Releasing Chaos

by Lexi Ander

  Curling around Gregori's shivering figure, I whispered soothing words to him and reached across in an attempt to touch everyone. Tristan's questing hand met mine and we grabbed each other, curling our fingers together as if we were completing a circuit. When I found his burning gaze in the dim light, I sensed his thoughts were along the same line as mine. While those between us fell asleep, we planned and plotted. In the morning I'd share my thoughts, and when we reached home, we'd make sure the children were safe and secure.

  And then we'd go to war.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Stanley Kendall

  After we sent Leora and her hunters, along with the humans, to another plane through one of the gates of the Kenwards' choosing, the rest of us returned to Sanctuary. Still aching and sore, I needed time to myself before searching out the pups. I wasn't ready to answer any questions they might have about why I moved so gingerly.

  "I think this will help rid you of any residual muscle soreness." Tristan stood at my side next to the entrance of an open-air hot springs pool. Walls gave the area a bit of seclusion, but there was no roof overhead.

  "Thank you for this, and for watching the children a little while longer. I know the ceremony is close. I just need more rest if I'm going to stand by your side." I grasped Tristan's arm in gratitude.

  Gregori, Jory, Ushna, and Brian filed into the enclosed space. They'd carried up the hill what I couldn't: food, extra clothing, and the parts of the dragon scale armor I wasn't already wearing. Ushna insisted I hold onto the gear for the battle to come. I wasn't the only one dragon armor was pushed on; Gregori and Jory had a set as well. The confrontation with Marduk proved how fragile the three of us were when compared to Tristan, Ushna, and Brian. We'd argued all the way back home. I hated that the accident had scared them into giving up their protection.

  "Perhaps you should…" Brian trailed off when I turned to glare at him.

  "No. I won't sit on the sidelines." I hadn't gone through the Ophidian Trials to be left behind at one of the most important confrontations of the millennia. The battle to come would decide the fate of all Lycans.

  Even though my muscles were stiff and screaming with pain, I pulled Brian into a fierce embrace. He'd had much to say last night, switching between berating me for not moving out of the way to apologizing for hurting me. Jory had told me what had happened while we dined the night before. The healing made me ravenous and though I felt hazy and slightly disconnected, I understood the severity of my injuries. If Tristan hadn't been there I would have died, and Brian now carried a guilt I didn't know how to assuage.

  "Brother," I whispered in his ear. "Please be at ease, for I am hale and whole. Have confidence in me. I promise I won't let you down."

  The squeeze of Brian's arms hurt my already sore chest, but I bit back the pained groan. If I showed any weakness now, he would doubt my declaration. I needed him to believe so he could put what happened behind him and focus on the coming threat. The coronation was swiftly approaching, and Tristan, Ushna, and Brian were the ones who'd ultimately fight together to save us from Inanna's plans. If Brian's mind wasn't on the task, he could falter, causing them to fail.

  "Now get out of here." I pushed him out of the way. "I don't need you staring at my shapely ass. You already have two mates."

  Brian made the appropriate noises of disgust before Tristan and Ushna laughingly pushed him out of the building. Gregori wrapped his fingers around my forearm, his narrowed stare telling me I hadn't fooled him. The tingle of his magic crawled over my skin.

  "Stop." I softened my command with a smile. "Save your strength. I'm healed, only slightly sore."

  He looked as if he wanted to argue. "Fine. But make sure you eat and rest. If you're still flinching when you move, I'll tell Tristan and he can—"

  "The soreness isn't only my body, not really. Another healing won't help." I was pretty sure the bone deep ache I felt had nothing to do with the physical. I dreamed of Tristan's fingers around my Flame, holding on to me as I attempted to leave my body, to move on—so to speak. His hold had unintentionally bruised my spirit and the pain I felt would need to heal naturally since their magic didn't affect the metaphorical wounds.

  "Come on." Jory snagged Gregori's elbow and propelled him to the door. "I'm sure Juan would want to know you've returned." Jory waved, and gave me a wink over his shoulder as he and Gregori went through the doorway.

  Once everyone had left, I waited a couple minutes to make sure no one snuck back and caught me in my lies. Assured I was alone, I sat on the bench along the back wall and let out a deep breath. I couldn't have kept up the ruse much longer. Luckily, the steam from the hot springs camouflaged the sweat I'd broken out in to in an effort to keep from showing my true weakness.

  The front of the building had huge, baylike windows. Strangely, the hot springs were situated on one of the highest points in Sanctuary. From where I sat, hell, even settled in the pool I'd have a spectacular view overlooking the beautiful holy city. The seven-tiered ziggurat, the King's Tomb, was off to the left. Nearby, the amphitheater, where Tristan would be publicly crowned before our people, stood just as proud, pristine and new. In fact, all of Sanctuary appeared brand new, and if I hadn't seen the place before, I wouldn't have believed how drastically the city changed.

  Reaching under my left arm for the buckles holding the dragon scale breastplate in place, I hissed. The ruffle of feathers immediately brought my gaze up to the top of the wall. Theo, in his firebird form, stared down at me. I wished I could read his expression. Had he missed me? I held back a snort. Yeah, no. Had he thought about me? The questions were foolish, because of course he hadn't. He had no clue who I was other than a friend of Tristan's. I frowned at my sour thoughts and turned back to working on the buckle.

  When the rustle of feathers came again, I had to look. The blends of fiery reds, oranges, and yellows of Theo's beast form were truly stunning. When he soared from the wall, transforming to human before he touched the ground, he took my breath away. The way he moved seamlessly from one form to the next, as if he'd been born to be a firebird and not a wolf, was a testament to how comfortable he was in his new skin.

  "Tristan said you were fine, but here you are, weak as a newborn pup." Theo's words were stern, but his eyes held a deep worry that thrilled me.

  In all his naked glory, Theo boldly stalked across the room, skirting the steaming pool. Something in me eased with him here, and I wished once again that we could be more, that he saw me.

  "Don't tell them. There are other things they need to worry about," I pleaded, even as I wondered why Tristan would speak to Theo about me in the first place.

  The scars across his face caused his frown to appear menacing. "And who will take care of you, Stanley Kendall?" He stopped just out of arm's reach. "Who picks up your pieces when you come crawling home like this? Surely your partner, mate—"

  "There is no one," I hastily replied, keeping him from finishing the thought. "There never has been anyone." Besides my friends and Jory, I was alone. I'd never realized how much so until now, when I wanted Theo to be the one I'd come home to.

  He continued to stare and I glanced away, feeling suddenly awkward, angry with myself for dreams and fantasies far out of my reach. Gritting my teeth, I reached again for the buckle under my arm, determined I'd get the fucking breastplate off if nothing else.

  "Stubborn man." Theo brushed my fingers aside, and in no time had the dragon scale armor removed, working quickly to pull the rest of my clothing off too.

  Stunned, I complied with every command. Intent on his task, Theo didn't once glance up to meet my gaze until after he'd removed my boots and had his fingers curled into the waistband of my pants. My desire was evident, pressing insistently against the material inches from where he gripped the garment. The light touches as he removed my clothes were slowly killing me. If I asked him to lay his hands on me, his mouth on me, would he shy away? A glance down at his groin revealed that his own arousal pointed up at
me. Surely, he wanted more, didn't he?

  His gaze moved to my chest and the new, pink puckered scars. His fingers drifted across my skin, raising gooseflesh. I held still, biting back a groan. I'd never dared wonder what his caress would feel like because I didn't want to covet what I couldn't have.

  "Theo," I ground out his name as if reaching for a lifeline. If he didn't stop, I'd crave more than I knew he was willing to give. How could he want me? He didn't even know me.

  "You believe I don't see you, don't you?" Theo pressed his thumbs over my nipples and I hissed in response, spreading my legs to ease the pressure on my aching shaft. I wanted to hear what he said, but his touch distracted me.

  "What?" I barely caught the groan.

  "I did, you know. But there was Tristan, and I didn't understand why he didn't fill my thoughts completely. I felt torn in two directions, and if I said anything, who'd believe me? I hated myself for not being who he needed." He moved his hands up my chest, over my throat, then cupped my face between his palms. "Are you listening? Do you hear what I'm saying?" I nodded, and his eyes searched mine. "Then Daniel came along, and it was as if he knew exactly what I was feeling. By then you were gone. Even though I didn't see you anymore, you were still in my mind, haunting my dreams. I had a Twin Flame, and yet I couldn't forget you like I should have. Daniel seduced me with his magic and his lies, telling me that there was more than Twin Flames. Desperate, I snatched at the falsehoods he fed me because I wanted them to be true. I wanted there to be more, and that was the reason I had trouble committing to Tristan.

  "I'm not a good person. I fell for Daniel's subterfuge because I wanted to. I was selfish and only thought about what I wanted, not the consequences of my actions." His bright blue eyes brimmed with tears that didn't fall. Hesitantly, I placed my hands over his. "I deserve the penance the Goddess Tiamat has set upon me. Eventually, I'll forget my past, my children, and you." He whispered the last so low I almost didn't hear him. "I thought I was okay with it, that giving up everything to atone for all of the wrong I'd done was justice—is justice. Then you walked back into my life, a self-appointed guardian to my children and mentor to my son. The way you look at me, as if you don't see the darkness tainting my Flame or the scars twisting my face, makes me wish for a different fate than the one I've chosen."

  Tears slipped down my cheeks as I silently cried for him. Uncaring of the consequences, I grabbed his nape and pulled him in for a kiss. When our lips touched, electricity passed between us and I knew. I fucking knew in that moment who Theo was to me.

  When Lycans meet our Twin Flame, we feel the connection physically—usually. The bond isn't identified by smell, taste, or look. Normally, when we we're close to our flame, we feel it in our bones. Electricity would arc between us, building in the air until our first touch.

  This sudden, sharp energy between us declared and confirmed Theo as my Twin Flame. Holy fuck. How did I not know, not feel the truth of this before now? The answer was there; I didn't have to search for it. The Goddess Inanna had taken him from me and twined his Flame to Tristan's. Theo had spent countless incarnations trapped in a cycle falsely bound. Leaving me alone, yearning for a Twin Flame who'd been stolen from me. And when we came near each other, we… Oh, Goddess, the fucking torment. Inanna would pay for what she'd done, but right now…

  Growling low, I pulled Theo into my lap, his bare chest pressing into mine. I mauled his mouth. When I finally broke away, gasping for breath, Theo sobbed with his whole body.

  "No. No. No," he hiccupped. "This can't be true."

  Taking his blond hair in my fist, I made him look at me. "You were mine. Have always been mine. Do you feel the bond? Can you sense the truth? You are my Twin Flame."

  Theo made a wounded noise and attempted to scramble away, but I wouldn't have it. I wouldn't allow him to run from me. I held on tightly, one arm around his waist, the other hand still tangled in his hair. Before I could say more, find the words to gentle him, something plucked at the newfound bond between us.

  Snarling in defense, I searched for the threat, terrified Inanna had come to take him from me. What I found was Tristan, leaning against the door post. When the sensation came again, I realized he was testing us through the Earth, but instead of a disapproving frown, he grinned from ear to ear.

  "I'd hoped it was you," he said cryptically.

  "Say again?"

  "I didn't mean to intrude, it's just…" Tristan's cheeks colored a deep red. "I had to be sure. Tiamat said you had a Twin Flame, Theo. We were both concerned there would be some prejudice if your Flame knew you from before. She dampened the initial effect so that you and your Flame would have time to get to know each other and adjust."

  Tristan's mismatched eyes flicked to me and softened. "I kept thinking about how angry you and Jory were about the broken bond when the two of you returned to us. At first, I thought perhaps the enchantment was completely at fault for some of the things you and Jory said. I was sure you and Theo hadn't known each other. But if you'd seen him before you left…" Tristan glanced away, his expression becoming pained. "Anyway, like I said, I wondered if you were Theo's Twin Flame. After seeing you together last time when I detected the bond forming between you, I was almost sure."

  Tristan levered off the door frame, his gaze once again meeting mine before moving to Theo. "You are his Twin Flame, Theo. I know you don't trust your judgment, but speaking from experience, it's nothing like we knew before. It's true, and bright, and only between you and Stan. If you can't have faith in yourself and what you feel, believe I would never steer you wrong. Neither would Stan."

  He knocked his knuckles on the doorframe and was gone. I hadn't loosened my grip on Theo as Tristan spoke, too terrified he'd turn into his bird and fly away. Theo buried his face in my neck.

  "I want to claim you. Don't you think we've waited long enough?" I whispered.

  "But my penance. I have to make recompense."

  "We'll work it out together. Whatever comes, we'll face it side by side. Understand? Now that I know for sure, you're crazy if you think I'll let you go. I haven't wanted you for all these years to let you slip through my fingers now."

  Theo trembled in my arms and I loosened my hold, praying he wouldn't try to leave.

  "You're still hurt. Let's get you into the water."

  I didn't argue. If he took off my pants, I'd do whatever he said. Now that I understood the draw to Theo was natural, that he was mine in every sense of the word, I was impatient to claim him. But I clamped down on the impulse; he had to be struggling. Tristan said he'd been resistant to connecting with anyone from his past. I understood his reasoning, but I wanted to show—prove—there were those of us who were worth the risk. That I'd be the one person he could always count on.

  Theo unwound the red cowl from my neck. His hands on my bare chest stole my breath again as he explored the scars where my ribs had torn through muscle and flesh.

  "You almost died." A wounded sound punctuated the statement as he caressed them.

  I wanted to tell him no, that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. But that would've been a lie. So I said nothing, gripping his hips as he learned my features.

  "What if Tristan hadn't been there to help? You wouldn't have come back. I wouldn't have kissed you and discovered you're my… It's so hard to believe, especially knowing that in every incarnation I have been twined to someone who wasn't really mine to begin with." He raised those brilliant blue eyes of his and met my gaze. "I'm afraid, Stan, like I've never been before."

  "I am, too," I acknowledged. "I'm afraid I'll say or do something and you'll change your mind, turn into your bird and fly someplace I can't follow. I'm terrified you won't give us a chance because a Goddess has spent generations manipulating you until you didn't know who you were anymore. You don't trust your instincts, the ones telling you I'm your Bashert. Dammit, Theo, I'm your destiny. I have always been, always will be, and if you think I'm going to allow you to slip through my fingers… I will never leave
you. Do you hear me?" I snarled.

  Theo's bright eyes stared down at me, wide and unblinking. His lips were kiss swollen, and when he ran his tongue over the bottom one, I groaned.

  Reaching up, I cupped his face. "Gods above, Theo. Do you know how beautiful you are?"

  Immediately, he touched his scars. The noise he made would have brought me to my knees if I'd been standing. In that one sound, I heard all his pain, his uncertainty, his wounded confidence.

  "I'm hideous," his whisper was ragged and forlorn. "Just as ugly as my heart, my Flame."

  "No!" I snapped, glaring at him. "Your Flame is mine. One day your heart will belong to me too, but until then, I will spend the rest of my life showing you what I see, what I've always seen."

  A shudder racked his body as a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. I kissed the salty path, his stubble causing my lips to tingle. The next noise he made I caught in my mouth and gave back when I echoed him. He tasted so exquisite, ambrosia for my soul, and I couldn't wait to explore him with my tongue. Wherever he touched me, electricity zipped, stronger with every passing minute.

  When he slid his lips from mine to bite my chin, I spoke the words echoing in my soul. "My Twin Flame."

  Theo licked his way down my neck, whispering breathless words. I had to concentrate to hear him over the sensual assault clamoring for my attention.

  "I saw you. I always saw you. I felt so guilty because I wanted you with every fiber of my being. I believed I was broken, made wrong because—Tristan was supposed to be enough, supposed to be everything to me, yet I still carried your image with me."

  Digging my fingers into the bare skin of Theo's hips, I let out a low growl in warning. "He won't come between us. From now on, it's only you and me."