Val’s slip-up started Fee’s tears all over again. Flushing at Zoann’s warning glower, he guided her back to her room. “If you need me, just call me on my cellphone,” he instructed, before leaving Fee alone with her miserable thoughts.
She’d just cried herself to sleep when she was shaken awake. Turning, she met Meggie’s unreadable gaze.
Fee bolted up and held out her hands, knowing Christopher had told his wife about how she’d helped Kendall.
“Meggie, I’m so very sorry. Please, accept my apology.”
“May I?” she responded, nodding to the edge of the bed, next to Fee.
She scooted over. “Of course.”
Sitting beside her, Meggie grabbed Fee’s hand. “You do feel warm. Val called and told me you might have fever.”
She felt like crap, too. “I’m fine.”
“I’ll come back later, when you’re feeling better.”
“No! Please. Stay. I’ll never rest if you leave now. How’s my brother?”
“Christopher’s very angry.”
“I know! I’m sorry I gave in to Kendall’s demands. Don’t hate me.”
“Of course I don’t hate you. I’m angry with Kendall more than I am with you. I went to talk to her, but Johnnie said she’s gone.”
“G-gone? What does that mean?”
“I suppose it means he’s hiding her from Christopher,” she said with a sad sigh, releasing her hand. “As upset as she has me, I pity her more than scorn her. What sane person throws fuel on my husband’s temper? What logical woman goes out of her way to get another man’s attentions when she has a husband who loves her as Johnnie does? She doesn’t even see that because she’s so fixated on Christopher.”
She was just as fixated on Meggie, but Fee held her tongue.
“She can’t see that she’ll ruin our family if she drives Christopher to kill her. My family is her family. The woman is impossible.” Meggie tipped her chin down, her shoulders wilting. Nine times out of ten, she found a positive spin on everything. Today, tension, fatigue, and sadness surrounded her.
“I didn’t know what to do. I went to Johnnie,” Fee admitted, knowing Meggie wouldn’t hold it against her, though she’d never confess Kendall’s role in her stabbing. That was a secret she’d take to her grave. “I told Cash and Stretch, but they were as afraid of Kendall as I was.”
“You could’ve told Christopher. Yes, he would’ve been angry,” Meggie added quickly when Fee opened her mouth to interrupt, “but he wouldn’t have been betrayed as your brother and your boss.”
“I’m not going to take the payment he offered,” Fee swore. “Even if I decided to go back to school. I’ll find a way to pay for it myself.” She drew in a sob. “I thought Kendall needed a friend. I thought…I felt…Oh, Meggie!”
“You felt as if everyone had deserted her,” Meggie guessed.
“Yes.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. I felt the same way at one time. While it’s true Kendall does need friends, she needs to be one herself. I admired her a lot, but she never allowed me to be me. She never respected the person I wanted to be.”
“Christopher tried to warn me,” Fee confessed. “When I first started working there, he said Kendall would get me on her side and make me forget what he needed me to do.”
“He’s always maintained that she isn’t my friend. Never has been and never will be.”
He was probably right, but enough heartache was going around. She didn’t need to tell Meggie that and add to the drama.
“It hurt me at one time,” Meggie went on. “He and Johnnie are so close, I wanted Kendall and me to be. I put myself in her place, though. All the hurt and grief she went through. Knowing Johnnie had been in love with me.”
Crap. What?
Another sad smile from Meggie. “Maybe, I stuck by her out of guilt. Wanting to make up for the fact that, at one time, Johnnie compared us and tried to mold her to be like me. I hated that so much. That isn’t to say that Kendall didn’t have it in for me from the moment I said ‘hello’. Well before I knew who she was to him. She never understood how much I loved Christopher. The moment I met him, I was lost. Part of the reason Kendall walked away from Johnnie was because of me. She needed to do that, though, to make him realize her value. Guilt also drove her away. She’d come on to Christopher.”
“What a tangled history you two share.”
“Yes. I wanted you to have some insight into her. I wanted you to know that though I understand the root of her problems, her behavior is still unacceptable. I overlooked a lot from her but after what happened with that gun deal. I refuse to enable her any longer. Kendall will always have a place at my table. In my house. In my life. As Johnnie’s wife. As Christopher’s sister-in-law. But that’s it. I won’t divulge secrets to her nor will I trust her.”
“What can I do to have Christopher forgive me? Even though she blackmailed me and I told myself I wasn’t her friend anymore, she still hurt me. I’m so sorry Meggie,” she blurted again.
“Apology accepted, Fee. Let’s move on. This is just a day in the life of being Christopher’s wife.”
Fee hugged Meggie. They’d befriended each other from the moment Christopher introduced them over the last Christmas holiday the entire family had been together.
“I could’ve ruined your marriage,” she whispered, the impact of that statement hitting her hard.
“I had to get it all together in my head, Fee. Christopher wouldn’t cheat on me. My heart told me that, but my head was something completely different. Mortician once pointed out how the heart and the head don’t match sometimes.” Meggie picked at imaginary lint on her sundress. “Women are always around Christopher. I hate it, but he has his brothers to think about. My husband’s an open book to me. Why would he give me access to his phone, his computers, his mail, his pickup, his office, everything, if he intended to cheat? Were those emails and text sent from his accounts? Yes. It just wasn’t adding up, though. But you didn’t know that. That’s the anger and hurt I have to get over toward you. The fact that you could’ve hurt what me and Christopher have.”
“Zoann wouldn’t have listened to anything Val has to say,” she blurted. “She doesn’t have the patience.”
“So Kendall did intend to have Daphne screw with Val, too? Or was it either-or?”
Why had she opened her mouth? She and Meggie were talking the situation out like reasonable adults. Between Zoann’s forgiveness and Meggie’s explanations, Fee had started to feel better.
“Never mind, Fee. Your silence says it all.” Meggie wrinkled her nose. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this but since you went along with Kendall’s crazy scheme, you chose wisely. Zoann loves Val, but he would’ve had a hard road ahead before she would’ve listened to any explanation he had. It would’ve been a mess. I told Christopher that this morning when he explained what happened. He agreed, although he’s still angry. You hurt him.”
“I know. Tell me how to make it up to him.”
Standing, Meggie gave her a gentle smile. “Give him time. He’ll come around eventually. Meanwhile, you focus on getting well and I’ll check on you later.”
After giving Fee another hug, Meggie departed, leaving Fee to breathe a little easier in the wake of her forgiveness.
Stretch hobbled along the edges of the gate as his duty time slugged by. At close to nine in the morning, he’d already been on his detail for three hours. He’d take a piss break soon and sneak to Zoann’s house to talk to Fee. Outlaw’s rightful anger devastated her. Although they’d wanted to accompany her to her sister’s house last night, Val told them to stay away. Enough problems existed without their presence adding to it.
Fee’s phone was off, and Cash rode out with Outlaw a while ago, so that left Stretch to stew and ponder.
“Stretch!” Slipper called from behind him.
Wary, he turned, frowning at Slipper’s burp. He was so fucking gross. “What?”
“Prez around?”
He didn’t like that question. Slipper had Outlaw’s phone number just like the rest of them. “Call him and ask.” He’d been scared when Slipper had barged into the room, but Stretch decided he had to stand up for himself. If he was going to die, he’d die fighting as he’d decided when he fought for Hanson.
Hanson hadn’t survived, but Stretch had. As fucked up as the sentiment was, life went on. It didn’t mean he’d ever forget his friend. It meant he was ready to use the second chance he’d been given.
“I haven’t been calling him much lately. The way he shot Mink and Rock scared me a little. I don’t want him to turn on me if I say the wrong thing, brother.”
Brother? Was Slipper really accepting him that easily? All Stretch could do was trust the man’s words and stay vigilant.
“You know Outlaw, Slipper. He’s said his peace, meted out the punishments, and moved on. You need to do the same.”
The sight of Zoann’s car coming from the access road and heading in his direction made him tune Slipper’s response out. He had several things to ask her.
As she rolled up to the keypad to punch in her code, Stretch indicated she roll down her window.
“Hey,” she called. “Everything okay?”
The day of Fee’s release she’d looked the other way when Stretch gave Fee the rose. “Is it okay to visit Fee later?”
“Sure, baby. You can visit any time you like,” she said, then leaned over and punched in a number.
“You have a minute?” he said quickly, while he still had the courage. Zoann was as intimidating as Outlaw and Johnnie. “There’s something I’d like to ask you.”
She sat back and shielded her eyes from the sun. “How can I help you?”
“I’ve been scarred and crippled for months and in pain just as long,” he started. “O-Outlaw offered to pay for whatever surgery I wanted. I’m ready to undergo all necessary operations so I can walk without a cane. I, um, I need to be able to protect Fee.”
Her grin lit up her face. “Good for you, Stretch! I know several bone and joint surgeons.”
“I have one already. If you know a good plastic surgeon, I’d appreciate a name and number.”
“I’ll look through my contacts,” she promised, a curious light in her eyes. “This isn’t a snap decision because of Fee, is it? You have to do this for yourself as much as for my sister.”
Grinning, Stretch shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. This isn’t a snap decision, but it was Fee who decided me.” No, it was Slipper, but he wouldn’t mention that since it didn’t seem any of the girls knew about the incident. “I want to be the best I can be for her.” Glancing over his shoulder, he stepped closer to the car. Slipper lagged in the background. “And for Cash,” he admitted on a whisper. “For me, too.”
“It’s okay, Stretch. I understand. You’re going to get the best of everything. I have an appointment to get to, but later on, I want the name of this orthopedic surgeon. If I don’t feel he’s good enough for you, you’re getting another one.”
He saluted her, laughing at her flip-off.
“Get used to it,” she ordered, finally punching in her code so the gate could slide open. “You’re part of my family now.”
As he watched her drive off, Stretch allowed those words to turn over in his head and stiffened his spine. Maybe, being amongst the living wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
Dragging herself from the bedroom, Kendall headed to the kitchen, waiting for the sounds of Rory and Johnnie. Knowing they wouldn’t come. By now, her household would be awake and she’d be heading to her home office, after going to Matilda’s nursery to change her from nightwear and into her morning robe and a clean diaper. Sometimes, she fed and bathed her daughter. Most times, she waited for Ella and sat in the rocking chair, reading to her. Bonding with her. Being the mother to her that her mother had never been. To her little girl. But her son?
Rory listened to Kendall out of fear and wanted to emulate Johnnie out of love. She wished she could change that, break the vicious cycle that began with her mother. Marie would leave Kendall alone in the dark for hours. Well before Carolyn’s birth, her mother berated her and…and abused her
Spinning around, she went to the living room and plopped onto the sofa, falling sideways onto the cushion and sobbing.
Though she didn’t want her own son to be afraid of her, that was the only way she knew how to control him. She’d lost control of Johnnie and she’d never been able to control Christopher. She refused to have Rory turn into him…them, she meant. A biker. CJ.
Christopher. Homicidal maniacal fucker.
More tears slid down her cheeks and she covered her ears, the sounds of silence maddening to her. She wanted her family. Her children. Her husband. Her big house.
Cash had brought her to the middle of nowhere, claiming this was the only safe house suitable for a woman like her. The way he’d sneered those words let Kendall know he didn’t care one way or the other about her comfort. Instead of bringing her there, he could’ve put her on a flight to Bermuda. But, no, he’d sent her to a small house that could fit inside the first floor of her mansion two times over.
Kendall raised her head and swiped at her cheeks, taking in everything and ignoring the rumbles of her stomach. The fine décor surprised her, although the bat leaning against the wall annoyed her. Cash had said it was for protection. Jackass. If someone with a gun came after her, a bat would do no good. Unless this was a setup and Cash had led her here so Christopher could find her.
Real fear hit her and she jumped up, rushing to her phone where it lay on the nightstand in the bedroom. That had to be it! After all she’d done, especially to Fee, Cash wouldn’t want to help her. She had to call Johnnie and tell him…God!
Johnnie had insisted she go, not caring that Cash could’ve been sent to kill her on Outlaw’s orders. Not caring that Kendall didn’t want to leave or that she was pregnant for him. He’d taken her kids away, her maid away, her house away. He’d taken himself away.
Stumbling to the edge of the bed, Kendall digested that. Roxy had pretended to care about her, but left without a trace. She’d talked to Meggie but couldn’t take the time for Kendall. That hurt more than Kendall wanted to admit. She’d adored Roxy, believed in her, then she’d just deserted her. Like Meggie. And Johnnie.
The only person she’d truly wronged was Fee, who’d tried to be her friend. Time and again, she’d trampled on Fee’s trust, committing the ultimate betrayal and revealing to Outlaw just what Fee knew of her intentions.
In the cold light of day, with not a soul around, Kendall’s rash decision stunned her. She jumped up again and went to the bag she’d packed her personal items in, finding her bottles of anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
She took three different medicines just to be normal. No one knew that. Not even Johnnie. It shamed her to admit that she was so…so crazy. But she’d hurt Fee because she’d been hurt. She hurt Rory because she hated CJ.
What kind of mother did that to her own son? What adult despised a small boy? She resented CJ so much. Everyone adored him. No one bothered to correct his speech or tell him that he sounded like a little idiot. His younger brother and sister spoke better than he did. Yet, they let it slide, while scrutinizing and criticizing her every move.
Untwisting each bottle cap, she poured the pills on the bed. The world would be so much better without her. All she’d ever done was hurt the ones she loved because they refused to understand her. It wasn’t their place to understand her. It was her place to get them to.
She made Johnnie miserable. Her death would free him to find love and happiness. He’d already thrown her away. Without Johnnie, she was lost and alone, without an anchor. Johnnie’s support and love gave her the freedom to be herself. He’d protect her, no matter what web she weaved. When had she ever reciprocated? Let him just be the man she’d met so long ago.
Kendall’s stomach growled. She and the baby were hungry, and they had no one the
re to prepare her food. She was all alone.
Kill yourself.
Another sob escaped the back of her throat.
Her mom and her little sister had committed suicide. They’d left her. Not wanting her. Not believing in her.
Johnnie just wanted her back on her anti-depressants. He wanted her normal. At any cost. Their marriage. Their new baby.
She touched her belly, so sorry she’d gotten pregnant. At this point, she couldn’t remember why she’d done it. Yes, she wanted more children, but this baby had been to spite Meggie. Kendall had intended to have Johnnie deliver her baby as he’d delivered Meggie’s. She would’ve been back at the law firm because Christopher would see her as an invaluable asset to the club. Brooks would’ve offered her full partnership and Charlotte would’ve opened social doors for her that had always been locked to someone with Kendall’s background.
Do you want to die or not?
The question taunted her. She didn’t want to die. She wanted Johnnie. She loved him, but she didn’t know how to show it. He always ruined his lessons on love by cutting betrayal. Staying friends with Meggie, when a part of him would never stop loving her. Sending Kendall away, when things got too rough.
Wiping her nose on her forearm, Kendall stared at the pills. Instead of killing herself, she needed to get rid of this unwanted baby. Johnnie told her, more than once, to abort it. Aborting it would be too easy. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t love her again.
Filled with new determination, Kendall got her phone and sent Cash a text. Where am I?
While she awaited his answer, she dug through her purse. After Cash declined to help her, she’d asked Charlotte to discover the name of Cash’s supplier. Each of their files had so many different names, with no identifying titles. Working at the firm, she’d made sure to stay up-to-date on Johnnie and Christopher’s information. But Cash’s? Luckily, Brooks did know and gave it to Charlotte.
Charlotte! Kendall sniffled as she thought of her friend’s heartache at losing everything, including her beloved son-in-law. Oh God!
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 359