“Kendall?” He didn’t know what else to say, the scene too shocking for him to form quick responses.
She sniffled and swiped at her tears, then glanced at the digital clock. 1:24AM.
He stepped forward. “Kendall—“
“I can’t do this anymore, Johnnie.”
More tears slipped from her eyes and her lips trembled. She shoved a short strand of hair behind her ear. It hadn’t grown back much and she’d cut it evenly after her release from the hospital, styling it into a bob. Long or short, the vibrant red color fascinated him.
“I…you…I can’t share you,” she continued.
He stood in front of her, staring at her bowed head, the silvery tear tracks on her cheeks. Unmatchable fear sliced into him and he reached out to touch her. She flinched away and he dropped his hands, balling his fists at his side. “You don’t have to share me.”
“I tried calling you. Your phone was off. Since I’ve met you your phone has never been off.”
“I needed time alone,” he began, not sure how to explain himself, but knowing he had to attempt to do so. “When I saw Mortician—“
“I know,” she whispered. “I saw your face. How much you miss them.” She blinked away her tears. “I thought if I got you away from them, you’d be mine. I thought you’d finally love me.”
“I do love you,” he managed, his heart beating fast and painful in his chest.
She shook her head. “Once I lost Baby Biker, I knew we were done. I held onto hope and—“
“Kendall, I swear to you. You own my heart. You’re my everything. With or without a baby.” She threw him an accusing stare and he knew it was because of the way he’d referred to their lost baby. But Baby Biker humanized it too much. Gave it a name. Made the loss so much more real. “You can’t leave me.”
Her nostrils flaring, she stared at him and then licked her lips. “I texted Meggie earlier,” she began quietly. “I wanted to know how to fix everything.”
“Kendall—“
“No, Johnnie. It’s okay. I finally got everything all of you had been trying to make me see about her.”
Her heartbroken sob tore through Johnnie and he crouched in front of Kendall, a hare’s breath from dropping to his knees.
“I realized so much. The fact that I need help to get through this. An inkling that I might never want to practice law again on a full-time basis. How much I loved you.”
Hearing her use past tense to describe her feelings for him made him drop one knee. “I love you, Kendall. I swear to you.”
“You’ve shut me out. You plant perfunctory almost-lip kisses to me. Before, you were distracted. Now, you’re just uninterested.”
The other knee went down and, in the back of his mind, he knew he appeared to be on the verge of begging. And, maybe, he was. “Kendall, I’m so, so sorry,” he croaked, desperate for the right words. “I’m not disinterested in you. I didn’t fall in love with you right away—“
“Did you fall instantly in love with Meggie?”
“Instantly in lust,” he admitted. He didn’t want to talk about Megan, but Kendall deserved to know everything. They’d discussed everything while angry or while despairing over some fucked-up event. Taking a chance, he thumbed away her tears. “I want to be able to tell you I didn’t love her at some point, but this is real life, sweetheart, and I’m almost thirty-four-years-old.”
“I’ll be thirty-one in a few months and, before you, I’d never been in love.”
Johnnie nodded. “I can tell you I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. When you’re near me, I only see you. When we’re apart, I think of no one but you.”
“Oh, Johnnie.” Her face crumpled. “You left me tonight. I…you have to make up with Outlaw—“
Johnnie took her hands into his own and kissed her fingertips. “Outlaw? I thought he was Christopher.”
“Not anymore,” she admitted with a smile, reclaiming one of her hands and gliding her fingers through his hair. “I understood why he was called Outlaw that day in the hospital. He was…” She closed her eyes and shuddered. “Brutal.”
“I know. That’s why I got out. He’d always do that to you and Megan—“
Kendall shook her head. “Stop. He was right. What I’ve seen of him, I know he is unerringly honest and oddly fair. He wouldn’t have lit into me without good cause.”
Johnnie sighed.
“You know I’m right.”
Instead of answering, he gave her a reluctant nod. “He wouldn’t have known if Megan—“
“If Meggie what? Hadn’t told him? He’s ruthless where she’s concerned. She was sedated when he questioned her.”
“Sedated or not, she would’ve told him.” And how the hell did she know anyway? “Megan is—“
“Still the delicate, gorgeous girl you met,” she interrupted. “I’ve been so unfair to her and I’ve made you be unfair to her.”
“No. Never.”
“You can’t talk about her now without being so judgmental toward her. At first, I felt vindicated and satisfied. But her only crime was being the embodiment of those girls I dealt with in high school. In looks. In personality, though, she’s worlds apart.”
Johnnie drew her closer and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m tired of having her stand between us. Can you give me a chance? Can we—“
“That’s just it, Johnnie. You miss Christopher and—“
“I love him,” he admitted slowly, “but if it means losing you…” he allowed his voice to trail off.
“He isn’t the cause of me leaving and neither is Meggie. It’s you. Us.” She tensed. “Your cheating.” Her voice broke at that last. “You haven’t made love to me in about six weeks. It bothered me, but, that was before tonight. Before I called and got your voicemail. I could make excuses for everything else.”
“There was a girl,” he rushed out. “Tonight. Her name was Peyton. She offered herself to me but I declined, sweetheart.”
“You haven’t touched me.”
“You’re healing.” Emotionally and physically. He hadn’t known how to approach her before the miscarriage. Now, he didn’t want to hurt her.
Despite the hold he had on her, she stood. The jeans she wore hugged her hips and long legs and the green summer sweater with the V-neck made her tits outstanding.
“Can you take me to a hotel? I can’t stay here any longer, Johnnie. You don’t…you’re not happy here. With me.”
She slipped past him and went to the bed, zipping the duffel bag with trembling hands. What could he do to convince her how he felt and stop her from walking out on him? Although he deserved just this for all the times he’d taken her for granted. She started for the door.
Johnnie jerked around, the coins in his pocket jiggling. The ring. “Kendall, wait. You’ve got to listen to me. If you stay, I promise you I won’t ever treat you as if you’re a second thought. Never again. I swear. When you get pregnant again, I’ll attend every doctor’s appointment. I’ll take you shopping for maternity clothes. Whatever.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “W-will y-you go back to the club?”
“Kendall, gorgeous…” His voice trailed off and he felt like bellowing at the top of his lungs. “It’s me. The club is who I am,” he admitted quietly. “I can’t…I want to be able to…Fuck.”
“You can’t leave it,” she said softly.
He slid into the chair she’d vacated and hung his head, sick inside. He could tell himself all he wanted that he’d walk away for Kendall, but it would come between them. His departure had already come between them. “I’m sorry.”
She turned a little more. “Do you want to live there?”
He nodded. “I can compromise on that. Live wherever you want if you stay.”
Her gaze inscrutable, she studied him. “I…will I be able to get counseling? Have time to figure out where I want to work?”
“Whatever you need, I’ll support you.”
“You won’t think I’m weak for not be
ing able to overcome this on my own?”
“It takes strength to ask for help.”
She gave him a tentative smile and lowered her lashes. “Do you really love me?”
“Yes,” he said hoarsely and shifted to shove his hand in his pants pocket and pull out the ring. He placed it in the palm of his hand and held it out to her. “I’ve had this for a week, trying to figure out the right time to give this to you. The right way.”
Gasping and dropping the duffel bag, her hand flew to her mouth.
Encouraged by her reaction, Johnnie dropped to one knee. “Kendall Miller, my gorgeous, brave lady, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“Johnnie,” she breathed, taking another step closer and closer, until she stood in front of him again.
He sensed her hesitancy. “Please,” he added. “Trust me when I tell you how much I love you. Trust me to give you everything your heart desires and everything you won’t know it wants until I give it you. Say yes.”
“On two conditions.”
If it had something to do with his leaving the club…”They are?”
“I want to decorate our room when we move back to the compound.”
Sure he’d misheard, he blinked, the sparkle in her eyes that had been missing for so long flitting into her gaze.
Stepping into his arms, she urged his head against her belly. “The other condition is I want a cut like Meggie has. Mine will say Property of John Donovan. That way, the world will know you own my heart.”
Johnnie broke out into relieved laughter and hugged her before taking her hand and slipping the ring on. “You got it, gorgeous.”
“Take me to the compound,” she said. “I know the guys are on their run. Catch up to them.”
Johnnie rose to his feet, excited at what his future held. Kendall. The club. His brothers. His brother. “I’ll sleep there tonight and leave when I wake up.”
The smile Kendall gave him was worth every plea he’d made to her tonight. His Kendall. Strong, brave and beautiful. Even though she had many more hurdles to overcome, she’d come so fucking far.
Johnnie was proud to call her his and even prouder to be hers.
Epilogue
Six years earlier
Joseph Foy considered the house in front of him. The place where his little girl lived. Where the only woman he’d ever love resided. Earlier, Dinah had ripped his heart out and banned him from visiting his Meggie again.
Without being told, he knew Thomas Fucking Nicholls was behind this shit. If only Meggie would fucking talk. The girl needed her brain re-fucking-wired. Someone needed to fucking teach her to speak the fuck up.
But Meggie believed she protected Dinah by staying silent about whatever went on behind those fucking doors of this perfect ass house with the upstanding fucking couple.
Twilight had fallen and the night animals were on high alert, sensing a predator in the midst.
Joe smirked. Him. The wooded area behind this house made for perfect fucking burial grounds. He’d gut fucking Thomas Nicholls, bury him, and take his baby girl and his Dinah back to the clubhouse.
Better yet, he’d cut him the fuck up and send him to Logan so that asshole could use this asshole as hog feed.
His cellphone rang, cutting into the plan forming in his mind. He’d have to make Meggie and Dinah go before the bloodshed. But asshole would fuck with Joe’s patience and he’d end up blowing Nicholls the fuck away in front of his daughter and her mother.
Not something he wanted Meggie to see.
His phone rang again. Obviously, brain dead motherfuckers didn’t get the message that Joe didn’t feel like being bothered.
Glancing at the name on the screen, his mood worsened.
K-P.
Motherfucker whined like a pussy over shit. He wasn’t all that fucking happy about fucking Logan Donovan, but, whereas he got a pass, K-P topped Logan’s most wanted list.
If Logan ever unexiled himself…K-P was dead meat. He’d refused to go to Columbia with Logan. Strike fucking one.
Stealing fucking files and shit was strike number two.
And confronting Sebastian fucking Caldwell strike number fucking three.
Resting against his parked bike, Joe lit a cigarette. The third strike saved K-P’s life. Logan ordered him killed in a most gruesome way. Joe refused and warned Logan to back the fuck off.
Dirty, perverted motherfucker. It wasn’t enough Cee Cee had had both of Logan’s daughters. No, the motherfucker had allowed the asshole to rape Zoann.
K-P had gone absolutely ape-shit crazy. All kinds of bad shit would go fucking down if he’d succeeded in killing fucking Cee Cee.
Not that fuckhead didn’t deserve it.
After Meggie and Dinah, Joe’s main concern was Christopher and Johnnie. He sucked on his smoke and snickered. Joey, too. Psychotic pussy-fuck. One day, Joe might get his son help. Who the fuck knew?
Truth be told, he wasn’t all that concerned about Johnnie, either. He already knew almost everything. If he discovered his old man assaulted Bitsy, he’d just find a motherfucker to slice and dice and get the anger out of his system.
Christopher, though. He had a fucking conscious a mile fucking long. Motherfucker didn’t know he did, though. He’d beat the fuck out of himself for the rest of his fucking life if he knew his father had raped his little sister while he’d been on a run.
More than that, if he knew Joe had forced her to take that abortion pill a couple days later to be on the safe side, Christopher might very well kill him. Or fucking try to. One of them would kill the other, eventually, anyway.
Christopher was big on fucking loyalty and Joe had betrayed him in too fucking many ways to count. Sins had a way of catching up with motherfuckers.
Fuck him, if his phone didn’t start fucking ringing again. Fuck. Mortician.
Another motherfucker he wouldn’t talk to tonight. Mortician’s old man, Sharper, was as fucking dirty as the rest of them. Dirtier because he’d taken the one person besides Digger Mortician valued the most.
That fucking slut, Char. Gave birth to Mortician’s son but married fucking Sharper and claimed the baby to be his because Sharper paid her the fuck off.
Mortician had gone fucking wild with his grief and anger. But K-P had handled him. K-P loved the fuck out of Mort.
Maybe, K-P had called earlier because of Mort.
Bunch of grown motherfuckers had more fucking problems than a pussy parlor.
A light flickered on and Joe’s gut twisted. One of them had come to the living room. Meggie? Dinah? Thomas?
He did not like that motherfucker.
If only Meggie fucking talked.
Maybe, after she graduated from college, Joe would let her meet Christopher. Test the fucking waters with those two.
Johnnie wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with her besides fuck her. Mortician didn’t seem inclined to let go of Char anytime soon. And Val wanted Zoann.
Light flickered off and Joe sagged in defeat, an ache in his chest. He deserved this, he supposed. He’d continued to hurt Zoann after Cee Cee had mauled her. He and Rack had held her down and forced the pills into her mouth before stripping her naked and watching her bleed for the next few hours.
If anyone ever hurt his Meggie, the way Zoann had been hurt, he’d fucking kill them in the worst way possible.
Bleakness settled into his soul. Dinah had been right, keeping Meggie in Seattle and away from the club. Meggie would be vulnerable to all of those swinging dicks—friend and foe alike.
Even now, at thirteen, she was fucking gorgeous. None of the boys would touch her until she became of age, but, the moment she did, he’d have a fucking free-for-all on his hands. His guess was Meggie would choose one of the bad-ass young fucks in the club. Christopher or Johnnie. So be it. That wouldn’t happen until after she graduated.
Besides, he was fucking proud of her. Sooner or later, he’d tell Joey about his sister, introduce them, and show her off at the club.
“Joe?”
Dinah’s soft voice startled him back to the present. He hadn’t heard her approach. She stood in front of him, a blanket wrapped around her arms and body. Her blonde hair fluttered in the cold evening breeze.
“You have to leave,” she whispered, the tracks of her tears catching a ray of waning light. “You can’t come here anymore.”
Joe gritted his teeth. “You fucking told me already, Dinah. A few fucking hours ago.”
“Why are you still here? You should be almost back to Hortensia.”
“I’m fucking leaving in a few.”
“Leave now,” she ordered.
“I’ll leave when I’m good and motherfucking ready.”
“I’m doing this for Meggie.” Her tone wheedled, startling and annoying the fuck out of Joe. “You can’t come here again.”
“You’re doing this for that fuck you’re married to.”
She looked so pale. Fuck Meggie talking. Dinah was the adult. She should speak the fuck up. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, a premonition that this would be the last time he ever held her stealing the joy of the moment.
“Leave with me. Get Meggie and come back to the club.”
She shook her head, as he knew she would. “No. I can’t. I couldn’t handle the women then. And, now, Meggie is growing up. I can’t have her around all those men.”
“I’ll buy you a house. Big. Little. Small.” Whatever. Just as long as he had them with him.
He’d demand Logan find another fucking source of income. Enough was enough anyway. He couldn’t fucking take it anymore. Every time he saw Meggie, he thought about one of those girls he and Rack helped transport for fucking Logan.
At Logan’s suggestion, he’d started shooting up just to deal with this bullshit. Joe was moving the club away from Logan’s form of money making. He was starting to run guns. Christopher had begun a hydrogrow operation.
Before Christopher, Johnnie, Mortician, or Val ever found out—before K-P did something stupid—Joe would make this right.
“Dinah—”
She turned away from him. “Leave. Meggie has been crying all night. If she sees you, it’ll only make it worse.”
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 117