“Well um, I’m okay I guess. I’m starting to feel anxious again. I don’t have a life besides my kids and my husbands and well, I feel lost. I was somebody and I just threw it all away. I got so fucking caught up in my men and their drama that I let my life fall to the wayside. I can’t help but to feel like a failure. Like my mother is looking down on me and shaking her head because I’m a fucking mess,” I admitted with watery eyes. My counselor passed me some Kleenex. She was a young, attractive brunette that had also suffered from drug abuse, only she was once addicted to heroin. Hell, I felt like if she could overcome that then I should easily be able to get over pills, but I still had that urge to get high especially when I was at home.
“Harlow, everyone goes through ups and downs only some weren’t as fortunate as you. Everyone doesn’t make it out of their addiction alive. I want you tell me why you haven’t started back taking clients?” she asked. I shrugged even though I knew the answer. I was embarrassed and scared that people wouldn’t want to work with me now that the media had deemed me as a sex-crazed whore who married a set of twins for their money.
“I just haven’t. I need more time.” That was my answer for everything, more time.
“So have you forgiven Marcos?” I shook my head as my cheeks turned crimson. I couldn’t help but to think about the beating he had put on my body. I could still feel him inside of me. I hated that he knew my body so much better than Marcio. That was the only reason I let him come over at night, was to get that fix.
“So you are fucking him again?” she asked chuckling. I laughed covering my face. “No need to be embarrassed, he is your husband. What I want to know is if your relationship with him assists in you staying sober or if the stress from dealing with him is pushing you to go get some pills? Because I’m a woman. Good dick is a beautiful thing. I mean downright wonderful, but being a good, sober mother to your sons is much better than getting a good climax. Wouldn’t you agree?” I shifted in my seat as I thought about Marcos. Being with him was like being on a rollercoaster. It was a nonstop thrill but he often left me feeling sick at the end, just like the rides did.
“I love Marcos. When I first met him and Marcio I thought they were crazy for coming at me like that, but I started to date them separately and I kind of liked the idea of having the good guy and the bad boy to myself. They both gave me something different. Marcio is loving and devoted to me. He gives me baths and rubs my feet. Marcos is full of life. We’ll up and go to Miami for the weekend and have the time of our lives. He can fuck me to sleep, literally; he just can’t seem to stay faithful. He first cheated with a dancer named Rema, and we now raise the daughter that he had with her. Now he has cheated with yet another dancer and she’s claiming that she just had his kid. I had no clue that she was even pregnant. He says that the baby isn’t his but Marcos is a habitual liar. I still love the sex but my love for him has slowly dwindled down, and that hurts me because I know for a fact my sons are biologically his because Marcio was locked up when I got pregnant. I’ve been thinking about maybe taking the boys and finding me a place to stay but I can’t,” I said shaking my head, quickly dismissing that thought. It wasn’t good for me to think things like that.
“Why can’t you?” she asked looking at me. I thought about how many people worked for the twins or owed them a favor. I would lose my sons in a custody battle and possibly lose my life. My husbands owned most of Detroit but they were also very big into the drug game, so I didn’t know what the fuck they were capable of. Yes they showed me love now, but if I was to leave I knew I would see another side to them.
“I just can’t but I gotta go. I’ll see you again next week,” I said and stood up. My counselor gave me a strained smile as I gathered my stuff and left out of her office. I got into my truck with pills on my mind. The more I thought about leaving the twins the more I felt the need to get high. I took calming deep breaths to clear my head.
“Don’t do this Lee. You have sons to raise. Please don’t,” I said to myself. I started the car and slowly pulled away. I put my seatbelt on and decided to drop in on Marcio at his office to see my kids. He, for some reason, was hell bent on taking them to work with him today. I turned on some jazz music to calm me down and checked out how beautiful Downtown Detroit was, as I headed to his building. Once I arrived, I parked next to his G-Wagon and fixed my Ruby Woo lipstick before getting out of the car. I thankfully had my curves back and was looking like my old self, even if I wasn’t feeling like the old Lee.
I waved to the receptionist when I walked in and she gave me a funny look, but I shook it off. I walked back to his office and the door was cracked open. I smiled when I heard Marcos’ daughter, Jolie talking. I pushed open the door and was met with the biggest fucking surprise. The reporter bitch that did a special about my father and me being married to the twins, sat in the middle of Marcio’s office floor, playing Lego’s with my sons. Marcio jumped out of his seat when he saw me.
“Lee! Hey baby, I thought you had a meeting today with your counselor,” he said walking towards me. I kept my eyes trained on the bitch playing house with my fucking kids. She was the reason the fucking world knew my business and he was in here chilling with her ass?
“What the fuck is going on in here Marcio?”
“Ohhh,” Jolie said covering her mouth. “Mommy said bad word,” she said smiling. The reporter slowly stood up smirking at me.
“Um, I see your wife is here so I’ma just go. Again, when the new casino opens call me, and I’ll do a full spotlight on it Marcio,” she said with her eyes on me. I was so fucking mad I couldn’t even think straight. Marcio grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. I tried to break free and he hugged me even tighter.
“Yeah just go, I’ll talk to you later,” he said quickly dismissing her. She took her time getting her shit while she smiled.
“Marcio let me go, I’m not going to fight this bitch. I just want my kids and you two can enjoy the rest of y’all evening together.” Marcio sighed.
“No mami, please calm down,” he whispered. “Hey Jhene, go,” he said with a lot more bass in his voice. She stopped smiling at his mood change and got her ass up out of the office. Marcio let me go and I slapped him. His light face turned red instantly. He shook his head adjusting the tie on his navy suit.
“I deserved that,” he said in a low voice. I smiled.
“Fuck you and fuck your brother,” I said and started putting my kids shoes on. Marcio walked to his office door and closed it. He leaned against the door with his muscular arms folded across his chest.
“Harlow.” I continued to get the kids ready. I strapped my boys into their double stroller and I put Jolie’s shoes on her. “Harlow!” Marcio yelled making me jump. “We need to talk about this. Whatever you think you saw you didn’t. Jhene and I used to date and you know that. She is just a friend mami. Please let’s not over react,” he said calmly. I rolled my eyes not in the mood to buy the bullshit he was trying to sell me.
“It doesn’t even matter,” I said making up my mind that the twins were not what I needed in my life anymore.
“What the fuck do you mean it doesn’t even matter?” Marcio asked stepping off of the door. I picked up Jolie and grabbed the handle to the stroller.
“Like I said it doesn’t matter. You and Marcos can entertain all of the hoes that y’all dick can’t take. I’m done,” I said and tried to walk by him. Marcio walked up on me and the look he had in his eyes was one I had never seen before. It sent a cold chill through my body.
“Lee, you are my wife. Marcos might let you tell him what it’s going to be but I’m not cut like that. We are a family baby, and I can’t let you leave me because of what you think you saw. I know that right now you are still dealing with some things so I will let what you said slide, but know that we are in this marriage until death tears us apart. I am in love with you Lee and I don’t want for me or our kids to have to live without you,” he said looking me straight in the eyes. I nodded, swallowing the
lump that was in my throat. I’d heard his threat loud and clear.
“And you won’t Marcio,” I said smiling at him. He smiled and his hard exterior washed away from his face. He kissed me gently on the lips and grabbed Jolie.
“Come on let’s go out to eat. Anywhere you want mami,” he said smiling at me like he hadn’t just threatened my life. I smiled wide trying to convince him and myself everything was alright, when I knew it was anything but that.
****
Two days later, I found myself with my kids sitting up in a hotel room. I woke up prepared to find another space for my company and I just couldn’t take it. I was surrounded by the twins and all I could see was all the bullshit they put me through. I grabbed my kids and left. I turned off all of my cells and even got a rental so that they couldn’t track my ass. The reality is I have to go home, but for now I just wanted a fucking break. Because the twins have so many connections, I had to go to a hotel outside of Michigan to ensure that they wouldn’t find me. I heard two knocks on the door and I smiled. I stood up while my boys played in their playpen and Jolie slept on the pull out sofa.
I took a deep breath and opened it. Jaycion greeted me with a frown. He shook his head and pulled me into his arms. I couldn’t help but to break down as he hugged me tightly. The last thing I wanted to do was put him in the middle of my shit, but it was either call him or my family and well, I just wanted to be around someone that I knew genuinely loved me. I’d have to be on my death bed for my father to take my calls. Jaycion rubbed my back as I cried into his hoodie.
“You good Lee. Let’s go in the room,” he said pulling me through the door. He closed it and locked both locks, before leading us over to the sofa to sit down. Jaycion sighed as he looked at my children.
“Damn. You’re really somebody’s damn momma,” he said smiling. I laughed wiping away my tears. Myles and Markell both looked at Jaycion with curious eyes. They had only been around their fathers and he looked nothing like Marcos and Marcio. Jaycion was tall, dark and handsome. He had a low cut Caesar, with hooded dark brown eyes and the fullest set of lips I had ever seen on a man. He was a well-known rapper and women lost their damn minds over him. He had been my best friend up until I met the twins, then things got shaky between us when he found out that I was seeing both of them. He started dating a video girl that ended up pregnant with his baby, so we both sort of went our own way. He found out last month that the kid wasn’t his and he was now back in Michigan for good, but he was still rapping and acting full time.
“So what the fuck is going on girl? You got a nigga driving six hours to see you and shit. Kai calling talking about your fucking husbands are tearing up the city looking for your ass. What happened?” he asked. I turned towards him and folded my knees to my chest. When we got together it was like we were kids again. I felt safe with him.
“If I would have stayed in that house one more day, I would have went and got some pills to take, Jaycion. I can’t be with them anymore but if I leave then I might lose my life,” I said trying to hold in my tears. I know I was looking a hot ass mess in an oversized sweater with leggings and my hair in a loose braid.
“Lee, what do you mean by lose your life?” he asked sitting up. Myles started crying and I knew what he wanted. I hadn’t had the chance to pump and I knew my baby was hungry. I fed them some solid foods but I didn’t have anything here. I slowly stood up and picked him up out of the playpen.
“You took all of this shit out of your house?” Jaycion asked looking around the room. My deluxe king-sized suite was decked out like an apartment. I hit up the Walmart down the street and bought my babies everything that I knew they would need. The minute I finished feeding Myles I was going to go get a pump.
“No, I went to Walmart,” I replied sitting back down with my baby. Jaycion nodded staring at Myles.
“He looks just like you Lee,” he said smiling. I smiled grabbing my breast feeding blanket. I threw it over my chest and set my baby up. He of course latched right on to the nipple.
“He ain’t too big for that shit?” he asked chuckling. I laughed getting comfortable.
“No, some moms breastfeed until their kid is like seven. I’ll stop before they get too big though. I mainly pump, but I of course didn’t bring that.” Jaycion nodded. I sat my feet near his leg and he pulled them into his lap.
“Still got them corns I see,” he joked massaging them. I tried to kick him and he popped the bottom of my foot hard as hell.
“Jaycion! That hurt,” I said trying to pull my foot back. He rubbed it looking at me.
“Then stop trying to kick a nigga… but what’s up, and don’t lie to me? Are you scared of them?” I shook my head but truthfully I was a little afraid of what they would do if I left.
“I just don’t know what to do. I just need a break and they won’t give me one. Every time I turn around it’s some kind of drama going on with them. I had Kai call and tell them I’m okay so they have no reason to be worried. They’re really scared because they know they fucked up and that I’m tired of their shit. You know I could leave but where would that leave my kids? They have more money than me and they are dangerous.”
“You think I would allow for something to happen to you?” Jaycion asked rubbing the bottom of my foot.
“This isn’t your problem to fix. I don’t want you getting hurt because of me. I’ll think of what to do, I just need to know that if anything happens to me you will make sure that my sons remember me,” I said tearing up. Jaycion stopped rubbing my foot and looked at me.
“Ain’t nothing happening to you so stop saying that shit. I’m a have your back like I always do. I just need to know that when you leave them it’s for good. That back and forth shit is for the birds, ma. So I’ma give you time and just be there for you and when you say the word I’ll help you stay safe. Okay?” he said looking at me smiling. I nodded and he went back to rubbing my feet. Jaycion knew a lot of people but even they couldn’t stop my twins. I seriously might be in a no-win situation.
Chapter Five
Marcio
“This is all your fault,” Marcos said pacing back and forth in front of me. I sipped on my scotch as I thought about where Harlow could be. Between Marcos and me, we were both fucking up royally and I needed to get her home before she relapsed because of us. All I ever wanted to do was love Harlow, from the moment I saw her beautiful, heart-shaped face, but it seemed like it was always something stopping us from being completely happy.
Was I wrong for having Jhene playing with the kids? Yes, but Jhene had become the person I called when Harlow shuts down. Now that she was clean it seemed to depress her. She didn’t wanna have sex or do anything. The kids were her only focus. She was back looking sexy as fuck and didn’t even wanna share that body with me, then for me to walk in and see Marcos digging her out had me feeling slighted. Therefore, I called Jhene because I knew she would be excited to see and hear from me. She would ask me about my day and actually care about the shit I had to say. Harlow didn’t give a fuck about what I did throughout the day; still, I love her though. She was my wife and the mother of my sons. There was no way I could let her leave. I just couldn’t.
“Why the fuck would you have Jhene in your office any fucking way? Did you forget how crazy that bitch is?” Marcos asked me. I set my drink down and looked at him.
“Nigga, you one to fucking talk. How many baby mommas do you have now? We both know Ginger’s fucking kid is yours and the minute Lee finds that shit out she gone be done with you nigga. I’m not fucking Jhene like that; I just like having a friend that is actually interested in what a nigga gotta say.” Marcos sat down across from me chuckling.
“Yeah okay. That bitch used to sleep with our dirty clothes and shit talking about it would make us want to spend the night with her. You better leave that witchcraft bitch alone before she been done planted her fucking thongs in the backyard and shit man, I’m telling you she ain’t got it all,” he said shaking his head. I laughed becau
se Jhene’s ass did used to do some weird ass shit, but she was fine as fuck so I let the shit ride. In addition, I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time so we let her go. When we found Lee, shit just felt right.
“Look, I got everybody out looking for her; we’ll find her ass very soon. Have you caught up with Hayden and Elijah? We can’t have these niggas out selling shit to niggas that has been buying from us for years. Hayden is one ungrateful ass motherfucka. I was letting his ass live because of Tegan but shit, he ain’t even with her no more. Don’t take it to his house because he do got that baby with Inga, but the minute you find that nigga slipping, pick his bitch ass up,” I said to Marcos.
“You already know. I asked Hayward had he talked to them and he said no. He been out of town these last few months so he don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll find Hayden and Elijah and when I do, them niggas will be having a reunion with Aiden,” Marcos said and we both laughed at that shit.
Chapter Six
Elsie
“Aiden,” I said looking at his tombstone. I still really couldn’t believe he was gone. All the bullshit he put me through and I still loved his crazy ass. I wanted him to get help not get killed, and now I felt like the people that killed him could possibly be after Elijah because he had us living out in the middle of no fucking where, in a house that was prepared for a damn war. Every time I asked him if everything was okay, he just nodded and continued to fuck with the locks. I was afraid to tell my girls because they had their own shit going on but damn, I was tired of the stressing. I set down Aiden’s flowers for his birthday and ran my finger over his name.
“Happy birthday Aiden,” I whispered as a few tears fell down my face.
“You okay?” Celine asked holding her son. She was also crying because she had just visited her son’s father grave. He was killed along with Aiden. Elijah was the only one to survive the car shooting. I nodded, still staring at the gravesite. Aiden didn’t wanna leave the streets alone, even though he really didn’t need the fucking money. I didn’t wanna lose Elijah to this bullshit ass life, but he seemed determined to play it how he wanted to, but where would that leave me? Hopefully not visiting another fucking gravesite.
The Way That I Love You 3 Page 5