As her eyes focused in the basement’s dim light, Gretta realized that no matter what, she felt older and wiser.
And, unfortunately, saddened by what used to be…and by what may never be again.
Chapter 6
Lilly folded the letter she received from their former neighbor and placed it on the kitchen table with a sigh.
“What’s that?” Charlie asked from the couch across the way.
“Oh, nothing. It’s just a letter from Mrs. Casey.”
“What did she want?”
“Nothing. Just to see how we were doing.” Lilly wasn’t sure what else to say. Lately, Charlie had been so surly, just about anything she said had the ability to set him off.
Pushing the textbook he was reading to one side, he joined her in the kitchen and read through the note, too. “I sure could go for one of her cookies right about now.”
“She did make the best cookies,” Lilly agreed. When she and Charlie were small, they used to be inseparable. Together, they’d run all over the neighborhood, going this way and that, making new friends and exploring the woods around their home. Mrs. Casey used to keep an eye on them when their mom was at work.
Still looking at the letter, Charlie said, “Did you see that she wants to come visit?”
“I did.”
A frown worried his brow. “She doesn’t know you’re pregnant.”
“I know.” No one outside their family knew besides Alec and his family. And Ms. Vonn. “I don’t know what Mom and Dad are going to say.” Only half teasing, she said, “I guess they’ll put her off or send me out of the house when she comes.”
“They wouldn’t do that, Lilly.”
She patted her stomach. Most people would never have any idea that her tummy had grown. But anyone who knew her well—like Mrs. Casey—would instantly notice the differences in her body. “They might. Mom really doesn’t want anyone to find out about the baby.”
“She’s trying to protect you.”
“That’s what Mom says, but sometimes I think it’s for her benefit, too.”
“Well, Mom’s going to have to get used to your pregnancy soon. You’re getting bigger, you know.”
She chuckled. “Believe me, I know.” Sobering, she looked at her brother more closely. “Thanks for saying that about Mom, though. I thought you were mad at me.”
He set the letter down and looked at her. “I was, but I was being stupid—it’s not like you’re the first girl in the world who’s pregnant but not married.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I’ll be leaving soon. What’s going on with you won’t really be affecting my life in college.”
“It won’t at all.”
He brightened. “Bowling Green next year is going to be great. And I’m starting to think that living here is going to be okay, too.”
“Maybe.” Looking in the direction of the Grabers, she smiled. “Our new neighbors aren’t so bad.”
“Maybe not. They’re strange, but they’re okay. That little guy, Anson, cracks me up.”
She nodded. “He and Ty are becoming friends. At first I thought Dad was going to find something wrong with that, but I’ve caught him chatting with that kid a time or two.”
Charlie rolled his eyes. “It would be impossible not to talk with Anson. He doesn’t shut up.”
“I would have guessed all the Amish to be like his brother, Joshua. Quiet, reserved. Like they don’t trust us ‘Englischers’.”
“Some don’t act like they trust us. But some seem kind of different.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah.” After a moment, Charlie added, “I started talking to a girl the other day. She was outside the dry cleaners waiting for a ride when I finished working.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s Amish and pretty.”
“What?” A few weeks ago, Lilly had wondered if Charlie would ever find any of the Amish girls pretty.
Looking sheepish, he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I was so sure I didn’t want to make any friends here. No connections because I’m leaving.”
“And because we have nothing in common with the Amish.”
“I think I was wrong about that. Anyway, the girl, Mary, had a beagle.”
“Really? Did he look like Britches?” Their old beagle had been part of the family until his death the year before.
“He looked almost exactly like him, he had the same markings and everything. At first I was just talking to Mary about that. Then we started talking about other stuff, too. She was nice.”
“I wish Mom and Dad would give the community a chance.”
“Me too.” At the moment, though, nothing with her parents seemed settled. All they did was talk about Ms. Vonn and Lilly’s bright future. How no one would ever have to know that she’d given a baby up for adoption.
“Hey, Lilly? You don’t…you don’t feel like you’re all alone, do you? I mean, you know you can always talk to me, right?”
She’d used to think that. She used to depend on that. Lately, though, she’d thought that was all in their past. She couldn’t have been happier to hear his words. “I didn’t think I could…but now I will.”
He squeezed her shoulders before heading toward the stairs.
“Hey, Charlie?”
“Yeah?”
“If Mrs. Casey comes…” her voice drifted off, unsure of how to put her fears into the right words.
It turned out, she didn’t have to. “If Mrs. Casey comes for a visit, I’ll make sure Mom doesn’t hide you. Mrs. Casey is just going to have to find out the truth about you.”
“And if she’s shocked?”
He waved a hand. “If she’s shocked, she’ll get over it.” Smiling crookedly, he caught her eye. “I mean, I did.”
For the first time in days, Lilly laughed. Maybe things were going to be okay, after all.
Hands sticky with dough, Gretta tried to blow a strand of hair away from her forehead, but the wisp of air didn’t do any good. Her forehead was a bit damp from kneading the large amount of dough by herself. With a sigh, Gretta resigned herself to having hair in her eyes for a few moments longer.
She had no choice in the matter, anyway. Miriam had taken the day off to help her mother with the cleaning since they were hosting church on Sunday. Kelly, an Englischer who sometimes came in to help with soups and main dishes, had called in sick.
It was up to Gretta to make all the cinnamon rolls by herself.
Usually, she enjoyed the time-consuming project very much. However, today she only looked at the rising dough and wished things would happen a little faster. The snow was coming down fast.
When the front door opened and shut, Mrs. Kent poked her head out from the back room. “Can you help them, Gretta? I’ve got my hands full, sorting bills this morning.”
Though she wasn’t at her best with customers—Gretta knew she was too shy for that—she did, every now and then, enjoy getting out from behind the wide wooden worktable. A fair portion of their customers were Amish. Visiting with them while she took their orders was a good way to catch up on the community chitchat.
“I’ll be right out, Mrs. Kent.” After hastily covering the dough with a clean cloth, she washed off the sticky dough from her hands, wiped her brow, and smoothed her hair back in place. Only then was she able to walk through the swinging doors to the twelve-table dining area.
But when she saw who’d walked in the door, her feet stilled like they were frozen in the skating pond. “Roland?”
A slow, playful smile lit his face as he took notice of her surprise. “Hi, there, Gretta,” he said as he practically sauntered toward her.
Her feet still glued to the ground, Gretta felt as if her skin was burning from the tips of her ears to the ends of her toes when he stopped directly in front of her. “Why are you here?”
His eyes widened. “For coffee, of course.”
“Oh, yes. Yes, of course.” If she could have run away, she would have, she was so embarrassed. Of course he
’d be coming to the restaurant for food or drink! Why else would he have come?
Feeling mighty flustered, her voice turned sharp. “Go take a table if you would like.”
But instead of walking to one of the tables she pointed to, he bypassed them all and took one of the six bar stools at the counter. “I’d rather sit here, I think.”
Once he got settled, she walked behind the counter and picked up a little notepad the waitresses used. “So, you’d like some coffee?”
“I would.” Lines formed around his eyes as he watched her fumble with the stub of a pencil she’d picked up, too.
Now she felt even more foolish. He was obviously waiting to see if she needed to write that order down! Well, there was only one thing to do. She slapped the notepad on the counter and tried to act like she catered to customers all the time. “I’ll get that right out for you.”
“I did want the coffee, but I really came in to see if you were needin’ a ride home later on today.”
She paused on her way to the coffeepot. “A ride?”
“Yes.” Looking almost bashful—though that would be quite a feat for Roland, for he was never shy—he said, “It’s terribly cold out, and the snow’s already started to fall. I’d hate for you to have to walk home in that.”
She only lived six blocks from the restaurant. It was one of the reasons her parents had allowed her to work at the Sugarcreek Inn. Walking six blocks in the snow would not be a hardship at all. “That’s a kind offer, but I don’t think I’ll be needing it.” Grabbing a thick white mug, she poured the dark brew all the way to the rim, only realizing after she was done that she didn’t know if he enjoyed milk in his coffee.
Joshua always took cream and sugar.
When she placed the mug in front of him, Roland clasped his hands around the base, warming his fingers. “It’s not just a kind offer. I heard some news about you.”
“Me?”
“Well, news about you and Joshua Graber.”
“Do you plan to share it?” She was so caught off-guard, Gretta half hoped her high and mighty tone would set him off and prevent him from saying another word about her and Joshua.
But it wasn’t to be. “I heard that you and Joshua weren’t so particular about each other anymore.”
Well, so the rumor mill had already begun spinning! Gretta struggled to hide her feelings. It was hard to hear that she was the subject of gossip. Harder still to know that the gossip held some truth.
“It’s a shame that people gossip like they do,” she murmured, just as a tear threatened to fall. She turned away again and pulled off a container of sugar and poured a small amount of cream into a heavy blue pitcher the size of her fist. After taking a moment to compose herself, she set the pair in front of him.
But Roland made no move to reach for either. Instead, he kept gazing at her with cow eyes.
“Would you like a donut?”
“Sure.” Looking far too relaxed and at ease all the sudden, Roland pointed to one of Miriam’s chocolate-cake donuts that she’d made the night before. “I’ll take that one there.”
After she’d placed his request on a plate in front of him, he smiled. “So…will you let me give you a ride this afternoon, Gretta?”
“I’m not sure if it would be a gut idea.”
“Why not?”
“People might talk…”
“Let them talk!” Puffing his chest a bit, Roland said, “I hope everyone we know sees me driving you home.”
She most certainly did not want that. She’d be bombarded with all kinds of nosey questions.
“Come now, Gretta. Don’t be so skittish. No matter what is going on between you and Joshua, you’re still allowed to look around, don’tcha think?”
He did have a point. “Yes.”
“Then?”
Then she knew the right thing to do was to step forward with a little jump. More than anything she wanted to be a wife and mother. An Amish wife and mother. That meant she needed to find a man in her community who she could get along with.
If Joshua didn’t want her, perhaps she’d be just as happy with Roland. Happier even.
Maybe she should be giving him a chance—he seemed to be the kind of person who was dependable and patient. Those were wonderful-good attributes, and ones she would value.
After all, her place would be in the home. She’d need to tend to it, and be taking care of their future kinner, too. Roland would be working hard on his farm, taking care of his pigs and chickens, and the vegetable stand his family owned.
Maybe the Lord and Margaret and Josh and Roland were all trying to tell her the same thing—that she needed to look forward to practical dreams and desires. Not hugs and kisses and constant companionship.
Maybe it was past time she grew up.
“Yes, Roland, I’d be most grateful if you took me home today. I finish work at four.”
Swiping his donut from the plate, Roland grinned. “I know. I already checked your schedule before I asked.” And with that, he chomped down on the chocolate treat with one hand and poured a liberal amount of cream in his coffee with the other—never noticing just how full the mug was.
With a frown, Gretta watched a bit of liquid slid over the side and down onto the counter.
Roland didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was so pleased, he looked like he’d just sold one of his lambs for a mighty good price at an auction.
As she stood near him, she tried to smile, too. It was time to have a more open mind toward love and companionship. It was time to find happiness…any way that she could.
Chapter 7
At five o’clock, the snow fell thick outside the Graber Country Store’s front window. Already Sugarcreek had received six inches. Joshua had heard from a few English customers that more was on the way, as well as a temperature drop. One man had stated that this month was on track to be the coldest January in ten years.
All Joshua knew was that it was going to take him twice as long as usual to get home, and Jim wouldn’t care for the snowy roads either.
Few people were in the store. As the wind picked up outside, swirling the falling snow every which way, his father worriedly looked at the large clock decorating the store’s entrance almost every five minutes. “We should probably close for the day, but we’re still due to get a load from the dairy in Berlin.”
“Maybe they’ll postpone the trip?” Joshua ventured. But even as he asked, he knew it was a foolish question. Milk needed to be delivered when it was fresh. Always.
“I don’t think so. Plus the weather’s most likely not too bad for that big truck.”
When he noticed his father watching the snow with a frown a few moments later, Joshua patted his shoulder. “I’ll wait for it, Daed. You take Judith and head toward home.”
“But how will you get home?”
“If it’s bad, I’ll spend the night. If it’s not so bad I’ll walk.”
“It’s a long four miles in the snow. I know, I’ve walked it myself.”
“That’s why it’s my turn, yes?” Joshua shrugged. “Perhaps I’ll see someone I know and he’ll give me a ride. But Jim won’t care for the roads if the snow gets much deeper. It’s time for you to go on.”
“Can we do that, Daed?” Judith asked, her eyes shining with hope. “There’s no one here. I just rang the last customer up.”
“I suppose we can, then.” Turning toward Joshua, he added, “That is, if you are sure you don’t mind, Joshua.”
“I don’t. Go on now.”
“I guess we will. Get your things together, Judith, then get the basket full of items your mother asked for this morning. I’ll go break the news to Jim that he’s gonna have to leave his cozy stable in the back.”
Joshua grinned as his sister instantly strode off to retrieve their mother’s requests. “Judith’s anxious to be on her way.”
“She’s always anxious to be on her way,” his father agreed with a laugh. “All right, then. Joshua, if I don’t see you in
three hours, I’m gonna be hoping you are staying here.”
“I’ll stay here until the delivery truck comes, then be on my way,” Joshua promised.
Moments later, Joshua watched their familiar black buggy make its way down the side street and head toward home, the lantern hanging in the back window casting an orange glow through the multitude of flakes.
As the wheels made thin lines in the street, Joshua smiled.
In truth, he’d been exaggerating a bit about his fears for their trusty horse. Joshua didn’t think Jim was finding the snow to be a problem at all—he’d just wanted to lessen his father’s worries. If Daed had stayed at the store, he would have felt torn, worrying about Mamm and the little ones at home.
Joshua was now old enough to take over a lot of the store’s responsibilities, even if his father didn’t always realize it.
Feeling somewhat like his father, he glanced at the clock again. Five thirty. The truck should be along momentarily.
He decided to dust off the back ledge and straighten the area where baskets and wooden toys were. A group of children had come in an hour before and had not been shy about playing with the wooden trains and stable animals.
He’d just picked up a pair of delicately carved sheep when the bell rang.
“I was wonderin’ if ya were gonna be able to get here today, Ben…”
But it wasn’t Ben who greeted him with a smile. No, it was his neighbor. Lilly.
“Hi. I, um, I’m not Ben.”
No, she surely wasn’t. “I’m expecting a delivery truck,” he explained, not certain if his statement was much of an explanation at all.
“Oh, it’s here, too.” She gestured over her shoulder. “He pulled up just as Charlie was parking.”
The door flew open again, spraying the display of baskets with a dusting of snow. And in walked Ben, his solid muscular arms loaded down with supplies as usual. “Joshua! Good evening! I’ve got a full load of milk, butter, and cream for you today. There’re boxes in the back of books and leather goods, too.”
Winter’s Awakening Page 6