by L A Cotton
Josie stumbled beside me, catching her breath. “Of course... I didn’t think she’d get so wasted. But she saw you and... what exactly is your history?”
Something snaked through me. Something I didn’t want to acknowledge.
“We’re both from Bay View. We went to school together.” I gave her a tight-lipped reply.
“Did you bully her or something? Because I swear, she saw you and almost passed out.”
“Bully her, really? What are we, twelve?” I shot her an irritated look.
“Hey, what’s your problem?” Josie ducked around me and planted her hands on her hips, making me draw to a stop. Calli murmured in my arms, hanging there like a rag doll. I tried to ignore the way her outfit molded to her curves... the way her tits were practically spilling out of the lacy halter top she wore, but I was only human.
“Look, I’m not doing this for her, I’m doing it for you. Joel would kick my ass if he knew I’d seen you and not helped out.”
“You’re doing this for me?” She balked.
“Yep. So if you don’t mind...” I raised a brow.
“Ugh, fine. Whatever.” Josie stepped aside and we continued down the sidewalk.
“Just how much did she drink anyway?”
“Not much at all. I got the impression she doesn’t drink a lot.”
“You don’t say,” I mumbled. We were almost at Abrams.
Thank fuck.
“And you just let her go at it?”
“I didn’t let her do anything. She’s eighteen, she can make her own choices.” Josie let out a resigned sigh. “I tried to make her alternate with water. But she wouldn’t listen.”
“You got your key?” I asked as we arrived at the door. Abrams was a co-ed dorm so there wouldn’t be a problem with me roaming the halls.
“Yeah, here.” Josie scanned her key card and the door clicked open. I cradled Calli close to my chest as I maneuvered her inside.
“What floor?”
“Second. She’s in two-eleven.”
“Lead the way,” I said, motioning for her to go on ahead.
I should have been home by now, passed out in bed with a bottle of Jack. Instead, I was about to put Calliope James, a girl I thought I’d never see—hoped to never see—again, to bed.
The universe clearly wasn’t done fucking with me.
We finally reached her room, and Josie dug around in Calli’s purse and pulled out another key card. “Here.” She pushed the door open and let me go inside first.
Thank fuck it was dark because I didn’t want to see where she lived. I didn’t want to see her things—photos, trinkets, her clothes—I didn’t want to see any of it.
“Okay, get her on the bed and I’ll do the rest.”
I laid her down and stepped back.
“Z- Zach?” She blinked up at me.
Fuck.
It was one thing bringing her back here, but I didn’t want her to know.
“Hey.” I grabbed Josie’s wrist and pulled her over to the door. “This stays between us, okay?”
“W- what?” Her brows crinkled.
“You can’t tell her.” My eyes went over to the bed. Calli was out cold again, her top rumpled up her body, revealing a sliver of her flat stomach.
“Why not? That’s just—”
“Tell her and I’ll tell Joel you’ve been sexting with Brad.”
Her mouth hung open. “You wouldn’t.” She seethed.
Interesting. I sensed there was something going on between them, but I’d guessed at the sexting.
“Prepared to take that chance?” I arched a brow. Josie was off-limits. It wasn’t only a team rule, it was Joel’s number one rule. He was next level protective of his sister.
“You’re an asshole.”
I didn’t argue. “So we have a deal?”
“Yeah, yeah, I won’t tell her. But one day I’ll find out what you did to her, and then maybe I’ll have leverage over you,” she sassed.
Josie had balls, I’d give her that. But then people didn’t know how deep my darkness ran. They thought I was just grieving, that I was just lost to the pain and regret. But I’d been like this long before I arrived at SU.
Calli made a moaning sound, and Josie glanced over her shoulder.
“You should go see to her,” I said.
“I’d say thanks, but—”
“Yeah, yeah, you think I’m an asshole.” With a dismissive shrug, I stepped into the hall and Josie slammed the door in my face.
And I walked away more than ready to forget this night ever happened.
Calli
Everything hurt.
My head.
My stomach and insides.
My muscles.
I didn’t need to crack an eye open to know I was hungover, I felt it in every inch of my body. Not to mention my cotton mouth.
Oh god, my mouth.
I tried to sit up, hoping by some small miracle there was water. To my relief, I found a glass and some Advil.
What the hell had happened last night?
Usually, I didn’t get drunk, preferring to be in total control of myself at all times.
I remembered Josie turning up here and walking to Joel’s house—
Basketball.
Joel played for the basketball team, so did all of his friends. So did... Zach.
My body tensed. No. Zach didn’t go here. I frowned, rubbing my eyes. I must have dreamed it.
So why did you get ass over elbow drunk?
Panic raced down my spine as I tried to piece together the hazy memories of last night.
We saw a guy... Brad, I think. He and Josie had some serious sexual tension. Then Joel showed up and got all big-brotherly. The house was crammed. We were in one of the less busy rooms…
It happened like waking from a dream. The memories shimmered and shifted on the edge of my consciousness, slamming into me one after another as reality yanked me out, planting me in the harsh light of day.
Zach was there.
He goes to SU.
That’s why I’d told Josie to get me a drink—a real drink. One full of liquid courage and magical numbing powers.
Fuck. My. Life.
It wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare.
My worst nightmare.
He couldn’t be here.
Declan, his brother, went here. But not Zach.
I never in a million years would have committed to SU if I’d have known.
But Callum knew. He knew and never said a word.
Damn you, brother.
Not that it was a surprise. We hadn’t exactly talked. Even at Mom’s funeral we barely managed to utter a few words to one another. We might have been siblings, bound by blood and DNA, but those things didn’t make you family. They didn’t excuse poor decisions and selfish mistakes.
Callum and I were nothing more than strangers these days. Strangers with the same name, the same pouty lips and whiskey-colored eyes. The family resemblance might have been there, but that’s where our similarities ended. I was nothing like my brother.
Nothing.
I flopped back against the pillows, letting out a pained sigh. I hadn’t even managed a whole twenty-four hours here and my world had already been flipped upside down.
It would be okay though.
Now I knew Zach was here, and that Joel was a basketball player, I could avoid them.
No more parties.
No more hangovers.
But most of all, no more nasty surprises.
“Calli, are you alive?” Someone hammered on my door, the noise rattling through my skull. “Calli, come on before I call the RA.”
“Ugh.” I threw back the sheets and dragged myself across the room to open the door. “Do you mind? My head is already pounding.”
Josie smirked. “That’s what you get for drinking your body weight in tequila.
“Tequila?” My stomach roiled. “I hate tequila.”
“You didn’t hate it last night.” She f
orced her way into my room, and I mumbled, “Sure, come in.”
“I brought you a green smoothie and a donut from Muds.”
“A what and what now?” I ran a hand down my face. It was midday, but I was still suffering.
“Kale, apples, blueberries, and some other crap they recommend. It’s supposed to replenish all the nutrients and make you feel energized.” She shoved the funky looking smoothie at me.
“Later.” I pushed it away, clutching my stomach. “I’m not sure it’ll stay down yet.”
Josie shrugged. “Suit yourself. That was quite the show you put on last night. I didn’t know you had it in you.” She dropped into the desk chair, twirling it.
“Please, stop.” The room began spinning.
“Sorry. You’re really suffering, huh?”
“I... I haven’t ever been drunk like that before,” I admitted, shame seeping into me. For more reasons than one.
“Want to talk about it?” Josie offered me a warm smile that settled something inside me.
Less than twenty-four hours and she had already proved herself as a good friend. She could have abandoned me last night, written me off as some crazy girl unable to hold her liquor. Instead, she’d stuck with me, and then gotten me home. She’d even left me water and pain meds.
“Hey,” I said, realizing something. “How did you manage to get me home?”
“You don’t remember?” Her eyes narrowed slightly.
“Nope. I barely remember the party. Then the next thing I know, I’m waking up to a brass band party in my skull.”
“One of the guys helped me carry you.”
“Oh god.” I buried my face in my shoulder, flushing head to toe.
“It could be worse, you could have puked all over him.”
My head whipped up. “I didn’t... please tell me I—”
“Relax, you saved that for when I finally got you into your room.”
A fresh wave of shame pinked my cheeks. “Was it Brad?”
“Uh, yeah, but you can’t say anything. Joel would flip his shit if he thought—”
“Your secret’s safe with me.” I mimicked zipping my lips. “What’s going on there anyway?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged.
“Liar.”
“What’s going on with you and Zach?” Her brow quirked up.
“Nothing,” I said, schooling my expression.
“Liar.” Josie smirked. “You keep your secrets, Calliope James, and I’ll keep mine.”
“Touché.”
We shared another smile, but then I asked, “What’s his deal anyway? Zach, I mean. Why does he go here?”
Sadness washed over her face. “He transferred at the end of the season last year, after his brother...”
“After his brother what?” Chills ran up and down my spine making my hairs stand on end. It wasn’t so much what she said as much as what she wasn’t saying.
“There was an accident and he... you really don’t know any of this?”
I didn’t.
I’d been checked out for most of the spring, dealing with my own stuff, and Callum, my so-called brother, had never breathed a word of it to me.
Oh my god.
Declan.
He and Callum were friends.
“I can’t believe he’s gone...” The words got stuck over the lump in my throat.
“He’s not dead, Calli.” Her lips twisted in a grim line. “But he might as well be. He suffered a severe brain injury. He’s been in a medically induced coma for the last five months.”
Her words rattled around my skull. I remembered Declan. Remembered his energy and zest for life. I remembered how much he loved basketball. I’d hated him for that very reason.
He was like Callum; focused on nothing except going all the way to the NBA. The two of them had always dreamed of going off to college together and chasing their goal of going pro. Even after Callum left Bay View, I knew they had stayed in touch and eventually started SU together, taking the NCAA by storm.
“I can’t believe it.” A shudder rolled through me.
“Yeah, it’s been tough for everyone.”
A sudden burst of emotion hit me, and tears burned my throat. “I need to go clean up,” I rushed out. “You can hang out or whatever, but I need to shower.”
“I have nowhere else to be.” She got comfy on my bed. “Do your thing and I’ll find something to watch.”
Ducking into my small bathroom, I closed the door and inhaled a steady breath.
Everything was a mess.
Zach went here. Declan was in a coma. And Callum had failed to tell me any of it. If I thought our sibling connection was on thin ice before, this only confirmed it was completely shattered.
A rogue tear managed to slip through, and I caught it with the pad of my thumb, swiping it away. Clutching the counter, I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was dull and lifeless, and my eyes were dark and bleary. My collarbones stood prominent against my pale skin and I knew if I lifted the t-shirt Josie must have wrangled me into last night, my ribs and hip bones would be obvious. I’d lost weight over the last few months.
Too much.
My eyes shuttered as I inhaled another ragged breath. Part of me wanted to run. To throw my life’s belongings into my suitcase and go far, far away from here. But where would I go?
I had no one.
My friends back home had all left for college. My mom was gone. The house was sold. What little family I had left was here, in Steinbeck.
Even if they hadn’t really been family in a long time, they were still my blood. That was better than nothing, wasn’t it?
“Calli,” Josie called. “Everything okay in there?”
“Yeah.” I dried my eyes on a towel. “I won’t be long.”
“Take your time,” she replied.
Stripping out of what little clothes I had on, I turned on the shower and stepped inside, letting the water wash away the hazy memories of last night.
It was safe beneath the spray. Josie couldn’t hear me sob. And if she couldn’t hear me, she couldn’t ask more questions. Then I wouldn’t have to tell her that I wasn’t crying for myself.
I was crying for a boy I knew once.
A boy who had been my best friend in the whole world. A boy I’d wanted... a boy I’d loved.
But most of all, I was crying because that boy, the boy who had broken my heart and made me question everything I knew about love and friendship, didn’t deserve my tears.
He didn’t deserve my sympathy or heartache.
But my heart cared anyway.
And there, under the safety of the water raining down on me, my traitorous heart still cried for him.
After spending a couple of hours watching mindless TV, Josie insisted we go explore. She knew the campus pretty well, since she’d visited Joel a lot last year. We checked out the Societies Fair, collecting coupons and invitations to free taster sessions. Josie signed up to learn self-defense, but I passed. I also quickly dodged the photography society. But I did pause at the Student Community Action table. They had a ton of opportunities for people to get involved and give back.
“Interested in helping in the local community?” The girl manning the stall asked.
“Maybe.” I flicked through one of the leaflets, pausing on a project that piqued my interest. “You work with kids coping with loss?” My chest tightened, a wave of pain crashing over me.
“We do. It sounds super depressing but it’s actually one of our most rewarding projects. Is it... something you might be interested in?”
“Maybe.”
“Awesome. I can take your email and send you some more information? I’m Lydia by the way.”
“Calli.” I smiled, accepting the pen and clipboard. After scribbling down my email, I handed it back.
“Great, me or one of the other volunteers will be in touch soon.”
“Thanks.” I went to walk away, but her voice gave me pause.
“Hey, Calli, c
an I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why that project?”
“I lost my mom earlier this year,” I admitted, the words spiking through my heart like thorns.
“Gosh, I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks.”
“I sensed... something,” she gave me a small smile, “but I wasn’t sure. Grief has a funny way of shadowing you.” I nodded, and she continued, “I lost my dad, five years ago. He was in the military. It never goes away, ya know?” Sadness washed over her.
“I’m sorry.”
She nodded too and then there was a pause. What else could you say? “I should...” I flicked my head over to where Josie was standing, waving at me.
“Of course. I’ll see you around,” she glanced at my handwriting, “Calli James.”
“Bye.”
I felt Lydia watch me as I walked over to Josie. Her words lingered, her strange observation about my grief shadowing me. I guess it wasn’t hard to see the dark circles around my eyes or the smile that didn’t quite reach them. But Josie and Joel hadn’t noticed. Maybe it was one of those things you needed to experience firsthand to know, like an exclusive member’s only club.
I suppressed a bitter laugh. It wasn’t any club I’d choose to be a part of. I’m not sure anyone would.
“What was all that about?” Josie asked me.
“I might think about volunteering.”
“Neat. I think Joel and some of the guys from the team got involved last year. They did a bunch of sport sessions with a few kids down at the local community center. Coach Baxter is big on that kind of stuff.”
“You and Joel are pretty close, huh?” I said as we walked under the leafy canopy leading away from the Students Union.
“Yeah. There’s only seventeen months between us, so we’ve always been close.” She paused, grabbing my arm gently. “Are we going to talk about the fact Callum James is your brother?”
“How did you—” I stopped myself. Of course she knew. It was foolish to think I could get away with remaining incognito.
“I had a hunch and you just confirmed it. Your face when we talked about Joel being a Scorpion kinda gave me a warning bell, and you freaked when you saw Zach... Why didn’t you tell me?” She gave me a sympathetic smile, motioning to a bench. We sat down and I let out a weary sigh.