by Camille Eide
She stopped walking. The kids were going to suffer for this. They were the victims here.
Sue turned back.
There he was, snickering with some other guy.
Sue marched toward him, vaguely aware of a renewed hush in the room. Let them whisper and gawk. She’d already blown it—she had nothing to lose now. When she reached him, she gave his shoulder a poke. “Excuse me.”
The man turned and grinned at her chest. “Oopsy daisy. That was quite a—”
“Listen, creep,” she said. “You just cost me my last shot at providing a normal life for some kids who have no one to care about them and nowhere else to go. I don’t care what law firm you’re with, you’re nothing but a worm dressed in a—”
“Sue.” Joe’s firm hand rested gently on her shoulder.
Sue shrugged the warning hand away. Anger churned up words faster than she could spit them out. “If needy kids’ success depends on guys like you, you can keep your money, you pathetic excuse for a human.”
Joe moved closer. “What’s going on?”
She ignored him and eyed the guy, who no longer looked amused. “Take my advice, counselor. Sober up and get a conscience. And a heart while you’re at it.” Adrenaline raging, she pivoted on her heel and headed for the exit, her anger quickly turning to nausea. Trembling, she hurried out of the ballroom and sped across the tiled lobby until she reached the outer exit doors. She hurried down the steps and into the parking lot.
“Hey!” Joe called out from a few yards back.
Dread rolled through her. What had she done? She stopped between two cars, sucked in a deep breath, and closed her eyes.
You just told off a high-powered attorney in front of the state’s wealthiest people. You’re finished. You might as well kiss those kids good-bye right now.
* * *
“Sue?”
She stood between two cars, her back to him, shaking.
He made her face him. “What’s going on? Who was that guy?”
“I blew it. I just bailed on a bunch of kids who have already been dumped on too many times.” Fat tears brimmed. She closed her eyes, sending dark stripes of mascara down her cheeks.
“How? What happened?”
“I just lost any shot I had at finding a donor.” Despair filled her voice.
“Start at the beginning.”
“Some drunk guy was being tacky and I overreacted.” She puffed out a humorless laugh. “I know. You could never imagine me doing that.”
Every muscle in his body tensed. “Did he touch you?”
“No. He’s just some guy who had too much to drink and not enough control of his tongue. I’m the idiot who panicked and knocked people over and spilled drinks on expensive suits. I’m the one who let something stupid get to me and ruin everything.”
“No, Sue. It’s not your fault.” But I’d love to go back inside and get my hands on the little weasel.
“Yes, it is. I let them down. Just like everyone else has.” Tears glittered in her eyes.
“Don’t say that. You didn’t let them down.”
She wasn’t convinced. In fact, she looked defeated.
Joe’s anger tapered off and what replaced it was just as consuming. And increasing by the second. “You’ve never let them down, Sue. You fight like a tiger to protect them. You teach them to stand up for themselves. You skip meals to make sure they get enough to eat.”
She shot him a sharp glance.
“You’d do anything for them. And you love them like a mother bear even though you’re scared to death to admit it.”
Sue stared at him, her face streaked with black, searching his eyes as if wanting to believe him but unable to. Her lips trembled.
Her soft lips ...
No. He couldn’t give in to the way he felt, not this time, not now. Especially not now.
But the heartbreak in her eyes was quickly turning his steely resolve to a heap of smoldering rubble.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Though Joe had pulled the Suburban into Layne’s driveway and killed the motor, Sue wasn’t ready to face anyone. Not yet. She needed to pull herself together, shut off the suffocating river of thoughts and emotions pressing on her. How could she face her kids, knowing they would soon be separated? Sent away and dumped at another strange place—again?
Joe’s expression gently questioned her. Not pushing, just waiting. Waiting for her to do what she needed to do.
Whatever that was.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’ll be fine. Listen, why don’t you go on inside. I just need a minute or two.” Or three. Or several hundred.
He looked toward the house. “Or I can hang out here for a minute. If you want.”
She nodded, surprised at her relief that he was staying. She leaned against the headrest, hoping a few extra moments would scrub the gloom from her heart.
It didn’t.
“Talk,” she said.
Joe let out a chuckle. “Any topic in particular?”
“I don’t care.”
“How about oil drilling?”
She shook her head. “I have a better idea. Tell me about your girlfriends.”
His face took on a slightly strained look. “That’s not much of a topic.”
“Good, then it won’t take long.”
He looked out his window at the manicured lawn. “Actually, I got a pretty late start on dating. A couple bombed attempts made me painfully shy.”
“Really? You?”
He turned a slight frown at her. “Why do you say it like that?”
She shrugged. If the guy didn’t know he was amazing and insanely attractive, she wasn’t about to create an ego monster by telling him.
“It’s been pretty quiet on that front. On the rig, when we’d have our off-shift, the guys who didn’t have wives or girlfriends would go trolling for dates. I wasn’t into that. I spent my time off fishing and riding with Dave.” He looked out the windshield and focused on the front of the house. “I was never into the let’s-try-it-on kind of relationships. Figured it wasn’t fair to get involved with someone if there wasn’t a real good chance of it being serious.”
Sue had never heard of such a thing. “But … you must have had a serious girlfriend at some point.”
Joe inspected a crack in the steering wheel cover, his expression unreadable. “It’s not like I didn’t want that. But between work and other stuff, I guess I missed my chance to meet the right one.”
Sue could see him one day finding “the right one”—some tall, pretty brunette at his side, his arm encircling her while he looked down at her with that heart-stopping smile. The picture sent a pang to her chest.
“I’m not into casual relationships.” He spoke in purposeful tones. “I made a commitment to Christ as a teenager, and part of that commitment meant keeping myself pure until marriage.”
Pure? Didn’t that usually mean—Sue felt her face go warm as the meaning of his words sank in. But the way he kissed me …
Joe resumed his steady vigil of the house.
The temperature in the truck had dropped, but her cheeks felt like she’d gotten too close to a campfire. If Joe had made a deliberate decision to avoid casual relationships and physical intimacy, then what did he mean by kissing her like that in the chapel?
Was it just an impulse of the moment? Or something more?
In the thick silence, her thoughts raced. Every quiet act of kindness from him, every lingering look, every tender word and touch crashed over her like a giant wave of revelation, flooding her heart, mind, and soul.
What if he’d fallen in love with her?
Her heart battered her chest like a caged wild thing, startling her.
What if I’m falling in love with him?
No.
She reached for her door handle. “I’d better get inside.”
“Sue, hold on.”
No. I need to get away. NOW.
In spite of her fear of what she might see, she
turned to face him.
With a slight frown, he cocked his head at her. “You’ve got some, uh … just a sec.” He rummaged in the glove compartment and took out a burger-joint napkin. He reached over and gently wiped her cheek where her tears had dried.
She gasped at the mascara-smudged napkin and a dull weight numbed her stomach. “Oh, that’s great. All this time I looked like a zombie clown. How did you keep a straight face?”
With a shrug, he kept wiping her cheek. “Didn’t notice. I mean—you looked amazing tonight, but you’re so beautiful without all that stuff that I—” Joe paused mid-stroke, eyes locked on hers, realization filling his face.
She couldn’t move.
Joe stared at her.
Then, as if released by some silent command, she raised her hand and lightly pressed his hand against her cheek, absorbing the warmth of his skin. His expression quickly shifted, churning in a way that matched the look in his eyes. She didn’t dare name it because she felt it too, a burst of something overpowering and frightening and exhilarating. Slowly, she reached up and laid her other palm on his face.
He closed his eyes, his jaw muscles tensing in her hand. “Sue …”
The warning in his tone set off a thrill in her.
Yes, heed the warning. Unhand the man and walk away. She needed to let go but couldn’t. Mesmerized by a surreal sense of boldness, she gently cupped his face in both hands.
His chest heaved as if he had a sudden need for more air than he could get. His eyes opened and a question burned in them.
She guided his face closer.
His eyes closed again. “Sue.” It was a strained whisper. “I can’t just—”
Her lips brushed his. Just a light stroke, but long enough to feel his quickened breath on her skin.
A low sound from his throat sent a shockwave through her.
Suddenly, his hands were in her hair, pressing her closer into a second kiss, a long, deep, lingering one that pulled her into a current, threatening to sweep her away.
She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.
Joe pulled back a fraction and looked into her eyes. Then he took her face in his warm hands and captured her lips again, this time with the same sweet, solemn longing she’d felt from him in the chapel. The way she felt that day returned, gathered strength, and flooded her with sensations she’d never known, never dared allow herself to hope for.
Oh, so this is what belonging feels like.
His lips broke free from hers and grazed her cheek, then lingered on her cheekbone with a tenderness that melted her heart.
Trembling, she pulled back. The look in his eyes made her heartbeat skip and then race to catch up.
His gaze fell to her mouth.
She closed her eyes.
But instead of another kiss, his arms encircled her and he pulled her close to him.
She savored the warmth of his embrace, the bass drum thumping in his chest, unable to think of anything but how much she wanted to stay here.
He stroked her hair, his lips brushing her forehead. He kissed her temple, then her cheekbone again. His touch sent a tingle along her skin. “I love you,” he whispered.
Waves of pleasure confused her. What had he just said?
He held her tighter, so close she could feel both their hearts pounding, her own heart—
Wait—
He looked into her eyes.
I—
No.
I love—
Don’t! She couldn’t feel this. Couldn’t want this.
Oh no … No … NO …
Alarm doused her senses like ice water, cutting straight through the confusion. Whatever was happening, she needed to get a grip on it.
She struggled and broke free of him, then slid across the seat. “I need to get inside.”
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t be here. I need to go.”
“Why?”
She looked at him but couldn’t answer. The need to flee was overpowering, yet the confusion in his eyes threatened to crush her. She popped the door open.
“Did you hear what I said? I love you.”
“I love you, Suzy. More than anyone else in this world, sweetie. I promise.”
A gritty chill rattled through her like a bitter wind, creeping deep into her bones. “Don’t say that.”
“Don’t say it?” Disbelief shadowed his features. “But I did. And I meant it.”
Put it out of your mind. Just lock it out.
She slid from the truck and headed for the house. Idiot. How had she let something like this happen? Was she losing her mind? The entire evening was glaring proof of how out of control everything had become. She should have known better. Needing someone never resulted in anything good. Ever.
A car door slammed.
Picking up her pace, Sue glanced over her shoulder, fearing she’d have to run in those murderous heels to reach the door before he caught her.
But Joe wasn’t coming after her. He was making quick time the other way.
* * *
Within minutes, Joe covered nearly a quarter mile and was only beginning to hit his stride. At this rate, he could be in Juniper Valley in no time.
Hey, don’t sweat it, Sue. It’s just my heart you’re messing with.
He picked up the pace, feet battering the pavement, his emotions still raging. He replayed the entire evening, trying to make sense of what just happened. But the farther he walked, the less sense anything made. Thinking about it only fed his growing frustration.
After that kiss in the chapel, he’d worked hard to keep his heart out of it. Keep everything just business. And he’d succeeded—right up until she kissed him. With that cautious, feather-light kiss that was ten times more maddening than the ones that followed.
And apparently of no significance to her.
One little kiss and she’d ripped down his defenses. Not only had he caved in, he’d chucked his brain and told her he loved her. To which she kindly responded by bolting like a jackrabbit.
Kiss and run. How did someone do a one-eighty like that?
But then again, she’d shown him plenty of resistance since he’d arrived at Juniper Ranch. Maybe he was the one with the problem. He was the bonehead who’d fallen for a woman who wanted nothing to do with him.
There’s a huge boost to the ol’ ego.
She hadn’t only rejected him—she’d flown like hunted prey. What was it about hearing his feelings that sent her running? Did she still not trust him?
He stopped. That was it.
Could she ever trust him?
Cold wind whipped through his borrowed dinner jacket. If that was the case, maybe it was good this had happened now. Better now than later. Besides, he was—
Leaving.
With a groan, he turned and assessed the distance he’d put between him and Layne’s house. How had he forgotten? In a few weeks, his new life would begin thousands of miles away. He had no business falling in love with Sue, much less telling her about it.
“Father,” he whispered into the night, “I screwed up. I thought I was here to introduce her to You, but after all this time, she’s no more open to You than she is to me. I’m sorry. I got involved and I shouldn’t have.”
As a car approached, he stepped onto the shoulder to let it pass. He was leaving soon, something he should have remembered.
“No more,” he whispered. “I’m done.”
But even before the familiar Voice whispered to his heart, he had a good idea what he would hear.
Show her My love.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“I love you.”
Sue snapped out of her dream-fog and hoisted the mop bucket to the edge of the utility room tub. Daisy’s high-pitched complaints in the dining hall drifted past her thoughts, barely registering. Sue dumped the dirty water, then set the bucket down and swiveled the faucet arm over the side to refill it.
How could three small words so thoroughly thrill and fr
eak her out at the same time?
It didn’t matter. Her life was enough of a mess without adding that.
She didn’t want to remember the benefit dinner fiasco and what had followed, but with her trip to the bank coming up on Monday, she had no choice but to face it. She’d failed miserably to gain increased monthly support. With any luck—or more accurately, a miracle—she could hold on to the kids for a few more weeks. But at this point, it really would take a miracle for the bank to accept what she had and not demand the full amount due.
God, if You’re there, let this next payment stall the foreclosure proceedings. Just a little more time with the kids, that’s all I ask.
In spite of the ranch’s struggles over the past two years, perhaps she had at least helped these kids feel like they mattered, helped them move past being abandoned, past the emptiness.
Sue felt something at her feet and looked down. Water had spilled over the bucket and was shooting across the tile.
She shut off the faucet. As she slapped the mop into the pooled water and worked to sop it up, a memory lurked from the shadows. With a burst of vigor, she wrung water from the mop, pressing the wringer as hard as she could, but the memory still played on her mind’s screen.
It had been dark a long time. She was hiding in a corner with the lights off so she could see the front door without being seen by anyone passing by the motel window. She had tried hard all day not to worry, but she’d read all of her chapter books from beginning to end by herself, and her mama still wasn’t home. She couldn’t tell time yet, but when the sky turned dark, she knew it was late. She had no idea how long her mom had been gone because when she woke up that morning, her mama still wasn’t back from being out the night before. Suzy had gotten her own cereal, cleaned up the milk she’d spilled, and ate alone where people couldn’t see her from the window, just like Mama had taught her. She was used to taking care of herself—it wasn’t that. What scared her was that Mama said she wouldn’t leave her alone like that anymore. She’d promised. Maybe something happened to her. Maybe one of those men she met downtown had taken her somewhere and wouldn’t let her go.