“But can’t you help him? Can’t you . . . I don’t know ... do anything?”
“There is no helping this one now,” she said brusquely. “We will know what he is by the next full moon. If he lives that long.” She turned to the girls, who were swabbing Derek’s body with warm cloths. “Clean the wounds well,” she said. “Come and find me if he wakes.” She started to turn around and then stopped, looking around the room as if just realizing something. “Close the curtains. No light.” She strode out of the room.
I sank to the floor, my back pressed up against the wall. My body shook with sobs, but there weren’t any tears left. My Derek . . . my sweet Derek. My best friend, the one who stood by me through everything and anything, was going to become some sort of undead hybrid vampire-beast because of me. I couldn’t stand it. Derek had come out there to help me, and I had gotten him hurt.
Maybe I should have let him stay vampire. Would that have been better? My mind rejected the thought, but he might be something so much worse now. Had my attempt to save Derek from a life of walking the earth as an undead corpse doomed him instead? Instead of a half-life, now he might not even have that much. He might die.
I heard a door slam downstairs and then cursing and yelling. Two men and a woman. The girls cleaning Derek exchanged furtive glances. Then feet pounded up the stairs and down the hall. I stood up.
Lucas bashed through the door, and we all jumped. His eyes found mine, and he darted to me, wrapping me up in his arms.
“God, I’m so sorry,” he said in my ear. “I’m sorry, Faith. You’re alive ... I was so scared . . .”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I was scared, too.” I started crying, thoroughly relieved that he was okay. I held his face and smiled into his deep brown eyes. “You saved me,” I said, still in wonder over it. “You saved my life ... and maybe Derek’s, too. I—I don’t know what to say.”
Lucas smoothed his thumbs over my cheeks. “You don’t have to say a word. Just come here.” He pulled me to him again and enveloped me in his arms. He was shirtless, and I felt the warmth of his skin sink into my body. For a moment, I closed my eyes, loving it . . . loving him, relieved beyond words that we had both made it through the night with our lives. Happy that Lucas was in my life, loving me enough to risk death for me.
I was so warm and so filled with love. But suddenly I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand feeling this small measure of comfort while Derek lay dying on the bed beside me.
I pulled away.
Two more people entered the room: the older woman and Rolf, both of whom looked furious. I guess the lady had figured out who’d bitten Derek. I wondered how much trouble Lucas was in for disobeying his pack master. Julian, Nora, and a girl with chestnut-colored hair stood in the doorway, their faces grave.
I turned my eyes to Rolf. He moved toward Derek, and Lucas started forward as though protecting Derek.
“He will not be allowed to live,” Rolf said. “This creature could be a monstrosity—a mutant. You do not know what danger you have brought unto this household. I will not put our pack at risk.”
“He’s not a mutant!” I yelled. “He’s a person!”
“Shut up,” both Lucas and Rolf snapped. I stared up at Lucas. He gave me an apologetic glance and then rounded on Rolf. “We don’t know what he is yet. We can’t kill him. Maybe the magic cancelled itself out, and he’ll be normal. We don’t know.”
Rolf rolled his eyes dramatically and turned to the older woman. “Is that true, Yvette?”
“It is more likely that he will die,” the woman said. “The blood of the two races is not meant to mix.”
“But if he survives?” Rolf thundered.
The woman made a pained face and said, “There is no way to know. There are legends of beasts like this one, but I have never seen anything like it before. We must wait until the full moon. That is when his true form will manifest.”
Rolf rounded on Lucas. “You have disobeyed me,” he said. “And you will be punished for it. But your true punishment will be the knowledge of what you have done to this boy, if he survives the change.” He stabbed a finger at Derek. “Every time you look at his mutated form, you will know that it was your doing. That is your true torment.”
Lucas looked away, his face crumpled in defeat. I knew the anguish this would cause him if Derek died or if he became something horrible.
“It’s not his fault,” I said, stepping closer to Rolf. “I made Lucas bite Derek, so if you want to punish someone, you punish me.”
“Shut up,” Lucas snarled in a whisper.
“You know not what you have done,” Rolf said. “But soon you will see that this ... thing you have created must be destroyed. You have only succeeded in elongating the pain for your human friend. I hope you are happy.” With that he stormed out, blowing past Julian and the others huddled in the doorway.
The older woman, Yvette, followed after him with a tightmouthed nod to both of us. I watched Julian grab the hand of the chestnut-haired girl and go along with Nora, leaving Lucas and I alone with the girls and Derek.
“Are you hurt?” Lucas asked as soon as the door shut.
I shook my head.
“Let me see your wrist,” he commanded.
I held out my hand and let Lucas inspect it. He pulled back my hair and ran his fingers over my throat, checking to make sure I was unharmed. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Derek’s the one I’m worried about.” I hesitated for a second, watching the agony wreak havoc in Lucas’s eyes. “Are you in big trouble?”
I saw the girls sneak looks at us. Lucas glared at them, and they left the room, gently closing the door behind them. “Yeah,” he said. “Big trouble.”
I cringed, leaning my head against his chest. “I’m so sorry.... I never should have asked you to do this. I was just so desperate.” I felt a sob sneaking up on me, but I pushed it back, taking in a big breath. “That’s no excuse,” I said firmly. “I shouldn’t have asked you to disobey your pack master. I’m sorry.”
Then Lucas lifted my face, his expression knowing. “It felt more like you made me do it, rather than asked me.” He didn’t sound angry, more like he was just waiting for the truth.
I knew it would be useless to deny what I’d done if Lucas had felt it. “Do you think the others know?” I whispered.
“If they felt anything different, they haven’t said. And besides, if Rolf even suspected anything like what you did, you’d already be dead.”
I swallowed.
“What did you do anyway?” he asked.
“I wish I knew,” I said morosely.
“But it’s happened before,” Lucas said. “That time with Mark, I told you I felt something different—like someone else was controlling me. That was you, wasn’t it?”
I met his eyes, scared he was angry with me, but he only looked curious. “Yes,” I admitted. “But I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Had it ever happened before?”
“No—well, kind of. Once with you, your skin zapped me, and I kind of got a rush of emotions that didn’t feel like mine. I think they were your emotions. And it happened again with Vincent. Maybe it has something to do with you guys being supernatural creatures.”
“Maybe . . .” Lucas said thoughtfully. “And last night was the first time you did it voluntarily? The first time you controlled it?”
I nodded. “But I wasn’t very good at it.... Rolf almost usurped me.”
“Well, he is pack master. He has a pretty strong influence over us.”
“Are you mad at me?” I whispered. “I know I should have told you about this earlier, but I didn’t really understand it or even accept it until last night.”
He considered me for a long while. “No, I’m not mad,” he said at last. “Hurt, maybe, that you didn’t trust me, but I guess I understand why. It’s a very dangerous gift.” He held my face in his hands, his eyes trained on mine. “Nobody can ever find out
about this. If anyone even guesses, it means you’re dead. No questions.”
I nodded shakily. “Why do you think you can feel it when I control you and nobody else can?”
He sighed, contemplating. “Maybe it’s because I’m so close to you, like I’m attuned to you.” Lucas squeezed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, but let’s just be glad they can’t. There’s no way Rolf will let someone with that kind of power live. He can’t have someone around challenging his authority over us.”
I let him tug me into his arms and hold me, but my eyes wandered to Derek, sleeping away, peaceful now.
“What if Derek dies?” I whispered. “Because of what I did?”
“He would have died anyway.”
“Maybe that would have been better.” I shook my head. “Maybe Rolf is right.”
“Rolf doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s old and he’s powerful and he’s pack master, but he doesn’t know everything. Derek could be . . . all right.”
I flinched, hearing the falseness in his voice. “What if Rolf tries to kill him?”
Lucas’s face hardened. “Then I’ll protect him.”
I’d never loved anyone more than I loved Lucas in that moment. I hugged him fiercely, fighting off the surge of tears that threatened to overcome me.
“What are they going to do to you?” I asked, unable to keep the fear out of my voice.
“Nothing good.”
I watched his perfect face, gauging his response. “Will they hurt you?”
“No,” he said, but I could tell he didn’t believe it. “I’ll probably just have to do dishes for a month or something.” He forced out a laugh.
I grabbed his face and made him look at me. “Are they going to kill you?”
Lucas rubbed the back of his neck, sighing. “The punishment for disobeying the pack master’s orders is the silver room on the night of the full moon.” His voice was hollow, unfeeling. I knew it was masking the terror he must have felt.
“Silver will kill you,” I said.
“No. It makes us weak. If it hits out hearts, it’ll kill us. Being in the silver room prevents us from changing, and on the full moon ... it’s enough to make a person lose their mind.”
“And you’re going to let them do that to you?” I asked angrily.
“Hopefully it won’t happen. I get a trial.” He hesitated. “And I can always leave the pack. Start my own, someplace new.”
I nodded, letting everything sink in and struggling to make sense of it all.
“Lucas?” I asked. “Is Vincent really dead ... for good?”
A strange look flowed across Lucas’s face. Sadness, remorse, maybe even regret? But he nodded. “He’s really dead. You don’t have to worry about him anymore.” He brushed his knuckles over my jaw, sending thrills through my heart.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know he was evil in the end, but I know he was your friend, too.”
Lucas looked away, his jaw muscles hard as granite. “I just wish we could have found out what we needed from him. . . . The whole thing went so wrong.”
“He told me,” I said.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Vincent told me what you guys wanted to know. He said he was under orders to create new vampires.”
“Whose orders?”
“His sire.”
“Did he say a name?”
“No.”
“Did he say why he was doing this? Or if he was acting alone?”
I thought for a second. “No. . . . He mentioned an army of undead.”
Lucas furrowed his slanted brows, deep in thought. “And he never said why he’d just left his victims out in the open?”
“He said it was because soon it wouldn’t matter if the humans knew about the vampires.” I watched him mull this over. “What do you think it all means?”
He just shook his head again, thinking. He didn’t say anything for a long time.
“They want to eliminate the werewolves,” I said softly as I remembered Vincent’s wild tirade. “Lucas, I think they want a war.”
His eyes met mine, narrowed and contemplative.
“Don’t tell anyone about this,” he said at last. “It might help for me to be able to offer the pack information.... For my trial, I mean.”
I nodded and felt my body sway. Lucas put his hand on my back. “You should get some sleep. You look beat.”
“I am beat,” I said. “But I want to stay here in case Derek wakes up.”
Lucas’s eyes grew pointed. “You wanna sleep in here? I don’t think that’s safe.”
“I won’t sleep then.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Lucas said. “I’ll send someone to stay with you in case he wakes up.”
“I don’t need—”
The look on Lucas’s face shut me up. Defeated, I tugged an armchair closer to the bed and collapsed into it. I bent and put my hand over Derek’s. It was still. No tremble of life, no pulse thudding beneath his skin, no warmth.
Lucas stood next to me, and I saw his fists balled up at his sides. Was it because I held Derek’s hand? He couldn’t possibly be jealous. He knew how much I loved him.
“I gotta go talk to Julian,” Lucas said.
“Why?” I asked, stroking Derek’s mangled arm.
“I gotta get as many people on my side as I can.”
“Can I help at all?” I looked up at him.
“No, but I wish you’d go to sleep.”
“I can’t.” I returned my eyes to Derek. “Not while he’s like this . . .”
“Right.” Lucas’s voice was stiff. “I’ll be back.” He started to move away and an unthinkable feeling washed over me—the feeling that he wouldn’t be back.
I grabbed his arm, vaulting out of my seat. I felt desperation welling in my eyes.
“Promise?” I asked. “Promise you’ll come back?”
Lucas put his hands over my cheeks and pressed his lips against mine, lingering until my heart felt so full I thought it would explode.
“I’ll always come back to you,” he said against my lips.
He kissed me again for a long time. I pressed back the gates that had started to guard my heart again and let myself feel. I let myself fall into Lucas for that brief moment.
And then I was alone.
Alone again. But now I had a terrible burden on my shoulders. I had Derek’s life clutched between my fingers. I held his hand up to my lips and kissed it. I felt the calluses on his palms from playing football, the game he loved, the game he might never be able to play again. I went around to the other side of the bed and scooted up next to him, stroking his short blond locks. I wound some around my finger, crying silently. Even his hair was cold.
I wondered what he would be when he woke up—if he woke up. Would he still be my Derek? Or would he be like Vincent, crazed and evil, thirsting for my blood? Or he could be like Lucas, a vicious beast concealed inside a human shell. Or worse still, a miserable, tortured mixture of both races. A grotesque monster. Would he try to kill me? Would we have to kill him first to stop him?
Were the horrible events I’d just escaped repeating themselves?
There was no way to know—only the full moon would tell me. Only the night, creeping slowly, coming ever closer, would reveal the secrets locked tight behind Derek’s sleeping eyelids. I knew now that the danger would never end. And not even Lucas could keep me safe forever.
I closed my eyes, rubbing my nose against Derek’s cheek. I kissed his skin, hoping that somehow the warmth of my touch would flow into his body and heal him.
It didn’t.
Derek slept, his body growing ever colder, his wounds healing much too quickly, and his face becoming ever more lifeless.
And then, four days later, his eyes fluttered open.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Wow, I never thought I’d be writing this. That my dream of publishing a novel came true is still unbelievable to me. And I know that it most certainl
y never would have happened without the awesome people around me who offered their unfailing support. Thanks to all of you are definitely in order.
First, to my mom and dad. You are the best parents in the world. And I know everyone always says that, but with you two, it’s true. You always have my back, even when I screw up. And I have. A lot. So thanks for loving me through it all and for giving me the opportunity to follow my dreams. Without you, I would never be here. And that’s not just because, you know ... you created me.
Second, I have to thank my husband, Mat. You have always been behind me, even when everyone else doubted my ability to do this ridiculously difficult thing. Not that I blame them. The chances were small. But you never let that stop you from encouraging me to forge ahead through the bad times. Because of you, I’ve made it here. (Just to be clear, these are the good times.)
My kids. You’re too little to read this right now, but I have to thank you, too. For your patience, and your smiles, and for putting up with me. I love you both more than words can say. And that’s significant coming from a writer.
My sister, Britt, deserves a huge thank you as well for being my first unofficial editor, and for dealing with my late-night freak-outs. It was your encouraging words that kept me going when all I wanted to do was quit. Best sister ever.
And, because I am a fanatic music lover, I must say a thank you to the artists on my “writing playlist.” Anberlin, Florence + The Machine, Mumford & Sons, Paramore, Death Cab for Cutie, and The Republic of Wolves. Did I mention Anberlin? ANBERLIN!
Also, I must thank my cousins Pedro Sostre and Chris Rivera at Weblift for creating my author website. I never thought I’d see the day I’d call myself an author, and having my own site made it seem all the more real. Plus, it’s just really pretty. Thank you!
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