“Nathaniel’s the best man?”
“Yes. And it won’t be easy for anyone involved. Jackson says Nathaniel’s a shell of his former self. That he spent the first few days after you left drinking himself into a stupor. Linda’s—”
“He did?”
“Yes. Linda’s worrying herself sick over the whole thing and keeps asking Jackson to postpone the wedding. She thinks if we wait a few more months, you and Nathaniel can handle it better. But in the end, Jackson and I convinced her to throw this engagement party—”
“You convinced her?”
“Yes. Damn it all, stop interrupting me.”
“Sorry.”
“Jackson and I convinced her to throw it.” She moved close to me. “And you’re going to go and be nice and talk to the man, Abby. Understand me? And you’ll talk to him in a civilized manner. I don’t care if you tell him to eat shit and die as long as you’re civil about it. Know why? Because I’m the bride and I won’t have you ruining my wedding.”
Uh-huh, that was Felicia. But somewhere in there, I thought she might have made a few good points.
“Say something,” she said.
“You’re right,” I said. “I should have stayed and talked. I took the coward’s way out. I guess I thought he’d try and stop me.”
“From what you’ve told me, he was keeping you at a safe distance from the beginning. Did it ever occur to you that you were doing exactly what he thought you would do?”
“Once or twice.”
She put her hands on both of my shoulders. “I know you’re mad at him. Hell, I’m mad at him. According to Jackson, Todd and Elaina are mad at him. But if you want him, talk to him.” She shook me slightly. “But be willing to admit you made mistakes as well.”
“That’s asking a lot.”
“Is he worth it?”
“I thought so once,” I whispered.
“He’s still the same man and that means he’s still worth it.”
I wiped a tear away.
“But don’t make it too easy. He has to own up to his mistakes. And his were a lot worse, in my book.” She smiled. “And you and I both know that’s the only book that matters.”
The days before the party both dragged by and came out of nowhere. One day I was looking at the calendar, thanking my lucky stars I still had two weeks before I saw Nathaniel and the next thing I knew, I had two hours to get ready.
I wore a silver gown I found on the rack at a going-out-of-business sale. It was nowhere near as nice as the one Elaina offered me, but I turned her down. I wanted to do it all on my own. My way.
Felicia left early with Jackson the day of the party. I supposed that was to be expected, since she was the guest of honor. Jackson came by my apartment and hugged me before they left. I truly liked him. He didn’t say anything, but his actions alone were enough. Jackson never talked too much about his cousin. I suppose he knew how uncomfortable it would make me.
My body shook as the cab took me to the Penthouse, the banquet facility where the party was being held. I tried to remember when I’d last felt as nervous and failed miserably.
Never. I had never felt this nervous.
Would he arrive first or would I? Would he speak to me first or would I make the first move?
How would he look? Had he changed at all in the last month? Would he look at me with the cold, dead eyes I remembered or would his gaze be filled with regret?
Only for Felicia, I chanted as I walked up to the door. Only for Felicia would I do this.
Elaina waited for me inside. She took me and embraced me in a long hug.
“Oh, Abby,” she said. “We can’t ever go this long without seeing each other again. Promise.”
“I promise,” I said, and in that minute, I meant it.
She wiped her eyes. “He’s not here yet.”
“Good. I need a minute.”
“Come and see Linda.”
Linda was near tears when I found her. “Abby,” she said. “Thank you for coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” I said, returning the big hug she gave me.
When I composed myself, I glanced around the room. The white walls looked creamy in the soft candlelight. A buffet of hors d’oeuvres lined one wall, right next to a bar, and the deejay stood in a corner, shuffling through songs. There was a hardwood dance floor and several draped tables and chairs.
“This is beautiful,” I said.
“I couldn’t think of a better place to celebrate Felicia joining the family.” Linda laughed softly. “Jackson’s counting the days until June.”
“So is Felicia.”
Conversation buzzed around us, low and steady like the gentle hum of bees. The hall filled slowly, the press of people somehow comforting. My gaze bounced around the room, landing seconds later on the person entering.
Nathaniel.
He looked good. I’d give him that much. His dark hair had that messy just-crawled-out-of-bed look and his black suit fit his body perfectly. He shook hands with several people as he entered, but he didn’t appear to be paying much attention to any of them. His eyes were too busy scanning the crowd.
His smiled faltered for just a second when he saw me.
He took a deep breath and made his way toward us. Linda discreetly moved away.
I wished I had a drink, something to keep my hands occupied. Instead, I intertwined my fingers, kept them down below my belly.
My heart thumped and sweat broke out on my forehead.
He was almost by me.
I brushed a strand of hair away. Around us, people chattered brightly, laughing and clinking glasses.
Then he was there before me. Eyes soft and pleading.
“Hello, Abby,” he whispered.
Abby.
“Nathaniel,” I said, and I was proud my voice sounded steady.
“You look well.” His eyes never left mine. I’d forgotten just how green they were.
“Thank you.”
He stepped closer. “I wanted to tell—”
“There you are.” A blonde interrupted us.
His head jerked to the left. “Melanie, this is not a good time.”
Melanie?
She was beautiful. Her off-white dress hugged her body and flaunted every curve. A delicate diamond necklace graced her neck and flowing curls bounced to her shoulders.
She winked at me.
What?
“You must be Abby.” She held out her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
I shook her hand, bewildered. What was happening? What was she doing? What was Nathaniel getting ready to say?
He was glaring at her. “Melanie, I—”
“Nathaniel!” An overweight, balding man walked up and slapped Nathaniel on the back. “Just the man I’ve been waiting for. Come with me, I need to introduce you to some people.”
He allowed himself to be dragged away, but his eyes watched me from across the room even as he shook hands and made small talk.
“Whew,” Melanie said. “That was close.”
“You did that on purpose?”
She put her hand on my shoulder. “Honey, whatever Nathaniel was getting ready to say would have been too easy. If he wants you back, let him fight for you.”
I stared at her in shock.
“I’m not so much a vindictive bitch that I can’t see when a man’s in love.” She squeezed my shoulder.
I giggled as she walked off.
Melanie was on my side.
Two hours later, it was obvious he wasn’t going to fight for me. My path didn’t cross Nathaniel’s again. I told myself that was fine.
“I hate him,” Elaina said, watching as Nathaniel talked to a large group of men. “I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.”
“Elaina,” I chided. “It’s fine. It’s gone well so far. You can’t expect more than that.”
“It’s not fine. It hasn’t gone well. And I can expect more than that.”
A slow song started playing and J
ackson led Felicia out to the dance floor.
“It’s for Felicia,” I said. “All this is for Felicia.”
Elaina crossed her arms.
I hugged her. “But I’ve had enough for one night. I’m going to leave. Let’s get together soon, okay?”
She nodded.
I looked around the room one more time. Felicia and Jackson twirled on the dance floor. Linda talked with Melanie and her parents. Todd walked up to Elaina and put his arm around her, leaned over and whispered in her ear.
I didn’t look for Nathaniel.
I was steps away from the front door when the music abruptly stopped. Conversation ceased. A microphone squealed.
“Don’t leave me, Abby.”
Nathaniel’s voice echoed throughout the still banquet hall.
I spun around. He stood at the deejay’s stand, microphone in hand.
“I let you leave once and it almost killed me. Please,” he begged. “Please don’t leave me.”
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FOUR
I felt torn.
Rational Abby was mortified Nathaniel had just begged me to stay in front of a crowd of people at Jackson and Felicia’s engagement party and now everyone was staring at me. Crazy Abby was turning cartwheels inside because Nathaniel had just begged me to stay in front of a crowd of people at Jackson and Felicia’s engagement party and she didn’t care a bit that everyone was staring at me.
I forced my feet to move, to carry me across the dance floor. Couples stepped to either side, creating a path for me.
Felicia will kill me. For sure.
Right after she kills Nathaniel.
Nathaniel stood frozen, watching me. I jerked the microphone away from him and shoved it into the hands of the stunned deejay.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked. Obviously, Rational Abby had decided to speak her mind first.
He glanced around the room as if seeing the crowd for the first time. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let you leave. It was wrong for me to go about it like this, though. Let me walk you to your car.” He held out a hand I refused to take. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again, moving his hand away.
“I’m here now. You may as well go ahead and say what you wanted to.”
“There’s a small room in the—”
“Ladies and gentlemen,” the deejay interrupted. “The best man and maid of honor—Nathaniel West and Abby King!”
The crowd erupted in polite applause as a piano concerto started to play.
Were we supposed to dance?
“Ah, hell,” Nathaniel said.
Felicia stood beside the deejay, a knowing smirk on her face.
Yes. Yes, we were.
I hate you, I mouthed to her.
She blew me a kiss.
Nathaniel held out his arm. “Will you?”
I placed my hand on his bicep and he led me to the dance floor. He was tense. Around us, the crowd started murmuring again. We made it to the middle of the cleared floor and faced each other.
“I’m trying to decide how this could be more embarrassing and failing,” Nathaniel told me as I tentatively put my hand on his shoulder.
“I blame you completely,” I said as his arm encircled my waist. “If you had just let me leave, this wouldn’t have happened.”
His gaze pierced my very soul. “I went about it all wrong, but if I had let you leave tonight, I’d never have forgiven myself.”
Crazy Abby wanted me to tell him she loved the way he’d gone about it, but Rational Abby had other things she wanted to discuss.
“If you felt that strongly about it,” I said, “then maybe you should have tried calling me sometime in the last month.”
“I wasn’t at the place I needed to be, Abby.”
Every time he called me Abby, my heart skipped a beat.
“And you are now?” It felt odd to be in his arms again. Odd and strangely right. But I had questions—many, many questions for which I needed answers.
“No,” he admitted. “But I’m coming closer.”
The song continued and we made our way around the dance floor. Other couples joined in.
“It was a mistake to think I could do this tonight.” He stopped moving and we stood still, our arms around each other. “I have no reason to hope you’ll agree and I’ll understand if you won’t, but—” he searched my eyes “—will you meet me tomorrow afternoon? To talk? So I can explain?”
My heart gave a horrible lurch. He wanted to meet and talk? To explain? Was I ready?
“Okay,” I said.
He smiled. His face lit with joy and excitement. “You will? Really?”
“Yes.”
“Should I pick you up? Or would you feel more comfortable meeting me somewhere? Whatever you prefer.” His words came out quickly, rushed.
He wanted to do what made me feel comfortable. That concession alone made me feel better. But I wasn’t ready to be in a car with him. Or to have him in my apartment.
“The coffee shop on West Broadway?” I asked.
He nodded, the excitement growing in his eyes. “Yes. One o’clock tomorrow?”
“One o’clock will be fine,” I said, as my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. The song drifted slowly and simply to its ending.
“Thank you, Abby,” he said, leading me off the dance floor. “Thank you for the dance and thank you for agreeing to meet me tomorrow.”
When I finally made it home later that night, a package waited in front of my door.
I opened the note taped to the top and read the flowing script.
To Abby,
For being right about the labels.
Nathaniel
I ripped the package opened and giggled.
A pile of label-less cans filled the box.
He arrived at the coffee shop first the next day and was sitting waiting for me at a corner table in the back. He jumped up when he saw me approach.
“Abby,” he said, pulling my chair out. “Thank you for meeting me. Can I get you something to drink?”
“You’re welcome and no, I don’t want anything to drink.” I felt nervous enough as it was—if I drank anything, I’d probably throw it up.
He sat down. “I don’t know where to start, really.” He twisted a napkin in his hands. “I ran this through in my head a hundred times.” He looked up and smiled. “I even wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget anything. But now…I’m at a complete loss.”
“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” I said.
He took a deep breath and dropped the napkin. “First of all, I need to apologize for taking advantage of you.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I knew you had never been in a relationship like ours before and I took advantage of you. The safe word, for example. I told you the truth when I said I’d never had a submissive use her safe word before, but beyond that, I didn’t want you to leave. I thought if I made the safe word a relationship-ender you wouldn’t leave me.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Of course, that backfired on me, didn’t it?”
“It was your fault.”
“Yes, it was.” His eyes grew soft. “You gave me your trust. Your submission. Your love. And in return, I took your gifts and threw them back in your face.”
I looked straight at him. I wanted to make sure he understood this point. “I handled everything you gave me physically. I would have handled anything you gave me physically, but emotionally—” I shook my head “—you broke me.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“Do you know how much that hurt? How it felt when you pretended that night meant nothing?” He winced at my words. “It was the most amazing night of my life and you sat at that table and told me it was a scene. I’d have been better off if you plunged a knife in my heart.”
“I know.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “I’m sorry. So very sorry.”
“I want to know why. Why did you do it? Why couldn’t you just say, ‘I need t
ime to work this out,’ or, ‘we’re moving too fast’? Anything would have been better than what you did.”
“I was afraid. Once you found out…” He paused and focused on the window behind me.
“Once I found out what?”
“Our relationship was a house of cards I’d built. I should have known it wouldn’t take much to bring it down.”
What the hell was he talking about?
He took a deep breath. “It was a Wednesday. Almost eight years ago. I was—”
“What does eight years ago have to do with anything?”
“I’m trying to tell you,” he said. “I was meeting Todd for lunch on campus, he wanted to meet at the library. I saw a woman running up the stairs. She tripped and fell, then looked around to see if anyone was watching. I went to help, but you made it to her first.”
“Me?”
“Yes, it was you,” he said. “You knew her, and you both laughed as you picked up her books. There were several people nearby, but you were the only one who helped.” He picked the napkin back up and resumed his twisting. “I made sure you didn’t see me and I followed you into the library. You did a group reading of Hamlet. You read Ophelia.”
Oh my word.
“I stayed and watched,” he said. “I wanted more than anything to be your Hamlet. Am I making you uncomfortable?”
I shook my head. “Go on.”
“I was late meeting Todd,” he said. “He was upset. Then I told him I’d met someone. It was only a little lie.”
“Why didn’t you come up to me? Introduce yourself? Like a normal person would?”
“I was already living the lifestyle of a dom, Abby, and I thought you were a young impressionable co-ed. In my mind, there was no way we would have worked. I had no idea of your submissive inclinations until your application crossed my desk. Even if I had known, I had a collared submissive at the time and I am always monogamous once I collar a submissive.”
“My submissive inclinations?” I asked.
He leaned across the table. “You’re a sexual submissive, Abby. You have to know that. Why do you think you hadn’t had sex for three years before you were with me?”
The Submissive Page 19