“At one time,” he gritted without hesitation, not bringing up the fact that his fascination had gone deeper than that. It irritated the fuck out of him she remained fixated on him and Megan, when they needed to work on their issues. “Now, we’re friends, Kendall,” he repeated for the millionth time.
“If you had a chance to sleep with her now, as a friend, would you?”
His annoyance grew, but he answered her. “To subject myself to the hell I went through to get over her? Not in a million fucking years.”
“Your decision has nothing to do with me?”
“Should it? Did your decision to jeopardize your life and Baby Biker’s by going to Spoon have anything to do with me? What about when you left six months ago? Or when you just waltzed back into my life? What about when you made me choose between you or the club? In what fucking instance, did any of those decisions, have to do with me?”
She’d gone pale at his words and building anger, but the entire meeting exhausted him. Love wasn’t for him. Perhaps, he wasn’t loveable. Or, maybe, he didn’t have the patience for it.
“I’ll support this baby, Kendall,” he promised, reminding himself that they were over for good. “Whether you allow me to see it or not, I’ll send money to you every month.”
Instead of responding, she stared at him, her chin trembling. What the fuck went through her mind?
He wished he knew.
Kendall Miller stared at Johnnie, hoping she hadn’t miscalculated by confessing to wanting to sleep with Christopher. It seemed like years ago, instead of months. Her impulsivity served as a huge catalyst for her walking away from Johnnie, and the surprise wedding he’d planned. Another had been herself and her inability to fit in and feel as if she belonged. She’d been so hurt that he’d sent her away to the wellness retreat. To her, he’d subjected her to another form of desertion.
Then, she’d discovered he had intended to surprise her with his intentions to build her a house. Even his decision to marry her had been done with her well-being in mind. She’d been crushed and insulted. Now, though, she’d give anything to turn back the hands of time.
Johnnie didn’t seem bothered by the fact that she said she wanted to sleep with Christopher. Nor had he had any problems telling her he’d been sleeping with other women. His insistence that he’d never sleep with Meggie, served as a very small consolation because it had nothing to do with her.
As Johnnie questioned her and asked which of her decisions had been made on his behalf, she heard his resentment, anger and hurt, feelings she’d never known he’d had. Especially, his feelings about their Baby Biker.
Neither of them had discussed any of this in depth. Kendall hadn’t focused on the baby, either. Her connection to it had been tenuous at best. She’d been too concerned about her weight gain and Meggie’s life, her assaults and the suicides of her sister and mother. So the baby had been on her mind, but not really. Apparently, Johnnie didn’t feel the same.
Why hadn’t she known that?
“Did you hear me?”
At his distant tone, fear slid into her. She didn’t want to believe he’d just given up on them. He couldn’t have. He’d sworn he’d always be there for her. Her mind working a million miles a minute, she said, “Which part?”
“Any of it.”
“Yes. I heard everything you’ve said. Including the part about your date,” she said tightly, so jealous she couldn’t see straight.
At least with Meggie, she knew her competition. An unknown factor to her, Johnnie’s date compelled her to action before she lost him completely. She hadn’t intended to take things so fast. Instead, she’d hoped they’d spend time rediscovering each other and anticipating the birth of their child. Unfortunately, time wasn’t on her side. Johnnie was determined to keep his distance and never forgive her. If she left, he might succeed.
“Our baby will be born in a few weeks.”
He lifted a brow and waited for her to continue.
“I-I came today because I missed you and…and I want to stay here with you until I deliver.”
Denial covered his face even before he shook his head.
“Anything can happen in these last weeks,” she insisted.
His jaw clenched and his fists tightened. “Stay with Brooks and Charlotte. They’re so willing to protect you from me.”
Her feet hurt so bad she hated to stand up but she had to. If she were closer to him, maybe, he’d remember that he’d once loved her and vowed to protect her. “I work,” she said, a half-truth. She had only been back at the firm for six weeks before she’d gone on maternity leave, three days ago. “I’ll be here with you at night.” She had to stress who she intended to spend her time with. Johnnie could very well agree, and then spend his nights somewhere else.
“First—”
She reseated herself at the edge of the bed and pressed one hand to the small of her back and the other to her stomach. Every time she touched her belly, he watched her and some of his anger evaporated. “Please, Johnnie. This is our baby. I don’t want to be alone and…and if you’re not here, who knows what Christopher might do to me.” Although she hadn’t considered he’d searched for her to kill her, once Johnnie said it, it made sense. She didn’t know why she’d expect any different from him.
Was she attracted to the asshole? When he’d picked up on her signals, had she sent them not only as a way to get Johnnie’s attention and bring Meggie down a peg or two, but, because, she desired Christopher, too?
The thought didn’t disgust her as much as it should have. She also considered a more intriguing idea. Maybe, if she got him on her side, she’d somehow win Johnnie back.
Johnnie rubbed his eyes. “Kendall, if you tell Megan what happened in Hawaii, there’ll be no good end to this.”
Kendall pasted a bland smile on her face. “She probably already knows.”
“She’s pregnant with twins,” he said with a snort. “Christopher hardly lets her walk from point A to point B. You think he’d tell her what the fuck you offered?”
“I just wanted your attention.” And, if she were honest, she really had wanted to bring Meggie down a peg or two. Ms. Golden Pussy.
And, Kendall wanted to prove she was as good as Meggie and get Christopher’s attention as Meggie had gotten Johnnie’s.
“You thought sleeping with my brother was the way to get my attention?” Johnnie asked in disbelief.
She nodded. Embarrassment rose within her at his question. It made her sound as conscienceless as Christopher. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I was desperate. I love you so much.”
The baby kicked and she winced, the movements more pronounced in her sitting position. This move hadn’t been calculated to grab Johnnie’s attention. It happened anyway.
“It moved?”
His awed voice made her all the more determined to fight for him. He was going to be a wonderful father and husband. Even now, in all his fury, he’d been watching her so closely he saw the ripple of her belly through her thin dress. The revelation thrilled her. She didn’t have to manipulate him into noticing her. He was aware of her, but he was just too stubborn to admit it. “Yes, it moved.”
Smiling, he walked over and sat, laying his big hand on her belly, not asking permission to do so. She carried his child, so he’d consider it his right to touch her. The baby moved again.
“Fuck,” he said around a laugh, then sobered and stared into her eyes.
Desire flashed in his, but he blinked it away. Unable to stop herself, she leaned toward him and brushed her mouth against his. He stiffened for a moment before relenting and returning her kiss. All their pent-up passion broke under the weight of so many months of separation.
Kendall knew lovemaking shouldn’t enter into the equation now. It wouldn’t solve anything, but she needed sex. Almost afraid he’d push her away, she shoved her hands under his jacket and undid the top button on his shirt and another one, before sliding her fingers beneath the material to his hot ski
n. One of his hands cradled the back of her head while the other caressed her breast. Her nipple swelled immediately and she groaned.
He shoved the top of her dress down, and growled in frustration at the sight of her bra. Then, he froze and jumped to his feet.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Keep the door locked, Kendall. You can stay at the clubhouse until after the birth of the baby.”
He went to the door, not once looking at her as he capitulated to her moving back in even as he denied her access to his body. He yanked the door open.
“Where are you going?” she asked in a small voice.
“To my date,” he threw over his shoulder. “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean anything will change between us. We had a misalliance from the beginning. We’re not meant to be together. I’m not fucking you and giving you any hope that it’ll be different. You either accept my offer or not. But it’s the most I’ll give.”
“I deserve better.”
“You deserve whatever you want, but there are some things I deserve, too.”
Not giving her a chance to respond, he walked out and closed the door behind him.
Dear Diary,
I’m a wreck. It’s been three days. Three days of hell, tears, heartache, and pain. I can’t believe I left him. My actions have stunned me, and I have no words to express my anguish. Each time one of the girls or Mortician calls, I cry more, though I don’t answer. But Johnnie hasn’t called and neither has Meggie.
Perhaps, walking away was the right thing to do?
You’d think that I would know that answer. Look where I’m at! Not with Johnnie, by my own doing.
How could I have done such a thing? Charlotte and Brooks Redding insist I take a few days to straighten out my thoughts. I’ve never known how.
From the age of nineteen until the age of twenty-eight, I was in therapy. I voluntarily walked away when I met Spoon. I knew if he ever found out, he’d never want me. After nine years of therapy, I had a handle on myself, anyway.
Although Brooks has stepped in and acted as the father I lost at the age of ten, he actually got annoyed with me. He went so far as to insist I look down on Meggie for doing what Christopher asks of her, when I ignored my well-being for the sake of a man who didn’t deserve it.
How could he make such comparisons? Meggie’s entire life is built around Christopher. I chose to leave therapy. It was a decision that Spoon had nothing to do with. Instead of letting up on me, Brooks told me Christopher would never ask Meggie to ignore her well-being because of him.
Even as I write this, my hand trembles and tears smear the ink. Is Brooks Redding an expert on Megan Caldwell? He hasn’t been subjected to the asshole she’s married to, on a day-to-day basis.
Brooks lost patience with me and suggested I get help on a long-term basis. He said my problems are deeply rooted and I’ll never get better if I don’t address them.
I just don’t know what to do. If only I had Johnnie here to advise me.
Chapter 2: Just a Fraction of the Amount
Johnnie walked into the house, not really wanting to be there. Bursts of laughter, snippets of conversation, the squeals of children, and loud music filled his head. As he made his way to the huge den, he paused to survey the work he, Christopher, Val, and Mort had done earlier. Crepe wedding bells, streamers, a huge sign that read Congrats Mort and Bailey, and enough flowers for the place to resemble a hothouse.
Threading through the people, he reached the edge of the makeshift dance floor. On the other side of it, Megan sat on the sofa, her belly round, her face awash with happiness. Christopher stood nearby talking to guests who were unknown to Johnnie. Mort had Bailey wrapped in his arms as they moved on the dance floor to a slow song, but Johnnie saw no sign of Val or Zoann. CJ, Ryan, or Harley wasn’t around, so his cousin and her husband must be with the kids. All the better. Zoann looked ready to burst, way overdue delivering her and Val’s second baby. Or so Johnnie believed.
A hand touched his shoulder and he tensed, half expecting to hear Kendall’s voice.
“Hey, you,” Sherilyn cooed, wrapping her arms around his waist.
At that moment, Megan caught sight of him and offered him a smile. As she watched Sherilyn slink in front of him and bite his chin, her eyes narrowed. One eye on Megan, he gave Sherilyn an open-mouthed kiss and patted her ass.
“Get me a drink,” he told her.
“Can we leave soon?”
He kissed her again. “One drink, then we can go to your place so we can fuck the night away.”
Her gray eyes lightened with pleasure and she sashayed away, blonde hair swinging. Golden hair resembling Megan’s was beside the point. She had Kendall’s height with breasts even bigger and a bubble of an ass that he gripped as he drove into her.
The moment she walked away, Megan signaled to him. He started to ignore her, but, under the threat of death, they’d been warned not to stress her out and she clearly was. No, not really. The tightness around her mouth and pinched features indicated anger, not anxiety. Halfway to her, Christopher caught sight of Johnnie’s advance and narrowed his eyes. It surprised Johnnie, but Christopher continued with his conversation.
“What?” Johnnie snapped when he reached Megan and sat next to her.
She stiffened, her cheeks flushing, her upswept blonde hair allowing him a perfect view of her profile. “Where’s Kendall?”
“None of your business,” he told her, angry that she’d interfered. He’d had to twist her arm to lock down her help for the wedding-that-didn’t-happen. “You had no right to invite her.”
“Wrong, moron. She called me and when I told her about Bailey’s wedding, she sounded so lost. I thought being around us, you, would cheer her up.”
“You should’ve asked my fucking permission first.”
“I only ask Christopher’s permission for anything I’m in doubt of,” she said with a little sniff.
“You overstepped your bounds with me, as usual,” he said tightly. “Now she’s here in my room and I have to see to my fucking date. I should send her here to make you entertain her.”
“Go ahead. I won’t mind,” she spat. “Kendall and I are friends. While you’re being an idiot and ruining this chance with her, we’ll be catching up.”
He laughed a brittle, hollow sound that echoed in his head. Did she know Kendall wanted to sleep with Christopher? Kendall’s behavior pissed him the fuck off, but he’d come to expect the unexpected with her. As she saw it, life amounted to war with definitive battle lines that placed her on one side and everyone else on the other.
“Don’t go with your date,” Megan whispered frantically. “Please. Don’t do this to her.”
Fuck her for her guilt trip.
Sherilyn plastered a smile on her face. “Hello,” she said, holding out a highball glass. “Who are you?”
Megan glanced between him and Sherilyn, whose gaze had dropped to Megan’s stomach.
“I’m Megan,” she greeted cordially.
Glancing between him and Megan as if judging the status of their relationship by how close they sat to one another, Sherilyn widened her eyes, waiting for further explanation. Despite Megan’s wedding set, the diamond encrusted band and the sapphire and diamond engagement ring on her finger and knowing Johnnie wasn’t married, Sherilyn glared at him, then transferred the look to Megan.
As CEO of a software company with a hundred employees, Sherilyn had a tough, no-nonsense attitude—an eat-you-up-and-spit-you-out type of woman. In comparison, Megan looked small and delicate and was the type of girl Sherilyn had no time for.
“Is he your baby’s father?” she asked, nodding between Megan’s bulge and Johnnie.
“No,” Christopher snarled, “I fuckin’ am.”
“You, Outlaw?” she asked, truly surprised.
Megan frowned. “You know Christopher?”
“Only from what I’ve heard from Johnnie,” she offered coolly.
“Then you gotta have fuckin’ heard it’s in your b
est fuckin’ interest not to fuck with my wife.”
Megan grabbed Christopher’s hand and rose awkwardly to her feet.
“Sit the fuck down, Megan,” Christopher gritted, pushing on her shoulder to urge her back down. Not forcefully, though, so she didn’t budge.
“Yo, John Boy, Prez,” Mort broke in from behind Johnnie.
“What?” Johnnie and Christopher barked in unison.
“Don’t ruin his wedding with a fight, that’s what,” Megan grouched, glaring between Johnnie and Christopher.
Sherilyn entwined her arm with Johnnie’s and smiled at Mortician. “We’ll be out of the way just as soon as he’s finished with his scotch.”
Mortician rolled his eyes and headed back to Bailey, while Christopher tuned them out, turning his focus completely to Megan. Neither of them cared who Johnnie fucked or didn’t fuck. They had their women.
Sherilyn was talking to him, but ignored her, listening to how Christopher interacted with Megan.
Hands on her waist, he bent and nosed Megan’s hair before nuzzling her neck. Whatever he whispered in her ear made her blush and giggle.
“Gotta toast Mort, baby, then let’s go upstairs to our room so I can eat your pussy.”
Standing on tiptoes, she whispered to him and he smirked at her. “I love you.”
He gave her a half-smile. “I love the fuck outta you.”
“Can we go now?” Sherilyn breathed into Johnnie’s ear, pressing her tits against his arm.
Her tits, more than her question, captured his attention.
“If you’ve heard one wedding toast, you’ve heard them all.”
Close enough to Megan to overhear her conversation with Christopher, she likewise heard Sherilyn, so Johnnie felt no surprise over her disappointed frown at Sherilyn’s words.
“Listen up, motherfuckers,” Christopher yelled over the noise, grabbing everyone’s attention, including Sherilyn’s. It proved she’d never heard Christopher’s style of toasting.
The noise didn’t die out completely, so Christopher whistled, then roared, “Yo, motherfuckers! I gotta fucking toast the motherfucker of the day and his girl, so shut the fuck up.”
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 210