by Marilyn Lee
"If I didn't, I wouldn't go."
"I wish you didn't have to go."
"So do I, but I do. I'll call you every night and I'll be back on New Year's Eve."
His returning on New Year's Eve wouldn't do her much good. Determined not to start the day arguing or feeling sorry for herself, she nodded.
"I have to go. Think about me while I'm gone?"
"Maybe I will," she said.
"Well, I can guarantee that I'll be spending far too much of my time thinking about you," he said.
"You do that." And make sure you keep your cock in your pants.
"I will," he promised, almost as if she'd spoken aloud.
Sighing, she lifted her face.
He pressed a long, moist kiss against her lips before leaving.
Chapter Three
Left alone, she lay in the pre-dawn hours, trying to assure herself that she was all right with the relationship she'd agreed to have with him. But by the time she rose and headed for the shower, all the doubts and fears that had plagued her the previous day returned to haunt her.
Several hours later, he texted her to let her know he'd arrived and would talk to her later.
Instead of going out to eat with friends after work, she went home and sat waiting for him to call. Her heartbeat increased and her legs felt weak when she answered the phone and heard his voice. "Hey sweet girl. How was your day?"
She sighed. "Very long. How was yours?"
"Busy, but strangely lonely," he said. "I spent most of it missing you."
She smiled. "Was your day successful?"
"I think so. In any case, it's over now and I have time to talk to you."
She settled more comfortably in her recliner, prepared to spend however much time he had free talking to him. "So do I," she said.
"Great. Hold that thought. I'm going to eat and then I'll call you back?"
She nodded, disappointed he couldn't do both. "Oh. Okay."
"Talk to you soon, sweet girl."
After hanging up, she wandered around her apartment, feeling restless and uneasy until he called ninety minutes later.
Fifteen minutes into the call, he put her on hold to take another call. "I'm sorry," he said when he came back on the line after nearly ten minutes. "That was Mom calling to ask me to pick up her favorite champagne for New Year's Eve."
Cherica bit back the urge to make a snarky remark. He was super sensitive to any perceived criticism of his mother. "Are you looking forward to New Year's Eve?"
"Not really," he said. "You?"
"I'm looking forward to New Year's day more," she said, since they would be spending it together.
"Me too. I have to go," he finally said, after they'd been on the phone for over two hours. "I have an early morning meeting and I'm bushed. I'll talk to you tomorrow night, sweet girl," he said.
"Good night, Jay," she whispered and hung up.
They talked for at least an hour a night for the remainder of his business trip. Although she looked forward to his calls, afterwards, she always felt restless and lonely. Each call left her increasingly unhappy about their decision to conceal the true nature of their relationship from those closest to them.
* * *
Jayson found concentrating on work difficult each day after talking to Cherica and hearing the unspoken tension and dissatisfaction in her voice. It was clear she wasn't anymore happy on the course they'd agreed on than he was. Because he knew how heavily his mother and sisters depended on him, he'd decided that he'd allow them to enjoy the rest of the holiday season before laying down the law.
He didn't want to let them down, but the thought of possibly losing Cherica to another man prepared to make a real commitment to her, made sleeping at night difficult at best. The knowledge that he would soon acknowledge his feelings for her to his family made the week bearable.
He needed someone to talk to. Most of his male friends would probably tell him he was overthinking things. He needed a woman's perception. Of course he could call Jenn, but although they were friends, she had been trying to push he and Cherica together for years. He wanted an independent viewpoint.
"I know you love your mom and your sisters and want to be there for them, Jayson, but believe me, at some point, you have to take a stand," Maren said one day when he called her instead of going out to lunch.
"It's not as easy as you seem to think it is just to roll up with Cherica on my arm."
"Why not? Why aren't you entitled to love who you love openly?"
"I didn't say I couldn't."
"Haven't you?"
"No. Look. Don't get the wrong, idea, Maren. My mom and sisters want me to be happy and—"
"Do they really?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm asking do they want you to be happy, but only as long as you're happy with a woman with the right skin tone?"
"They're not prejudiced," he said, annoyed.
"Then what's the problem?"
"The problem is my mom is still shell-shocked from my father leaving us to be with a twenty-year-old blonde."
"Surely, he just left your mom."
"No. He left all of us. Oh, he paid child support, but he basically deserted my sisters and I emotionally as well as physically. We never heard from him except on our birthdays and at Christmas time when he sent money inside generic cards."
"Have you reconnected with him?"
"No and honestly, at this point, I have absolutely no desire to see him ever again."
"Never?"
"Never. He wasn't content to just leave Mom, he had to destroy our family."
"He destroyed your family?"
"Well, he tried, but we survived in spite of him."
" So if he's the guilty party, why are you the one paying for his sins?"
"I'm not paying. I'm—"
"You are if you can't acknowledge the woman you love because she shares the same skin tone as the woman your father deserted his family for. You are if your family refuses to accept the woman you love because she's not completely African American. I know they love you, but they need to love you a little more...just enough to be willing to allow you to follow your heart."
He shook his head, frowning. "I know you mean well, but you've completely misunderstood our family dynamic."
"Have I? I don't think so. I'm sure everyone was hurt by his actions, but I'll bet you're the only one who's still paying. I can tell you don't want to hear this, but because I consider you a friend, I'm going to say it anyway. He was the one who tore your family apart. Not you. I think it's time you considered his debt paid in full and be happy with your Cherica, Jayson."
"I intend to. I just want to let my mom enjoy the rest of the holiday season before I tell her how I feel."
"You're a very considerate son, Jayson. But maybe you should contemplate giving Cherica just a little more attention."
"What do you mean? A few days won't make that much difference to her."
"Maybe not. Or maybe they will. Consider how you'd feel if the shoe were on the other foot and then do what you think best."
"I want to surprise her."
"Oh."
"If you were her..."
"I think I'd rather be told, but you know her. I don't. I'll look forward to seeing you when you return to work. But if you need to talk before then, you know I'll be available to listen."
"I do and I appreciate that. If we don't talk again, Happy New Year, Maren."
"And to you, Jayson."
After his conversation with Maren, Jayson felt annoyed and angry because she'd shown such a lack of consideration for his mother's feelings. Or was he angry because she'd forced him to admit something he'd spent years denying? That he felt as if he had to atone for his father's mistake? Mistake? Maybe his father hadn't considered it a mistake because he loved the woman he'd left his family for. Regardless of the reason his father had left, why should Jayson continue to allow himself to be held hostage to his father's decisions?
/> With one day to go before he returned home and Cherica sounding more distant every night, he knew he could no longer deny the obvious. Maren was probably right. A few days might make all the difference to her and their relationship.
Instead of calling Cherica, he called his mother.
"Sonny, how nice to hear from you. Are you looking forward to ringing in the New Year as much as your sisters and I are?"
"No," he said. "Actually, I'm not."
"Why not? We always have a great time."
He hadn't enjoyed the tradition for quite awhile. Having acknowledged that and the unrest he suspected was building in Cherica, he knew it was time to make amends to her. "Mom, we need to talk."
"Of course, Sonny. Why don't you come early and we can have a nice chat before your sisters arrive?"
"No, mom. We need to talk now."
"Now? You sound so...Am I likely to want to hear what you have to say?"
"Probably not, but it's long overdue and I need to say it."
"The New Year should always begin as pleasant as possible. Can't it wait for a few days?"
A few days might be too late. "No, Mom. I need to say it now."
She sighed. "Okay. Then I'm listening, Sonny."
Twenty minutes later, he ended the call, certain he'd all but ensured that his mother would start the New Year off depressed. He regretted that, but hopefully Cherica would start it off excited and looking forward to their future together.
* * *
After a restless night, Cherica woke alone in bed. She and Jayson would be ringing in the New Year that night with their respective families. As she sat drinking her morning coffee, a feeling of depression settled over her. Even with her apartment decorated and Christmas carols filling the kitchen, she felt almost like Scrooge.
Jayson was due back in town later that day. Not that she could expect to see him. He'd be driving straight from the airport to his mother's place to ring in the New Year; yet another damned Calihan family tradition he wouldn't or couldn't share with her. And she'd be at Dave's house pretending to enjoy herself.
She made it through a long day without crying. However, as she dressed for her night out, a tear streamed down her cheek. She wiped it away but more quickly followed. "You deserved better than this," she told her reflection. "If he can't stand up to his mother and his sisters and admit how he feels, then he's not man enough for you. And you are not going to cry anymore and settle for a damned clandestine affair because he's afraid of what his mother will think!
"If he's not man enough to acknowledge his feelings, it's time to kick his ass to the curb and move on with your life!"
She went into the bathroom, washed her face, reapplied her makeup and prepared to drive to Dave's home. As she was about to leave her apartment, her phone played the opening strains of Be My Love, the ringtone she'd assigned to Jayson just that week. Although her heart jumped in her throat and she longed to talk to him, she let it go to voicemail. He was probably just calling to tell her he was back in town and on his way to his mother's house.
After his second call during the forty-minute drive to Dave's house, she turned off her ringer. When she arrived, Dave met her at the door. After kissing her cheek and hugging her, he looked behind her.
"Who are you looking for?" she asked.
"You're alone?"
"Yes."
"Is Jayson coming?"
"No," she said.
He smiled, looking pleased. "Good."
She compressed her lips. "Good? Really, Dave?"
"Yes, good, Rica. Really."
"Why?"
"Because New Year's Eve should be spent with family."
"And?"
He shrugged. "And there's someone I want you to meet without Jayson in tow to spoil things," he said.
"What makes you think he spoils anything, Dave?"
He shook his head. "That was probably a bad choice of words."
"Probably?"
"Definitely a bad choice of words," he amended. "I don't want to start the New Year arguing. We're family and since Kia can't be here tonight, it means more to me than I can say that you are."
He could be a royal pain in the ass when it came to Jayson, but she knew he loved her. And she loved him. She smiled.
"Okay?"
She nodded.
He slipped his arm around her shoulder and led her inside. After closing the door, he led her into the living room and over to a tall, handsome man with dark hair and green eyes. "Rica, this is one of our new neighbor's Bill Denton. Bill, this lovely lady is my sister, Cherica Martin."
"Lovely is an understatement, Dave," Bill said, smiling warmly at her and extending his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Cherica."
Although annoyed at Dave's matchmaking attempts, Cherica decided there were worst ways to ring the New Year in than in the company of a man who seemed so eager to meet her.
She smiled and shook hands. "Thank you."
"As I said, Rica, Bill's new to the neighborhood and, like you, he's here alone. I'm sure I can count on you to make him feel welcome and to ensure his New Year gets off to a great start."
Despite herself, Cherica liked Bill on sight. He was no tall, dark, and handsome Jayson clone, but he had an engaging smile and looked so damned happy to meet her, she decided she just might enjoy the night after all.
Two hours later, she and Bill were standing with Dave and another couple discussing their New Year's resolutions when Dave suddenly stiffened. "What the hell is he doing here?"
Following his gaze, she saw Jill crossing the room towards them with Jayson at her side.
Suppressing the urge to rush across the room and toss herself into his arms, she gave him what she hoped was a casual smile. "Jayson!" She glanced at her watch; 10:30. "I thought you'd be partying at your mom's waiting to ring in the New Year."
He shrugged. "My plans changed."
"She's not going to like that."
He glanced at Dave and smiled. "I'll bet my mom isn't the only one who won't."
Dave inhaled quickly but said nothing.
"I take it you and Rica know each other," Bill said, extending his hand to Jayson. "Bill Denton."
"Know each other?" Jayson shook his head. "Oh, we more than know each other."
Surprised, Cherica looked at him.
Smiling at her, he put his arm around her shoulders while extending his free hand to Bill. "Jayson Calihan...Rica's my woman."
With her heart pounding, Cherica gaped up at him and then looked at Dave, who stared at Jayson as if he'd like to slug him. "Your woman?"
"Oh, yes, Dave. My woman."
Cherica's heartbeat raced. "Oh, Jay. What is your mom going to say...or does your mom know?"
"She already knows and now so does Dave," he said, smiling down at her. "And now that our family knows, I'm ready to tell anyone else who'll listen."
Feeling as if she were in a beautiful dream, she slipped her arm around Jayson's waist. "Oh...Jay...finally." Then aware that Dave was probably pissed, she sighed. "We should leave."
With his arm still around her shoulders, Jayson nodded at Bill. "Nice meeting you."
"And you."
He then turned to look at Dave. "We won't spoil the party by staying. Good night and Happy New Year." He turned and walked her across the room and into the hallway.
They got as far as the door before Dave called to her. "Rica. Wait!"
Afraid he was going to try to talk her into remaining without Jayson, she turned to find he and Jill crossing the hall to them. "Yes?"
"We're family," Dave said, after an awkward pause. "Family should welcome the New Year together whenever possible. So unless you're on your way to Jayson's mother's house, Jill and I would like you both to stay."
"Are you sure, Dave? I mean I know you—"
"If you're sure you want to go there with him—"
She looked up at Jayson, who smiled down at her with a warm, intimate look that left her longing to go someplace private and lo
ve him until his dick went limp. "I've never been surer of anything in my life," she said.
Dave sighed and then extended his hand to Jayson. "Then I think it's time you and I got to know each other. Jill and I would like you both here to sing Auld Lang Syne with us. It's a family tradition we hope you'll share with us."
With her heart bursting with pride for Dave's graciousness, she looked up at Jayson, willing him to accept Dave's olive branch.
"Thank you. I'd like that, but my mother is expecting us to spend part of the night with her, so we'll be leaving shortly after the toast."
Dave nodded, looked at her, hesitated, and then leaned over to kiss her.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"He'd better treat you right," he warned.
"He will," Jayson said, not sounding in the least angry or annoyed.
Dave nodded again and he and Jill walked back to the party.
Left alone with Jayson, Cherica slipped her arms around his waist. "Oh, Jay, I'd just about given up on you ever being willing to openly acknowledge our relationship."
He sighed. "I know things have been difficult for you and I'm sorry."
She regretted the time they'd squandered pretending friendship was enough, but she wasn't willing to waste any more time on regrets. "If you're sure, Jayson—"
"I'm positive."
She sighed with relief. "Then I'm not interested in looking backwards. Let's just move forward together."
He nodded. "Thanks."
"So what kind of welcome can I expect from your mom and sisters?"
He sighed. "Probably a little frostier than the one I just got."
"That's what I was afraid of."
"I'm not going to deny this won't be easy, but I went to see them tonight and made it clear that you and I are a packaged deal."
"You did?"
"I made it clear that if they want to see me as often as possible, they're going to have to be prepared to see you and to play nice."
"Meaning they're going to hate my guts."
"Hate is too strong a word. But even if it were appropriate, I hope the fact that I love you will be enough to compensate for a lack of warmth from them in the short term. I say short term because once they get to—"