I give myself a mental pep talk and try my best to have fun—per Carissa’s orders. He settles in and starts the car. I notice every little thing he does, mainly because I don’t know what else to focus on so I don’t continue to bite through my bottom lip. He’s going to think I’m a complete spaz.
“You really do look amazing,” he says, staring through my eyes. “However, you will be cold. It’s a good thing I brought some blankets.” He smiles widely, nodding his head to the back where a couple of heavy blankets lay. Oh, crap.
“Where are we going?” I ask, hoping it’s not to go bury me in the woods somewhere.
“I have a little something planned out in the park.” He smiles back at me again, making goose bumps reappear up and down my arms.
We arrive at a secluded area of the park where the stars are so bright, it feels like they are within arms’ reach. I lean forward in my seat to get a better view.
“Wow, it’s incredible out here!” I gasp, taking in the surroundings.
“It’s beautiful at night, especially this time of year.” He walks over to my door and escorts me out. I wait as he grabs the thick blankets from the back and rounds his car to get a basket out of the trunk.
“Oh my goodness!” I squeal. “You are too sweet.” I smile at him, realizing he’s prepared an evening picnic for us.
“I was hoping you’d like it. Plus, it allows us more quiet time to talk without being interrupted by annoying waiters.”
“Ah, guess you must have that issue a lot, huh?” I ask, wondering if he takes a lot of girls on dates.
He tilts his head back as he huffs a laugh. I stand there frozen, unsure of what he’s laughing about.
“No, actually I don’t go on a lot of dates,” he says honestly. “It’s been a while since my last one.” He takes my hand and guides me to an open spot on the grass. “How about you?”
“Me? Um, yeah it’s been a while.”
“That’s hard to believe. I mean, guys must be dying to take you out.” He lays one of the blankets out wide and places the basket on it. I take my shoes off and sit down next to him.
“No, this is my first date in three years.” I regret it the second it comes spilling out of my mouth because I don’t want to talk about my past, but mainly I don’t want him prying for details.
“No, shit? Wow, I could hardly believe you were single, much less think you’d been single for so long.” I think he’s trying to sound sincere, but the way it sounds out loud makes me feel like a pathetic loser.
“Well, I just haven’t wanted to. Until now.” I smile at him, hoping he sees the sincerity in my eyes.
“Thank you for making an exception.” He grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to my cheek. His lips gracefully brush against me, giving me butterflies the moment he leans in. I freeze and don’t move, unsure of what to do.
“Don’t make me regret it,” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood and veer it far away from him asking about my past. It works. He smiles and laughs as he empties the contents of the basket. “This is the cutest thing ever,” I say. “Like fourth graders hiding behind the school cute.”
“Oh my God. It’s lame, isn’t it?” he asks, worried.
“No, not at all! I love it. It reminds me of being young. Plus, being an adult sucks.” I laugh, making him smile and laugh with me.
We spend the next couple of hours eating, talking and enjoying the clear sky. It’s breathtaking, and ironically, feels incredibly natural. Alex makes me feel comfortable for the first time in many years. I feel myself. Normal. Content.
“I had an amazing time, Alex! Thank you so much for such an incredible first date.” I smile up at him, looking into his perfect almond-shaped baby blues. We continue walking down the hallway and reach the door to my apartment.
“I hope it’s not our last date,” he casually confesses as he leans up against my door so I can’t unlock it.
“I hope not, either,” I mutter, unable to take my eyes off his beautiful frame. Tonight was so much more than I had ever expected. It wasn’t about seeing how far he could get with me, or having his way with me, rather it was filled with laughter and contentment.
“Excellent. Then we agree.” He smiles, slowing leaning in. I close my eyes as his lips gently touch mine. His hand wraps around my head, pulling me in closer. It’s sweet and simple. But God, he tastes amazing. “Goodnight, Velaney.” He pecks my lips once more before he walks down the hall again, leaving me breathless.
I unlock the door and see all the lights are turned off. Carissa must be out tonight. I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I slide my body down and end up sitting with my knees up. A feeling so unnatural, so uncommon fills me. I finally feel real…I’m not just a shell.
I stand up and flash a stupid grin on my face as I begin to walk to my room. I flick the living room lights on and yelp, “Oh my God! What are you doing here, Eric?”
Eric continues to lie on the couch casually, folding his arms over his chest. I can’t read his expression. He’s just sitting there looking cold, distant.
“Have a good time tonight?” he asks casually.
“I didn’t realize you had moved in!” I snapped, dodging his question. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I was worried,” he says sincerely, his glossy eyes looking me over.
“I’m fine. You don’t need to keep watching me, you know. I can take care of myself…most of the time.” I set my purse down and start taking my shoes off, but his hands grasp my shoulders and pull me up.
“I can’t help the way I want to protect you, Velaney,” he says in a deep, husky tone. His emerald eyes are looking deep into mine, making me quiver.
“Why?” I whisper, unable to say anything else.
“I don’t know. But the way you kissed me, the way you made me feel…it’s not something I want to ignore. It’s not something I can ignore.” My heart feels like it just sank to the floor. Why is he saying these things?
“I’m sorry for kissing you. I don’t want to mess with your head, Eric. I wouldn’t be good for you,” I mutter honestly, unable to look at him fully. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but it’s for the best, considering I would never be able to be what he needs.
“I’m not sorry! Don’t be sorry, Velaney! Jesus Christ!” He brushes his hands through his hair, looking beyond frustrated. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I shake my head, unable to speak. He leans in close to me, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “You drive me insane. The way you talk, the way you smell, the way you don’t even know how breathtakingly beautiful you are. It. Drives. Me. Insane.” His hot breath blows on my neck, making me clench between my legs.
I want to lean in, crush my lips to his and surrender to my feelings to him. But I can’t. The fact is that he’s Eric. How would I be able to remain friends while living in the same building as him, if we didn’t work out? I’d screw it up. I know I would. He would expect things…things I can’t give him. I can’t be someone’s girlfriend. I can’t be his girlfriend.
“I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why? Tell me why, Velaney! Is it because of Alex?” He steps back slightly, urging me to look up at his hurt expression. I can’t tell him the truth. It would wreck me. He’s strong, determined and fearless. I’m weak, powerless and a coward. I would only hurt him when he realized I couldn’t give him even a fraction of what he wanted. The only way to get out of this with my pride is to lie. He has to think he means nothing to me. In actuality, I think about him all the time. I want him to touch me. I want to touch him. But I know I couldn’t handle it. I could never be that person for him.
“Yes,” I lie. “I like Alex. I’m sorry.” I know I don’t sound convincing, but I have to say it. I swallow back the tears that are beginning to form and press my lips together tightly to keep in the sob that is trying to come out.
“I have no doubt you do, but I also know what you
felt when I kissed you. You can’t hide that, Velaney.” Damn, he’s good.
“I like you, Eric. But we’re friends. Can’t we just stay that way?”
He huffs back a cough, leaning farther away from me. “Will you still run with me?” he asks, hopefully.
“Of course. I’ll be ready by six a.m. on Monday.” I continue biting the inside of my lip, forcing the tears back until he leaves.
“I’ll see you then,” he sighs. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingers for a moment before releasing me and walking out the door. I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands as the tears finally fall down my cheeks.
CHAPTER 9
“Aiden, please don’t,” I begged, pushing myself away from him. “I don’t like it when you do this.”
“Shut the fuck up, slut!” he rambled, giving me a whiff of his beer-scented breath. I was ten years old and Aiden was eighteen. I was counting down the days until he left for college. “Fuck, Velaney…”
My body shook as he said the F-bomb. That word was the worst. It meant he was really mad.
I begged him each time to stop. If he wasn’t drunk, he was high. Or both. I don’t know how Mom and Dad didn’t notice, or maybe they just didn’t care. He was their perfect angel during the day. But at night, he was the devil to me.
“You owe me a goodbye present, Laney. I’m leaving for college soon, remember?” I nodded, acknowledging that I knew he was leaving. Of course, I knew. It was the only relief I had felt in the past two years.
Aiden left a few weeks later, driving hours away from home. I prayed he would find a girlfriend and leave me alone from then on. Unfortunately, there was no such luck. Thanksgiving and Christmas break arrived much too soon.
“Don’t I get my Christmas present?” he asked, rubbing a finger up and down my leg. I shivered at the very thought. I shook my head, hoping he’d get the hint. “You fucking owe me!” What exactly did I owe him? And why? Hell, I was only ten years old.
“Stop, Aiden, I will tell.” The words sounded pathetic. I could barely get them out, and he knew it. He laughed in my face as he grabbed my hand, making me do exactly as he wanted.
“Lane, wake up!” Carissa yells and shakes my body as I jolt out of sleep. “Good God! Are you all right?” she asks. I look around and notice I’m in bed. Carissa is sitting next to me, looking worried.
“Yeah, sorry. What happened?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“You were in here screaming bloody murder, Lane. Were you having a bad dream?” I scan the memory of Aiden in my head and simply nod in her direction. She takes me in for a hug and presses her lips to my forehead.
“Want me to sleep in here with you?”
“?Yes, please. Thanks, Riss.”
“Of course. Now, scoot over.” I move to one side, opening the sheets up for her. Carissa used to sleep with me almost every night during my adolescent years. She was the only person besides my parents that knew. She understood the night terrors I used to have and would hold me and rub my hair until I fell back to sleep.
The sound of my alarm jerks me awake. I promised to meet Eric at 6am today. Ugh, the sun isn’t even up yet.
I haven’t spoken to Eric since Saturday night, so I’m hoping things won’t be awkward between us now. I want us to be friends. I need him to be my friend.
“Good mornin’, sweetheart.” His southern tone captures me as I stretch on the pavement. He stands there in front of me, shirtless. Damn, he’s doing that on purpose.
“Good morning,” I say, clearing the rust from my voice. Boston is chilly in the morning, yet here he is—shirtless and stunning.
His smile reassures me he’s in a good mood today. Perhaps this is a sign there will be no awkward tension between us. I had spoken to Alex on the phone yesterday and my feelings were reassured about how I feel about him. He is amazing, to say the least. I opened the bar Sunday morning at eleven, and by noon he arrived with lunch.
“Well, aren’t you sweet,” I said, smiling as he raised a bag up for me to see.
“Just wanted to make sure my girl was well fed around all these drunks.” It was game day, which meant lots of drunks.
“Thank you.” I grabbed the bag from his hand and opened it up to see a bagel sandwich and a small bag of chips. He continued to sit with me and watched the game as I handed out beer bottles and poured shots. His eyes wandered between the game and me for the next few hours. The way he watched me sent tingles from my stomach to my thighs. His smile was so darn charming, I almost wanted to jump over the bar and climb into his arms.
“Ready?” Eric asks, offering me his hand to pull me up. I simply nod, not at all prepared to stare at his beautifully-toned muscles. I decide I need to run in front of him—or at least next to him—but I definitely can’t run behind him. The way his shorts hug his butt is just too much for me.
We start with an easy pace, letting the wind blow into us. I start to huff as he increases his pace, making me increase mine as well. I can see that he’s pushing me, which is exactly what I need. I need to run off my frustrations, my past and my built-up anger. Running erases it all, even if just temporarily. It certainly helps.
“Doing okay?” He looks over and all I can do is nod. My breathing is quick and I’m dripping with sweat. “We can break,” he suggests. I nod again, relieved.
“So, how’s work going?” I ask vaguely as we slow to walk.
“Great. Been working out a lot to pass the time when we don’t get calls.” I can tell. “How’s the bar?”
“Oh, ya know, the usual. Drunk men and sports.” He huffs a laugh as we round the next street toward our building.
We continue walking in silence and my mind is consumed with thoughts of him. It takes all my energy to not wrap my arms around him and take his mouth in mine. That would confuse the tartar sauce out of him. And me.
I trip on a crack in the sidewalk and I’m so deep in my thoughts I don’t even react by putting my hands out in front of me. Eric quickly catches me, but my body continues to fall, making me land right on top of him. His body lays flat on the sidewalk, acting as a human shield, with my legs straddling his narrow hips.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I bury my head in his chest, embarrassed as I keep falling around him, literally.
“You can crash into me any day of the week, sweetheart.” Clearly, he’s enjoying this. He stares at me intently, not willing to make me move off him. Part of me contemplates leaning in, but the reality part of me tells me to get a grip.
I push my hands against his chest as I stabilize myself and get to my feet. I hold my hand out to pull him up, but instead he grabs my hand, forcefully pulling me down to him once again.
“Eric,” I breathe. “What are you doing?” I’m curled up next to his side, his arms wrapped around me. It feels so safe, so right.
“I’m just securing you. It’s not my fault you keep falling head over heels around me,” He chuckles, tilting his head more toward mine as I see the amusement in his eyes.
“Very funny. There was a crack in the sidewalk. Tell your ego down boy,” I tease, pushing against him once again. “You can get yourself up this time. I don’t trust you,” I pout.
“You don’t trust me?” he asks, pretending to be offended by clenching his hand to his chest. I roll my eyes at his awful attempt to look hurt.
“Come on, Sally. I’ll race ya.” I take off for the building before I finish, not letting him catch up to me. I sprint the next block and don’t turn around to see where he is.
I slam my hands into the building, trying to even my breathing as Eric slams right into my back. “You’re a cheater,” he whispers against my ear, closing the gap between us. His palms are flat against the wall next to mine, reminding me of that spark he’s always talking about. I can’t help but enjoy the way his body feels against mine. His bare, sweaty chest rubs against me, making me inhale the sweet scent of his body wash and shampoo. “Next time, I might not be so willing to let you
win,” he whispers again, rubbing his lips against the outside of my ear. A shiver ripples through me as his hands move lower, rubbing up and down my arms.
I’m about to say to hell with it, turn around and wrap my arms around his neck before he steps away and walks toward the entrance. Damn him. How is he capable of making me react to him like this?
I follow behind him and toward the elevator, but he veers off in the other direction and takes the stairs up to his floor. I wonder if it was something I did, but I’m not about to question anything right now. I need to get my head on straight. Get it together, Velaney.
I take a shower and get ready for my workday at the University. I think about Eric as I blow-dry my hair, wondering if I’m going to be able to keep running with him if this continues. Today was only the first day—look what already happened.
My head is a jumbled mess the entire day at work. Images of Eric pop in and out of my mind, reminding me of how his body feels against mine. The way his eyes pierce through mine as he says something serious. I shake them out of my head, not wanting to think of him, but it’s too late. My hands are sweaty and I can feel the tingle between my thighs once again, at just the mere thought of him.
Ugh. His body and eyes scream sex. Ooze sex. Sex, sex, and lots of it. I can never be that for him. Hell, I can’t even kiss him without freaking out. I’m surprised he even talks to me after the way I treated him after our kiss. God, that kiss. Amazing. Why had I freaked out at that word? I’ve heard it hundreds of times. Jake knew to stop saying it after a half dozen panic attacks. I never told him why, but after a while he figured it out.
I forcibly turn my mind to Alex instead. He is safe. He’s sweet, kind, caring and sensitive. Isn’t that what girls look for in a man? Hell if I know…but he is the safe bet. He wouldn’t expect anything from me; therefore, he won’t get hurt by me. And hopefully I won’t get hurt, either.
Alphas & Millionaires Starter Set Page 28