by Becky Durfee
Jenny heard Zack brush his teeth and shut off some lights before he climbed into his side of the bed. He shut off the light on his nightstand and whispered, “Good night, honey.”
Jenny smiled. “Good night dear.” With the silence that ensued, thoughts began to swirl around Jenny’s head. She relived the fear of Lashonda’s final moments, her acceptance that she was about to die, and her determination to leave her mark behind. Jenny got the feeling that Lashonda had been a strong young woman—one who would not go down without a fight. Jenny hoped it was a fight she would ultimately win on Lashonda’s behalf, and Orlowski would regret the day he ever decided to make Lashonda Williams his victim.
Disgust gripped Jenny’s stomach as she thought of what a horrible man Orlowski was and how he managed to hide his disturbing true colors from so many people. How could he have fooled everyone for so long? She began to wonder why men like that even existed. If Natalie had been right, and God did have a plan, why did that plan include rapists and child killers? Did God make mistakes? Or was there simply no God at all?
“My brain needs an off switch,” Jenny said out loud, although she was really talking to herself.
At that point Zack rolled over and put his arm around Jenny, pressing his body against hers and resting his chin on her shoulder. She could feel that he had an erection. “Are you okay?”
Jenny didn’t respond. She knew she should be telling him to get back on his own side of the bed, or better yet she should have gotten out of his bed altogether and headed back to her own room, but she had to admit she enjoyed the feeling of his arm around her. Her uneasiness was quickly replaced by a tingle of excitement that she didn’t want to end. As a result, she simply remained quiet.
The two lay motionless for quite some time before Zack started tracing his fingers up and down Jenny’s arm. A tug-of-war ensued in Jenny’s brain—she was enjoying his touch immensely, but she knew she shouldn’t be allowing it. She was married. This needed to stop.
But why? She thought. Out of respect for her husband? The man who had never shown any respect to her? The man who was dead set against her having a life of her own? The man who was so concerned with his own image that he put her happiness on the back burner? Did she really need to stop doing this for him?
As if reading her mind, Zack whispered. “Just let me know if you want me to stop.”
Jenny remained silent.
Zack traced his fingers up Jenny’s arm, over her shoulder, and he began to tenderly stroke her cheek. She closed her eyes and drew in a breath, enjoying a feeling she’d never quite had before. Whenever she’d been with Greg in the past, she was always so consumed with feelings of inadequacy she couldn’t fully enjoy herself. She was always worried that her performance wouldn’t be good enough, or she didn’t look good enough naked. None of those thoughts filled her head at this moment. She knew Zack wasn’t judging her; he was simply enjoying her.
And she was enjoying him.
She felt his lips graze the back of her shoulder in a gentle kiss. Followed by another. And another. In an instant Jenny rolled over and wrapped her arms around Zack, engaging him in an incredibly passionate kiss. He held her tightly, giving her a feeling of security she desperately needed at that moment. He was there for her. He cared. He would make sure nothing bad happened to her.
Her husband would have thrown her to the wolves.
As they undressed Jenny felt no shame or embarrassment. Zack seemed truly excited by her, flaws and all, grunting with approval with every inch of her newly exposed skin. His reaction made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, a feeling she had honestly never had before.
After more than an hour of passionate exploring, Zack whispered, “I have condoms in my wallet.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Jenny said approvingly.
Zack climbed to the edge of the large bed and felt around the nightstand for the lamp’s on switch. When he found it the room became so bright Jenny had to squint. Zack climbed out of bed and crossed the room, heading for his wallet on the dresser.
As Jenny’s eyes adjusted to the light she saw him naked for the first time. She giggled and covered her eyes, but not before noticing his slim but muscular build.
“Laughter is not usually the reaction guys go for when women see them naked,” Zack said playfully.
“Sorry,” Jenny said. “It’s just so odd that I’m seeing you naked.”
Zack opened his wallet and pulled out a condom. Holding it out, he exclaimed with a proud smile, “Look! It’s not even expired. I exchanged them out a few months ago.”
“That’s fabulous,” Jenny said with a snicker.
Zack walked back toward the bed, “I was never a boy scout, but I do believe in being prepared.” He looked at Jenny, who had left herself exposed from under the covers, and suddenly his demeanor became serious. “And right now I’m really, really glad I do.” He stood there and admired her for a second before saying, “Wow.”
Jenny had never made a man say wow before.
Zack put the condom on and got back into bed with Jenny. Before too long he was inside her, and Jenny found herself living completely in the moment. No worries. No fears. No inadequacy. Just pleasure.
Suddenly Zack stopped and looked up at the ceiling. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s been a while.”
“Are you done?” Jenny asked.
“No, but I will be if I keep going. I just need a minute.”
Jenny giggled knowingly as Zack took several deep breaths with his eyes closed. “Okay,” he said, “I think I’m good now. My God this is incredible.”
And now Jenny was incredible.
After a few more similar incidents, Zack finally succumbed to his urge to release. This time Jenny had no doubt he was finished. He lay on top of her, depleted, breathing heavy. “Wow,” he said again. “That was amazing.”
Jenny smiled and traced her fingers gently up and down his back. After a moment, she tapped him with her pointer finger. “Hey…I thought you said you were going to be a gentleman.”
Zack didn’t look up when he breathlessly said, “Sorry. I’ve never really been a man of integrity, especially where beautiful women are concerned.” After Jenny giggled, Zack added, “But I did try. Well, at least Big Zack did, anyway.”
“Big Zack?”
“Yeah, I’m Big Zack. But then when I was lying in bed next to you, Little Zack got to thinking. It’s always dangerous when Little Zack acts up. He’s generally the brains of this operation, and once he gets started there’s really no stopping him.”
Jenny laughed through his explanation, and he continued.
“Funny thing. It turns out Little Zack likes you. A lot.”
“Oh does he now?”
“Yup. He sure does. And when you were lying in bed next to him, he just couldn’t help himself. He’s a very determined little guy.” Zack looked up and smiled at Jenny. He gave her a gentle peck on the lips and said, “And right now he wants his raincoat off. Just give me a minute, I’ll be right back.” He got out of bed and scampered to the bathroom.
Alone with her thoughts, Jenny began to realize the implications of what had just happened. She had just cheated on her husband, breaking the vow she took in front of God and her parents and everyone who loved her. She had always prided herself on being a good person, and now she has just done one of the worst things imaginable. Regret consumed her.
Zack walked back into the room, seemingly without a care in the world. He got into bed, sliding close to Jenny, but she simply proclaimed, “It’s my turn to clean up.” She got out of bed as quickly as she could, collected her pajamas, and rushed to the bathroom.
Her hands were shaking as she cleaned and dressed herself. She felt positively sick, desperately wishing she could go back in time and decline Zack’s invitation to spend the night with him. She walked over to the sink where she splashed cold water on her face, trying to wash off the horrible feeling she ha
d inside. As the water dripped from her face, she looked up into the mirror, disgusted by her own reflection. She was looking into the face of an adulteress, and no matter what she did from this point forward, every time she looked in the mirror she’d be staring at a cheater. She wanted to cry.
She reached behind her and grabbed a towel, drying her face before she looked back into the mirror. She stood up straighter this time, taking a deep breath, realizing she didn’t have to be looking into the eyes of an adulteress. Taking a few steps closer to the mirror, she gazed at herself with a new-found respect. At that moment she concluded she wasn’t looking at a cheater—she was looking at a woman who had just made the decision to leave her husband.
And that she could live with.
Feeling suddenly better with her situation, she slipped out of her pajamas and walked back into the bedroom with Zack. He was already breathing heavy; if he wasn’t asleep, he was close. She turned off the lamp on Zack’s nightstand and felt her way around to her side of the bed. Crawling in she felt Zack cuddle up next to her, throwing a heavy arm around her without saying a word. Jenny smiled. Zack was a good guy, after all. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was genuine and kind hearted, and she was quite sure she didn’t just get used.
She decided to demand her brain take the night off, and she enjoyed the sound of Zack’s rhythmic breath and the feel of his body against hers. Before long she was able to drift off, finding herself in the midst of the best night’s sleep she’d had in a long time.
She awoke to the feel of Zack’s hands rubbing her stomach. “Hey,” she said groggily but playfully.
“Hey,” he replied, kissing her shoulder. “Sorry to wake you, but I couldn’t resist.” Still naked from the night before, Zack positioned himself on top of her. She could feel every inch of his skin, and it felt good.
But there was so much they needed to talk about. She thought they should come to some kind of agreement before doing this again—if they ever did it again. She started to protest, but as Zack’s kisses reached her neck, a tingle of desire generated from deep within her. Just go with it, she thought to herself, for once in your life just go with it. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and pulled him in close.
The two lay looking at the ceiling, legs intertwined, Jenny using Zack’s shoulder as a pillow. They silently enjoyed the moment for a long time before Jenny proclaimed, “I’m married.”
“Yeah,” Zack said flatly. “There’s that.”
“Yeah,” Jenny repeated. “That little technicality.”
“Can I just say something about that?” Zack asked.
“Of course.”
“If I thought you were happily married, I never would have made a move on you. But I know you’re not.”
Jenny let out a sigh. “No, I’m not.” She swept the hair out of her face. “I have to be honest…last night after we finished, I went into the bathroom and I felt awful about what happened. I couldn’t believe I had been unfaithful. Me. Unfaithful.” She shook her head. “It should have never happened.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Wait, I’m not done,” Jenny interrupted. “Then I realized there was only one way I was going to feel right about what went on between us. I have to leave Greg. I can’t go back and act like his wife and pretend nothing happened. I have to go back and tell him that our marriage is over. Then I didn’t really cheat on him; I just left him.”
Zack didn’t respond, making Jenny uneasy. She kept talking.
“I don’t want you to be scared,” she added. “I’m not saying I’m leaving him for you. I’m not roping you into a commitment or anything. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I slept with someone else and then went back to being married.”
“I feel bad,” Zack finally said. “I don’t want to be responsible for ending your marriage.”
Jenny flipped over and looked Zack in the eye. “Believe me. You’re not the reason my marriage is ending. You’re just the reason my marriage is ending now. Lately I’ve come to realize my relationship with Greg has been shitty from the start, and you didn’t cause that.” She smiled playfully. “Actually, you’re doing me a favor. I’ve wanted to leave him for a long time; I just didn’t have the courage to actually go through with it. Now you’ve given me the incentive I need to go home and say the words.”
“Well, I’m glad I could do that for you. You know I don’t like the way he treats you, and I think you deserve better.”
Jenny blushed. “Thanks.”
Zack wrapped his arms around Jenny’s waist and looked at her sincerely. “And just so you know…you wouldn’t be roping me into a commitment. That idea doesn’t sound half bad to me, honestly.”
Holy shit, Jenny thought. She hung her head and closed her eyes. “Thanks, Zack. I appreciate that. I truly do. But I have to tell you I can’t even begin to think about commitment right now.” She felt like a bitch as the words came out of her mouth, so she added, “I don’t want to hurt you, believe me. That’s the last thing I want to do. But I’m at a place in my life where I have to take things one minute at a time. If I start to think about any more than that, I’ll lose my mind.”
“That’s fair,” Zack replied. “I don’t want to pressure you at all.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “I just wanted you to know where I’m coming from…that I’m not some womanizer who took advantage of you when you were vulnerable.” Then he laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny?”
“The thought of me being a womanizer. I would make the worst womanizer on the planet. My last set of condoms expired in my wallet. Do you know how sad that is?”
Jenny bit her lip. “I guess it has been a while, huh?”
“My last girlfriend was when I was twenty seven. I’m almost thirty. You do the math.”
Jenny almost made the comment that she was surprised he’d been that long without a girlfriend, but in reality she wasn’t. He wasn’t boyfriend material, and that notion suddenly made her feel bad. Had she just taken advantage of him? That was a scenario she hadn’t considered before.
To keep the conversation light, Jenny posed, “Has there been anything in between?”
“Expired condoms, remember?”
“Condoms,” Jenny said. “Plural. How many of those things do you carry around with you?”
“Three.”
“Three?”
“It’s a tri-fold wallet,” Zack explained, “so one for each section.”
“My goodness.”
“Well, here’s my logic. I’m a morning person, and usually if there’s a morning, that means there was a night before.” Then he furrowed his brow. “But I guess that only makes two. I’m not sure why I carry that third one around. Wishful thinking, maybe?”
“My guess would be an ego issue,” Jenny declared. She then patted him on the shoulder. “Well, I don’t know about you, champ, but I’m pretty hungry. Do you want to get some breakfast?”
“Absolutely,” Zack said. Jenny started to get up when Zack said, “But wait.” She paused and he pulled her in for a slow, passionate kiss. “I know when we go downstairs we’re going to go back to being business partners, and I just wanted to squeeze one more of those in.”
Jenny smiled appreciatively, although inside she was terrified.
After quick showers Zack and Jenny walked down into the lobby for some breakfast, laptop in hand. They piled their plates high with free buffet food and took seats in the nearly empty dining area. After a few bites Zack posed, “You know, while I was in the shower I thought about your vision from Lashonda.”
“Oh yeah?” Jenny posed. “What did you come up with?”
“Well, you said it was incredibly dark. And you also mentioned that when she threw her ring, it hit something. Do you think she was indoors?”
Jenny thought for a moment. “You know what? I do. When I was seeing things through Morgan’s eyes, I could see stars in the sky. But with Lashonda it was pitch dark.”
“Well, m
aybe the attack happened at the Hawkins’ house.”
Jenny’s jaw dropped. “That would make perfect sense. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. Maybe that used to be Orlowski’s house.”
“Only one way to find out,” Zack replied, opening the laptop and beginning a real estate search. He referred to his cell phone for the address, making a puzzled face when he pulled up the record of the property. “It looks like the Hawkinses have lived there for eight years. Before that it was the Zimmermans, and before that the McMahons. There’s no Orlowski anywhere on the record.”
Jenny twisted her face. “That seemed so promising.”
“Here’s one for you. All three wives who owned the home were named Kimberly. What do you think the odds are of that?”
With a giggle, Jenny replied, “It is a little strange, but Kimberly isn’t that uncommon of a name. If all three wives were named Esmerelda I’d be more impressed.”
Zack shrugged in response. As his fingers pressed more keys on the computer, Jenny asked, “What are you doing now?”
“I’m trying to find out the date of Lashonda’s murder. I want to see if it was a new moon or if it was cloudy, which might explain why it was dark. If it was a clear night, the darkness would be evidence the attack took place indoors.”
“Very smart thinking.”
A short time later Zack replied, “It says here it would have been a waxing gibbous that night, whatever the hell that means.”
“More than half full.”
Zack looked up at Jenny with awe. “How did you know that?”
“I used to be a teacher, remember? Teachers know everything. About everything.”
“Apparently so.” Zack continued to type, his brow becoming more furrowed with each passing minute. “Why is it so difficult to find out what the weather was like that night? Aren’t there supposed to be records of this kind of thing?”