ground, BossLady kicked with her hind legs. From the first buck, Maita found the mare’s rhythm. Although the horse also spun in circles, the flip, flip, flip of her hindquarters never let up. Sitting as straight as possible, Maita pumped her knees up and down, up and down, the dull rowels on her spurs rolling easily over the tough hide. With her free hand, she reached toward where she believed the sky to be. Her right arm and shoulder took the greatest punishment.
She lost track of time and saw nothing except a blur. At one point, her head jerked down, and she cracked her chin on her collarbone. Some demented part of her brain insisted on counting the number of bucks, but as soon as she got to three, she lost track and had to begin again. Her arm and shoulder screamed. Her knees burned.
And she stayed on.
Finally, mercifully, she heard the buzzer signaling eight endless seconds had passed, and she grabbed the rigging with both hands. The moment BossLady had all four feet on the ground, Maita catapulted off. She landed solid, then fell to her knees. She scrambled onto her feet and whirled around. BossLady was already a dozen yards away running full-out for the exit gate.
“Would you look at that, ladies and gentlemen!” the announcer boomed. “Watch her, the rest of you cowboys. Maita knows how it’s done.”
It sounded as if everyone in the stands was applauding. Grinning and happy beyond belief, Maita reached for her hat so she could acknowledge the approval, but she’d lost it during the ride. After waving and smiling some more, she hurried over to the side to make room for the next rider.
According to the announcer, she was now in the lead for the first go-round, but she knew better than to start counting her winnings.
How do you like them apples, Kade? Just goes to show your brand of courtship didn’t get in the way of what I’m determined to accomplish.
Courtship? Hardly.
Although none of the riders who came after her in the bareback event stayed on for the required time, some of her euphoria had dissipated by the time she’d been declared the night’s winner. Her share of the purse would pay for three or four entry fees for upcoming rodeos, hardly enough to secure her future. And Kade’s business didn’t supply stock for the next two rodeos she intended to enter.
* * * * *
“Here’s your hat.”
Maita didn’t move. Her hands remained in her back pockets, her gaze on the calves boy and girl contestants had demonstrated their roping and tying skills on earlier. The calves had recovered from their exertions and several were playfully butting heads. Night would soon blanket the rodeo grounds.
“Thank you,” she said.
“I saw you ride,” Kade told her.
“I wondered if you would.”
“You did beautifully.”
Touched by his soft tone, she faced him. His appearance made her think of the enduring, unchanging aspect of what it meant to be a
cowboy. If she didn’t know who and what he was, she might have told him he looked as if he’d been standing like this for hundreds of years. “I don’t know if it was beautiful,” she said. “But I’m pleased.”
“You should be.” He placed her hat on her head then gave her back her space. “You’ve been all right?”
“Fine.”
He continued to study her, his gaze never moving below her neck. “Are you pregnant?” he asked.
“No.”
He nodded. “It wouldn’t have fit into your plans, would it?”
“Or in yours.”
“I would have made it work,” he muttered. “I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to be a father.”
“You have?”
“I’ve never gone there before but—” When he touched the side of her neck, she thought of butterfly wings. His tone nearly did her in, as did his soft, dark eyes. “I asked Rylan,” he continued after a telling moment. “He said he’d sent you your last paycheck. And you’ve won your share of small purses.”
He’d been keeping tabs on her. Despite everything she’d told herself, her mind filled with images of what had happened the other times they’d been together. She couldn’t remember why she’d left. Instead, she felt herself being drawn closer to him, melting into him. “I can’t complain,” she finally thought to say.
“Is this what you’re going to do for a while?” he asked. Like her, he tucked his hands in his rear pockets. “Compete full-time?”
“I think so. If I don’t get hurt, I figure I can make it.”
“It’ll be enough?”
He wasn’t just talking about money. She had no doubt of it. “I’ll make it enough.”
“Is it what you want?”
What I want is you for my lover. To lose myself with you each night. But it’s an insane fantasy.
Grateful he couldn’t read her thoughts, she turned back to the corral full of calves. He joined her. “I love watching calves,” he said. “They seem more intelligent when they’re young, more interested in the world, energetic. Then they grow up and become complacent. Something is sucked out of them.”
“Their bodies get heavier. It’s harder to get around.”
“I think it’s more than that.” He shrugged. “Maybe they realize this is all life is going to be.”
“Complacent?”
“Resigned.”
“Is this what you want to talk to me about?” she asked. “Your philosophy regarding cattle?”
“Of course not.” He draped his arm over her shoulder.
Just like that her body remembered everything between them. Heat the evening breeze couldn’t quiet built in her cheeks, and she felt her cunt soften.
“What happened?” he asked. “Something went wrong between us.”
“I-I don’t know if I understand everything.”
“At least tell me what you do know.”
If he’d ever probed deep into her like this before, she didn’t recall. Telling herself it didn’t matter because whatever they’d had was in the past tense, she dug deep. “I told you about my childhood, things I never thought I’d admit to another human being. I don’t know…maybe it was because you robbed me of all privacy.”
“I do that well, don’t I?”
“Yes.”
“If I hadn’t pushed the buttons I did, I wouldn’t know what that so-called uncle did to you. You would have kept your past buried.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I’m not sure.” He drew out the words then turned her toward him. Behind him, the moon was beginning to rise. It promised to be full. “I never expected— Hell, I’d have done anything to change what you went through! Monsters like him should be killed.”
His emotion forced her beyond herself. He now held her in place via his arms around her waist. Her breasts brushed his ribs, and she felt his cock. With each heartbeat, she lost more of her separate self. If he was deliberately drawing her back into his world—
“Maita, for much of my life, I dealt with selfish, self-absorbed women. Maybe I came to believe all women are like that.”
She struggled to make sense of what he was saying. At the same time her body whispered its own urgent message. “You never experienced anything else?” she managed. “What about your mother?”
Instead of answering, he released her and stepped back. She felt the loss throughout her. But much as she needed to feel flesh against flesh, she needed inside his mind and soul more. Without honesty from him—
“I have to go back to work,” he said and extended a hand, palm up. “But when I’m done I’d like to tell you something—if you’ll listen.”
She laid her hand over his, but although she ached to lace her fingers with his, she left things as they were. “I will.”
* * * * *
Maita had used some of her final paycheck from Rylan to buy a small travel trailer she now hauled behind her truck. She’d told Kade where she was parked, but although she could have used her time to clean up and try to make enough room inside the small space for him, she paced outside. The rodeo was over for the night, and the fans had left the stands. Various workmen milled about cleaning up, doing a few repairs, and preparing the grounds for tomorrow’s events. She both appreciated the relative quiet and needed back the press of bodies. She wanted to talk to her fellow competitors, watch the family men with their families, smell the mix of livestock, hot dogs and popcorn. Mostly she needed too much movement for thought.
When, finally, the last loose board had been nailed back in place and the last worn-out light replaced, she wandered back to her trailer but still couldn’t force herself into the confining space.
Kade had access to any woman he wanted. They not only beat a path to his door but paid him for exploring primitive aspects of their sensuality. In contrast, she hadn’t given him what he’d come to expect. Oh, yes, she’d let him play with her and had cried out her response, but then she’d walked away from him.
I’ll walk again, she told him. If restraints and forced climaxes are all you have to offer, it isn’t enough.
Not enough?
Shaking, she looked around. She needed to run, but even if she could see where she was going, her riding boots weren’t built for speed. Trapped in the outfit that had served her so well earlier, she absorbed tension and emotion. Being fucked wasn’t enough. She needed more, something she’d never had and didn’t believe Kade had ever given.
Maybe she heard him approaching. Maybe her nerves recorded his presence. Whichever it was, she made fists of her fingers and faced him. He walked with the plodding pace of a man who has been on his feet since before dawn. His hat had slid forward, shielding his gaze. Her trailer had no outside lighting, and the nearest overhead light was too far away to rob him of his shadows.
“You’re still up,” he said. “I wasn’t sure.”
“Are you done for the night?”
“Done.” He stopped with maybe three feet separating them. “Do you want to go inside or walk?”
“Walk.”
He took her hand, and they headed toward the rear of the grounds where the livestock was kept. The last hint of humanity had been stripped from this part of the rodeo. A few cowboys might still be up and reliving their performances over a beer, but she knew most had gone to bed so they’d be ready for tomorrow. That Kade hadn’t taken her need for sleep into consideration said something about what was going on in his mind. Unfortunately, she couldn’t guess what it was.
“I kept thinking about the way things ended the last time we were together,” he said at length. “Things said and not said.”
“Things done?”
“Yes. That too.”
They walked some more, ending up at the Brahma pen. Kade released her hand and gripped the railing. For several minutes they watched the shadows of the great animals. Most had bedded down. A couple were still eating while another groomed the back of one of the eaters, his teeth brushing lightly over leathery f
lesh.
“You remind me of one of them,” she said because the silence was getting to her. “You don’t have to do anything to convince people of your power.”
“Money speaks?”
“Not just the size of your spread and checkbook although you have a point. Like them, you have a confidence about the way you handle yourself. When…when you were showing me what my body is capable of, not once did I sense any doubt.”
“I know what I’m doing in that department.”
Exhaustion dragged at her ability to concentrate, and she suspected he felt the same way. Not only had they put in a long, physical day but being around each other carried its own brand of stress, at least it did for her. If he wanted to fuck, she wasn’t sure she could accommodate him—if he gave her the option.
No more. I’ve had enough of being manhandled.
A memory of standing helpless before him while he brought her to the edge of a sexual cliff and then catapulted her into space threatened to make her change her mind. But restraints and foreign objects were no substitute for the man himself. If he couldn’t comprehend that—
“If you feel like listening, I want to tell you something,” he said. “Something I’ve never told another human being. When I’m done, maybe you’ll understand why I turned out the way I did.”
Chapter Thirteen
Kade had been raised by a single parent. He’d never known his father and suspected his mother hadn’t been sure of the man’s identity. Given her line of work, Kade had never bothered to press for a list of possibilities.
“She loved hooking,” he said. He was looking at her but night kept her from reading his mood. Still, his quiet, unemotional tone told her a great deal. “You hear about women who take up prostitution because some man forces them into it, they need to support a drug habit, or they lack job skills. But there are others who flat-out would rather fuck than do anything else. My mother was one of them and so were her friends, her colleagues as they called each other.”