Finally, he managed, “Susannah. I am so glad I have found you.”
The wariness didn’t leave her eyes, but she gestured to the chair near her. “Then please sit and tell me why.”
He sat, leaning forward in the chair. “I have come to warn you. Your guardian discovered that you had been staying in Seaton. He arrived there Tuesday night and is currently lurking at the village festival in hopes that he might discover you and take you away.”
The wariness in her face turned to fear. She bit her lip, uncertainty looming in her expression, her eyes darting left and right, as though perhaps her rescuer would ride up on a noble stallion.
But he was already here. If only he could convince her to trust him again. “Susannah.” He cleared his throat, started again. “Susannah. I was so wrong to leave you the way I did. In anger. Without telling you my purpose.”
Her attention was back on him now, but she didn’t say a word.
He continued. “I’ve been to London.”
Her eyes widened at this.
“I spoke to Julian Weatherly. I told him.”
She cringed. She had to have known what he meant, even as she asked, “You told him what, exactly?”
His eyes cut to her maid standing near the door. It was enough answer for her, and her expression went from disbelief to something much worse. He’d didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t this fury. Nor the heavy doses of shame and hurt.
Now through lips as thin as paper, she almost growled. “How dare you? This is not your business. I want nothing from him. And I didn’t wish for him to know! It was to be my secret.”
He flinched. She was right, of course. “Please forgive me. I was wrong, in this and in many other areas recently. My only excuse is that I want, quite desperately, for it to be my business.”
Her brows rose at this, but she said nothing, so he went on. “I went to Weatherly to give him a chance to do right by you. He used you terribly, and you deserve to be provided for.”
Susannah chuckled bitterly. “I can only imagine what Julian thought of your honorable gesture.”
He grimaced. “Yes, well, it didn’t go well.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a staying hand. “But I’m still glad I tried. It helped me realize something important.”
Her eyes cut to his, the anger in them dissipating slightly in the wake of curiosity.
He slid off the chair and on to one knee before her. He took her hand in his own, resting both on one of her knees. “Susannah, I’ve made mistakes, so many mistakes, since I have met you. But you have become a part of my heart. And I am grateful that Julian Weatherly is the greatest cad I’ve ever known. Because if he hadn’t been, I might never have met you. And that would have made it difficult to request your hand in marriage.”
Her eyes went wide, her mouth making a little o for just a moment before she recovered herself, and her wariness came back. She pushed gently on his shoulders. “Nick, please don’t do this just for the sake of kindness.”
He could hear the pain in her words. And as much as he hated hearing it, it gave him hope. Maybe it was just the pain that had made her reject his earlier suit. He reached for her, reached her face, and gently caressed her chin, meeting her eyes with his own.
“Susannah, before I met you, I thought God’s will for me was to remain a widower. I had no intention of ever marrying again. I had no intention of ever giving my son a mother. Of settling down in Poppledown Park. And maybe, though I didn’t ever put it in so many words, maybe I had no intention of ever enjoying my life again.”
He paused to swallow, his emotions welling up. Susannah still watched him, and he’d give anything to make her smile, to take away the pain that laced her expression. He remembered back to that day in the garden, when he and Gabriel had gone to fetch her to go clue hunting. She’d seemed carefree and laughing, and he prayed that he could have the chance to make all the rest of her days as happy as that one.
“But then you came along,” he finally continued. “With your smile that I couldn’t help imagining seeing at my breakfast table. With your wisdom that you gave to Letitia. With your heart that you freely gave to my son. And all of the sudden, my intentions seemed foolish in the light of your existence. Just knowing that someone like Susannah Stanhope exists is enough to change my dreary attitude into one of joy.” He winced a little at the error. He’d used her false name instead of her true one.
For a moment he wasn’t sure she would respond at all, as her expression might have been carved from stone, so little emotion reflected in it.
Finally, she swallowed. “Blackmon. Susannah Blackmon.”
A smile spread across his face. He took this revelation for the gift it was: an expression of her trust in him.
“Susannah Blackmon, then, please save me, save Gabriel, from what our lives are without you.”
A twinkle lit her eye and gave him hope. “Well,” she said, “I do like Gabriel quite a lot.”
His laugh was so full of emotion it was almost a sob, and just like that her twinkle left.
“Nick. You are a godly man. People look to you as an example of right living. And you have Gabriel to think of. Are you certain you wish to choose a fallen woman of scandalous repute? I’m carrying another man’s child, for heaven’s sake!”
“Actually, I believe that’s what I’ve just established. I can’t see any answer that doesn’t include you as my wife.”
She sighed. “Nick, I am ruined. There is nothing I can do to erase my past.” Her voice seemed to plead that he would condemn her and leave her to her suffering.
But that was foolishness. He rocked back on his heels. He gave her his most stubborn stare, the one he used to use on Terence, and said, “You don’t have to do anything. We are humans both of us, and you are no stranger to Scripture. You know as well as I do that I am no less stained by sin than you. Your worth to God does not depend on what you have done or not done. And neither does your worth to me.” He scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration. “And if you can love my Gabriel the way you already do, then certainly, I can love your child as my own. And then perhaps eventually there will be children that we share.” He held her eye for an interminable minute.
Tears ran down her cheeks, her mouth scrunched up in despair. “Can you love me even though I have left your God?”
Nick swallowed hard. With her knowledge of Scripture, he hadn’t realized the depth of her lack of faith. “I can. Of course I can. But I confess I hope you’ll turn to Him and be freed from your guilt. There is no condemnation to those who walk after Him. Let Him forgive you.”
“How could He forgive me? I’ve rejected Him so thoroughly. I haven’t done a single thing to make Him love me.”
Nick’s expression turned incredulous. “What exactly is it that you think the Creator of all needs you to do for Him? All He asks is that we repent and believe.”
Susannah brushed a lock of hair from her face, clearly struggling to believe his words. “I know you are right. It is what I learned from childhood. But somehow, sitting here in my own sin, it seems impossible that it should be that easy. But I do repent. I don’t want to be who I was before. And after this time I’ve spent in Seaton, and then running away from it like some sort of Jonah, I…well, I can’t keep denying His existence. There’s too much of His presence in this world. I’ve been fighting against it, but…maybe…” She shook her head, closing her eyes against the tears.
Compassion filled him. And more.
“Susannah, Susannah. We’ll figure it out. I beg you. I love you. I need you. Please save us both from our misery and say you will marry me.”
***
For years, Susannah’s dream of marrying a man she loved seemed out of reach. When Julian had proposed, she had known it wasn’t love. There was a little bit of infatuation perhaps, but certainly not love. It had just seemed that marrying was better than staying unmarried, when perhaps no one would love her. At least, she had thought, she might have chil
dren.
And when he had thrown her over, she had known, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would never even have a husband.
But now, here was a man—a kind, honorable, virtuous man, a man whom she loved with every fiber of her being—standing in front of her, saying the unthinkable. That despite her utter ruination, despite her complete lack of qualification for being the lady of a home like Poppledown Park, and despite what he knew of her personally, despite all that, he loved her. He wanted her to be the mother to his beautiful son.
How could she possibly refuse?
She couldn’t stop the tears from running down her face. “Yes. Yes, of course I will marry you.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Even as she agreed to her deepest desire, her fears hadn’t left her. Could she be good enough for Nick? Could God really accept her?
But Nick pressed on, oblivious to her confusion. “I have a special license. I got it in London. We may be married at once. Before Hector can reach us to put a stop to it.”
This brought her up short. “At once?”
Nick frowned. “Yes. Why not?”
It took her a moment to work it out for herself. “It’s just that… Well, you just said yourself that you didn’t think it was God’s will for you to marry.”
“Which I quickly followed with ‘but I was wrong.’”
She couldn’t help a grin, even as she continued. “But what if you weren’t wrong? And what if I am? I think that maybe God exists, but I need proof.”
Nick looked rather wary. “It’s a bad idea to test God, Susannah.”
Susannah’s sigh was filled with resignation. “Yes. It is. But our wills are not always to be trusted. Marrying me won’t come without cost. I think we should be sure.”
“What exactly are you suggesting, Susannah?”
“Take me to my guardian. If God can convince Hector to give us his blessing and set me free…well, that can be no coincidence.”
Nick’s eyes nearly flew out of his sockets, and she supposed she understood. It would take an utter fool to choose to go back to Hector when she had the option to run away and marry Nick. But nevertheless, she would do it. For Nick’s sake, she would do her best to free herself from Hector entirely.
And besides, hadn’t it been Nick who had told her that God would work all things for her good? That God had control over humans in authority? Even though she’d fought to believe God had cared about her at all, she’d come to realize, on this aborted trip to Scotland, that maybe He did love her, that maybe He would intervene. If He had placed Hector in legal authority over her, then perhaps, just perhaps He would convince Hector that her marriage to Nick was a good thing. Perhaps He would free her. It was a grasp at straws.
But maybe it was a grasp at redemption.
Chapter 30
By the time they reached the festival the next morning, Nick was sure he was nothing short of a fool for letting this happen. The very thought of allowing Susannah to go with Hector made his skin crawl. He had half a mind to spirit her off to Gretna Green and refuse to return to England until she agreed to marry him.
Instead, he dismounted and gave his horse to the groom, then went to help her from her carriage.
When he opened the door, she was sitting inside with her eyes closed, all color gone from her face. She looked as though she were walking toward a hangman’s noose instead of to the man who should be her protector.
“Susannah, please reconsider. Please let me help you.”
She opened her eyes and smiled wanly at him. “I’ll be fine. I won’t be worse off than I was.” She clearly lied to him.
When she saw he didn’t believe her, she tried a new tack. “Nick, before I came here, I had left all my faith in God in my mother’s grave. I didn’t believe that He would protect me or guide me. But you reminded me that I am a daughter of God. That despite my sin, despite my lack of standing in society, God still delights in me. And now, here I am, about to face the worst thing I can imagine and refusing the best thing I can imagine.”
She closed her eyes and gave a little smile, a little shake of her head. “It’s the right thing to do. I will go into the lion’s den and trust that God will stand with me. And if I am wrong, if He doesn’t protect me, then at least I will have protected you.”
He wanted to scream, to rail against her. To rail against Hector and probably do great harm to him. But his own words came back to him, the verses from his grandfather’s treasure hunt. And he knew deep in his bones that she was right. He might not like her choice, but if she was doing this in faith, then he couldn’t stand in her way. No matter how much he wanted to.
He cleared his throat. “Then at least let me pray for you.”
She held his eyes and nodded her assent.
His voice was rough with emotion, but he finally rasped, “Our Father, I thank you for the many blessings you have given us. And I…” His voice broke. He tried again. “I thank you for bringing Susannah into my life, for giving me eyes to see the joy that is possible in this life. She believes you will protect her. Please help my unbelief. Please protect her in ways exceedingly abundantly above what we can ask or think. Amen.”
When he finished, he looked up to see tears shining in her eyes but a tremulous smile on her face. “Thank you for your prayer. And thank you for understanding.”
“I don’t. I don’t understand. This is foolishness.” Even to his own ears he sounded petulant, but that was okay, because he felt petulant.
Nevertheless, he helped her down from the carriage.
A voice rang out across the yard. “Daventry! I see you’ve finally developed some honor and brought me back my ward.” Hector was standing, hands on hips, bellowing across the crowd. Nick’s teeth ground together so tightly he tasted blood.
He gave Susannah a last, long look and turned to his enemy, taking a few steps to close the gap between them as he bellowed back. “Well then, that makes one honorable man between us.” He knew he shouldn’t provoke the man, but the words flew out of his mouth.
Hector smiled broadly. “Tsk, tsk, Daventry,” he said loudly. “Now what would the good people of Seaton think about your honor if they knew your true purposes. If they knew that you absconded with my poor, innocent ward, just to force her into marriage to retain the ownership of Poppledown Park.”
There was a gasp across the entire fairgrounds. Nick hadn’t anticipated that. Since none of it was true, of course. But now he had to admit that it sounded bad.
They were close enough to speak to one another in conversational tones, but it made no sense to do so, since Hector had clearly invited the entire town into their business. He flicked his head back and could see that Susannah was just a few feet behind him.
“Of course I didn’t. I own Poppledown Park free and clear. But today I am coming to you, her guardian, to ask for her hand in marriage. Please allow me to make your ward my wife.”
Nick couldn’t believe it was possible, but Hector’s smile grew broader, wolfish now, as though he knew he had the upper hand. “Oh ho! What an idea. Thank you for your generous offer, but I do believe I’ll decline.” He turned his attention away from Nick to the woman behind him. “Come, Susannah. Back where you belong.” As though she were his chattel. And Susannah avoided Nick’s gaze. She simply lowered her gaze and went.
“Hector—” Nick started.
“That’s Lord Camberly to you.”
Never. Lord Camberly was Alex. It would always be Alex.
But then he saw Susannah standing there with her head bowed next to this horrid man, and he couldn’t just leave her. So he did what he must. “Of course, Lord Camberly,” he said, the very words choking the breath from him. “I would never wish to defraud you. Instead, I offer a dowry. Allow me to marry Susannah and make her my wife, and we will walk away from Poppledown Park. It will be yours.”
This brought Susannah’s head up, eyes wide and jaw slack. Her eyes darted from Nick to Hector. It was so adorable, Nick would have smiled at her if
his heart was not dangling on the precipice of destruction.
But now Hector delivered the final blow. He turned his gaze speculatively on Susannah. “Hmmm. It seems I have quite underestimated my ward, Daventry.” Nick did notice that Hector did not deign to return the favor of using his honorific. “Here I have been hiding her away, but it appears she should be granted a wider audience among the nobility. If she can turn the head of the brother of an earl, even as haughty a one as you, perhaps she could lure even bigger fish.”
The futility of the situation began to sink in. Hector would never give him anything, just on principle of Nick having been a friend to Alex. Nick dared to glance at Susannah again, and this time she returned his gaze, her lips compressed in resignation, and panic rose. Had she been right that this was not God’s plan? Was this where he lost her? Was this where he said good-bye to the hopes he had allowed himself to build? He found he had no words. The best he could come up with was a stiff nod in her direction.
But she seemed to understand. She lowered her head as well, eyes staying fixed upon him, and even managed to wring up a sad little smile, a ghostly representation of all the smiles she shared with him in their short time together.
Hector stood watching over the scene, his gloating smile never ceasing. “Now come, my dear. I had the grooms ready my carriage when I saw that you had arrived. I have business in London, you know, and we must away.” He paused and looked to Nick. “I’m sure Daventry will make arrangements to send your things back. He knows the address.”
And then he was ushering Susannah away, and Nick was looking at his love for the last time.
“Susannah!” came a shout, and Gabriel was there, rushing to Susannah, embracing her knees. “Susannah, are you back? Are you marrying my papa so you can be my mama? I missed you!”
Susannah reached down to return his embrace. “I missed you, too, Gabriel. I missed you so much.” She bent down so that his face was near hers. She pushed back a lock of his hair. “I am sorry, Gabriel. I can’t be your mama. I have to go with my guardian.”
Legacy Redeemed (Redeemed, Restored, Reclaimed Book 1) Page 25