by Claire Raye
“So, it is true then?”
“What is?” I ask.
“You and Mila are together?”
I shrug. “Yeah, we are. Wasn’t ever trying to hide it.”
“I know,” Caleb replies, holding up a hand. “It’s good though, you’re good for her.”
“I am?” I ask, surprised.
Caleb laughs. “Well yeah, that’s what Ruby tells me anyway.”
“Fucker,” I say with a laugh, punching his shoulder. I’m not sure what I expected him to say when he found out about us, maybe a warning not to break her heart or whatever, but Caleb gives me none of that.
“For the record though,” he adds a little more seriously, “you seem really happy. You both do.”
I nod, swallowing hard as I glance over at him and see the look he’s giving me that I can’t quite decipher. “I am happy,” I tell him. “She’s really great.”
Caleb nods but thankfully says nothing more. I’m not sure what to make of his comments about me seeming happier with Mila, because I wasn’t aware he ever thought I was unhappy.
I was though, despite how much I tried to pretend otherwise. I know I’ve spent the past year just going through the motions, putting on a mask and a brave face as I pretended to the world that I was totally fine and not hurting or lonely or lost as I moved around, searching for something I wasn’t sure I would ever find.
But then Mila came into my life and even though I tried to fight it, I just couldn’t stop myself when it came to her. Somehow, she managed to find a way into my heart, healing it in the process so that now I find myself never wanting to be without her.
The strange thing is though, the thing I hadn’t expected, is that I don’t feel guilty about any of it. Even from the first moment, the first look, the first touch, the first kiss and more, I’d waited for the guilt to kick in. The hard punch to the gut that would remind me that I didn’t deserve this or her. Didn’t deserve to be happy again.
But it never came and with every minute that we spend together, I am falling harder and harder for her.
“Ahhh, speak of the devil,” Caleb says with a laugh as the sound of the back door closing echoes down the back corridor.
I look up to see Mila walking into the still closed bar, a sheepish smile on her face as she waves at Caleb before walking toward me.
Grinning, I reach for her, pulling her into my arms and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask.
She slips an arm around my waist, her head resting on my shoulder as she shrugs and says, “I don’t know, bored, I missed you.”
I let out a laugh, kissing the top of her head. We literally got back late last night and I only left her apartment a couple of hours ago, but I kind of like that I’m not the only one feeling like this.
“Bored and you missed me, huh?”
She looks up, smiling shyly. “Yeah.”
Grinning, I lean down to kiss her again. “I missed you too,” I whisper, just as a dish towel comes flying toward us, landing on Mila’s head.
“Hey,” she says with a laugh.
Caleb is smirking at both of us. “If you’re gonna hang out and distract my staff, you can get working,” he says, teasingly.
Mila’s eyes widen as she looks at me and then back at Caleb. “Oh my god, you’re giving me a job?” she asks, clearly excited.
Caleb lets out another laugh. “No way you’re working in my bar, Mila, you’re underage!” he says. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be put to good use when we’re closed.”
Mila pouts and it’s fucking adorable.
“Come on, babe,” I whisper, dragging her back to the storeroom. “We can go make out in the back for a bit.”
Mila giggles as I lead her down the corridor, Caleb rolling his eyes at the both of us.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mila
We’re lying in bed, the room bathed in darkness, the only sound filling the room is the sound of our quiet breathing, a silence that makes me feel bolder than I should, but also fills me with insecurity.
Adam is twenty-eight years old and I’m a few weeks shy of my twenty-first birthday. He once had a career and up until a few months ago, I was wandering this world aimlessly without giving a single fuck where I would end up. College was more of a party than something that was going to lead to finding a job. He should be settling down, getting married and having a family, but instead he’s sleeping in my shitty little apartment that my parents still pay for, while I someday have hopes of finding a real job.
I shift a little, moving again, and then again, trying not to be so disruptive, but clearly failing.
“What’s the matter, Mila?” Adam asks, and by the tone of his words I know he’s smiling. He finds me endearing and even though we’ve only been together a short amount of time, he can read me like a book.
“Do you ever get bored with me?” I ask, sounding a little too desperate and needy for my own good. No clue why I’m lying here fishing for something, like I’m looking for reassurance. This isn’t in my nature.
“Bored with you?” he scoffs, laughing a little. “Never. No one could be bored with you.” He pulls me closer until I’m flush against his side.
“Is it weird for you to be here in this college town, hanging out with me?” I’m not looking for anything. I understand that the age difference may be weird for some people. It certainly isn’t for me, despite Charlie giving me shit.
“I mean, going to that party with you and Charlie was a little weird, but I don’t give a fuck what people think. I’m at a point in my life where I want simple and easy and fun,” he says, sounding far more confident than I expected. “I’ve dealt with a lot of shit in my life and meeting you has made things…” He pauses, and I giggle a little wondering exactly what he’s going to say. In the past I’d be certain he would say complicated, but now, not so much. Things between us are easy and simple. “You’ve made my life better, Mila. You know that. Working at the bar is what I was looking for and you were an added bonus that came with it.”
My cheeks grow hot at his words, enjoying his compliment, but also realizing transferring to Hawthorn was the best decision I could’ve ever made. It led me to Adam and away from all the bullshit in my past. Before Adam, I didn’t realize guys like him existed, that I could find someone who was honest and smart and funny.
“Finding you was an added bonus for me too.” I press my lips to his chest, letting them linger for a few seconds, feeling the warmth of his skin underneath them and knowing what we have is real. There was a time when the idea of trusting a guy was so foreign to me, but Adam restored that trust far quicker than I expected. He’s everything I longed to find, he’s everything I’ve ever needed.
“Maybe once you graduate, I’ll go back to nursing,” he says, almost out of nowhere, but like he’s been thinking about his future. This is the first time I’ve heard him talk about anything beyond a day or two. His apartment looks like he wouldn’t dare put down roots and given he’s moved at least five times in the last year, future plans are pretty much nonexistent.
“Whoa, wait a second, is Adam Cooper talking about something that could happen two years from now?”
I climb on top of him, straddling his hips and attempting to pin him down. And even though it’s dark, I can see the faintest smirk on his lips. He’s happy and that makes me happy. It’s a true happiness. When I first met Adam when I came down to visit Ruby, he was playful and fun, but it was also the kind that felt forced. I would know because I was living that same forced happiness. But now, it all feels different, like we don’t even have to try with each other.
“Maybe I am and maybe you make me want to plan for the future,” he says, catching me a little off guard, his words quiet but honest.
“Maybe I want to make plans with you too.”
“Come here,” he says, his hand gripping the back of my neck as he pulls me closer. “Thank you.” Th
e second our lips touch it feels like something between us changes. There’s a seriousness dancing in the air, covering us and making us both believe in what’s to come. And for once I’m not scared.
He kisses me with the promise of what’s to come and I want it, I want everything with him. My hands slide down his chest, and between us, needing to be as close to him as possible. I shift until he’s inside me, moving slowly, until I realize exactly what is happening.
It can’t happen.
The moment catches up with me, Adam beneath me, breathless and desperate for me, his hands exploring my body. And as much as I want this, everything about it is reckless. My breath catches in my throat, making it hard to breathe, my heart racing and my hands begin to shake.
I stop moving.
“Don’t stop, Mila,” Adam calls out, completely lost in me, missing the struggle I feel warring within me. His hands grip my hips, willing me to keep moving, but I can’t.
“Wait,” I manage to choke out, reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing a condom. As much as I want everything with Adam, neither of us are in a position to take a risk, even if I am on the pill.
I take in a deep breath as I begin to move again, needing the closeness of him, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
“Adam, please,” I beg, not sure what I need him to say, but everything I want to tell him is on the tip of my tongue, including the fact that I’m certain I’m falling in love with him.
“You’re mine, Mila. Every fucking part of you,” he murmurs, his voice deep and there’s a desperation to it that urges me to move faster and harder.
His thumb moves between us, finding me and making me call out his name. I’m lost in him and everything that is happening between us. What we have is so perfect it almost hurts.
“I think I’m going to stay this summer and take classes,” I tell Charlie the next day when we’re sitting down to watch a movie. “Maybe that way I can finish on time or maybe a little early.”
I’m behind since I declared my major so late and at this point, I’m out of core classes. If I don’t stay through the summer, I’ll end up being here for a fifth year, and while six months ago, spending another year avoiding adulthood sounded amazing, now it just feels wasteful.
She doesn’t say anything, she just looks over at me with her mouth hanging open.
“What?”
“Um, well, I don’t know. Just six months ago it was like pulling teeth to get you to go to class and now you’re all, ‘I think I’m gonna be a fucking overachiever and take classes in the summer.’ Like who takes classes in the summer when we live in California?”
“I do. I want to finish school and—”
“This is about Adam, isn’t it? You want to finish so you can get married and have babies and move in with Adam and leave me alone and living with ten cats. Oh my god, my life is over,” Charlie wails dramatically, making me laugh.
“I promise I won’t ever leave you, Charlie. You’re my ride or die. You know that. Why don’t you take summer classes too and we can stay here together?”
“Yeah, maybe. I gotta start scouring local pizza places for my husband, too.”
“Perfect, you can take a couple of classes and in our downtime, we can go eat pizza and ask to talk to the owners.” I nod, like this is the most amazing plan ever. “See, future done and plotted.”
“Actually, it doesn’t sound half bad. I could take like two classes. How many are you thinking about taking?” she asks me, and even though I know she’s going to absolutely lose it when I tell her, I still say it.
“I was thinking probably fifteen hours,” I announce, sheepishly, looking away from her and back to my phone which currently has the summer courses up on it.
“That’s a full fucking load!” she yells and again I’m laughing.
“I know it is, but I’ve lost a lot of time and with declaring my major so late, this will give me a chance to catch up.”
“All right let’s do it,” she says, sounding enthusiastic. “Now we just need to find me a boyfriend so when you move out and leave me high and dry, I have a shoulder to cry on.”
“Is it okay for me to admit I want to take classes so I can stay here with Adam?”
“I knew that was your reason all along,” Charlie replies, winking at me.
“It’s not the only reason,” I defend, and she’s laughing before I can even finish.
Later that night, I have the summer coursework book out in front of me, a notebook and my phone filled with notes about classes and everything my guidance counselor told me I needed to take to fulfill my graduation requirements.
I’ve even called Ruby over to help me sort through all this, and I’m certain she thought I was joking because the line fell silent for a good solid minute.
“So, you’re seriously thinking about taking fifteen hours?” she asks, tapping a pen on the table as she looks at me.
“Yes, Ruby, fifteen hours.”
“Did Adam do something to you other than have sex with you? Did he drug you? Brainwash you?”
“Why is this always the question? No, Adam didn’t do anything to me other than motivate me to finish school.”
“I’m glad you met him,” Ruby suddenly says. “I think you both needed it. He’s taken on a lot more responsibility at the bar over the last couple of months. It’s been a huge help to Caleb.”
“Yeah, he really likes working there.”
We both fall silent, the question I know is coming floats in the silence, waiting for Ruby to ask it, but before she can, I say what she’s thinking.
“I don’t have any idea why he’s here or why he’s working at a bar in California.” We’ve all been thinking it. Caleb doesn’t pry into people’s lives so it’s of no interest to him, but I know Ruby has been wondering. She’s a people watcher, analyzer and wonderer, but not in a bad way. It’s never for judgement, but all for getting to know someone and how she can help.
I keep her on her toes, always wondering what I’m up to and why I transferred to Hawthorn at the last minute. At least now she has Adam to wonder about too.
“Does it matter?” she asks, shrugging. “What matters is that you make him happy and he makes you happy.”
“You’re not at all curious as to why he’s here?”
“No. I’ve learned over the last year that people will share their stories when they’re ready. Not everyone wants help, but eventually everything comes out.”
It’s like she’s talking directly about my life. She has no idea the number of times I’ve wanted to tell her what happened in Tahoe, but I still can’t find the right words.
“So, what do you think, should I try for an eight a.m. class or just go for nine?” I ask, changing the subject, turning it back to the reason Ruby is here.
“Don’t they have anything that starts at noon?” she asks, wrinkling up her nose and shaking her head.
“Not everyone stays up till three in the morning, Ruby.”
“Not everyone gets up at the crack of dawn to workout, Mila,” she quips back just as Adam walks in.
“Hey, look at that. Two of my favorites together. What are you up to?” He walks over, leaning down and dropping a kiss on the top of Ruby’s head before walking over and kissing me.
“Just picking my summer courses,” I say, and I watch Adam’s face light up. We haven’t talked much about what happens when the semester ends. I had always thought I’d end up back in Tahoe for the summer, dreading it horribly, worrying about everything I ran from.
“Guessing that means you’re sticking around,” he says, smiling down at me.
“You ready for Mila, all day, every day?” Ruby asks, laughing.
“I’ve always been ready,” Adam retorts.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Adam
“So, do you want to just have it here with the place open or should we close for the night and keep it private?” Caleb asks.
“You’d close for the night?” I ask him, glancing at Ruby who’s sitting beside Caleb on the opposite side of the bar to where I’m standing.
“Yeah, of course,” he replies with a shrug. “It might be better, then none of us have to work and we won’t have any issues with randoms.”
I turn to Ruby again, who’s smiling at me in a way that suggests she and Caleb have already discussed this. “Well yeah, closing might be better, if you’re okay with it?” I ask.
“I’m okay with it,” he says, turning to Ruby. “You gonna work on the invites?”
Ruby nods. “I will, but Adam’s going to talk to Charlie and see who else she has to add.”
“I’ll try and catch her tomorrow and get her to put a list together.”
“So far, I’ve got the four of us and maybe some of Reid’s friends too. Mila doesn’t really know them, but it’s fine,” Ruby says, smiling. “Maybe ask Charlie for some suggestions too?”
I nod. “It doesn’t need to be huge or anything,” I tell her. “Just something to…” I trail off, not quite sure how to explain it.
“Something to let her know we’re all thinking of her?” Ruby suggests.
“Yeah, that and she can finally drink here without it being an issue,” I reply with a shrug.
Caleb chuckles. “Oh man, is she gonna be a pain in our ass with that or what?”
I smile, looking up just in time to see Mila as she walks into the bar. “No, I don’t think so, but anyway, let’s talk later,” I say, as she wanders over. “Hey,” I direct at Mila as I move out from behind the bar, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her in for a kiss.
“Hi,” she replies, looking up at me, before turning to look at her sister and Caleb who are sitting side by side at the bar watching us. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Ruby and I reply at the same time, making Caleb laugh.
Mila’s brows narrow as she turns back to me. “No seriously, what’s going on here?”
Chuckling, I lean down and give her another kiss. “Nothing, nosy, we’re just chatting.”