Kendall didn’t want him to go, though, and she’d buried her sister today. Sighing, he shook his head. “No.”
Christopher nodded, no censure in his face, just understanding. “Okay, John Boy. Have a good night, Kendall.”
At Kendall’s relieved smile, he decided the sacrifice had been worth it.
Chapter 12
Two days later, Kendall sat in the room, waiting to run an errand with Johnnie. Her heart and head wasn’t into going anywhere right now. She wanted to be inside, out of the cool breeze and sunshine, thinking about…everything.
Instead of getting closer, she and Johnnie were drifting further and further apart. Their evening together in the bar had been ruined by Megan and Sabrina. Kendall had been having so much fun, until Outlaw had decided to appease his wife’s hurt feelings.
More like jealousy. Kendall saw the way Megan stared at Johnnie. She had Outlaw, but she still expected Johnnie to drop everything for her. Just like he had at K-P’s funeral.
It had been six days since Johnnie had approached her for sex. That night, she’d said everything all wrong, but he’d come into the room and found her on the website reading up on a very tough topic. She’d wanted to talk to him and he’d wanted sex. While he’d been inside of her, everything that she’d read ran across her mind. All her thoughts focused on Spoon…and Logan Donovan.
Johnnie’s grandfather. She didn’t believe she held their relation against him. He’d killed the man, after all. But…God…she hadn’t been able to respond to Johnnie’s lovemaking and he hadn’t realized it until the end because he’d been so lost in pleasure. The words had spiraled out of control once he’d asked her if she’d wanted him.
Did he want her? Did he love her yet? Or was she so unworthy…so damaged and broken…that he’d never love her?
At the moment, it didn’t matter. She needed to get up and start living again. She’d survived. Baby Biker had survived. Life went on. Sooner or later, Johnnie, who lived at warped speed with the rest of the bikers, would tire of pacifying her. No one knew she kept an internal count of when Spoon had nearly ruined her. Almost seven weeks now. And she’d just been amongst the lucid and free for about four weeks.
Since she didn’t intend to make her home at the MC, she knew she needed to find her backbone and move forward. She needed to put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time towards her future.
Her mother and sister were gone.
They’d left her behind. To live. Whether or not her mother wanted her happiness was debatable, but Kendall didn’t wish to be stuck in her life without reaching for rainbows and grabbing her sunlight.
In captivity, Johnnie had been her rainbows and sunshine. Even then, in her drugged up state, she’d looked to something to keep her sane. She’d fought to live.
Caroline’s gorgeous face popped into her head and Kendall shuddered, tears rushing to her eyes. She’d fought for Caroline. Not herself. Pretty screwed, when Kendall thought about it.
She swiped at an escaping tear. Now, she had Baby Biker to fight for. She wanted Johnnie, too, but he wanted his club. He placed everything before her. Another thought occurred to Kendall. She needed to fight for herself. She’d be no kind of mother to her child—no kind of woman to Johnnie if they worked through this—if she didn’t get her head on straight. She needed to live for them. Step out into the light for them. She’d see to herself later. But Spoon, the asshole, had put both Caroline and Baby Biker in jeopardy.
Her phone started to ring and Kendall’s heart dropped. Not just a random tone pealing through the space.
Spoon.
Fear slithered through her and trembles racked her body.
God, why was she shaking? Spoon wasn’t anywhere near her. He was on the telephone, unable to get to her to hurt her. She drew in a deep breath, remembered her sister’s body. Remembered the baby inside of her and her terror when she’d been at her condo.
The ringing stopped, then started again. Anger surged through Kendall and it felt a helluva lot better than the God awful terror.
She snatched her phone from inside her purse, which sat right next to her, and jabbed the button to answer. “What do you want?” she snarled, sucking back renewed tears. Pent-up resentment and impotent anger steamed inside of her. “Say what you have to say and then don’t call me again.”
“Who the fuck you think you talking to, you stupid cunt?” Spoon snapped in response.
His anger felt as if it could snatch her through the phone and strangle her. Her breath came in short pants and she barely remembered he wasn’t near her.
“Wh-what…I—“
“Shut up, Godzilla, and fucking listen.”
Mortification surged through Kendall and all the fear and panic she’d fought so hard to overcome began to build within her again.
“You in with those motherfuckers, Kendall,” he barked. “If you don’t do as I say, when I get even with each one of those fuckers, I’m going to make you fucking suffer before I kill your two-timing ass.”
“I-I-I’m not afraid of you anymore, Spoon,” Kendall managed, cringing when he hooted with laughter. Her voice shook as much as her body, so he knew her words held no meaning. To her it did, though. To her, they served as a reminder that she had to do this. She had to stand up for herself…stand up to Spoon. At least, over the telephone.
“You’re not afraid of me, baby?” Shivers raced through her at his ice-cold tone and nasty snicker.
She shook her head, the fact that he couldn’t see her almost not registering, thrust back to that day in her office, out in the open, vulnerable and exposed. Spots danced behind her eyes.
“You’d better be very afraid of me. I don’t waste my fucking breath saying shit I don’t mean. Those pricks think they got the better of me by taking out some of my boys. I still have an ace in the hand, cunt, and some loyal members to get you and them.”
She couldn’t ever leave the MC. Never. She didn’t want to fall prey to him again. “I-I have to g-go,” she stammered.
“You hang up that fucking phone and I’m taking aim at Johnnie. He’s in the parking area right outside the club as we speak.”
No. He couldn’t be out there. If any of them saw Spoon, he’d be too dead to make this call. He had to be messing with her head.
“Here’s what I want you to do.”
“How do I know you won’t hurt me?” she whispered, desperation creeping into her.
“You don’t. But you can bet on it if you don’t do what the fuck I say.”
Her head shook in denial, but she knew she’d do it. If she went to Johnnie right now…people would get hurt. He might get hurt.
“Are you fucking listening to me?”
“Yes,” she pushed out. “Wh-what is it you want me to do?”
“I want their books.”
Even as horrified as Kendall felt in that moment, disbelief removed some of her panic. He couldn’t be asking her to steal their financial information. She swallowed. “Their what?”
“Their records, you fucking idiot. Are you sure you’re a fucking attorney? You’re one clueless fucking bitch.”
“Not clueless enough for you not to ask me to do this,” she flared before she stopped her words.
“I have so many fucking crimes against you that I’m going to personally see that you pay for. DON’T ADD TO YOUR FUCKING BEATING. You hear me?”
Loud and clear. Words flew right out of her head and she gripped the phone tighter. In that moment, Spoon had an unseen gag on her, blocking her retorts.
“I’m going to fuck up their profits from any and everything they do. And you, Johnnie’s fucking slut, are going to help me fucking do it.”
After that pronouncement, he went silent, then he laughed again. “Speak, pet.”
Speak? Yes, he wanted her to speak. He wanted her to agree to betray Johnnie. “I-I-I—“
“Eye-yiyiyiyiyi, what? Other than you sounding like a fucking moron. Send me to the fucking dollar store
where you bought your law degree from, huh, Kendall?”
Her brain pulled her back there with Spoon and during her captivity. She didn’t remember much of being held at that house, but…but…what? She didn’t know. She couldn’t know. Spoon would hurt her again.
“Fucking talk to me, Kendall. When can you bring me the books?”
The free fall Spoon’s words sent her in lulled for a moment, leaving Kendall hanging in a precarious stupor. Somehow, when he asked her to deliver the books, she slammed back to earth. Words formed and logic reentered her head.
“I-I c-can’t. Th-they’re in Outlaw’s o-o-off-fice. Be-besides if I do that, they’ll kill me.” And Johnnie would hate her.
“If you don’t do it, I’ll kill you.”
She had to think this through and be reasonable. For Spoon to kill her, he’d have to get to her. According to him, he observed them, in view of the compound but hidden from Johnnie and the others.
“Wh-when do you want it?”
“Three days, Kendall. Or I’m moving in.”
This couldn’t be happening. Spoon wouldn’t push her back into that nightmare again. He wouldn’t risk himself by going against Outlaw of all people. Johnnie was more reasonable. Maybe, because he had less to lose. He didn’t have a son or a wife like his president. But anything that threatened him or the club, Outlaw took as a threat to Megan. He’d do mean, scary things first, then ask questions later. Spoon wouldn’t do this. “You’re bluffing.” She wanted to spit the words but it took all her willpower to push them from her mouth. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t give a fuck. You’ll find out in three days, won’t you, idiot?”
“H-how can I reach you?”
“When I call you in three fucking days?” he said in conversational tones, but ended on a blare. “YOU’LL FUCKING REACH ME.”
“H-how will you…how will I get them to you?”
“Let me worry about that. Just do what the fuck I say, cum hole.”
The dial tone rose in her ear like a siren screaming a warning. Her scalp started to itch and Kendall raked her nails through her hair in a frantic effort to squelch it.
She wrapped her arms around her waist, rocking back and forth. Johnnie needed to know this. No, he didn’t. She didn’t trust Spoon not to use her to lure Johnnie out in the open.
He was already in the open and vulnerable to Spoon. As long as he didn’t know about Spoon’s phone call, he wouldn’t act on it. He’d be safe. Besides, she wasn’t Megan Caldwell, who ran and opened her big mouth for everything. She’d stay silent and keep Johnnie safe.
She’d die if harm came to him.
Her phone lay harmlessly on the bed, but she stared at it like it was a viper waiting to strike. She snatched it up and shoved it into her purse. It had to stay out of sight. Johnnie might scroll through it and see Spoon’s number. He’d ask questions and, then, where would she be?
The door flew open and Johnnie sauntered in, his blond hair a little askew, excitement brimming in his silver-gray eyes. “I know, gorgeous,” he greeted, raising his hands. “I’m late again. But I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
His apologetic tone interrupted her dangerous thoughts and her heart wrapped around his soothing words. He smelled of cigarette smoke and outdoors. Safety. Instead of waiting for her response, he walked to his desk and gathered his keys and wallet.
“Ready, sweetheart?”
Ironic all the endearments he used didn’t affect her as soul-deep as all the jabs Spoon gave her. But every word Spoon spat at her touched upon one of her insecurities or fears. Anyone could offer frivolous blandishments. Any woman, every woman, was ‘sweetheart’ to Johnnie.
But where it counted, like right now, and noticing all wasn’t right with her mattered most.
“Kendall?” Some of his enthusiasm slipped away and he lifted a brow, studying her intently, noticing something now that actually focused on her. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, not knowing what to say. She never knew what to say. In her entire life, she’d never had anyone to go to whom she could request help from. Even the lover who’d gotten her help for her eating disorder had offered. Kendall couldn’t remember exactly what had triggered the need to hold everything inside.
Her mother had emotionally and mentally checked out from Kendall when Kendall’s dad had been killed. From the age of ten, she’d been lonely and alone. Perhaps, she’d been shy or self-conscious of her height and weight. Even then, she’d been tall for her age and chubby at the time. She…God, the taunts and bullying…no, she couldn’t think of that again. Couldn’t relive it.
Arms enveloped her and she leaned into Johnnie, resting her head beneath his chin.
“Talk to me. What’s the matter?”
She arranged her scrambled thoughts. “I’m…where are w-we going?” she asked instead.
Johnnie disentangled from her and studied her closely. Not seeing anything. Never seeing anything. He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Shopping for a new ride.”
“A…a…oh!” They were leaving so he could buy a car? The compound had several vehicles available. With Spoon’s threats, they shouldn’t venture out so far or anywhere. “Erm—“
“Curb your excitement, love,” Johnnie teased with a rueful chuckle. “I’ve seen more enthusiasm in road kill.”
Unable to resist his banter and the sparkle in his eyes, Kendall rolled her eyes and giggled. “Very funny.” She could do this. Maybe, she could find her backbone. If Megan could kill for her man, Kendall could certainly protect Johnnie in the way she saw fit. She wasn’t an idiot. In spite of all the whirlies in her head, instinct reared up and told her Spoon had prepared a trap for her to walk headlong into.
Well, she wouldn’t do it. She would, however, tell Johnnie about the phone call when she deemed the time right.
“What do you think, Kendall?”
Johnnie glanced at the shiny new Navigator, the chrome wheels and black paint gleaming in the sun. He’d loved his ride and those motherfuckers had shot it up, something else he intended to take out of Spoon’s ass when Johnnie got his hands on him. This new one…fuck…a fucking beaut. And while he could stare at it for hours and decide upon the proper penalty to fit various infractions against his new Navigator, he needed to keep his head about him around Kendall. Otherwise, the first thing he’d do when he drove his SUV off the lot would be parking somewhere and fucking her brains out.
The breeze hitting her face brought color to her cheeks and her wealth of red hair blanketed her shoulders and back. Her height…her curves…she was like no woman he’d ever met. Her exceptional looks made her stand out wherever she happened to be and her long legs…Pausing, he dropped his sunglasses into place and adjusted his dick. He didn’t want to throw her back to a bad place if she happened to see his lustful leer.
As soon as he had Spoon’s nuts decorating his rearview mirror, Johnnie would find a way to help her through everything. Just like grief, recovery from trauma had no timetable. Everyone reacted differently and no one would rush her if they valued their well-being.
“Do you like it?” he asked because she hadn’t answered the original question.
She shrugged. “It’s pretty.” Not much different from his old one, except it was a later model.
“Pretty?” he growled, affronted. “Look at her. She’s a beauty. But I want your opinion.”
“If I don’t like it, you won’t buy it?” she asked with skepticism.
He laughed. “Of course I’ll still buy it, gorgeous.”
“Then why ask me?”
Some of his exuberance slid away and he sighed. So much for sweet, gentle Kendall. He didn’t want her cowering in fear and she had to get the anger and bitterness out of her. He was the only person she could vent to. But, fuck, he wished she wouldn’t argue or find fault over everything. Just because she stayed so unhappy didn’t mean she had to ruin his joy.
He drew in a breath and flinched. If only Kendall could find jus
t a part of her old self. “I wanted to know what you think of it.”
Kendall rolled her eyes and snorted. “It’s a car, Johnnie,” she huffed. “What should I think about it?”
Johnnie scraped his hands through his hair and turned away from her. At the passenger side, he opened the door, on edge over Kendall’s odd behavior. She jerked and jumped at every little sound, reminiscent of the frightened woman she’d been when he’d kidnapped her.
“Tell me if you like it, sweetheart.”
“I haven’t thought one way or the other about it. I have more important things on my mind.”
He was ready to get a nut off over the vehicle and she said it wasn’t important? He scowled at her. “You overthink everything. If you’d just live for one damn day, you’d be happier.”
“I am living,” she flared. “I’m living while Caroline is dead. I’m living while Spoon is hunting for me. I’m living while you insist on putting your stupid club before me.”
Johnnie stiffened and removed his shades, all the better to glare at her. He didn’t want this to spiral into round fucking two hundred fifty in their daily arguments. Not now. He wanted to get the fuck in his car and drive the fuck off the lot. He wanted Kendall to smile. The Death Dwellers meant everything to him. To insult one of them meant insulting all of them. “Don’t call my club stupid, Kendall. It’s me. If you think my club’s stupid, then you think I’m stupid.”
“You’re about to plunk down how much for this vehicle?” She threw him an accusatory stare. “Children are starving. Families are living on the streets.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” he snarled, starting towards her then stopping, knowing what a setback she’d have with an angry approach from him. Every fucking move he made needed a forethought around her. “Whether I buy this motherfucker or not, children will still starve and families will remain homeless, so what the fuck’s your point?”
“It hasn’t been a good month since my release from Spoon—“
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 99