by Lyn Denison
“But you’ve never mentioned any of this to us,” Asha said softly.
“It was the best and the worst time of my life. I was young, not yet twenty-one, and I fell in love. But it wasn’t acceptable.” She began to pace the floor while Asha mentally reviewed her research. Vivienne had two sons, Richard, her stepson, and her biological son, Nicolas. It would have been twenty-seven or so years ago. Richard would have been married. Nicolas, on the other hand, would be about her stepmother’s age.
“You fell in love with Nicolas Chaseley?”
Laura stilled, her back to Asha. “I can’t talk about this, Asha.”
“The Chaseleys sent you away because you loved their son?”
Laura was silent.
“I can’t understand that.” Asha shook her head. “Why would they do that? It’s cruel.”
“I became pregnant.”
Asha was speechless as she tried to process what her stepmother had said.
“Why didn’t he marry you?”
“That was the very last thing I wanted,” her stepmother said huskily.
Asha swallowed. “What happened to the baby?”
After a tense silence, Laura simply shook her head.
“Oh, Mum.” Asha crossed to her stepmother, put her arms around her, and they cried together for the second time that day.
“I felt adoption was the right choice,” Laura said at last.
“Why didn’t you want to marry him? The baby’s father, I mean,” Asha asked when she’d passed her stepmother the tissues some time later.
“I don’t think I can talk about it, Asha.”
“He’s divorced,” Asha said. “Nicolas Chaseley was married, but he’s divorced now.”
“Asha, I don’t want to hear about him.”
“But, if you loved him … You must have loved him very much.”
Laura shook her head. “Oh, no,” she said vehemently. “No, I didn’t. Quite the opposite. He was a spoilt playboy.”
“Did he, well, take advantage of you?” Asha asked and her stepmother grimaced.
“Such an old-fashioned term these days. But I suppose it does cover it. He took advantage of me in the worst possible way. I thought he was, if not a friend, then an ally, if you like. He professed to be. I loved someone, and he found out about it. He told me he’d seen us together. I was terrified he’d tell his family, but he said he wouldn’t.”
“You mean he blackmailed you?” Asha was horrified.
“Not exactly. He did tell me everyone would be against us, that no one would understand. It fed my own insecurities, and I let what he said frighten me. It frightened us both, my”—she paused and flushed again—“lover and I. And so we argued and broke off our relationship. But we couldn’t stay away from each other. We loved each other so. My lover wanted us to go away together. Interstate or overseas. But I was too much of a coward. We had one final argument.” Laura shook her head sadly. “I was so upset that night. There was a party, just a small one, and I escaped outside, walked over to the garage where the new unit was being built for Richard and Sara. Nicolas followed me and offered his shoulder to cry on.
“I was distraught and naive.” Laura worried at the tissue she held. “He’d brought a bottle of wine and glasses and convinced me one little drink would make me feel better. I was upset. And reckless. I allowed him to convince me to have another drink. I didn’t remember much after that, but I woke up in the morning where he’d just left me. It was my lover who found me and thought I’d … I swore Nicolas had raped me, but—” She choked back a sob. “Everyone thought I’d willingly gone out there with him, especially since he told them just that.”
Asha took her stepmother’s hand and held it in her own.
“I still remember the disappointment I saw in Viv’s eyes. In everyone’s eyes. I wanted to leave, but Viv insisted I stay until she could find someone else. Nicolas had gone to visit friends in New Zealand and my lover had left for the States. I was devastated. There was only Richard and Sara at Tyneholme, so I agreed.
“Then I found out I was pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t stay in my condition. Viv found me another job in Sydney and helped me with money until my baby was born. I decided adoption would be best for the baby because I wasn’t in any fit state to look after myself, let alone a child. Afterward, I don’t think I did more than exist from day to day.”
“Oh, Mum. That’s terrible.”
“A couple of years later, I was sitting in a park in my lunch break, watching children playing, when your father appeared with you. He was playing cricket in Sydney then and had been a widower for nearly a year.” Laura squeezed Asha’s hand. “You were shy and didn’t want to join the other children until your father encouraged you. Then he sat on the bench beside me and we started talking. And I watched you. Your father and I met in the park each day after that. You’d play for a while and then you’d sit beside me and hold my hand just like you are now and talk so seriously. You’d lost your mother and I’d lost my child and someone I’d loved deeply. I think we each sensed the sadness in each other. Your father and I married, and here we are.”
“I wish there’d been a happily ever after for you, too, Mum.”
Laura stood up then paced to the window again. “I don’t for a minute regret marrying your father, Asha. Not for myself. I gained you and Michelle. But I regret it for your father’s sake. He deserved someone who’d love him unconditionally. I never had that to give him. That’s why I’m so pleased he’s found Karen. He deserves to be happy. Your father’s a good man.”
“I know. And you’re a wonderful mother.” Asha went to her stepmother and hugged her.
“Yes, well, that remains to be seen.”
“What happened to him?” Asha asked softly. “Your first love?”
“I don’t know.” Her stepmother paused, nervously tucked her hair back, and then seemed to gather herself together. “It wouldn’t have worked out.”
Asha gave her stepmother another hug before she stepped back.
“I’ll make another pot of tea, shall I?” Laura asked.
“You sit down and relax, Mum. I’ll do it. You sound like Vivienne. She always says a cup of tea—” Asha stopped then turned back to her stepmother, ready to apologize.
“A cup of tea will cure all ills,” her stepmother finished as she followed Asha into the kitchen. “How is Viv? Is she keeping well?”
“Pretty much so. She’s eighty-six, I think. Did you know her husband and her daughter-in-law were killed in a car accident two years ago?” Asha asked, filling the electric kettle.
“Yes. I saw a report on television. It brought it all back for me. Luckily you were at the Coast, and Michelle was spending the weekend with your father. He was a nice man, Dickie Chaseley, and very protective of his family. Sara was a wonderful person. She and Richard were so much in love. He must have been devastated.”
“He was,” Asha told her. “And still is, according to Vivienne.”
“It’s a beautiful house, isn’t it?” Laura said, concentrating on setting out cups for their tea. “So big.” She paused slightly. “Does Viv live there alone?”
“Richard and his family still live in the separate unit, but they’re in Melbourne at the moment. And Peri’s been staying with Vivienne for a while.”
“And the daughter? Rosemary, wasn’t it?” Laura asked.
“Yes. She works in Melbourne. I haven’t met her yet, but I believe she’s coming home to visit her mother. I don’t know when exactly but I’m sure it’s fairly soon.”
Her stepmother was silent, watching as Asha poured hot water on the tea leaves.
“Mum? About the man you fell in love with—”
“I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore, Asha. Let’s just leave it.” Laura held up her hand when Asha went to say more. “Please, love. I really don’t want to talk about it. And I want you to give me your promise you won’t discuss this with Viv or anyone else. Don’t tell them I’m your stepmother. A
ll right?”
“Of course. If it’s what you want, Mum.”
“How long will you be working on this research for the Chaseleys? Can’t you do it from home here rather than stay in their house?”
“It’s just more convenient for me to stay there. And I’m not sure how much longer the research will take me. I’ve done quite a bit, and the information Vivienne found in the box in the attic saved me heaps of work. The old journals—”
“Journals? The ones you mentioned before?”
“Yes. They’re so fascinating and contained so much information. Anyway, I have a template for the book, but there’s a lot of information to be entered so …” She shrugged. And then she suddenly realized when she left Tyneholme and the Chaseleys she’d be leaving Peri. “I can’t say for sure,” she said as regret filled her heart. “But not too much longer.”
“I feel so tired now.” Laura sat down and sighed. “I’ve wanted to tell you both for so long. Clear my conscience I guess.”
“You have nothing on your conscience, Mum. You were young.”
A faint shadow passed over Laura’s face. “Yes. Young. And very foolish. But now, it’s been very freeing somehow.”
“I know what you mean,” Asha said with feeling. “I’ve hated lying to you. Even if it was lying by omission.”
“I can understand how difficult it was for you, Asha. I … There’s …” Laura gave a small shake of her head. “I suppose I should tell Michelle when she comes home later.”
“I’m sure there’s no hurry, Mum. If you’d rather take time to, you know, recover a bit from all this. But I’ll stay if you do want to tell her tonight. Michelle will be fine, you’ll see.”
Laura patted Asha’s hand. “I know.” She brushed away a tear. “I must have done something right with the two of you. I’m very proud of both of you.”
“We’re proud of you, too.”
“And you said you’ve told Michelle about you?”
“Yes. This morning. She liked Jack, too.”
Laura laughed softly.
“At lunch I thought you’d pick up on some of Chelle’s not so subtle ‘tell Mum’ looks.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t, Asha,” Laura’s fingers played with her tissue. “Jack’s sister, the one you said you cared about …”
“I’ve fallen in love with her.”
“And she feels the same?”
Asha hesitated. “I don’t know. It, well, we’re new to each other. We haven’t really talked about it. But it would have been so much easier if it had been Jack.”
“Yes, I suppose it would,” her stepmother said. “It’s so complicated, any association with the Chaseleys,” she added softly and Asha sighed.
“I can see that. But I don’t know that it will come to anything. With Peri and me, that is.”
“Oh, Asha.” Laura West shook her head. “I don’t know what to tell you. I certainly don’t want to ask you not to see this young woman if you really care about her. I just … I can’t make any contact with the Chaseleys. I just can’t.”
“I can see that, Mum.” Asha felt her heart sink. How could she choose between her stepmother and Peri? It was too difficult and it would tear her apart. There had to be a way.
“Believe me, Asha, it’s all best left in the past. And I—” Her stepmother swallowed and shook her head again.
Asha waited, instinct telling her there was something her stepmother wanted to add, but Laura remained silent and began to pour their tea.
When Asha left her stepmother and returned to Tyneholme she was surprised and inordinately pleased to see Peri’s car parked in the garage. She refused to allow herself to dwell on her stepmother’s revelations and she hurried inside, finding Peri with Vivienne in the morning room. Vivienne immediately asked about Asha’s mother and sister, and Asha managed to make the correct responses. Then Vivienne stood up.
“I was just saying to Peri that I felt a little tired, so I might excuse myself and have a little rest.”
Asha quickly handed Vivienne her walking stick. “Can I help you upstairs?” she asked.
“No, thank you, my dear. You stay and talk to Peri.” She moved slowly out of the room.
When they were alone, Asha turned back to Peri and smiled. “This is a surprise. We didn’t expect you back until tomorrow,” she said, wishing she could simply cross the room and take Peri in her arms. She desperately wanted to do that.
Peri had walked over to the window, away from Asha, and Asha’s heart sank.
“I didn’t expect to be back either,” Peri said evenly, turning to face Asha. “I rearranged some appointments because I wanted to get home as soon as I could.” Her lips twisted self-derisively.
Asha swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. “Is something wrong?”
“You tell me,” Peri replied.
Asha frowned slightly. “I don’t know what you mean. Are you upset about something? If it’s about last night, we can talk about it if you like.”
“What would you suggest we say?”
A dull ache settled in Asha’s chest. “I would say it was wonderful. And that I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind,” she said honestly, knowing she was putting herself in the very vulnerable position she’d told herself to avoid.
“I was thinking about you, too,” Peri said. She bit off a soft laugh and shook her head slightly, folding her arms across her chest. “Then I was sitting on the plane coming home and suddenly, on the TV screen, there was your face.” She leaned back against the windowsill. “I was thinking about you and there you were, looking absolutely incredible. I thought I was dreaming.”
“You saw the segment on the Sporting Awards?” Asha felt herself flush. “I haven’t seen it yet, but it seems everyone else has.”
“And then the cameras panned to Jack.” Peri shook her head. “Of all people, my brother, Jack.”
Asha laughed, embarrassed. “He looked very dashing in his tux, didn’t he? I didn’t realize the cameras were on us. Michelle’s been teasing me mercilessly ever since.”
“I can understand that. You and Jack seemed to be …” Peri paused almost imperceptibly. “ … enjoying yourselves,” she finished in that same flat tone.
“We did have a good time. I like your brother. He’s great company.” Asha studied Peri’s face, her downcast eyes.
“I couldn’t … I can’t quite work out why you were with him,” Peri said almost absently.
“It was a special night and my father got the tickets. Jack was just here at the time and I knew he liked cricket, too.”
Peri was silent for long moments while Asha could only watch her, trying to read Peri’s closed expression.
“He reminds me so much of you,” Asha said.
“He reminds you of me? And that makes it all right?” Peri said. “My own brother, Asha. You went on a date with my brother. How could you do that?”
“It wasn’t like that. I asked him to go with me because I needed a partner for the Awards Dinner. Jack had called in to see you and Vivienne suggested it.”
“Vivienne?”
“I wanted to ask you,” Asha said thickly.
Peri shook her head again.
“It wasn’t a date,” Asha repeated. “I told you I wanted to ask you, but you had left for Townsville.”
“You could have gone on your own.”
“Peri, you can’t think there’s anything between Jack and me. It’s ridiculous. I scarcely know him and—”
“You scarcely know me, too.” Peri swallowed and began walking toward the door. “Why did I think it would be different this time?” And she walked out the door, leaving Asha to stand staring after her. Asha stood still, trying to understand Peri’s reasoning.
By the time she moved out into the hallway to follow her, Peri was in her car and driving away.
Asha headed downstairs the next day, trying unsuccessfully to tell herself she was simply looking for Vivienne, when her thoughts were filled with Peri. Not that Peri would w
ant to see Asha. According to Vivienne, Peri had left for work before Asha was up this morning, and she’d certainly stayed away until late last night. She’d made it very plain that Asha was the last person she wanted to be around. And yet, that night, it had been so different.
As Asha approached the morning room, she heard voices and her lips rose in a spontaneous smile. Just being near Peri was bittersweet, but she was determined not to show how hurt she was by Peri’s mistrust. She turned into the doorway expecting to see Vivienne and Peri.
Vivienne was there, but the woman with her definitely wasn’t Peri, and Asha stopped, mortified by her lack of manners. “Oh. I’m so sorry, Vivienne. I thought it was Peri with you. I didn’t realize you had company. If you’ll just excuse me, I’ll—”
“No. No. Stay.” Vivienne smiled and waved Asha forward. “Come on in, my dear. I want you to meet someone.”
Asha slid a glance at the tall, elegant woman standing by the window. She must have been admiring the view, but she’d turned on Asha’s entry. The woman’s dark hair was cut short, shaped into the back of her head to feather on her neck. When she turned, Asha saw the front flopped onto her forehead and sat back close to her head on the sides.
She wore a tailored white shirt and dark slacks with a belt that featured a small antique pewter buckle. She was a poised, attractive woman, and a prickle of recognition ran over Asha. She was almost certain the woman was a lesbian although she couldn’t have pinpointed why she felt this was so. As far as guessing the woman’s age, Asha decided she could be anything between thirty and fifty. And her eyes looked vaguely familiar.
“Asha, my dear.” Vivienne’s voice claimed Asha’s attention. “I want you to meet my daughter, Rosemary. She arrived home this morning. Rosemary, this is Asha West.”
Of course. Asha mentally chastised herself. This could only be Vivienne’s daughter.
Rosemary Chaseley crossed the room with long-legged strides and held out her hand. Asha took it and was rewarded by a firm grasp.
“Nice to finally meet you, Asha.” Rosemary smiled. “My mother’s told me so much about you.”
The smile transformed Rosemary’s face, and Asha found herself smiling spontaneously back.