But that’s her dark side, the other is loving, self sacrificing, making sure we are well fed even if she has to go without food. She never buys clothes for herself but she always manages to buy new clothes and shoes for us on special occasions such as our birthdays or holidays.
My aunt says that her raggedy clothes are the reason she only attracts losers like Gustavo, but men of wealth have courted her in the past and she has always rejected them following the dictates of her heart which refuses to be practical or calculating. Yet that loyal heart of hers is always betraying her. The relationship with Gustavo has deteriorated now to the point where he is hitting her regularly. We often wake up from a deep sleep to the sounds of him punching and pulling her hair while she covers her face with her hands to shield herself from his blows. It is then up to me to calm everyone down and to quiet Angel who terrified by the violence screams his lungs out. Red faced and ashamed Gustavo retreats to a corner of the room till the awful moment passes.
“You have a way with him,” whispers mother to me after one of those fights. “Ask him to buy a crib and blankets for the baby. He’s getting too big to continue sleeping with me. I know it’s very expensive but if he stopped blowing his entire salary on booze he could afford to do right by his son.”
When he sobers up I take him aside and ask him to buy a bed for Angel. I tell him he has fallen from mother’s bed and hurt his head, and that he could have been killed. He looks at me curiously.
“Is that why he has a big bump on his forehead?”
“Yes.”
“But your mother said you dropped him.”
“She was afraid to tell you the truth.’
“Why?”
“She’s afraid to tell you anything because you hit her.”
“I’m sorry you have to see these things, but adults sometimes fight, when you’re older you will understand.”
“My uncle never hits my aunt.”
“Well, he’s a fool, because your aunt looks like she could really use a good licking now on then.”
“My Uncle Jorge never hits his wife. You’re the only man I know who beats his wife.”
“She is not my wife.”
“And that makes it alright?”
He looks away. “Get dressed; we’ll go buy the crib for Angel.”
Before he has a chance to change his mind, I put on my new shoes, a pair of jeans, a red sweater and my jacket. We leave early in the morning so we’ll have time to look, and mom looks thrilled and amazed. We go from store to store till he finds something suitable and affordable, and we buy it on the spot. We get some blankets and pack everything into a taxi.
“Are you happy now? I’ll have to spend the rest of the day installing this thing and that’s not how I planned to spend my Saturday.”
“I’m very happy,” I say hugging him. “Now the baby won’t be falling down and hurting himself anymore.”
He says nothing and we take the things home. Mother makes room for the crib in the middle of our beds by putting her night table on the other side of the room, and we celebrate with beer and salteṅas that Gustavo insists on having.
C hapter Five
I gloat over the fact that I got Gustavo to buy Angel a crib when I see my aunt on Sunday, and she tells me to be careful, that he might have a secret crush on me and that’s why he tries so hard to please me. She asks me if he ever did anything out of the ordinary, anything at all that would give me room for concern. The movie “Peyton Place” is the latest rage in Bolivia and she sees him as another “Lucas,” the janitor who violated Selena. She is putting on her make up in front of the mirror to go out with her friends, and looks awfully pretty with her hair short and wavy and her light blue eyes shining.
“The opportunity was there and he took it,” she says about Lucas. “That’s not unheard of in our society, in fact it happens all the time - he is a young man, you are young girl on the verge of adolescence, and the devil never sleeps so you have to be careful.”
But nothing could be further from the truth, Gustavo has many faults but child rapist is not one of them. He’s been nothing but respectful to me; I have already been exposed to unseemly behavior and know the difference. Uncle Raúl was the first offender way back when I was six years old, and my aunt’s own tenant, the famous pediatrician, Guido Delgado, whom everyone loved in the neighborhood, was the second. I never told anyone about him but I was very glad when he moved out.
My aunt loved Dr. Delgado because he always paid his rent on time and never complained when she raised his rent to keep up with the inflation, but I was afraid of him. He was a short, nondescript man with thick glasses, a thin mustache and brown eyes who spoke in a well modulated, soothing manner, and had a sterling reputation in the business. His office was located a few blocks away from the house and was always full of children. Dr. Delgado had a blonde, adoring wife with enormous teeth and fancy clothes who was childless and did a lot of charity work.
Dr. Delgado took a liking to me from the beginning and noticing my sweet tooth, was always giving me candies and chocolates as gifts, which pleased my aunt to no end. She reckoned that because he was childless he was attached to me, and even toyed with the idea of asking him to formally adopt me, till Uncle Berto put an end to that scheme by telling her that I wasn’t an orphan up for grabs, and that I already had a mother who would never allow such a thing to take place. But the tenant had gained her trust and when he suggested taking my brother, cousin and me to the movies on a Sunday afternoon while his wife was visiting her sick mother in Oruro, she readily consented. We went to see “Pollyanna”, a movie with Hayley Mills, and he brought us chocolates and cokes and sat me down next to him at the end of the row.
I was enjoying the movie and the chocolates enormously when I began to feel his right hand under my dress caressing my legs with warm, sticky fingers. I was nine years old, my brother four and my cousin seven, and I squirmed desperately trying to get away from him, but he held me down gently but firmly, and watching my brother’s face full of enjoyment at the movie, I didn’t have the heart to spoil it for him by making a scene, so conflicted and uncomfortable I endured his advances while the movie seemed to drag forever.
Afterwards he took us to a restaurant for lunch and Carlos and Oscar were in heaven, telling me he was the greatest man in the world. I wanted to tell mother what happened when I got home, but I was afraid she would make a scandal so I kept the incident to myself, but from that time on I avoided the good doctor by pretending to be sick every time he asked me to the movies. It wasn’t always possible to avoid him, however, and one afternoon my aunt sent me to his apartment with the rent’s receipt, and I was forced to go by myself.
I knocked on his door and tried to quickly hand him his receipt without entering the apartment, but he pulled me in quickly with the pretext of showing me the place. The lay out was identical to Aunt Sonia’s apartment but he didn’t have a terrace, and instead he had two large windows facing the front of the house. His place was a lot darker because of the heavy drapes in every room, and a lot more cluttered with lots of pictures of him and his wife adorning the walls and the living room. “Very nice,” I said heading for the door. “And your wife is beautiful.” I actually thought she looked like a horse with a long face, a long nose and enormous teeth but I felt I had to say something pleasant before getting out.
“Not as beautiful as you,” he said with a funny inflection in his voice. “You’re going to be an exquisite beauty some day, Vicky.”
“My aunt is waiting for me, Dr. Delgado,” I said flustered and anxious, for he was blocking the door. “She’ll wonder what is taking me so long.”
“Don’t worry about your aunt,” he said putting his fingers over my mouth delicately and leading me back into the foyer.
“But…”
“I have a present for you,” he said in that melodic voice of his. “It has your name on it.”
He went into the bedroom and I wanted to flee, but my legs wouldn’t move a
nd I was afraid he would complain to my aunt about me. He pulled out a round, metal box of chocolates and gave it me. My eyes widened with delight, Mackintosh chocolates, the best in the world and my personal favorite, sometimes my aunt bought them for special occasions and I stole them shamelessly, stashing three or four under my shirt so I could eat them by myself later. He inched closer to me and pinned me against the wall with his body while I pressed the chocolate box against his chest trying to keep him away, but I was no match for him and I felt his thin, cold lips pressing against my closed mouth, forcefully trying to open it.
“Don’t fight this,” he whispered, kissing my ear. “This is good and beautiful.”
He started touching my chest and lifting my dress, and I was beginning to panic when we heard his wife’s distinctive high heels hitting the pavement outside, and he switched gears instantly releasing me and heading for the door before she put her key in it.
“Darling,” he said kissing her on the cheek. “I gave Vicky your chocolates, I hope you don’t mind. They were just sitting there in your closet collecting dust and she loves them so much.”
“Honestly, Guido, you spoil this child too much. What is she doing here anyway?”
“She brought me the rent’s receipt and since you’re always complaining chocolates make your skin break out, I figure I do a good deed and give them to her.”
“Fine,” she said glaring at me suspiciously. “Take your chocolates and go. Doctor Delgado is a very busy man and has no time to waste with nonsense. Come on, Guido, we have a million things to do.”
Relieved and grateful I clutched my box of chocolates and went downstairs to hide them in the maid’s laundry storage room so I wouldn’t have to share them with anybody. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve several times but could still feel his cold lips and saliva on me. I ran to the sink and washed my whole face with cold water, scrubbing it with the sponge till it felt clean. His wife had looked at me with hatred as if sensing what had transpired, but I was grateful she had shown up at in the nick of time before he completely overpowered me.
~~~
I kept reliving the experience but mother never found out about it, and my aunt didn’t lose her sterling tenant. Luckily for me a few months later the good doctor got a contract in Europe and left Bolivia permanently. He came up to say goodbye to my aunt holding a box with a beautiful red dress as a present for me, and giving me a fatherly embrace, told my aunt to take good care of me.
“My only regret is that I won’t see her in the dress,” he said, wistfully. “Because I think red is her color, it will bring out the gold in her hair and the whiteness of her skin.”
“We can remedy that,” said my aunt asking me to put on the dress while she ushered the doctor into the living room.
I did as I was told and the dress fitted me perfectly, it was short with a high neck, tight at the waist with long, puffy sleeves. I loved it; it was simply the most beautiful, expensive dress anyone had ever given me. I came out and my aunt told him that it was a beautiful, extravagant gift, and that we would always remember his kindness. He looked at me with tenderness and pulled out a small camera from his bag telling my aunt to take a picture of us. She told us to pose and he put his arms around me with his lips touching my hair. My aunt snapped a few pictures of us, and gave him a big hug telling him she was going to miss him sorely, and that Europe’s gain was our loss, but that was the way it was in our poor country where we always lost the best people to better opportunities abroad.
My aunt couldn’t get over his affection for me and said that it was probably because he had no children and longed for a daughter.
“Imagine if he had been your father,” she said with wonderment. “The things he would have done for you. And you would be going to Europe right now. I shouldn’t have listened to your stupid uncle; I should have asked him to adopt you, your life would have been entirely different.”
I didn’t tell her about the movies and his trapping me in his apartment; instead I focused on the beautiful dress and forgot the rest. I loved receiving gifts and I was looking forward to wearing it on special occasions.
My aunt wouldn’t let me bring the dress home, however, saying it was going to get ruined in our moldy room, and she would keep it for me in her closet so I could wear it to the tennis club for lunch. I told my mother about it and she lifted her eyebrows suspiciously, and made a funny face.
“Why is the doctor giving you expensive gifts?”
“I don’t know, he said it was a parting gift.”
“But a dress, that’s so personal, why would a stranger give you a dress? What does your aunt say about this?”
“She thinks it’s great and that he is a wonderful man.”
“She would…. because she is so materialistic she doesn’t know any better, but something is rotten here. I’m glad he’s leaving. You don’t need friends like this in your young life.”
“Then you’re not pleased?”
“Of course not, “Aqui hay gato encerrado.” [“Something is fishy here”].
I say nothing and she looks at me probingly. “Dresses, chocolates and invitations to the movies; has he ever been fresh to you? You wouldn’t keep any secrets from me, would you?”
My face is on fire. “No, mom, never.”
“Well, maybe I’m just letting my imagination run away from me but I’m glad he’s leaving. He’s a strange, slimy little man and I never liked him; I don’t care what your aunt says. She only looks at the surface anyway and on the surface the doctor is a very successful man, but who knows what he’s really like on the inside.”
~~~
The dress stays upstairs and I only use it rarely because my aunt is determined to preserve it. We hear from the doctor once in a while and he always asks about me in his postcards. He’s stationed in Rome, the city of history, and he wishes we could come to visit him. I think of the exciting life he must be leading there and wonder if he is happy. I picture him visiting the ruins, reliving the roman era and I envy him with all my heart. From mother I know all about Venice and the canals, Michael Angelo and his wonderful works of art, and would love to trade places with the doctor. I know that from Rome you can go to many places in Europe and wonder if his wife is taking advantage of those opportunities.
“Who knows?” shrugs mother. “Dios da habas a los que no tienen muelas.” [“God gives teeth to those who can’t chew”].
I look at mom, who taught me so much since I was little, who opened up so many worlds to me with her wonderful stories and feel depressed, she never went anywhere and she probably never will. A fine, steady rain is falling and it’s going to be cold and damp all day. I prefer the big storms, because they come and leave quickly, but this fine, steady drizzle will stay all day and night, filling us with melancholy.
~~~
Whereas we had been “good babies,” Angel continues to be trying, waking up a couple of times during the night, wanting to be held. His aunts have created a big problem for us fraying mother’s nerves and worsening an already critical situation, because sensing her irritation Angel becomes more hyper and upset, thus reinforcing the vicious cycle. As usual she takes out her rage on the most vulnerable target, “Bello,”my beloved cat, demanding in no uncertain terms that I get rid of him permanently, although the poor cat is now fully trained to cry out when nature calls and is no longer a bother to anyone. It’s the same old argument; the cat doesn’t catch mice and is therefore a waste and an unnecessary expense.
“But he eats so little,” I cry, frantic at the thought of living without him. “Give me less food and that will compensate for it.”
“Either you get rid of him willingly or I’ll kill him myself,” she says calmly and I know she means it. I had once seen Uncle Jorge and her shoot a dog with a riffle in our backyard. Her motives had been noble then because the dog had gotten run over by a car and she wanted to end his suffering, but I never forgot the horrible scene, the dog wailing with pain in the sink and she and my uncle taki
ng aim at the poor animal, missing his vital organs so that his agony was actually prolonged. The beautiful cocker spaniel finally died but I viewed him as a martyr, and every time I saw a cocker spaniel on the streets I thought of the beautiful brown puppy with long ears and terrified eyes who simply wouldn’t die.
~~~
I plead, beg and cajole but it’s no use, mom has made up her mind my cat has to go and will not discuss it anymore. Finally, I use my last card.
“If he goes, I go with him.”
She looks at me with disdain. “Go, then, you don’t belong to anybody anyway – you’re just marking your time here same as your cat. You love him because he has your indolent heart. Go to your aunt, see if she’ll take you in, or better yet, try your father. I heard that louse who completely forgot about you is in town again, go refresh his memory, maybe he’ll do something positive for you at last.”
I’m in shock; I can’t believe she would do something this cruel. I have Bello for eight years, he is a member of the family, telling me to give him up is like telling me to give up my brother. I try to stall her making up a story about Ana but she is not buying it, she is on to my diverting tactics and is not interested. The cat has to go and the sooner I get it over with the better.
I pray for a visit, something that will alleviate her dark mood, but we are located on a hill now and it’s hard for Mrs. Lita and her other friends to make the hike, so we haven’t had any visitors since we moved here. Gustavo has stopped coming even intoxicated, and that might account for her lousy mood but I desperately wish he would make one of his usual disruptive appearances. An idea occurs to me and I pick up my cat and tell my brother to accompany me.
“Remember,” says mother with finality. “Come back without the cat or you won’t have entry into this house.”
“Let’s go see Gustavo at the bank,” I tell my brother when we are outside. “He will help us, I’m sure. He will talk some sense into mother.”
Beyond the Snows of the Andes Page 19