Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

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Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy Page 13

by Luke Young


  Nicole grabbed the glass. “Yeah, but we’re starving. Whatever you’re cooking smells amazing.”

  “You two look amazing.” He sipped from his glass. “If I didn’t have to get downstairs, I’d…”

  “We were just talking about you. It could be your lucky night.” Christie sipped from her glass before fluttering her lashes. “A few glasses of wine, who knows what, might happen.”

  He swallowed hard. “I’ll do my best to keep up.”

  Nicole shot him a suggestive look. “We hope that you’re well rested.”

  “Uh, yeah, I think I am.” He took a few steps backward, his eyes still locked on their wet naked bodies. “I’ll, um, let you know when dinner’s ready.”

  “Leaving so soon.” Nicole rose on her knees, grabbing a loofah and sensuously gliding it down between her breasts.

  He watched her unblinkingly with his lips parted. “Well, yes. You guys enjoy the bath. I think something might be burning.” Turning quickly, he attempted to escape from the room, but struck the doorframe with his shoulder instead. “Ouch.”

  The women shared a giggle. Christie asked, “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” He looked back, rolling his eyes and rubbing his shoulder. “At least I didn’t spill this.” Motioning with a head nod to his glass, he flashed them a sexy smile. “Let me try this again.”

  He headed out successfully on his second try. Standing inside the bedroom, he froze, thinking. After running a hand over his face, he placed his wineglass on the dresser. He rushed to his suitcase, flipped it open quickly and rifled through the bag on a desperate search. After locating his small black case, he placed it on the dresser and unzipped it. He pulled the Forlong pills George had given him from the bag and studied the bottle.

  Reading the label, he whispered to himself, “Take one tablet.”

  He opened the bottle, dropped a pill into his palm then swallowed it with a gulp of wine.

  After tossing the bottle back in the case, he paused a moment, cocking his head.

  There are two of them, so, maybe…

  He shrugged, grabbed a second pill from the bottle and swallowed it along with the rest of his wine. He hurried downstairs wearing a wide smile and with a spring in his step.

  The three enjoyed Anne’s spectacular marinara sauce over pasta along with a salad he had prepared. With the meal consumed, Eli cleared the plates and came back to the dining room with another bottle of wine. He topped off their glasses and a strange look spread over his face. Grimacing, he adjusted his shorts as he returned to his seat.

  Glancing down at his growing bulge, he grinned before taking a sip of wine. “I’ve been thinking about you both all day.”

  “You have?” Christie asked.

  He nodded, squirming in his seat. Suddenly he scowled and reached down to adjust his crotch.

  Nicole quipped, “Hey, don’t start without us.”

  He chuckled, placing his hands on the table. “Why don’t we finish this bottle upstairs?”

  “That’s a great idea.” Christie picked up her glass and rose to her feet, shooting him a naughty smile.

  Christie and Nicole wore sexy underwear as they waited in bed for him to come out of the bathroom. Pulling the waistband of his boxer briefs out, he gazed proudly at his massive and super-hard erection.

  He released the waistband and wore an uncomfortable expression as his boxer briefs struggled to contain him in his excited state. Rubbing his hands together, he studied his reflection in the mirror, whispering, “You can do this!”

  He strutted into the room with a slight limp, his enormous bulge unmistakable.

  Christie widened her eyes. “Gee, you are ready to go.”

  Nicole asked, “How long has it been for you?”

  “Obviously a little too long,” he replied. “Just a second.”

  Cringing, he gingerly removed his boxer briefs then looked down proudly. He said softly, “Thank you George.”

  “What?” Nicole asked before getting sidetracked by his impressive boner. Her eyes went there and her lips parted. “Wow.”

  “Oh my.” Christie patted the empty space next to her. “Get over here.”

  He climbed into bed between them. “You both are incredibly gorgeous.”

  “You’re hot too.” Nicole kissed him on the lips as Christie extended her tongue to his nipple and slowly trailed it lower. He cupped Nicole’s breasts through her bra then pulled back to take in the scene, exhaling deeply. “So, this is really going to happen.”

  “Uh-huh.” Grinning, Christie looked up at him with her mouth perched right over his towering erection. “What was that again that your wife wouldn’t do very often?”

  “Yeah, it’s something like that.” He nodded, staring down unable to breathe.

  Nicole turned to watch the action too. Christie returned her gaze to the tip, sucking her lower lip between her teeth. “We’re so going to take care of you.”

  “Good, because I really could use a little, you know, caretaking of the whole, um…” He swallowed hard.

  Christie wrapped her hands around the base of his penis and he gasped. “Oh.”

  When she slid her hand up his shaft his eyes dipped closed. Nicole licked her lips as if she wanted to be down there as well. She’d hopefully get her chance very, very soon.

  The instant Christie’s fingers reached the crown, he giggled. He bucked his hips backward, scooting away from her.

  “Is someone ticklish?” Removing her hand from him, Christie shared a smile with Nicole.

  “That’s adorable.” Nicole turned to kiss him on the cheek, keeping one eye on his manhood.

  “I’m just a little too excited I guess.” Eli took a deep, calming breath.

  Christie wrapped her fingers around his shaft once again and opened her mouth to take him inside. Watching her with his eyes wide, he experienced a feeling he couldn’t quite describe. Every nerve ending in his penis was supersensitive, as if most of the layers of skin were gone. The closer the attention was to the head, the more severe it became. It felt sort of good; incredible in fact, but it was just too intense. Each breath of hers was like fire hitting his penis. There were pins and needles everywhere.

  “Is that okay?” Christie asked, glancing up at his face.

  “Yes.” Pressing his hands down hard into the mattress, he wanted to vault away.

  “Good, because if I don’t get you in my mouth soon, I’m going to die.” Christie parted her lips once again then slid her hand upward to the head.

  He let out a girly squeal and in one quick maneuver twisted away from her. “Sorry. Sorry.”

  The women shared a concerned look. Christie asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “I need a minute.” He flipped off the side of the bed, getting one leg trapped in the sheets, his upper body plummeting to the floor. With both hands and one leg on the carpet and his other leg still in a mess of linens on the bed, he presented himself ass up in a most unflattering position for his audience.

  Christie and Nicole shared a giggle.

  He craned his neck back to see them, mortified. “Sorry.”

  “Where are you going?” Nicole asked.

  Reaching back with one arm, he grabbed the sheet and fought to free his leg while maintaining his balance on his other arm. “I just need a minute to…”

  Christie reached over to assist him. She took hold of the sheet, pulled it away and released him. His body tumbled to the carpet, landing on his side in a heap of pale, yet muscular flesh accented with his deep red towering boner.

  The women held back a laugh.

  “Be right back.” He scrambled to his feet, hands covering his junk as he hurried away. He disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Once inside, he backed into the door and glanced down at his unrelenting equipment in horror.

  What the fuck is happening?

  It appeared larger than ever and throbbed like never before.

  Reaching down, he gingerly took the head betw
een his fingers and immediately pulled them away flinching in pain. His eyes shot open wide. It felt similar to the moment right after you come where it’s almost too sensitive to be touched. It was that feeling multiplied by five.

  No, maybe by ten.

  “Damn it!” Moving away from the door, he stood before the mirror.

  He took in the sight of himself, his head pounding. He could feel the blood pumping through his body, but mostly in his head and his other head.

  “Holy shit! Shit! Shit! What the hell is this?”

  Suddenly, there was a soft knock at the door and Christie said, “Are you okay in there?”

  “I’ll be right out.”

  Nicole said, “You’re starting to freak us out a little. What’s going on?”

  Raking his hands through his hair, he stared down at it with his mind reeling. Okay, okay, just calm down.

  “Eli?” Christie called out.

  “I’ll be right out.” After taking careful hold of his erection near the root, he held it steady. Slowly he brought the index finger from his other hand down and pressed it into his flesh, starting mid-shaft and working toward the head. As he gradually made his way toward the tip, his eyes got bigger and bigger as the intense sensitivity multiplied. He gasped when he was just shy of the head and a lone tear slipped down his cheek.

  He carefully pushed a finger into the tip, his jaw opened wide, and his body trembled. The red skin around his impression turned a milky white. When he quickly pulled his hand away the deep red hue returned.

  He looked around the room in a panic. Spotting a towel, he grabbed it and wrapped it around his waist. He placed it high enough on his body so he could avoid as much contact as possible on his manhood. When the cotton brushed his penis, he yelped, causing him to bend forward at an odd angle. Then he grabbed the front of the towel to keep it away from his erection as he reached for the doorknob.

  He opened the door and stepped hesitantly into the room. The women were now kneeling on the bed with their hands crossed over their chests. They appeared as if they had no idea what was going to happen next.

  Christie said, “You’re really starting to freak us out. What’s wrong?”

  Eli glanced around the room in a frantic search. “Something’s not right.”

  Nicole pointed at his groin, wincing. “Is it your…?”

  He shook his head quickly and hobbled toward the dresser, one hand on the front of the towel. “No, I don’t…I think it was the wine. I’m, um, just going to get some air.”

  “What?” Christie asked.

  The women shared a concerned look as he waddled over, grabbed his bag and fled from the room.

  Sitting on the edge of the sofa in the family room, Eli rifled through his black bag. Items spilled out onto the table until he located the pill bottle. He scanned the label, his eyes darting all over it until he spotted the small print at the bottom.

  Do not take with alcohol.

  “Fuck!” He tossed the bottle into the bag and pressed his palms into his eyes. “You idiot!”

  The women rushed down the stairs and into the room. They were dressed in shorts and Tshirts now, gazing at him in utter bewilderment. He pulled his hands from his face and wore a look of distress, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Nicole furrowed her brow. “What’s going on?”

  He exhaled sharply, his eyes wide. He lifted his palms up and stammered, “I…I, um, I think I made a mistake.”

  “What?” Christie sat down next to him.

  “What is it?” Nicole sat on the other side of him.

  “Hold on and I’ll show you.” After taking a calming breath, he grabbed each side of the towel and slowly pulled it open exposing his deep red, still painfully throbbing erection.

  The women’s eyes went directly to it. Then they shared a concerned look.

  “Check out what happens when I do this?” He pressed his finger tentatively into the head, wincing in pain in the process. Once again, the indentation changed color from red to white. When he pulled his finger away, it flushed red again. He looked from Nicole to Christie with watering eyes.

  “That’s weird.” Christie cringed.

  “Hmm.” Nicole recoiled.

  “That’s not good, is it?” He placed his hands on his cheeks.

  “What did you do to yourself?” Christie asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why is it still”—Nicole motioned toward it with her hands—“you know, hard.”

  Leaning forward he grabbed the bottle from the bag and handed it to Nicole. “I took these. I was worried that I wouldn’t, you know…so I took two. Maybe I should have taken one and skipped the wine or…or I don’t know.”

  Nicole studied the bottle, frowning.

  “What is that?” Christie held her hand out and her friend passed it over.

  Eli mumbled, “It’s called Forlong.”

  “What?” Christie turned the bottle over and read the label.

  “It’s called Forlong,” He repeated. “George gave them to me.”

  Nicole said, “You took something called Forlong!”

  “Who’s George?” Christie asked.

  “My ex-boss,” Eli replied

  Christie performed a masturbatory hand gesture. “Did you try…?”

  “Sort of. I mean, I can’t even touch it. It’s just too sensitive. It feels exactly like it does after you, you know.”

  “That’s weird.” Nicole’s eyes widened in alarm.

  “Maybe you should try to sit and relax and take your mind off it,” Christie said.

  “You think?” he said sarcastically, flopping back against the sofa and closing his eyes.

  The women shared a disturbed look, each raising an eyebrow. Shrugging, Christie gave him a hesitant smile. “I’m sure it will wear off soon.”

  He opened his eyes, glanced down at the problem area, and then covered it over with the towel. “Yeah, hopefully.”

  After thirty minutes of waiting, Eli excused himself to go into the bathroom. He tried to masturbate his way to a climax to cure the problem, but his penis was once again too sensitive to pull it off. He tried watching television to take his mind off it, but that also didn’t work. After waiting a while longer, he tried again to relieve the pressure and failed. If anything, his erection was getting stronger and more painful with every passing minute. His head continued to pound. Blood was evidently coursing through his body and mostly congregating in his groin area.

  Nicole and Christie sat on one end of the sofa while Eli curled up on the other; a towel covering his groin. The women were fighting to stay awake as the three waited and waited. Hours passed with no change in his condition. Nicole was flipping through a magazine as Christie paged through the Anal Sex for Idiots book. Looking horribly depressed, Eli lifted the towel, glanced at his erection and mumbled inaudibly, shaking his head.

  Nicole asked, “Still?”

  He nodded with a groan.

  “Just give it a little more time.” Nicole said, cheerily.

  “This book is just full of amazing facts.” Smiling, Christie looked up from the page to Eli who returned a blank expression. Then she turned her attention to Nicole.

  Nicole perked up. “Like what?”

  “Guess where most of the nerve endings are in the pelvic region?” Christie’s gaze went from Nicole to Eli before landing on her friend.

  “Can we not talk about nerve endings or pelvic regions?” Eli glared at her.

  “Just listen to this one part, grouchy boy.” Christie began to read, “The anus is rich with sensory nerve endings. It contains half the nerve endings in the entire pelvic region and those are interconnected with other pelvic muscles.”

  “Wow,” Eli grumbled. “Thanks for that.”

  “I’m really glad you kept this book.” Christie looked up at him smiling. “It’s been an interesting read.”

  Nicole asked, shyly, “Any change?”

  He simply returned a sigh and shook his head.
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  “Maybe you should read something to take your mind off your…” Christie wagged her finger in the general area of his midsection. “There’s a section in here on gay sex.”

  “Yeah.” He gazed at her like she was out of her mind.

  “You’re not gay are you?” she asked.

  “No! Why?”

  “I thought since you’re straight and if you read that part about gay sex, it might take care of your problem.” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “No thanks.” He waved a hand at her.

  “Geez, it’s late,” Nicole said, checking her phone.

  “What time is it?” Christie asked.

  “After two.”

  Nicole’s eyes brightened. “What do those commercials say? Erections lasting longer than four hours require medical attention.

  “I think it’s immediate medical attention,” Christie corrected her.

  “It’s been like five plus hours, right?” Nicole moved to the edge of her seat.

  Christie rose to her feet. “We’d better get you to the hospital.”

  Sitting upright, Eli pulled the towel off his groin, jerking his chin toward the problem. “How the hell can I go like this?”

  “Geez.” Christie’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Maybe there’s some way to hide it.”

  Nicole pointed to Christie. “You order an Uber while I get some clothes.”

  When Nicole reappeared, she tossed a pile of clothes on the sofa and picked out a pair of khaki pants. The women knelt on opposite sides of him as he tried to pull on the pants. He stopped just below his erection, and they all studied the situation, frowning.

  Nicole rubbed her chin. “Huh.”

  “Can you bend it down or…” Christie gazed up at his face.

  “I’ll try.” Cringing, he pushed his boner down along his leg and held it in place. The women pulled the pants up to his waist. He carefully extracted his hand and ended up bent over at an odd angle. He tried to right himself, but stopped when the pain became too much to bear. He hunched back over, pressing his lips together, trembling and grimacing in absolute agony.

  “How’s that?” Nicole asked timidly.

  “How do you think it is?” he said through gritted teeth, glaring at her and holding his breath.

 

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