by Zoey Marcel
“When I was drunk.” Sean stared off into space, hurting inside.
“Oh, my God. Was there tongue?”
“No. It was just a quick kiss on the lips. I think he knows I’m not straight.”
“You think?”
“He acted like he believed me when I said I was. Now he has nothing to do with me.”
“He was probably going easy on you since you guys were so close.”
Sean dragged his hands down his face, blinking back moisture. “It hurts so fucking bad.”
Percy draped an arm over his shoulder. “You poor thing.”
Sean shook his head. “He hasn’t dated in years, not once since his wife died. Why would he start all of a sudden? I think ignoring me gets the point across that he hates me.”
“Hmm, sounds like somebody’s overcompensating.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying.” Percy stood. “Don’t you find it strange how he rushes into a relationship with a woman right after you kiss him?”
“Maybe he’s lonely now that he has the house to himself.”
“Maybe he’s gay.”
A dull current of pain moved through his chest. “He’s not gay.”
There was no way a man could fondle another guy to test him and then walk away unscathed and have nothing to do with him and actually be gay. It had been cruel to expose him like that, but Sean forgave him. He just wanted to feel close to Malachi again.
“I’m not buying it, but I’ll tell you what you’re buying.” Percy swatted his own ass. “A pair of pants just like these.”
“I’m not really a pink leather pants kind of guy.”
“They come in other colors. What do you want, red?” He grinned, nodding. “Yeah, you want red.”
Sean rolled his eyes, smiling as he shook his head.
“At least try on a leather jacket. We’ll be all decked out in leather and we’ll strut our stuff in the library.”
“What is it with you and the library?”
“What, can’t I read?”
“It’s that biker you made eyes at during the fundraiser. Bear. You’re hoping to run into him there.”
Percy bit his lip, swaying a little. “It totally is. I think he reads.”
“Most people do.”
“You know what I mean. I think he hangs out there sometimes. It looked like him. An educated badass, I love it.”
Sean grabbed a red leather jacket. “Black might suit me better.”
“Well, you have to try it on first to know.”
He stuck his arms in the sleeves. “How long do you think it’ll last?”
“Years, if you take care of it.”
Sean cracked a smile as he stared at himself in the mirror. “I meant Malachi’s relationship with Peggy.”
Percy rested his hands and chin on Sean’s right shoulder, facing the mirror with him. “Not long if I send him gay porn and then you just happen to stop by for a visit.”
Sean narrowed his eyes, a naughty smile curving his lips. “You’re wicked.”
Percy wiggled his brows once, stepping back. “It could happen.”
“That’s all right.” Sean slipped the jacket off. “I feel bad enough.”
“Oh God, you’re not going into denial, are you? ‘Cause I’m prepared to smack you in the name of friendship.”
“No. I’m definitely gay. I don’t feel bad for that, but sometimes I feel bad for trying to seduce Malachi.”
“Eh, you’re still young. You get a free pass. Let me change back and then we’ll pay for these.”
“I have to see them together on a date.”
Percy whirled back around, eyes like saucers. “You mean spy on them?”
“They won’t even know I’m there.”
“No, no, no. Try the porn first and then you’ll know so you won’t have to spy on them.”
Sean gave him an annoyed look, head tilted. “I’m not sending him gay porn.”
Percy put his hands on Sean’s shoulders. “You deserve better than him.”
“He’s perfect for me.”
“He’s avoiding you.”
Sean’s head stayed still, but his eyes lowered. “I pushed him away.”
“Come here.” Percy hugged him. “Forget about him. I know a place we can go that will make you happy.”
Sean slumped against him. “Is it the library?”
Percy pulled back with a grin. “How did you know? No, I’m kidding. We’ll go wherever you want. Let’s pick up that cute pug of yours and go get some ice cream.”
Sean tilted a brow at him. “In our leathers?”
“Of course in our leathers.”
He smiled a little, peeking down at the floor. “Thanks for listening to me.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
“So, does Bear like ice cream?”
Percy grinned. “I hope so. I’m thinking I’d like to settle down with a guy like that, but only if he likes to cuddle.”
“Have you talked to him yet?”
He frowned, shoulders sagging. “No. He keeps ogling me from afar, but he hasn’t approached me yet.”
“Is he even gay?”
“Oh yes, very openly so from what I hear. My kind of guy. Maybe he’s just bashful.” Percy went back into the dressing room to change into his street clothes again.
“You could approach him and introduce yourself.”
“No way. I think Bear could be special. I want him to make the first move.”
“Why do you think they call him Bear?”
“Well, he’s got that tattoo of a grizzly on his arm.”
“Don’t you think he got that after the nickname?”
“Maybe. I bet they call him that because he’s a big tough guy with a soft, teddy bear center.”
“Or maybe he has a bad temper.”
“Don’t ruin it.”
“Sorry.” Sean shrugged. “What’s so different about him?”
Percy’s blue eyes sparkled when he came out of the dressing room again. “I don’t know. I just get good vibes off him. I don’t want anyone else. I want him.”
Sean knew the feeling. When in love, sex with anyone else was meaningless.
* * * *
Sunday was the worst. The church potlucks were generally a time to nom and socialize, or fellowship as it was called, but Sean didn’t feel like eating today.
Malachi Brodie acted so charming and friendly with everyone, but he didn’t say a word to him. That hurt. To make matters worse, that bloody sweet-tempered bitch, Peggy, was there. She had a smile that screamed authenticity and a lovely spirit. She got along with everyone.
Sean hated her.
“I had to bring my sticky buns,” she said, setting a platter of the gooey rolls on the table. “Do you like sticky buns, Sean?”
“No,” he said curtly.
He loved them, but that was beside the point. She could bake, feed Malachi. They said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Damn her. She seduced him with caramelized sugar. That kitchen ho.
Peggy maintained a cheerful disposition that would have made Jesus proud. “Well, that’s okay. I’m sure we can find you something you like. We’ve got all kinds of things here. I love potlucks.”
He used to.
“Malachi, dear.” She waved him over, her face lighting up as though she liked the guy.
The preacher smiled with those beautiful lips and came over. Why did he smile at her? It wasn’t fair. Not like that. Damn it, no. This was all happening so fast. It didn’t even make sense. At this rate the couple would be wed and popping out babies by the end of the month. Who did that?
“What is it, darling?” Malachi asked.
Darling? What the hell?
He wanted to hate Malachi, too, but that was impossible. There was too much there.
“I thought I’d make you a plate while you mingle with everyone,” Peggy said with sickening stars in her bright eyes. “Do you want sweet or sour pickl
es?”
“Sour, please,” Malachi replied.
“Fitting,” Sean muttered.
Malachi cast a knowing glance over at him.
“Okay. What about those little smoked sausages?” Peggy asked, moving down the table with a plate.
“Malachi doesn’t eat sausage, Peggy.” Sean tapped the table and spoke to her, tossing a facetious look in Malachi’s direction. “He prefers chicken breast. Isn’t that right?”
Malachi’s face muscles tensed subtly, eyes cool with annoyance.
Peggy was oblivious. “Well, we have that, too. Did you know Sean here doesn’t like sticky buns?”
Sean averted his gaze, but he felt Malachi’s knowing eyes on him while he addressed her. “No.”
Peggy popped a baby carrot into her mouth. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“So I have to be like everybody else to be accepted?” Sean shot back. “Is that it?”
“Hey,” Malachi rebuked him. “I will not hear anyone say anything unkind to Peggy.”
Peggy smiled up at him when he petted her back. Turning to Sean, she frowned, appearing sympathetic. “I didn’t mean any offense, dear. You don’t have to like my sticky buns. I’m not hurt. Eat whatever you like.”
Damn her to hell, she was too sweet. It made him feel bad, but mostly he wanted to smack Malachi.
“I’m not offended.” Sean stomped off, catching the tail end of her exchange with the preacher.
“Oh dear. I have to stop saying things like that. I think he took it wrong,” she said.
“You did nothing wrong. Kids that age are full of angst.”
Now he was pissed. Kids? Angst? Oh, nobody had seen his angst yet.
A few minutes later Malachi caught him alone in the hall. “I want to talk to you.”
“That’s a first,” Sean muttered.
“I don’t want to ever hear you speak to Peggy like that again.” Malachi slanted a finger in his face, expression cross and tone harsh. “She’s a good woman and she deserves your respect.”
Sean pushed the guilty feeling away. “You fall in love really quick, don’t you?”
“The degree of my feelings is none of your business.”
“Why are you being this way?”
Malachi gave a slight shrug. “What way?”
“You act like you don’t even know me. When I moved out you said we could still be friends, but ever since then you’ve treated me like a stranger. I want to know why.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Those telling steel-blue eyes said otherwise.
“Yes, you do. Is it because I kissed you?”
“Shh!” Malachi glanced over his shoulder, but they were still alone. “It has nothing to do with that. You’ve been busy with your life and I’ve been busy with mine.”
“I want to spend time with you, like we used to.”
His features eased with regret, voice coming out in a feeling hush. “I’m with Peggy now.”
The words cut Sean up inside.
“You can still be mates with me even if you’re with her. Or does she not want you having any?”
Malachi heaved a sigh, eyes wandering. “Sean, try to understand. I’m dating Peggy, so my time is even more divided between you and the church than before. It’s only natural that I would spend the most time with her.”
Sean’s gaze slid from his and he gulped down the painful lump swelling in his throat. “Do you love her?”
He met Malachi’s eyes. The man’s countenance cooled, a shadow of knowledge darkening his piercing stare. “What is that to you?”
“I want to know. You used to tell me everything. I care about what goes on in your life.”
“A little too much, I think.”
His callous words and the indifferent roll of his eyes hurt, and Sean responded in anger. “You want to talk about too much? You’re a real pill yourself, you know that? You go on about how I kissed you, but you seem to forget the way you groped me on your couch.”
A minatory look crossed Malachi’s face. “That was a test. You failed.”
“Hmm.” Sean nodded. “The way I see it the real character failing in that scenario is yours. You were either testing me, or—”
“Or what?” Malachi snapped.
God, he was hot when he was angry.
Damn it, no! Quit wanting him. Stay strong.
“You’re either a heartless bastard forcing someone into the open that you suspected was gay.” Sean quickly pointed a finger in the air, realizing his mistake. “Wrongfully, I might add. Or you were copping a feel because you do fancy sausage.”
“Shut up!” Malachi growled, grabbing him and pulling him around a corner.
Sean lost his breath when Malachi pinned him up against a wall. His cock stirred in his pants at the man’s roughness.
“You have a wicked tongue, slandering in the house of God.”
“If we’re just mates, then why are you running from me?”
Malachi’s tongue swerved in his mouth, making his lips bulge briefly before he spoke. “I thought you had a problem, so I removed the temptation from your life.”
Sean’s spirit drooped. That sounded about right.
“Well, I don’t, so you can quit avoiding me. If you expect me to believe that you were just testing me, then it’s only fair you take me at my word when I tell you that the kiss was just the alcohol talking.”
“Fine.”
Sean’s eyes misted and stung like crazy. He didn’t shed any tears, but it wouldn’t take much to get them out of him. He pawed at Malachi’s chest slowly, watching his flattened hands rubbing steadily up and down the man’s sturdy torso. Standing this close to him choked him up. Running his hands along his body left him in awe.
Malachi stiffened, but his expression appeared vulnerable, voice gentle rather than firm. “Sean, don’t do that.”
“I miss you,” Sean whispered, raising his eyes to the man’s handsome face. “Do you miss me?”
“Yes, Sean, I miss you.” Malachi’s revealing murmur was followed by his hand gently stopping Sean’s pawing one.
Sean blinked back tears, but it was a battle he wasn’t strong enough to win.
Malachi bowed his head, pitch dropping to a caring hush. “Please don’t cry.”
Sean went breathless and closed his eyes when Malachi lightly cupped his cheek with one hand.
“It kills me to see you like this.”
He sniffled, then drew in a shaky breath that made his lungs feel unsteady with grief. “Can’t we be mates again like we used to?”
Malachi moved his hand away, sad eyes lowering.
“Please,” Sean whispered. “I won’t kiss you again. It was just a mistake.”
Malachi’s lips parted to speak, but no words came out. His head was bowed and his hand rubbed slowly up and down Sean’s chest in a gentle pawing motion. His eyes weren’t wet, but his demeanor strongly reflected torment.
“Swear to me that you’re not in any way a deviant.”
For a fraction of a second reverence reminded him that he stood on holy ground, but he couldn’t breathe without Malachi.
“I swear.”
Malachi examined him closely for a minute. “Okay. I have to go back now. Are you all right?”
Sean nodded.
Malachi’s lips hitched at one side in a lopsided smile that made his heart melt. He brushed Sean’s arm. “I thought you were supposed to go to school.”
“I am eventually. My da was pushing for it.”
“You don’t want to go?”
“I want to stay here.”
With you.
Malachi didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “You should go. It would be good for you. There’s no future for you here.”
“There could be,” Sean said faintly.
Malachi wouldn’t look him in the eye. He shook his head once to the side. Each word radiated with anguish. “There can’t.”
His heart broke.
He
touched Malachi’s arm when the man shifted on his feet to leave. “Will you miss me when I go?”
He’d never seen that look in Malachi’s eyes before. It was ardor and vulnerability at once. His eyes closed and he breathed a kiss on Sean’s forehead.
“You’ll be missed more than you know,” he whispered against Sean’s head, bathing his skin in humid heat.
Sean leaned into him, going woozy from the sexual allure of the man’s cologne and full of more love than he knew what to do with.
Malachi slowly wrapped his arms around him. It was one of those deep, soul-connecting hugs where the silence spoke and only beating hearts could be heard.
“I’m sorry I missed your birthday,” he said softly.
“You sent me that text.” Sean nuzzled against his suit jacket.
“I wanted to do more like I always have.” Malachi smoothed a hand over his back. “I really wanted to be there.”
“I really wanted you there.”
Slowly, they pulled back and Sean swam in the quiet storm of his gaze. Closing his eyes, he brushed a kiss on Malachi’s cheek. When he opened them, he saw the preacher’s eyes were lidded. Sean breathed a kiss on his other cheek, this time much closer to his lips.
“Sean.”
“I kiss my family on the cheek,” he said as innocently as he could. “It’s not the lips, so it’s okay.”
“You kissed the corner of my mouth.”
Pretty much.
“No. I kissed here, not there.”
Sean touched Malachi’s face with two fingertips. The man’s eyes hooded. Sean licked his lips, then pursed them, skimming the backs of his fingers against Malachi’s right cheek this time.
“If I was a woman—”
“Don’t.” Malachi pulled his hand down, but there wasn’t any brute force in the gesture.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I’ve always thought that if you were a woman, I’d be with you...since I’m straight.”
“Sean, you’re playing with fire.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you’re in denial,” he said quietly.
Sean panicked inside, doing his best to appear unshaken. “I’m not.”
“Swear to me.” Malachi trapped him in his hard stare.
Sean swallowed, feeling weak. “I swear.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“You’re paranoid.”