To Fall in Love Again

by David Burnett

  “Mom, you don’t understand. He was arrested for breaking into the car. James may be in trouble for hiring him. And, Mom, Dr. Nelson knows all about it. Jeffery told James that he was furious. He said he thought Dr. Nelson was going to hit him.”

  Amy closed her eyes. She had taken out her anger on Drew when he’d last called. He’d not called back, so he was obviously angry with her. Now this. She felt her stomach churn.

  “Jeffery didn’t tell him who hired him. He only said that it was about a woman Drew was dating. But Drew said your name, and if you’re the only one…Mom, are you there?”

  “I’m here, Elaine. I’m thinking. Drew must be livid. I would be.” She sighed. “Oh, Elaine, I was going to apologize to him for the way I treated him last week. I don’t know if a simple I’m sorry will be enough now.”

  “Blame it on me, Mom. It was my idea. I persuaded James to do it. You knew nothing about it.”

  When Amy did not reply, Elaine continued. “Of course, we still don’t know much about him, we don’t have a full report yet, just some financial stuff. I suppose he’s not after your money, but he was out shopping with some woman last week, and there is a dating site…”

  “Let me think, Elaine.” Her head had started to throb. “Let me think.”

  ***

  Two hours passed. Amy had finished dinner and she sat in the living room, staring at the wall, the telephone beside her, ready to grab it on the first ring. Surely he would call to demand an explanation.

  She had been so angry at Jason Cooper, at Jack, at everyone, that when Elaine had told her about the PI, she had not really paid attention. She had actually forgotten all about it.

  Perhaps Drew thought it was funny. She could imagine how he might roll his eyes and laugh about something like this.

  She sighed. Probably not. Not after the way she had lambasted him. She felt guilty for directing so much of her anger at Drew. He’d had no part in what Jack had done. She had planned to call him, tonight, in fact.

  All the same, she still felt angry at Jason and at everyone like him, including Drew. He was one of them, and, that very day, she had seen him shopping for jewelry with that other woman…and hadn’t Elaine mentioned a dating site? Maybe they could talk. Maybe he could explain.

  She checked the time. Eight o’clock. He’s not going to call me, is he? I told him to leave me alone. She opened speed dial and tapped his number. Drew had always understood when she’d had a problem. It would be okay.

  She knew that her image displayed on Drew’s cell when she called, so when it rang five times, she supposed that he was deciding whether to answer. Her call would go to voicemail on the sixth ring.

  “Hello.” Drew sounded annoyed, as if he had not wanted to take the call.

  “I’m sorry, Drew,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’m very, very sorry.”

  There was silence, and, at first, Amy thought she had lost the connection.

  “Sorry for what, Amy?”

  “For everything,” she whispered.

  “For everything.” He paused. “What does everything include, Amy?” She could hear the anger creeping into his voice. “Does it include growling at me like an angry dog when I called to offer my help? Does it include blaming me for the behavior of your husband? For lumping me in with him and his attorney?”

  “Please, Drew, I didn’t—”

  “I am one of them, you said.”

  “Drew, I wasn’t—”

  “Does it include invasion of my privacy?”

  “The investigator…”

  “Tell me, do I have enough money to make you happy?”

  “Drew, it’s not what you think.”

  “Does everything include having me trailed like a wayward spouse? Does it include lack of trust, lack of caring, greed? What exactly did you want from me, Amy?”

  Amy began to cry. “Drew, I was confused. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  He did not respond.

  “What do you want me to do, Drew? I do trust you. I do care. I just…I just want love…can I come over, Drew? Come over to talk?”

  “No.”

  Amy felt as if he had slapped her. “What do you want me to do?”

  There was silence for almost a minute.

  “I want the same thing you asked of me. I want to be left alone.” The connection went dead.

  Amy sat looking at the telephone, as if she could will Drew to call her back, until she heard the front door open.

  “Hi, Mom.” Cathy breezed through the door. “It’s freezing. Sorry I’m late. I had a study group after work.” She started toward her room. “Hey, somebody broke in to Dr. Nelson’s car this morning while he was in class. They caught the guy in the act—Mom, you’re crying. What’s wrong?”

  Amy wiped her hand across her face. “The man who broke into the car was a private investigator. Elaine hired him.”

  “Oh no.” Cathy’s eyes were wide. “Mom, why?”

  “You won’t see my photograph on Drew’s desk tomorrow.”

  ***

  “There’s no fool like an old fool,” Drew mumbled as he placed his cell down on the desk. “Thinking a woman might be in love with me. At my age.” He shook his head. Di had been ripped out of his life far too early, but he had his memories. They would have to be enough.

  He looked at the photograph of Amy that he kept on his desk. “It has always been about you, hasn’t it? Your fear that my friends would not accept you, your concern with what your daughter wanted you to do, her fear that I was using you in some way.” The photo may not hear him speaking aloud to it, and Amy herself may never hear these words, but still, Drew needed to say them, hear them spoken, if only for himself. “A GPS in my car. What did you expect to find?” He chuckled bitterly. “It’s really a shame, in a way, they caught him. His report would have been fascinating—work, grocery store, church, Jennifer’s house—maybe even yours. Well worth the money you’d have paid.”

  No one had ever talked to him as Amy had. No one had ever questioned him, his integrity, his caring…his love. Di had never done that.

  Di had worried about being accepted, fitting in, too. Drew recalled the day she told him of her fears, and he smiled in spite of himself, as he pictured it.

  ***

  It was back in the seventies, a bright, sunny day in early June, before the Charleston humidity really kicked in for the summer. His hair was beginning to creep over the collar of his shirt, and his jeans were wide at the bottom, flared they called them. His face was tanned already, from days spent boating on the river and in the marsh. Di was tanned as well, her blond hair long and straight, almost reaching the top of her finger-tip-length skirt. She had driven down to Charleston and surprised him. They walked back from lunch and paused to watch a wedding in the gazebo near the Battery.

  Weddings at the gazebo were so common that Drew typically walked past them without a second glance. Often, as one couple exchanged their vows, another party stood to the side, awaiting the arrival of the carriage bearing another bride. Today, though, Di pulled him to a stop, and they watched from the processional to the blessing, and they joined in clapping for the new couple.

  As the wedding party moved on, they climbed the steps and stood in the gazebo, watching children playing on the nearby grass. Finally, Di turned to him, her face serious. “Drew, I have something to say.”

  He looked down at her. She was not nearly as tall as he, her head, rising to his chin on a good day.

  “What is it, Diana?” He always used her full name, back then, when she appeared to be unhappy.

  “You and your friends. You are all rich. You have old families. You jet off to Europe on a whim. Drew, how will I ever fit in? I’m not the same.” She glanced at the mansions that lined the street. “My father owns a grocery. I am working my way through college. I feel like I ought to be waiting the table at Sunday dinner at your house.”

  Drew suddenly felt afraid.

  “I suppose my family does have money, Di. We
don’t talk about such things. As for my family, all families are old. Mine has just lived in the same place for an awfully long time.”

  She smiled a little at his joke.

  “I love you, Diana Alexander. I will make you happy. We don’t need to live in Charleston. We can go wherever you’d like. If anyone ever says you don’t belong,” he paused, “I’ll take them out on my boat and toss them in the harbor.”

  Di smiled again.

  He had known that what he had said was silly, but she seemed to understand that he meant he would protect her from anything. “As for serving dinner, my mom serves diner. I don’t want you to be my mother.”

  She laughed, then, and hugged him. “I’m sorry, Drew. My fears were getting the better of me. I love you. I’ll make you happy, too.”

  ***

  Drew looked up now, gazed at the photo of Amy. “That’s the difference,” he whispered. “Di loved me. Di trusted me. But you, Amy?”

  He shrugged, dropped her photograph in a bottom drawer, and closed it with a bang.

  Separation

  The condominium was listed for sale two weeks after Amy had talked with Kimi Carson. It sold for the asking price the very same day, and Kimi called her with the news.

  “Jason Cooper would have preferred to simply probate the will. His niece would have profited and it would have been much simpler. When I called him, though, he realized that he would not be able to do that.”

  “He should be ashamed.”

  “He tried to justify himself by saying he was carrying out your husband’s wishes.”

  Amy’s heart began to pound, but she breathed deeply and willed herself to remain calm. Just thinking about Jason Cooper made her angry. She had passed him on the street two days earlier and had turned her head to look in the other direction. “Why did it sell so quickly? Who bought it?”

  Her attorney hesitated. “Do you know BJ Thompson?”

  “The name is not familiar.”

  “He works for your husband’s company. He was promoted to Jack’s old position a few months back, I’m told.” She hesitated again. “Your husband’s secretary now works for him.”

  Amy gasped. “Do you mean…”

  “I understand that she will continue to live in the condominium.”

  “That’s not right. It’s not fair. It’s…” She pounded on the counter.

  “Amy, the estate is being settled. You will receive half of the value of the condominium, much more than you’d expected. Let it go.”

  “She shouldn’t profit from her behavior. Can I refuse to sell?”

  “Actually, no. You demanded the sale, and there is no legal reason to refuse this offer.”

  “But—”

  “Amy, end this. Let the sale proceed, settle the estate, take your money and your property, and run.”

  Amy huffed. “Okay, but I don’t like it.”

  She hung up the phone and silently fumed, busying herself around the house to try to subdue her anger. Although it subsided a little, it lay just below the surface, until she was rummaging through her old desk and found a photograph of Jack. Then it came back to the forefront like an out-of-control locomotive.

  She stared at the photo. Jack was standing on a podium, being presented with a certificate. She, Cathy, Rich and Elaine, his proud family, were standing beside him.

  Amy remembered the occasion. He was being honored as his company’s “Man of the Year,” having been cited for his work ethic, service to his community, and devotion to his family.

  She scoffed. Seems good old Jack had fooled more than just Amy with his act.

  Shaking her head, she recalled the evening. Cathy had just celebrated her tenth birthday. Amy’s body tensed. “Devoted family man, Jack? You’d been with Marci for over five years,” she screamed.

  Amy examined the picture. Tom Williams, Jack’s supervisor, was the smiling man handing him the certificate. She wagged her finger at him. “And you, Tom, you knew all about it. What a trusting fool I was.”

  In an angry huff, she tore the photograph into tiny pieces as she walked to the kitchen, dropped them into the sink, and ran the disposal.

  ***

  The next Wednesday, her book club met at the home of Anna Thomas, Drew’s next-door neighbor. Amy hesitated to go. She had been invited to join the group because she was Drew’s friend, and she feared that the other members would not care to have her around once they knew that she and Drew were no longer seeing each other. She felt certain that, by this time, a few of them—Anna, at least—would have heard.

  In the end, she decided to attend. Arriving a couple of minutes late, she found that the single vacant parking space within two blocks of Anna’s house was directly across the street from Drew’s gate. She peered through it as she walked past. The first-floor lights were on, and she could see Drew in the kitchen.

  She paused to watch. The light in the kitchen flipped off, and he walked into the family room. Then, he opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. Amy slipped back, hiding behind one of the brick columns that flanked the gate.

  Drew stood on the porch for several moments, straightened one of the chairs, then bent to pick up something from the floor. He stood for a full minute, seeming to stare into the darkness. Finally, he sighed, a deep, mournful sigh—the sound of a person in pain.

  He turned back, closing the door, shutting off the lights in the front room, and a moment later, a lamp flicked on, glowing in an upstairs window.

  Amy walked quickly down the block to Anna’s house and rang the bell, ready to deal with whatever was in store for her.

  ***

  The weather turned colder. The skies were gray and cold rain pelted the few who ventured out. Each day was like the next. Amy lived on automatic—eating, sleeping, working. She went to bed early, slept late on Saturdays.

  One afternoon in early February, she opened a book and started to read, realizing after finishing the first ten pages that she had started the book several times since Christmas. Drew had become an important part of her life and his absence left a hole that was difficult to fill. She wanted to turn the clock back to the time before she been told of the codicil to Jack’s will.

  She missed Drew. She wanted to sit across from him at dinner and look into his eyes, hear his voice, listen as he told jokes that only a psychologist could understand. She wanted to walk along the streets of Charleston and to feel his arms around her.

  Hearing Jason Cooper describe the codicil had rekindled the anger she had felt a year earlier, when she had first discovered Jack’s affair. Stoked it even. It was as if she were standing, again, at the door to the hotel room, seeing Jack’s expression in the flash from the camera.

  She had taken the anger out on Drew, and she regretted doing that. The private investigator—her involvement, her silent knowledge of his activities—had pretty much ended any chance of reconciliation. She felt badly about that because her participation had been accidental. She would never have hired the man, left on her own.

  For all of her regrets, Jason Cooper’s words continued to haunt her, though. You are not one of us, Ms. Barrett, so you don’t understand. Ask your friend, Dr. Nelson. He will tell you.

  Elaine had received the private investigator’s report. It was incomplete, of course, since he had been unable to plant the tracking device, but its content had been unsettling. He had also seen Drew in the jewelry store. He had found that Drew accessed a dating site, and there was an email in which he had arranged a dinner date with some woman named Rachel. There were women’s clothes hanging in an upstairs closet.

  Amy supposed that the clothes might belong to Jennifer, and Drew might be able to explain away the other things. On the whole, though, the report seemed to confirm Elaine’s fears, and Jason Cooper’s claim that Drew was one of them. He certainly seemed to behave as she suspected Jason would.

  It’s true, she decided, she was not one of them. Drew was.

  ***

  On the Saturday before Valenti
ne’s Day, the cold rain was falling again. It was late in the afternoon before it finally stopped, the clouds parted, and sunlight streamed across the city for the first time in a week.

  Amy flipped off the television. She could find nothing interesting to watch anyway, and the jewelry commercials that always preceded Valentine’s Day were depressing, doubly so this year since she had expected to celebrate with Drew. She had been hoping—unreasonably, she told herself—for a ring.

  She checked the refrigerator, but could find nothing interesting to eat. She looked at the clock. Four thirty. Time enough to get into town and have dinner before the crowds arrived. Maybe time for a short walk, she thought.

  So, she drove across the river into Charleston. The streets were almost empty, the weather having kept the tourists at home. She found a table at her favorite restaurant, on the second floor, by a window and placed her order, then stared out at the rain-soaked streets.

  She had once thought it odd that she and Drew could have lived in the same city for over twenty years without ever meeting or even seeing each other. She realized, now, that it had been three weeks since the PI had broken into his car, and she had not seen Drew since then, since the weekend before that, in fact—except for the brief moment on his porch as she tried to sneak to Anna’s house without being detected.

  It did make sense, though. They lived and worked in different parts of town, went to different restaurants, shopped in different stores. In the summer, when she went to the beach, she would go to the park, but Drew would go to his sister’s house on another island.

  She thought, again, about the dinner that followed the ball and the vacations the people had been planning. She recalled her encounter with Sylvia Bounds, and she again heard Jason Cooper tell her we take care of our own.

  They were so different. It was ridiculous to think they could bridge that gap. Elaine was right. Barb was right. It was a shame that things took the nasty turn they did, but, in the end, it was for the best. She nodded. “It was for the best,” she said aloud, trying to convince herself of the truth in that.