“You are not too bad—”
“Oh, but I am. I know God could never forgive me, and you could never forgive me either.”
“I forgive you, and I know God will forgive you. I can speak for Him because I know He is a forgiving God. Numbers 14:18 says, “The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgressions.” He placed his hand reassuringly on her shoulder. “If you want to be forgiven, all you have to do is ask.”
“I want to ask you to forgive me, but I’m too embarrassed and ashamed. How could you just dismiss the horrible things I said about you?”
His eyes glistened with compassionate tears, but he let out a slight chuckle. “For someone named Mercy, you certainly don’t understand much about the word.”
“What are you doing here? I’m confused. The sailor on your ship told me you didn’t want to see me. I didn’t blame you. But here you are. How did you find me?”
“I have reprimanded the sailor for sending you away. I was counting money and asked the chief mate to stand by the door and not allow anyone to disturb me until I finished. The sailor approached my chief mate who told him I could not be disturbed at the moment. The sailor relayed the message wrong. It was a simple misunderstanding. Cecil saw you running away from the ship and getting into my carriage. He told me, and I ran to the stables and got Lancelot and I was on my way to your house, when I saw my empty carriage on the side of the road. Then I looked over here and saw you lying in the snow.” He lifted his gloved hand and placed it on her cheek. “Oh, Mercy, how could you think I would not want to see you? How could you think I would send you away?”
“But you left without saying good-bye. You left without even wanting to see me one more time. I wanted to thank you for what you did.”
“You are welcome,” he said softly.
“How could you be so kind to someone like me? I thought many horrible things about you and none of them were true. How could you ever forgive me?”
“How? Quite easily. We have all been guilty of making wrong judgments about people, but I’m sure you have learned from your mistakes. Experience is the best teacher.”
Overcome with shame, she buried her face in her hands. “I hope I learn from this, but I doubt myself. The man I thought was good, was a scoundrel, and the man I thought was a scoundrel, was good. How can I ever trust my judgment again?”
He tipped her chin up and forced her to look at him. “Mercy, don’t you understand that everyone has issues and problems. Everyone. There isn’t one perfect person on this planet. If we all had to be good to come to God, we would be in big trouble.”
“That is what Daisy said.”
“Well, then listen to her. She is right.”
“I want to listen to her, but I don’t even listen to myself. My own conscience told me what I did was wrong, but I tamped down my conscience so many times that I barely even heard it anymore.”
“Everyone does that sometimes.” He sank down on the ground next to her and took her hands in his own. “Listen, sweetheart, I’ve recently come to understand God’s mercy, so this is new to me, but I needed his mercy more than you do. I’ve done much, much worse things than you.”
He seemed so perfect she could not imagine him doing anything bad. With a slight frown he looked away and she could tell he carefully formed his words. “For years I tried to justify the things I did as if that would make them all right. The fact that I never took a lady’s innocence, never carried on with someone underage, and never actually seduced anyone made me believe that my using women for pleasure was not wrong. But I did use them. I treated them like objects…like worthless toys to be enjoyed and then tossed away when I was finished playing. Then there is all the killing I did.”
Glancing down at his hands, he continued, “I cannot begin to tell you how many men these hands have killed. You cannot imagine how horrible it is to watch a man’s life drain from his body from a blow you just inflicted. I know it was war and in many cases it was kill or be killed, but I still cannot look at my hands without seeing blood dripping off them. I killed people’s sons, and brothers, and husbands.”
He looked down and took in a deep, shuddering breath. “And then…and then…to me…the worst of all. I don’t even want to tell you this. I’m too ashamed.”
She squeezed his hands and he looked up at her with haunted eyes. “When I was a captain I transported slaves. Not once, but three times. The first time made me feel horrible, and I never wanted to do it again. But I did. Then I said I would never do it again. And I did. Later, I tried to make amends. I’ve figured up how much I earned on those voyages and I’ve given all that money to abolition causes, but no matter what I do now, I cannot turn back the clock. I cannot undo what I did. People are living in misery here in America, because I took them away from their homes and brought them here. I have to live with that every day. I’ve done horrible things, Mercy, much worse than you. When I first met you, I thought you were a saint, way, way too good for me. I’m glad you are a sinner.”
She let out a breath of disbelief and asked with a shaky smile, “You are glad I’m a sinner?”
“Yes, because now we are both just sinners who need a Savior. I’ve come to understand God’s saving grace. I want you to understand it too.” He leaned forward and brought his face close to hers. “You asked for my forgiveness and I freely gave it. Now you need to ask for God’s. He will give it to you, I promise.” With deep conviction, he stated, “1 John 1:9 says, ‘If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ That is a promise, Mercy.” He made it sound so simple. Could it be? He gave her hands another squeeze. “You just need to pray.”
“Right now?”
“Today is the day of salvation.”
“Out loud?”
He nodded. “You can pray in your heart if you like, but the scripture says, ‘If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth, you will be saved.” He added, “It doesn’t say you might be saved, if God is in a good mood, but you will be saved.”
She took a deep breath, and a step of faith, and began, “Dear Lord, I have ignored you for far too long. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for all the wrong things I have done and thought. Please forgive me. Help me to believe that you can forgive me and wipe my slate clean. Teach me mercy. I must receive it before I can give it. Thank you for bringing Addison to me. Amen.”
He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “That is how easy it is.”
“Why do we make it so hard? That was easy.”
“People like to complicate things.” Rubbing his thumbs along her cheeks, he said slowly, “You called me Addison.”
“I like your name.”
He brought his forehead to hers. “Well, I like your name too.” Grabbing her hands, he lifted her to her feet and stared down at her with a mixture of concern and amusement. “Imagine my surprise to see you lying over here in the snow.”
She glanced around. “There isn’t that much snow.”
“Enough, you silly goose.”
“I’m glad you want to take me home. My father wants to see you.”
Visible relief washed over his face and he let out a deep sigh. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.”
“You thought he might die?”
“I thought there was a good chance.” They took a few steps in silence and he suggested, “Let’s tie up Lancelot on the back of my carriage and get you home.” When they got seated, he asked, “Mercy, why did you come to my ship? In my carriage?”
“My father woke up this morning and asked me to get you because he wanted to talk to you. I went to your house, but Jane Branson said you had already left and she offered me the use of your carriage.”
He pressed his lips together and nodded and then muttered, “So you were simply being a messenger.”
How could he think that? Suddenly the words of Jane Branson came blazing into her mind. Here was this
handsome, wealthy, smart, amazing man, and he was not confident enough to discern how she felt. But how could he? He couldn’t read mind. She scooted next to him and he asked with concern, “Are you cold?”
“Not really. I just want to be close to you.” His eyes sparkled at her simple words as if she’d just lit a candle. She snuggled against him, “I dreamed about you last night.”
“You did?”
“I have this dream all the time. Bad men have captured me and hold me captive in a dark and scary room and you come bursting in the door wearing your black cape and looking like a pirate and you vanquish the enemies and then you pick me up in your arms and take me to your room and kiss me…like the French think about the honeysuckle flower…with an ardent and passionate love.”
His lips turned up in a slow, seductive smile as he leaned in closer and whispered, “I think I like this dream.”
“Well, I know I like this dream. I just don’t want it to be only a dream anymore. I want it to be real. The first part already is real. You have rescued me from a terribly bad man. Then you rescued me again when you paid all our debts. If you could ever forgive me, I want the second part of the dream to be real.”
“Oh, Mercy, of course I forgive you. I already told you that and you must believe it. And I want the second part of the dream to be real even more than you do.”
“No, that isn’t possible.”
“Do you want to bet?”
“No. My father taught me not to gamble. But if I did bet, I would win.” He let out a laugh of pure amusement and then took her hand in his and leaned close to her ear and teased, “I’m already wearing my black cape. When can we pretend I’m the heroic pirate?”
“The first opportunity we get.” She tried to look flirtatious like she’d seen Priscilla do so well, but at the look of pure anticipation on Addison’s face, she burst out laughing and hugged him.
He hugged her back tightly and then he pushed her away just a bit and called out, “Winslow, can you take me back to the docks please.”
“Certainly, sir.”
He turned the coach around and Mercy asked, “Are you still leaving on your ship?”
“Not now, silly.”
“You don’t really want to go to France?”
“Why would I want to go to France when you are here in Boston?”
She stared at him as the importance of his words sank in, and she could not hold back a smile. “You really do care about me, don’t you?”
“Are you just now realizing this?”
“I think I’m just now believing it.” She snuggled against him and let out a sigh of happiness.
When the carriage came to a stop at the docks, Addison grabbed her hand. “Come with me. I just need to get my things.”
As they walked toward the ship Mercy looked out at the lighthouse shining its illumination into the grey and cloudy sky. Addison glanced down at her and asked, “Why do you look so pensive?”
She pointed to the lighthouse in the distance. “At my christening my pastor prayed, ‘May she be a lighthouse, an instrument of God’s love and mercy, a guiding beacon for others in the storms of life.’ That is such a beautiful prayer. Noah liked that prayer, but I have not done it. I have failed.”
“I think in many ways, you already have been a beacon of light to others, but your life isn’t over, Mercy. You are only twenty one years old. You still have the rest of your life to live up to your name.”
“I want to. I want to be like a lighthouse.”
“Then you will be.”
Not caring that dozens of people milled around the docks, she placed her head on his shoulder and gazed up at him. “But I don’t want to be a lighthouse alone. I want you to be a lighthouse too…with me. We can be lighthouses together.”
He squeezed her against him and smiled down at her. “Sounds like a plan.”
****
Addison walked across the deck of his new ship with Mercy as she looked around in appreciation. “This is an amazing ship.”
“Yes, I agree. I can’t believe she is mine.”
Mercy glanced up at the sails fluttering in the strong breeze and then stopped and turned toward him. “I’m truly impressed by you, Addison. You have worked terribly hard and accomplished so much and look at you now. You have everything.”
He shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t.” With a dainty gloved hand she held back her long golden curls from blowing in her face, and her large green eyes stared up at him with an adoration he’d never dreamed of seeing from her. “I don’t have everything Mercy.” He pulled her into his embrace and whispered against her cheek, “But now I do.”
“Oh, Addison,” she murmured in a voice overcome with emotion, “I must be dreaming.”
He pulled back and gave her a cheeky grin. “Speaking of dreams. Come here.”
“Come where?”
“Just come with me.” He led her down a narrow stairway and knocked on a door. When no one answered, he said, “Good. The chief mate isn’t here. He won’t mind if we borrow his room for just a minute.” He walked in and pulled her along behind him and then pointed at the bed. “Here. Sit down.”
She started to protest and he took her shoulders and sat her down. “All right. Stay there while I go out in the hallway. And pretend you have been kidnapped.” When she realized what he was up to, she shook her head in amusement as he closed the door behind him. A few moments later he came bursting into the room. “The dreaded pirate Héroïque, here to save the day—”
“Héroïque?”
“It means heroic in French. Just go along, you are making me lose character.”
She giggled. “Oh, sorry. I wouldn’t want to do that.”
“I’ve vanquished all the bad men in the hallway before I got here. The time has come to save you.” With a great flourish of his black cape, he swooped down and picked her up and carried her down the hallway and into his room, but as he walked through the door he knocked her shoulder into the wall and he gave her an embarrassed smile. “Well, that wasn’t terribly dashing, but we’ll just pretend it didn’t happen.” Her giggles turned into laughter and the melodious sound brought joy to the deepest places of his heart. He asked with a great display of sincerity, “Now in this dream of yours, did I kiss you ardently and passionately while I still held you in my arms, or did I set you down first?”
“You set me down first.”
“All right then.” He set her down and brought his lips close to hers as he spoke against them, “I hope the next part is like your dreams. If I’m doing anything wrong, let me know.” He closed the last little distance and when he felt her lips against his, his heart swelled with a happiness he never knew existed. She melted in his arms and molded herself against him so closely he could feel their heartbeats throbbing together as one. With words and sighs and kisses, he poured out his love to her and the passion she returned was so pure, so right, so wonderful. Finally, he pulled his lips from hers and she stared up at him, her green gaze smoldering with fire.
“That was better than my dream,” she murmured breathlessly. “But…”
“But what?”
“In my dream it lasted longer,” she replied with a flirtatious smile that left him weak.
“Well we can’t have the dream better than the real thing, now can we?”
“No. We certainly cannot.” She ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled his mouth back to hers. “Now come here, the dreaded pirate Héroïque, and kiss me some more.”
Understanding Mercy
Understanding Mercy
Chapter Sixteen
As Mercy stepped into the door of her home with Addison by her side, she leaned in and whispered with a teasing smile, “Playing heroic pirate was fun. You are good at it. Can we do it again soon?” He let out a laugh of pure joy, and she quickly added, “If I didn’t already tell you, I think you make a fabulous dashing hero. Even better than in any of my books.”
He continued to laugh and then his eyes fille
d with emotion as he gazed at her. “I want to ask your father’s permission to marry you.”
She tried to act surprised. “You are just going to skip the courting part and go right to the engagement.”
“Your father already gave me permission to court you two years ago. You were just too busy being stupid, so let’s make up for lost time, shall we?”
He said it with such a sweet smile and a twinkle in his eye that she couldn’t even be angry. And he was right. She had been busy being stupid. “I don’t want to waste any more time with you, Addison. I’ve wasted enough time already.”
“That’s my girl. Anyway you already proposed to me.”
Understanding Mercy Page 30