I shake my head and turn to leave. My feet move, slowly. I don’t want to leave her. I want to hear her say she’ll come to me in a little while. I want her to forgive me and I want to tell her all the things I’ve been thinking about and ask her what she’s thought about.
Instead, I’m walking past the checkout counter where she’s ringing up another customer. And older man who’s looking at her as her eyes are drooping. “You look blue, sugar. What’s got you so sad?”
Her brilliant blue eyes move to me and I flinch as it makes me feel terrible. She’s right, I am a terrible person. I give her one last, pleading look and she looks back down. “I’m not sad for me, Bernie. I’m sad for someone else. Someone who doesn’t understand what life’s about.”
With that, I leave the store and go get into my car. “Take me home, Ashton. This was a huge mistake.”
He keeps his mouth shut as we leave the parking lot and head home. But his eyes look at me off and on, in the mirror and I know he wants to say something.
“You have something you’d like to tell me, Ashton?”
“It’s just that I told you this would happen, sir. She’s not like the women you’ve known. I’m afraid your father, hiring escorts to fill his parties, has left you with the idea all women are that free with who they give themselves to. That young woman isn’t an escort. She’s just a normal girl and wants normal things.”
“That woman is far from normal, I expect. And you are right about me not knowing a thing about normal women and how to interact with them. So, I will read and educate myself on how to do that. Because I can’t think of anything else, except how I can see that woman again. And have her stop being mad at me. I long to see her beautiful smile. I long to hear her laughter. I long to feel her skin pressed against mine.”
“Maybe you can read up on things and figure it all out, sir. You are one smart man, after all,” he says and then I find we’re home and I get out of the car.
My heart is heavy and my mind is full. I have got to find a way to get her to forgive me.
I want a chance with her, a real chance…
Chapter 2
CAMILLA
Locking up the store, I find my hand shaking as I hold his card in the other hand. He’s all I could think about after he came to the store.
He’s all I’ve thought about this whole week.
The way he walked away from me on Sunday was jarring. He was cold in an instant and made the decision to walk away, so quickly. I believe he has that ingrained in him. Hasty retreats when things aren’t going the exact way he wants them to.
Walking to my car, I glance at my co-worker as the teenage kid gets into his car. “Night, Kyle.”
“You working tomorrow?” he asks me.
“No, I have this weekend off.” I put the key into the lock on the car door and unlock it.
“You got any plans?” he asks.
Shaking my head, I say, “None at all. See you next week.”
He nods and gets into his car. After he pulls out, I look at the card in my hand and slip into the driver’s seat.
Cyprian didn’t go to the party he’s gone to every Friday and Saturday night since he was a child. I know it’s because of me and that has me wondering if Cyprian is capable of change.
What if he is and I am the one who can help him with that? What if he has this one opportunity to live a full life, with love and companionship? What if I ignore him and the feelings I have? What will happen to the man then? What will happen to me?
My heart hurts. It has since he walked away that day. And I have a feeling he can do much more harm to it than anyone else has ever been able to. But I find my fingers moving over my cell phone screen anyway.
It rings only once. “Cami?” his deep voice says and I feel a heat move through me.
“I know it’s late,” I say.
He quickly says, “Not too late for me to see you. I’ve been waiting up, hoping you’d call. Will you come over?”
“Will you promise not to make any attempt to get me into your bed?” I ask as I pound my head on the steering wheel, as I don’t know what I’m doing.
“Can I touch you? I miss the way your skin feels.”
“I guess some touching won’t hurt,” I say, though I think it might.
“I’ll be waiting at the door for you, Cami.”
I end the call and pull out of the parking lot. I’m probably going to regret doing this. But something inside of me is telling me that man needs me. And something else is telling me to hold tight to my heart that is so quick to fall in love. He’s a gamble. And I’m not the gambling kind.
The gate pops up much faster than I thought it would. I push in the numbers and drive through it. I see him waiting outside, in his pajamas. No shoes, his T-shirt is light blue and his pajama bottoms are a dark blue. He looks like something I should run away from.
A heartache in PJ’s, waiting to claim me.
He comes to my door, once I stop, and opens it. I’m pulled up into his arms and he holds me, tightly. “Thank you, Cami. Thank you for coming.”
He’s holding onto me as if I’m some life preserver he’s been tossed, in a stormy ocean. “You okay?”
“No,” he says. “I have so much I want to talk to you about.” He lets me go and takes my hand. “Come inside.”
I go along with him and have to wonder if I’m taking on more than I can manage. He’s not the same man I saw on Saturday and Sunday. He’s kind of a mess.
He takes me inside and pulls me along until we’re on a patio where he has a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses, waiting on a table for us. A platter of cheese, crackers, and cut up bits of fruit are in the middle of it. He takes me to a small sofa, covered in dark green upholstery. I sit as he goes to get the things off the table and places the tray next to me.
“This is for me?” I ask as I watch him fill the wine glasses.
“It is,” he says. “I figured you’d be hungry after work.” He places a glass of wine on the table beside me and goes to sit on the other side of the tray.
“That was very thoughtful of you.” I pick up the glass and take a sip then pick up an apple slice.
“You stay on my mind, Cami.” He looks at me as he takes a drink of his wine.
“You had things you wanted to talk to me about?” I ask as his gaze is making me feel kind of naked.
“You were right about me, Cami. I am a shell of a person. I am empty and had no idea I was. You see, the women I’ve been accustom to, have all been escorts my father brought in to entertain us. I don’t know how to romantically handle a woman like yourself.”
“First of all, using the word, handle, is offensive,” I tell him then pick up a cracker and place a piece of creamy white cheese on it.
“Okay, noted. What word should I use in place of that?” he asks as he looks at me with a serious expression on his face.
“How about we call it, getting along with, instead of handling?” I ask as I move the tray to the low table in front of us. “If I keep that right beside me, I will eat it until there’s nothing left on the plate.”
With a smile, he scoots closer to me. “I’m glad to have it gone.” His hand moves over my arm, up and down it goes, with a soft caress. His chest rises as he takes a deep breath. “To be able to touch you is a relief.”
Sparks of electric current follow the path he’s making over my arm and I put my hand on his leg and rest it there. “So, you really did miss me? That wasn’t a line?”
“A line?” he asks. “Cami, I don’t even know any lines. I’ve never had to use them.”
“Tell me about these parties with escorts you’ve been attending since you were, how old did you say you were?” I ask as I gently squeeze his thigh, relishing in how well muscled it is.
“I was fifteen when I was formally introduced into my father’s world.” He takes a drink.
“You started having sex then too?”
He puts the glass down and looks away as he says, soft
ly, “Yes, it was.”
“With your father’s consent?” I ask as my parents would never consent to such a thing.
He nods and keeps looking away from me. “Sex is sex in my family. It’s what you do at the end of the week to help relieve the stress the work week has brought down on you.”
“How mechanical,” I say then take a long sip of wine. “And your mother and he, how do they get along?”
“Mother gets along fine with my father. She doesn’t come once a month like she did when I was young. She does make it for the holidays. She sleeps with other men when she’s here. Never my father. Not even once that I’m aware of.”
I reach out to touch his cheek as he keeps looking away from me. “Are you upset about that?”
“Upset isn’t the right word. More like, confused. They are cordial to one another. There is and never has been any bad feelings between them. I was a mistake, their happy mishap, they call me.”
I gasp and move my hand to my heart. “They call you that!”
“You make it sound horrible, Camilla,” he says as he looks at me with wonder.
“It is. To be called a mistake is terrible. Were you treated like a mistake?” I ask, completely appalled.
“I don’t think so. I was treated well. I lived my first years with Mother. She stayed at home with me, thanks to money my father sent her. I don’t recall any bad treatment. Then she took me to my father’s when I was five, so I could go to school. She wanted to get back to her career.”
“Which is?” I ask then take a drink.
“Stripper,” he says, as if it’s no big deal.
I nearly choke on my wine. He pats my back and takes the glass out of my hand, so I don’t spill it as I gasp for air. Finally, I regain control. “She’s a stripper?”
“Was,” he corrects me. “Now she runs an adult nightclub my father bought for her.”
“Okay, not a lot better but that’s something,” I say and he hands me back the glass of wine from which I take another sip. “So, she took you to your father to go back to stripping, okay. Had you known your father before she dropped you off with him?”
“No, I had never met him.”
“How long did she stay with you, so you could get to know him before she left you?” I ask him and watch his face pale.
“She didn’t. She brought me to him and kissed my cheek after she introduced us and then she left, telling me it would all be fine. And, eventually, it was.” He takes his wine and downs it.
I am horrified and move in close to him and take him in my arms. “Cyprian, that’s awful. My God, what you must’ve thought. You must’ve been so afraid.”
His hand moves through my hair as his lips graze the place just behind my ear. “I was.”
Things are beginning to make more sense now…
Chapter 3
CYPRIAN
Throughout the night, we talked and talked until we found ourselves unable to stay awake to talk anymore. And now, here we lie. I moved our little party into the house then laid out a blanket on the floor in front of one of the fireplaces. I gave her one of my T-shirts to put on, so she could get out of her work clothes and be comfortable. She looked cute as hell in it.
The atmosphere was just right to get Cami’s guard down. She let me hold her as we talked about me, and my past. She told me a lot about hers too. She and I come from extremely different worlds. I don’t think either of us would like the others.
She told me, she never wants to meet my parents, and for fear she’d blurt out how she feels about them and how they raised me. It’s odd how I feel about her. It’s as if she’s becoming protective over me. No one has ever been protective over me before.
Her family would hate me. She didn’t say that. I just know they would. The son of a former stripper and a man with no sexual morals. A thing I didn’t know my father was until Cami schooled me on it.
And, apparently, I am that way too. A man with no sexual morals and no idea how to get some of those elusive morals she spoke about.
I cannot lie and say she’s turned my mind around where casual sex is concerned. In my life sex, has served a purpose. To let off steam. To relax after a hardy bout of pleasurable activities and that’s it.
Cami told me she supposed that’s exactly what sex is and that’s all I’ve ever had. Making love is different, she said. And I have to wonder if she’s right.
She moves, slightly. I hold her tighter, not wanting her to wake up and make some excuse to leave me. She settles into my arms and begins to snore a bit. I kiss her cheek then lie back down.
Her ass hits me as she scoots back and it settles right at my juncture. The morning has me ready to go and I can’t stop myself from grinding into her. I stop when she moans.
She reaches back and runs her hand along the arm I have wrapped around her. I’m stiff as a board as I wait to see if she’s going to finally let me have sex with her.
Moving a little, I press myself against her ass and pump a bit, making her moan more and press her ass against me. Getting braver, I move her hair to one side and kiss her neck. She groans, “Cyprian.”
At least she’s aware it’s me back here. I whisper in her ear, “Camilla.” Then I take her earlobe and deliver a gentle bite.
Pushing her ass even harder against me, has my cock quivering in anticipation and now I’m aware I have no protection with me. The condoms are in my bedroom.
Now, how to move this upstairs and into my room without giving her a chance to think about things?
Giving special attention to her neck, has her making some great sounds and letting me grind into her, so I pull her backward as I stand up and slip my arms around her to pick her up with me.
As she’s jostled with the movement, her eyes open. At first they’re dreamy and she makes a small smile. “Cyprian.” She leans her head on my chest as her arms wrap around my neck.
“Shh,” I shush her and start to carry her away.
Her fingertips roam over my chest. We still have on our clothes and that will have to be dealt with delicately as well. If I hurry, she’ll surely come fully awake and if I take too long, she might also start thinking and I can’t have that.
She seems to have fallen back to sleep as I make it to my bedroom. I open the door, which I’d left ajar, and quietly kick it closed. Just as I get to the edge of the bed, which is made, I lie her on one side and go to the other side to pull the blankets down.
As I walk back to her, finding she’s snuggled down on the pillow, I pull my shirt off and drop my PJ bottoms. Taking a deep breath, I start to pull my T-shirt off her, gently taking it from the bottom and lifting it up until it’s just underneath her tits.
Her eyes fly open. “Cyprian! What the hell are you doing?” She sits up and grabs my hands. “You’re naked!”
“You were into it. Don’t you remember?” I ask her as she looks at me with wide eyes.
“Would you cover yourself, for God’s sake?” she shouts at me.
I pull my PJ bottoms back on, quickly and see her pull the shirt back down to cover herself. “You were into it, Cami.”
“I was asleep!” she rolls off the bed and gets up. “I’m going home. I trusted you, Cyprian!”
“Wait, please. I swear to God you were into it. Stop and think for a second.” I grab her arm to stop her from leaving and she snaps her head to look at my hand.
“I was asleep!” She jerks her arm hard and I let it go, so I don’t hurt her.
“Cami, I’m sorry,” I say as I sit on the bed. “I am. I thought you were awake and wanting it as much as I was. I am sorry.”
She spins around and looks at me with tired eyes. “Cyprian, if we ever do that, it needs to be a thing we discuss and are ready for. Not a thing that happens if we’re together and have too much to drink. Or are hanging out, fall asleep in each other’s arms, and barely awake. I, for one, would like to be fully present for our first time. If there ever is one.”
“You’re dead set on being in love and
having a commitment, aren’t you?” I ask as I realize this woman really is going to be a hell of a lot of work to get her where I want her.
Her face goes soft, the indignation gone. “Cyprian, of course, that’s how I want it to be. I thought, after last night, you understood me better.”
“I do.” I look at her, standing in my bedroom with my T-shirt on, her hair a wild mess and I find her the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on in the morning. And I have seen many.
“Then why would you do such a thing?” she asks as she puts one hand on her hip and pushes her hair back.
“I want you,” I say, simply. “And if you will be truthful with yourself, you want me too. Or you wouldn’t have pressed your ass against my cock, Cami. You wouldn’t have moaned at how it felt and you wouldn’t have let me kiss your neck the way I was kissing it. You have a hickey or two from my attention to your sweet neck.”
Her hand moves to her neck as her face goes pale. “No!” She rushes to look in the mirror over my dresser and pulls her hair back, revealing two, very nice sized purple spots on her long and elegant neck. “This looks terrible!”
Getting up, I move in behind her and wrap my arms around her and look at the marks I left on her. “I like the way they look.” I turn her in my arms and look into her eyes. “Admit it. You want me as much as I want you, Cami.”
“Okay, so I can admit that. But I am very self-disciplined. I can wait until what we have is real.” She runs her arms around me and hugs me. “If it ever gets real.”
Holding her and looking in the mirror as she hugs me, makes me think about what she’s saying. So, I pull her with me to sit on the bed and hold her hand. “Cami, I don’t think I know how to love. I haven’t ever been very close to anyone. It could take a very long time or it might never happen. What then?”
“Then you and I are not meant to be. You see, I will not sell myself short. I want a man who loves me. Who will be there for me through thick and thin. Who will cherish me and put me above all others. And I will never settle for anything less. Because I will do that for him too. If you feel like this is a waste of your time, I will certainly understand.” She looks at me as if trying to see if I am capable of understanding her.
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