by L A Cotton
“So what happened?”
“I wish I knew.” Dejection pulsed through me. “One minute everything was fine, and the next, I’m sitting in a school pep rally watching my boyfriend be announced as the new captain for the Bay View Vipers.”
“Okay... back up, I thought he didn’t play basketball.”
“He didn’t.”
“And you knew nothing about it? Not even a hint that something was wrong?”
“Nothing.” Tears pricked my eyes as I swallowed the ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “He’d asked me to Homecoming, and we’d gone as a couple. Afterward, we’d gone back to his place and...” My eyes widened.
“Oh... oh, got it.” She grinned but it quickly died when I didn’t return it.
I thought back to that week. After an amazing weekend, I’d been floating on cloud nine. Zach had taken a couple of days off school with a stomach flu, but he’d been okay. We’d still talked and texted the whole time. Then the pep rally rolled around, and my entire world went up in flames.
* * *
“I can’t believe these things are still mandatory,” I grumbled to my best friend, Madison, as we filed into the gym.
“It’s a pep rally, of course it’s mandatory. Besides, just because you hate all school spirit doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”
Rolling my eyes, I flopped down on the bench beside her. We were packed into the gym like sardines, waiting for the team’s big arrival. I scanned the crowd for Zach. He was back in school today after a nasty stomach flu, but I hadn’t seen him yet as he was late getting in.
I missed him so much. It had only been a few days, but it felt like lightyears. Maybe I was being slightly oversensitive, but after our amazing night together at Homecoming, it felt like there was an ocean between us.
He was sick, I knew that. But it didn’t stop the little seed of doubt in my chest taking root.
“Relax,” Madison nudged me as if she sensed my irrational thoughts. “He’ll be here.”
“I know.” I smiled, discreetly checking my cell.
Nothing.
It wasn’t like Zach to go more than a few hours without texting me. But after I’d stopped by his house last night to see if he was okay, I’d only had one message, saying he’d see me today.
He was being cagey. Or maybe he was just going to surprise me. That sounded more like it. He’d probably planned some grand gesture, maybe a repeat of Friday night. My stomach fluttered, remembering how he’d felt pressed down on me, his body moving against mine. It had been the single best night of my life.
“Earth to Calli.” Madison clicked her fingers. “They’re coming out.”
She was too excited for my liking, but I knew it had to do less about the team and more to do with one of their best players, Finn Hopple. She insisted they were just friends, but I’d noticed the way she watched him a little too closely. Finn was okay as far as basketball players went but I didn’t know what I would do if they got together.
You have Zach, silly.
“Eek, there he is.” She laced her arm through mine, barely containing her excitement.
“Give it up for our Bay View Vipers.” Principal Garth clapped, sending the gym into a frenzy as kids whooped and hollered.
“Ugh,” I grumbled, barely paying attention. Until a trickle of awareness ran down my spine. My eyes searched the gym, almost bugging when I spotted Zach… in a Vipers jersey.
My expression fell, confusion clouding my thoughts.
“Madi,” I breathed, my nails curling into her arm. “What is happening right now?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she whispered, her eyes drilling into the side of my face. But I couldn’t tear my eyes off Zach. The boy I loved. Standing there next to Finn and the other players, as if he were one of them.
Zach hated basketball, almost as much as I did.
It was a joke surely. Some kind of elaborate joke. But as I waited for the punchline, Principal Garth ushered the gym into silence, a ripple of excitement crackling around us.
Not me though.
My skin vibrated for a different reason.
This could not be happening. I wasn’t watching Principal Garth beckon Zach closer. I wasn’t witnessing my boyfriend step up to the mic and run his hand through his hair, as cool as a cucumber.
There was just no way.
Except, there was.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I said, clutching my stomach.
“We don’t know what’s going on yet.” Madison squeezed my arm in reassurance, but it did nothing to unravel the knot in my stomach.
Blood roared between my ears as Principal Garth began to talk. I could see his lips moving but I couldn’t hear him over the crash of my heart against my ribcage. I didn’t need to though. I knew what was happening… I’d known it the second I saw Zach standing there in a Vipers jersey.
He was on the team.
But he wasn’t just on the team; he was the captain.
The gym went crazy, stamping their feet and screaming Zach’s name. Messiah. Messiah. Messiah. While I sat there, willing him to look at me, willing for him to give me a sign—any sign—that this wasn’t real. That it was all some horrible nightmare that I’d wake up from any second. Because Zach hated basketball… we had a club and everything.
But then his eyes found mine and my breath caught. The boy staring back at me wasn’t my Zach at all.
He was someone else entirely…
* * *
“So something happened between Homecoming and the pep rally?”
“This isn’t an episode of True Crimes, Josie. I’m not expecting you to solve the mystery of my epic heartbreak at the hands of Zachary Messiah.”
“But something must have changed or happened. You don’t just wake up one day and decide you don’t love someone anymore.”
I didn’t think so either, but Zach had stood up there in front of our entire school and accepted the position of team captain. And no one questioned it, because he was Declan Messiah’s little brother. Basketball was in his blood, even if had taken him a little while to accept it.
‘He’s a late starter,’ they’d said, like it made it all better somehow. “We always knew he’d follow in his brother’s footsteps.”
But maybe even more surprising, was the fact he was good.
According to the whispers around school, and there were many, Zach was a natural on the court. I didn’t know because if my hatred for the game had been strong before his betrayal, it became a violent storm afterward.
All that time we’d spent complaining to one another about how basketball had ruined our lives. All the times we’d laid up in the treehouse, wishing we had different brothers, different fathers... it had seemed too good to be true when Zach had found me that summer on the beach, crying into my hands. I’d thought it was me, that the resentment and rejection I felt at the hands of my father was unnatural. That the jealousy that burned in my veins toward Callum was unhealthy.
Zach made me feel normal.
He made me feel loved and cherished... and worthy.
And then in a single second, he stripped it all away.
“Don’t you want the truth?” Josie’s question yanked me back into the room.
The truth.
God, I’d agonized over the truth. Spent miserable days watching as Zach became Mr. Popular. He partied with the popular kids... dated the popular girls. And he never once tried to explain.
I’d asked him. Of course, I’d asked him. In the beginning, I’d cried and begged him for an explanation. But the answer was always the same. We were a mistake and I needed to get over it.
A mistake.
“He called our love a mistake,” I blurted out the words.
Sympathy shone in Josie’s eyes. “What an asshole.”
I thought so too.
I’d thought it for years.
But now I was lost in the memories, reliving the moment my heart was permanently fractured, there was something els
e.
Something I hadn’t wanted to see at the time.
“He was angry.”
“Huh?”
“Zach… after he started playing for the team, he was like this different person.”
Our paths had rarely crossed, I’d made sure of that. But I’d heard the rumors. The fighting, on and off the court, the detentions.
“More evidence for the hypothesis that some outside force was involved.”
“I didn’t push.”
I don’t know why but the words made me shudder.
“Calli?”
“I didn’t push.” The words bled from my lips as realization dawned on me. “I just accepted it. I was crushed... I thought it was me, something I did.”
After my father and Callum had left, I’d had therapy. Hours of therapy trying to help me deal with the deep sense of worthlessness I felt over never being good enough for my father. When Zach betrayed me, all those feelings rushed back to the surface and I struggled with my self-esteem.
It had been the worst year of my life.
If it wasn’t for Madison and my mom, I don’t think I would have gotten through it.
“Oh, Calli.” I hadn’t even realized I was crying until Josie came over to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry I pushed you to tell me.”
“You didn’t make me...” I gave her a weak smile, sniffling back another wave of tears. “And besides, I think I probably needed to get all that off my chest.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“You’re a good friend, Josie.”
“And you are worthy, Calliope James. Don’t ever let a guy make you feel like you’re not.”
“Thank you.” The tears came thick and fast. “That means a lot.”
“Do you know what you need?”
“A new family?” I managed a weak smile.
Her expression sobered. “Some good old girly fun.”
“I don’t know. I’d kinda planned on staying in and studying.”
Josie rolled her eyes. “Exactly. You’re hiding.”
“I am n—” I stopped myself because she was right.
I was hiding.
Even now, even after everything I’d survived, my default setting was still to retreat when things got too hard.
“Come on, you.” She pulled me up. “We’re going out.”
“This is a bad idea,” I protested.
“All the good ones are.” She winked at me.
“Promise me there’ll be no brothers, ex-boyfriends, or basketball players?” I couldn’t believe I was saying the words, but I also knew I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. The girl afraid to step out of the shadows.
What was it Madison had said? It wasn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it was about learning to dance in the rain.
I might not have been ready to dance in the rain, but I could at least try to walk through it.
Josie clapped with excitement, her eyes alight with mischief as she nodded. “I know just the place.”
The place turned out to be dive bar on the edge of town. It wasn’t a typical student haunt though, with its chipped paintwork and the row of mean looking motorcycles out front.
“A biker bar?” I whisper-shrieked, clutching Josie’s hand. “You brought me to a biker bar?”
“Relax. Xavier is good people.”
“Xavier?”
“The owner. He and my brother go back. Joel would lose his shit if he knew we were out here, but Jay brought me here once. I liked the place, so started sneaking out to come here.”
“To a biker bar?”
Josie shrugged, pulling the door open. “What can I say? I like to live life on the edge.”
The more I learned about Josie Molineux, the more questions I had about her.
The inside of Steel ‘n’ Thunder was as dark and dismal as the outside. But the second the guy at the bar spotted Josie, his scowl morphed into a huge grin. “Little Josie Molineux. Well, I’ll be damned.”
“Hey, Xav.” She leaned over the bar to kiss his stubbled face.
“What brings you to the dark side of town?”
“My girl, Calli, needed to get away from student life for the night.”
His sharp eyes landed on my face and he scowled. “I’m Xavier, this here is my place. I’ve been trying to keep this one out of trouble since she was... how old? Fourteen?”
“Fourteen?” I balked.
“I used to follow Jay around trying to get him to like me.” A shadow passed over her expression.
“He likes you, Jos. Jay fucking loves the bones of you.”
She murmured something and then said, “Sure has a funny way of showing it.”
Xavier chuckled. He was a tall guy with thick black hair, styled in a wicked looking faux hawk. Two black rubber gauges stretched his ear lobes and he had snake bite piercings and a ring through his septum. All in all, Xavier was the most terrifying guy I’d ever laid eyes on. But given the fact we were sitting in a biker bar, I knew he’d probably be the first of many.
“It’s nice to meet you, Calli. Any friend of Josie’s is a friend of mine. Now, what can I get you girls?”
“I’ll take a beer with lime please,” Josie said.
He nodded then looked to me. “Hmm, the same, please,” I croaked.
It didn’t feel like the kind of place you ordered a soda. Besides, one beer wouldn’t hurt, and given the way my heart was beating wildly in my chest, I needed something to help me relax.
We found a booth near the back of the bar and slid into it. “So, what do you think?” Josie grinned.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I admitted.
“It’s a little rough around the edges, but I promise they’re good people.”
“You know these guys?” Discreetly, my eyes ran over the few patrons sitting round drinking. Men, mostly. The kinds of men you wouldn’t want to cross in a dark alley.
“A few of them. I like it here. No one gives me any bother.”
“And you and Xavier, what’s going on there?”
“What?” She gawked. “You think me and Xavier... he’s like thirty. Gross. It isn’t like that at all. He was in basic training with my brother, but it didn’t work out for him. So he came home and Jay didn’t. I don’t know, being here, talking to Xav, it makes me feel closer to Jay, ya know?”
I didn’t, but I nodded anyway.
“Two beers on the house.” Xavier slid a tray onto the table. “Just holler if you need anything.”
“You’re the best, Xav.” Josie blew him a kiss and he rolled his eyes, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“He’s okay with us drinking?” I eyed my beer.
“Yeah, Xavier’s cool. As long as we keep it low key.”
“Low key sounds good.”
“Not that low key, Calli.” She smirked. “But we’re safe here, I promise.”
I gave her another weak smile.
“A toast is in order, I think.” Tilting her bottle to mine, she declared, “To the guys we love to hate and hate to love. Cheers.”
Zach
The Chi Delta Kappa sorority was throwing a mixer. It was their attempt at being sophisticated but given the number of jocks here, I knew it wouldn’t be long before things got out of hand.
Victoria moved from group to group, making sure everyone had a full glass and a big smile. She was good at this, working a room, giving people what they needed. It’s why she’d been such a good match for my brother. They were, what my parents liked to call, a power couple. They walked into a room and people stopped to look. She wore the best designers, he was set to go all the way to the NBA. Their future was bright.
Until it wasn’t.
Vic liked to keep up appearances though. She’d persuaded the guys to come to her fundraiser mixer. Not that they needed much persuading where the sorority was concerned. Free drinks and pussy, and the team were all over that like white on rice.
And where they went, I dutifully fol
lowed.
“Dude, you need to relax,” Saul nudged my shoulder. “It’s a party.”
“Mixer,” Brad corrected him, snagging a strange looking canapé off the tray.
“There’s beer, music, and pussy. It’s a party.” He shrugged.
“What’s the fundraiser this year?”
“Vic wouldn’t tell me.”
“Really, and I thought you two were close?” A smirk tugged at his mouth.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ground out.
“Come on, Zach,” Brad said. “You’ve got to know how it looks... Rumors are flying around about her being spotted leaving your place.”
“I don’t give a shit how it looks. We’re friends. She’s my brother’s girl, or have you forgotten that?” Anger rolled through me.
“You know we haven’t.” His expression fell as he raked a hand through his hair. “We all miss him... shit, of course we do.”
“Yeah, sorry.” It came out clipped. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to stand around drinking pretending everything was fine, when it was not fucking fine.
Saul changed the subject, and I zoned out as he told the others about the girl he was hooking up with. It wasn’t until I heard the words exhibition game, that my head whipped around.
“I heard Maverick is going to play.”
“Yeah?” Brad’s eyes lit up with excitement. Maverick Prince was an idol to a lot of these guys. He’d changed the direction of the team during his time at SU, not to mention uncovered the hazing bullshit. I’d met him a couple of times last year with Declan.
My brother looked up to him and the two of them were pretty tight. He’d tried to reach out after the accident, but I wasn’t exactly in a good place and I’d been avoiding his calls.
“Coach said Tom Balor is going to show too.”
“Balor, holy shit.”
“Any ideas who else Coach is reaching out to?”
They all stared at me as if I had the answer.
I didn’t.
“Fucked if I know.” This is your team, not mine. But that was just it, it was my team now. I was expected to know shit, to care.