She began backing away, shaking her head again. Her hands shook as they signed. Her one hand was flat as she pulled the other fist with her thumb out over the top toward her chin repeatedly. I didn’t know this one. My eyes turned to Triven for help.
“Danger. She’s saying danger.” Triven came to our level and gripped her frail shoulders. They were so small in his hands. “We know, Mouse. But it’s not safe here either.”
She looked apprehensively between us. And signed again. No. Run.
I took her hands in mine again.
“Mouse, I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, all of the time. But I have been running for the last six years and I can’t run anymore. Our world is falling apart. We aren’t living, not really. We are just… surviving. I want you to have a better chance at a real life than I did. But to give you that, the world we know must be destroyed. From its ashes we will build new, but I need your help. We can’t do this without you.”
I could feel Triven’s eyes on me as I spoke, but I kept my attention on Mouse.
Her eyes were still brimming with tears, but they brightened with determination now. She touched a palm to both Triven’s face and mine. Then signed once more. Triven translated for me.
“Together.”
MY LITTLE SPEECH had worked. Mouse had gotten on board with our plans to infiltrate the walls. But it had worked too well. When she said “together” I assumed that it meant she would show us the way on the maps. Little did I know she meant to come with us. As I met his gaze from across the table, it was easy to see Triven was equally angry at me for not treating her more like a child.
Mouse had poured over the maps, her petite fingers tracing the city streets looking for something. There was understanding in her bright eyes, but when we asked her to show us the entrance she shook her head and signed. Together.
It clicked then for both of us. She didn’t simply want to help us find the entrance, she wanted to come with us. No matter how hard we pressed her, she refused to relent. I even threatened to venture out on my own without her, but she knew the threat was useless. In one final attempt at intimidation, we set her before the council with the hope that she would buckle under the pressure. I hated the idea of sending such a small child to face a room of antagonistic adults— seeing as how even I found them intimidating— but the alternative was worse. If Mouse didn’t tell us the location then we would have no choice but to bring her along. Just thinking about dragging her through the city where she couldn’t defend herself made it harder to breathe.
Granted, I was not much older than her when I was left to fend for myself, but I had no other choice at the time. Mouse did. She didn’t have to choose a life of bitterness and violence. She could still be a child and I didn’t want to be the one to take that away from her. When I looked into her eyes I could see pain and fear from her past, but there was hope there too. That was something I never had and I would do everything in my power to ensure that spark of hope never faded.
To my frustration, however, a room of daunting adults didn’t intimidate the child at all. Not even Arstid’s sallow face held any power of coercion over Mouse. Part of me was proud. Most children would have been quelled by a room full of formidable adults, but not Mouse. She was stronger than she looked. I could see the determination in her frail features. She was not going to give in. As much as I wanted to keep her safe, to act as a parent to the small girl sitting beside me, I was not her parent. I was the person she had chosen to trust in this messed up world and watching her now, I finally realized it was time I trusted her.
“She should come with us.” I said to no one in particular. My eyes were fixed on Mouse as she sat tall in her chair. Her head snapped towards me a grin spreading across her face.
“What?!” Veyron exploded from across the table.
“Phoenix.” There was a warning in Triven’s voice that cut at me.
There was an upheaval among the council members, but to my surprise there were several members who met my gaze in agreement. One set in particular was the last I would have expected.
“She’s just a child!” Archer slammed her hand on the table, calling my attention.
“And how old were you when you went on your first hunting party?” I challenged her.
She glared at me, “That’s not the same thing. I had no choice.”
“You’re right you didn’t. Neither did I, but Mouse does. And she wants to do this. Don’t misunderstand me, I am completely against exposing her to what lies ahead of us, but I also must respect her decision.”
“Her decision?!” Veyron gestured at Mouse in disbelief. “She’s a child, this isn’t about her decision.”
I met Mouse’s hurt gaze. It was the first time I had truly seen her for who she was. Hidden underneath the innocence I could see her now, the little girl who had seen too much. She was not me, not so irreparably damaged, but she had been hurt. That much I knew. I spoke quietly, making those still speaking stop to hear me.
“She is young, but she is not a child anymore. I get that now. You all know better than most how this city can steal your innocence. Mouse may be young, but she has still suffered here just the same as the rest of us. We need her strength and knowledge, and in return she deserves our respect.”
Mouse grabbed my hand, her round eyes full of gratitude. I could feel Triven’s disapproval, but he said nothing.
“As much as it pains me to agree with Phoenix, she’s right.” All heads swiveled towards the severe voice. Arstid’s hands were folded neatly on the table before her. “We’re wasting precious time trying to extract information from this child. If she wants to risk her life, then that is her choice to make. We have laid in wait for nearly seven years and the time has come to take action. Supplies are beginning to run low and with the Tribe wars we have been initiating, this city has become a ticking time bomb. Right now we have the upper hand. Thanks to Triven,”— yeah, because it’s not like I was there or anything— “we now know The Sanctuary has the Ravagers in their back pocket. Ultimately we are out-numbered and out-gunned. The only advantage we have is surprise. We have managed to lay low for the better part of a decade, but that invisibility won’t last for much longer. We need to strike now before we are discovered.”
Even though several members still looked mutinous, no one spoke against her. Not even Triven. When no one disagreed, we began to formulate a plan.
IT HAD TAKEN us nearly four days of being trapped inside that unbearably stale room, but there was finally an agreed upon plan. There would be two armed parties. Triven and I would be heading team one. Mouse would be taking us to the passageway, and upon our safe entry, team two would escort her back to The Subversive bunker. Mouse was not pleased about this part of the mission. I knew she would put up a fight when the time came, but for now she played along. I knew this, because it was what I would do.
Our goal was to infiltrate The Wall and gather as much information about The Sanctuary as we could. The few remaining survivors from The Sanctuary had confirmed nearly everything on Xavier’s map. I was surprised that one of them was Doc Porters. But a lot can change in six years. Buildings can fall and be rebuilt, people live and die, and power can change hands. When the defectors last left, they claimed The Sanctuary to be a place of repression, a false utopia. But, again, a lot could change in six years. Based on the weapons we had confiscated from the Ravagers, their weaponry had most certainly advanced. I hoped their politics had as well. As much as I yearned for a respite from the world I had come of age in, the hesitant fear I could see growing in Mouse’s deep eyes made that hope dwindle.
Triven had not completely forgiven me for siding with Mouse. I didn’t expect him to. He couldn’t understand what it was like being alone in this world, what it was to carry a weight that was thrust upon you. There was a part of him that would never understand what Mouse and I saw in each other. Even though I could sense his doubts, he still stood firmly by my side. Part of me wished he would yell at me or push me away wh
en I snuggled closer to him in my sleep, but he didn’t. He was a better person than I was. I knew that, but still I could feel a tension growing between us that had not been there before.
Something had changed. When in his arms I had been able to sleep without the waking nightmares, but since that day when he forced me into the grate not even his arms could keep away the dreams. Something in my mind broke that day, cracked wide open and I couldn’t close it. The nightmares had become worse. What was once a relentless echo of my parents’ murders had morphed into a horrifying mix of echoes from the past and premonitions of the future. Instead of watching just my parents’ deaths, I was now also forced to watch as Mouse and Triven were shot to death by a faceless man in a white suit. Somehow I knew he was from The Sanctuary, as if some forgotten memory from my childhood had filtered through the buried depths of my mind. I clawed relentlessly at the bars encasing me until my hands were raw, the blood dripping down my arms and face. Still the bars would not give. The screams I had trained myself to hold back could no longer be contained. I would wake in the middle of the night now, soaked in sweat, shaking as my screams filled our room.
Fortunately, Mouse had begun sleeping in the children’s bunk now, because my fits would have terrified her. Despite our tension, Triven would gather me in his arms every night, holding me until I could regain control of myself again. Some nights it took longer than others for the shudders that rocked my body to dissipate. While Triven’s presence always soothed me, I also despised him for it. I had always been so independent and strong and he had now seen me again and again at my weakest point. I told myself I didn’t need him to quiet my screams or hold me until I stopped shaking, but I wanted him to. And I was angry with myself for that too. Being alone was easy, safe. Being with someone just complicated things.
We hadn’t kissed since the night in the clock tower and I intended to keep it that way. Right now I needed my head clear. If my mind was cluttered with distracting emotions, I wouldn’t be at the top of my game. And any hesitation or poor decision could cost me my life. Or worse, Mouse’s or Triven’s. My stomach clenched at the thought.
I watched Triven from across the weapons room as he suited up. His movements were strained, the muscles in his arms slightly flexed. Archer was testing her knives, repeatedly pulling them out of their holsters, feigning a throw only to replace them and repeat the process all over again. Arden was staring at something—or nothing—on the wall, his right knee bouncing at a rapid pace. There was an anxious buzz vibrating through the room. Even I adjusted my holster for what must have been the tenth time.
A brown head bobbed into my sightline, the round face was paler than usual. Mouse’s eyes were wide. She flapped her arms in the too-long sleeves, looking slightly lost. I grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her to me.
“Come here you.” I smiled warmly at her and lowered my voice. “We are just being overly-cautious.”
It was sort of true.
“Your part will be easy. You just have to promise to stay with me, okay? Then, once you show us the tunnel, you must listen to everything Veyron tells you. No excuses. While I’m gone she is going to look after you.” I reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time.
Mouse nodded, trying to push up the long black sleeves that covered her fingertips. She looked so small. I carefully rolled up the ends so her hands could move freely. The shiny material felt scaly to the touch, the minuscule shields barely visible to the eye. Her body armor was not as good as the ones that were in the Ravagers’ warehouse, but it was better than nothing. The thin materials could amazingly stop most bullets and protect against knives, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be crushed or that a bullet couldn’t cause internal damage from the impact. I could see the same shiny black material peeking out from beneath most of the guards’ uniforms, but there wasn’t enough for all of us. I had willingly given up mine to ensure Mouse would be safe. Even if it was too big on her, it could still save her life. If I was going into The Sanctuary for anything it was for her, for her future. And I needed to know that she would survive to live it, even if I didn’t get to see it myself.
I could see the black material peeking out from Triven’s collar. For once I was glad he listened to his mother’s chiding. The new world we hoped for needed him. I was just a rogue, an outsider that relied too heavily on myself, who was too far removed. But Triven… he was the beacon his people needed. There were only four of the twelve of us who weren’t wearing body armor, Arden, Maddox, Willets and myself. But only one other person knew I wasn’t wearing mine. Triven, like the others, was under the impression that I was wearing body armor under my shirt. While lying to him about it left a foul taste in my mouth, it was the only way I could get him to agree to wear his own. I had clipped the bottom of the shirt I had given to Mouse and pulled the scrap around my collar to disguise my lack of armor. To anyone looking, it would appear my armor was peaking out from my shirt just the same as theirs.
Veyron’s icy eyes met mine from across the room and we nodded to each other in understanding. I had pulled her aside one afternoon after fighting with Triven about who was wearing the armor. He had adamantly tried to force his on me, refusing to wear his if I didn’t have one as well. I couldn’t have that, I had already stacked the cards in Mouse’s favor and I wasn’t about to let his selflessness mess that up. To my surprise, Veyron didn’t need much convincing. Like everyone else, she knew how special Triven was, that he was a leader they would soon need. I then preyed on her motherly nature to ensure Mouse’s safety as well. In my mind there was no question that she would be wearing a suit. I needed someone else I could trust to survive as well. Besides, I had the best chance of surviving without help. It was what I was good at. It was what I had done for nearly seven years. But Mouse would need other people to survive, to care for her to protect her in case I failed. So I needed them to survive as well.
Veyron had always looked at Mouse with the same protectiveness I did and if anything happened to me, I knew she would take care of my young friend. After very little pressing Veyron agreed. She would wear the body armor perfectly concealed beneath her clothing, while I would fake wearing mine. To everyone else it would appear that she had graciously given her armor to me for Mouse’s sake and then Triven no longer had an excuse not to wear his.
I ran my hands over my weapons again, going through my mental checklist. The people I wanted protected had the odds in their favor. I carried two long-range handguns and thirteen knives of various sizes hidden on my person. In a small pouch sewn into my jacket were my father’s notebook and his pocket watch. In my backpack was a first aid kit from Doc Porters, two water canteens, the maps of the city, and a few MREs. Aside from the fact I had more weapons than I ever had before, I felt like myself again. The callous girl, who had braved the city for so long on her own, stirred within me.
People were starting to filter out of the weapons room. Dark should have fallen by now and the city would be waiting for us. I scanned the too quiet room again and noticed everyone had weapons except for Mouse. Making sure no one was watching us, I took a small knife from my boot and placed it in hers.
“Don’t use this unless absolutely necessary. Don’t try to protect anyone else. The only person you need to worry about is you. Do you understand?”
She nodded, her brown eyes serious.
If we failed we would all die, and in the depths of Mouse’s eyes I could see her understanding of that. A chill trickled down my spine. In minutes we would be letting a child lead us, following her towards two possible futures— surviving long enough to start a war or dying before the night was over.
OUR PROGRESSION THROUGH the city seemed painfully slow compared to the nights I had run with Triven. There were many more of us this time and not every member of the guard was as agile or as fast as I would have liked. Mouse stayed at my side as I had instructed, only leaving it when we came to gaps between buildings that were too big for her to span. At these rare moments Trive
n would gather her in his arms and flawlessly make the leap with her held close to his chest. My heart stopped every time they jumped, only restarting when their feet were once again on solid ground.
It took us nearly an hour to reach the outskirts of the city. The massive base of the wall loomed high above the streets. As a reminder of its power, of our separation from their world, a bird slammed into the invisible shield towering above us. I could feel a collective jump from the group as the air crackled and the incinerated carcass fell to the streets. Only Mouse and I stood steady.
Gazing at the city below us, I mentally slapped myself. How many times had I stood on this exact rooftop? How many times had I passed right by the one thing I wanted most and never knew it was there? I should have known it would be here, of all places. It made the most sense.
I looked to Mouse for direction. “It’s by the warehouse isn’t it?”
She nodded, pointing to a dark shack of a building not ten feet from the Ravagers’ food warehouse.
It all made sense now. The place I had first seen Mouse was not far from here and what better place to hide a passageway than one that is already guarded. I had always been so distracted by the food that I had never thought to look for more. Even now as we stood atop the skyline, three Ravager guards passed below on their rounds. No wonder those guards inside had always been so careless about their patrol of the food. It was never the food they were protecting.
Triven spoke first. “Team two will cover us from the rooftops. We will have to enter from street level. Veyron, take Mouse—”
Mouse tugged on his shirt interrupting him, shaking her head. She held out her hand and pressed her other index finger to it like a keypad.
Triven closed his eyes in exasperation. “There’s a code isn’t there?”
She nodded.
“And I’m guessing you’re not going to tell us.” I glowered at her, but she wasn’t intimidated. Mouse signed together again then, folded her arms defiantly and shook her head. I wanted to hit something.
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