by L A Cotton
My Calli had always been so soft and kind and warm.
But we weren’t the same people. The old Calli wouldn’t have been able to deal with the new Zach. So this was perfect. We could both fuck away our frustrations and then go our separate ways.
This wasn’t a reunion; it was an exorcism. A chance to finally purge myself of Calliope James once and for all.
I planned to fuck her so hard she never forgot me. And then I planned to walk away, for good.
I faltered. Only for a second, but it was enough for Calli to frown. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Her voice was all sultry and ragged.
Dropping a knee to the mattress, I crawled over her small delicate body. Her skin felt like silk and I had to smother another moan.
Jesus, this girl.
This infuriating, treacherous, foolhardy girl.
Why did she always feel so fucking good?
Nestling between her legs, I let my dick slide through her wetness, bumping her clit. She let out a throaty moan, and I watched in awe as Calli unraveled for me.
“What do you want, sweet pea?” I gently grabbed her throat, forcing her to look at me.
“You,” she whispered, the word piercing my heart. “I want you, Zach.”
“Your wish is my command.” I slammed into her, making us both cry out. Calli hitched her legs around my waist, letting me drive deeper… Harder… Faster.
There was nothing slow and soft about this. I wasn’t making love to her, I was fucking the very soul from her body. I wanted her to hurt, to make her feel my anger, to force her to experience the pain and frustration I felt every second of every day.
But most of all, I wanted to fuck her out of my system.
“More...” she rasped, nipping my jaw. “I need more, Zach.”
Sliding my hands under her ass, I changed the angle.
“I can feel you everywhere.” Calli whimpered as I lay siege to her body. My mouth trailed hot wet kisses down the slope of her neck and along her collarbone, sucking and biting. I wanted to mark her. That way, when the sun came up, she would have no choice but to remember this moment.
She stared up at me, her lips parted, and skin flushed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “For whatever I did to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
I buried my face in the crook of her neck, trying to ignore the word ringing in my ears.
Sorry. She was sorry.
It didn’t change anything, and yet, it changed everything.
The familiar tingle at the base of my spine spread through me as I chased the calm after the storm. Calli clutched onto my shoulders, crying my name over and over as she clenched around me, finding her own release. I followed, coming hard and fast inside her.
We lay there quietly, lost in the moment... the memories.
I’d been with a lot of girls. Faceless girls I used to work off some of the tension that lived inside me. But none of them came close to affecting me the way Calli did.
Even now, after everything that had happened to us, she still brought me to my fucking knees, and I hated it.
I hated her.
It wasn’t just an emotion I felt, it was something that lived inside me like a disease. Festering and spreading, turning everything good left inside me to poison.
Reluctantly, I rolled off her, flopping onto my back.
“I should probably clean up,” she whispered, uncertainty creeping into her voice.
Calli disappeared. A couple of minutes later, the bed dipped, and she slid in beside me.
“I’m sorry,” I said thickly, “about your mom.”
“I’m sorry about Declan.”
Her words made me flinch. I didn’t want her sympathy. I didn’t want anything from her except this.
“I should go,” I said.
“Okay… Unless you want to stay?”
My eyes flicked to hers and she gave me a timid smile. “No pressure. It’s just nice not to feel so alone sometimes, ya know?”
Fuck.
Her honesty gutted me.
She got it, I realized that now. Calli knew how it felt to feel completely alone in the world. Except, she was alone. And I was surrounded by people who wanted to know me and never would.
“Yeah.” I swallowed over the giant fucking lump in my throat. “I can stay for a little while longer.”
She didn’t ask for more. She didn’t ask for anything.
Calli let out a soft sigh and closed her eyes. I couldn’t imagine how she felt after losing her mom. The one person who had stood by her when so many people had walked away.
My chest squeezed.
I might have hated her for what went down between us, but I wasn’t completely heartless.
Life was so fucking cruel sometimes.
So much bad shit happened to good people, like Fiona.
But Calli wasn’t good, she was just like everyone else in the world. Selfish and untrustworthy.
Calli’s breathing slowed, and I knew she’d fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful, with her soft features and pouty lips. I couldn’t resist tracing their shape with my finger, remembering how many times I’d kissed this mouth. It had been different back then. We were young and innocent, untainted by the harsh realities of life. We’d both been inexperienced, learning together; exploring our changing bodies and curious desires together.
We didn’t need any lessons now. Our bodies knew exactly what to do, and I didn’t like to think of her learning with some other douchebag.
A low growl rumbled in my chest, my heart having a real fucking problem with accepting she wasn’t ours anymore.
It had been a dick move to out her to Joel and the guys, I knew that. But at least I wouldn’t have to deal with him jonesing after her anymore. In a way, I’d done us both a favor. If she was on the outs with Joel, she had no reason to be coming around the team. Which meant she had no reason to be showing up in my life at every turn.
It was for the best.
We’d fucked away our frustrations, given in to our lingering connection one last time. And when morning rolled around, we could finally go our separate ways.
So why as I closed my eyes, did I have a huge fucking pit in my stomach?
I woke to a stream of light dancing over my face. “What the—” I pushed up onto my elbow and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
Where the fuck was I?
Memories of the night before slammed into me.
The fairground.
The Ferris wheel.
Victoria dropping the bomb about Calli... me detonating the thing wide open.
Calli.
Fuck.
My name on her lips.
My dick buried deep inside her.
I glanced at the empty space beside me and frowned. “Calli?” I called out to the empty dorm room. The bathroom door was ajar, no sign of life.
She was gone.
That was a fucking first, waking up alone in the girl’s apartment. Usually, I was the one ducking out of dorm rooms in the cover of darkness, not the other way around.
Perhaps she went to get coffee.
But after lying there for another fifteen minutes, I realized she wasn’t coming back.
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep and spend the night, so maybe she woke up and panicked, and decided to save us both from an awkward morning after.
I didn’t know how to feel about that.
Throwing back the sheet draped over my body, I climbed out of bed and pulled on my clothes. Checking my cell, I ignored the messages from my teammates. They had questions, no doubt. But I wasn’t ready to answer them.
I had more pressing issues—like how the fuck I was going to get out of Calli’s room without attracting attention. Attention we didn’t need if I wanted to put this thing between us to bed.
Ducking into her small bathroom, I cleaned up a little. Even with the hood on my tank pulled on up, there was no way I making it out of Abrams without being recognized.
Spla
shing some water on my face, I tried to tame my bed hair out of my eyes. It was a little past eight thirty. Maybe everyone would still be sleeping or at least enjoying a lazy Sunday morning in their own rooms.
Whatever.
I couldn’t stay in here forever. Calli had obviously left for a reason. I didn’t want to be here when she came back.
But when I left the bathroom, I didn’t head for the door. Instead, I was drawn to the collection of photos hanging above her desk. There was Calli with her mom, Calli with her best friend Madison. Photos of the three of them. Photos of Bay View’s coastline. One of the old Travers house on the edge of the beach. Another taken from higher ground looking down on the bay, a bonfire roaring below.
I plucked the photo off its crocodile clip.
Halloween.
This was last Halloween. It had to be. Calli had her camera with her that night. I knew because I’d snatched the damn thing from around her neck and taunted her with it.
Fuck, that had been hot. Snapping photo after photo of her while I kissed her, tormented her. My dick twitched already missing her.
I needed to get out of here.
Adding the photo back to its clip, I let curiosity get the better of me, taking one final glance around her room. I half-expected to see her camera laying around but there was no sign of it.
Strange. Back when I’d lived in Bay View, she’d never left home without it.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I slipped out of her room. The hall was quiet, so I kept my eyes down and got the hell out of there.
Telling myself it was better this way.
The second I stepped foot in my apartment, my cell phone rang. At the sight of Callum’s name, a groan reverberated in my chest.
“You told them?” he barked. “You had no fucking right.”
“Back up a minute, I didn’t tell them anything.” Technically, that wasn’t true. But Victoria had started it. “Besides, what did you think was going to happen?”
“I... I don’t know. Fuck.” I heard a crash in the background.
“Yeah, man, this is all on you.”
Callum let out a strained breath and I could imagine him, brows knitted, expression hard. We weren’t friends, not by a long shot, but I knew him.
“You didn’t tell anyone about your mom, why?” I asked quietly, hating the way my chest tightened.
“Because it’s no one’s fucking business,” he gritted out.
“Yeah, I get that. But come on, man. This is your team, your family. They would have supported you—”
“Do you know what, Messiah? Fuck you. None of this would even be happening if—” He stopped himself, heaving a deep breath.
“Yeah, that’s right, blame me, Callum. It’s all my fault. None of this could possibly be because you’re a stubborn asshole who can’t grow some fucking balls and own up to his mistakes.” I ended the call and threw my cell down on the table. Anger vibrated beneath my skin, making my teeth grind together.
Pulling my clothes from my body, I left a trail in my wake as I padded into my small bathroom. A cold shower would sort out my head.
But the second I stepped into the cubicle all I could smell was her.
Calli.
Jesus, she was smothered all over my fucking skin, and I grew hard just thinking about the way she’d let me take her last night.
It had been so raw, so damn real. There was something intoxicating about the pain and hatred that existed between us. It made everything... more somehow.
Fuck.
It was supposed to be closure.
One final time.
But as the water sluiced down my body, washing away her scent, the pit in my stomach only grew.
I’d wanted this—I’d wanted to get her out of my fucking head. But it seemed like the harder I tried, the deeper she burrowed.
“Fuck.” I slammed my hand against the tiles, roaring my frustration into the water.
She’d betrayed me. The moment I’d needed her most, Calli had betrayed me... I needed to remember that.
Shutting off the water, I grabbed a towel. The water wasn’t enough. I needed something more. And since running back to her dorm room and sinking deep inside her again wasn’t an option, I was going to have to settle for hitting the gym or the court.
I’d been working out for about an hour when Joel and Brad entered the gym. I’d hoped to avoid him, but I knew it was probably better to get this conversation over sooner rather than later.
I pulled out my earbuds and tipped my chin at them.
“Messiah,” Brad nodded getting himself set up with the free weights.
“Can we talk?” Joel said, hardly able to meet my eyes.
“Uh, sure.” I grabbed my water bottle and took a big swallow, before rubbing my head with a towel. “Listen, I’m sorry about how things went down last night. I shouldn’t have—”
“Save it,” Joel said thinly. “I knew there was something weird between the two of you, but I didn’t ever think...” He trailed off. “Were the two of you… together?”
Fuck. Molineux was intuitive. That or we’d been more obvious than I thought.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“Isn’t it always?”
“I’d appreciate it if you keep this between us. Things are weird enough for her given Callum didn’t tell the team.”
“You’re protecting her.”
I ignored that and added, “We good?”
“Team before all else, right?” A faint smile tugged at his mouth, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“And Calli?”
“I’m done.” Joel held up his hands. “She’s Callum’s sister. You know the rules.”
Yeah, I did. But it hadn’t stopped me last night. Or the night I’d followed her from the mixer.
“What?” Joel asked.
“Nothing.” I locked down all thoughts of Calli away, where she needed to stay. “And for what it’s worth, I am sorry how things went down. But it wasn’t my story to tell...”
“Until it was?” He gave me a knowing look before moving to the chest press.
Joel was a good guy. The kind of guy that liked rules and liked to follow them. He wouldn’t pursue Calli anymore because she was someone to me, not to mention Callum’s sister. Because the team came first.
Basketball came first.
I knew how it would affect her once Joel made it apparent he wasn’t interested anymore. Because she wasn’t worth the drama. She wasn’t worth more than the game.
It’s what I’d wanted, and yet I couldn’t help but feel a flash of anger that he wasn’t prepared to fight for her.
Nothing made sense anymore. I’d wanted to hurt her. I’d wanted to topple her carefully constructed world. But I didn’t feel the sense of satisfaction I thought I’d feel.
In fact, I felt pretty shitty about the whole thing.
It was confusing as fuck.
But I guess in some strange way, it made sense. Love and hate were just extreme emotions on the same spectrum. Like two ends of a piece of string.
I didn’t love Calli anymore but maybe I didn’t entirely hate her either.
Calli
“Joel, hey,” I said as he approached Professor Harold’s class.
“Hey, Calli.” He barely met my eyes and a sinking feeling spread through me.
“I was hoping we could talk for a minute.” I’d gotten here early for that very reason. “Listen, I owe you an apology.”
“It’s all good,” he said coolly. “We should probably go inside. We don’t want to be late.” Joel shouldered past me and made for the door, but I grabbed his arm.
“Joel, please.”
He raked a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. “I knew, you know. I knew there was something weird between the two of you...”
“I’m sorry. It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, that’s what Messiah said.”
My brows pinched. “He talked to you about me?”
“No, Calli. He talked to me about the situation.”
“Oh.”
My heart sank.
“But I see where your heart lies.” Dejection burned in his eyes and I hated it. Joel was a good guy. He deserved better than how I’d treated him. But I’d gotten to SU and everything had been so confusing.
“I didn’t know Zach went here.”
“What? How is that even possible?”
“Callum and I aren’t exactly close. There’s a lot he didn’t tell people.”
“No shit.” Joel tugged at the neckline on his jersey and I figured he probably felt as uncomfortable as I did right now. “If I’d have known who you were, Calli, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.”
“Wow, okay.” My eyes darted to the ground as I clutched the strap of my messenger bag. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“It’s just how it is.” He shrugged, oblivious to just how deep his words cut. “Teammates don’t date each other’s sisters. It makes things messy.”
“I see.” My lips thinned.
“I like you, Calli, I do, but it could never have gone anywhere.”
“You’d really give up someone you liked for the team?”
“It’s just how it is.”
I lifted my chin, letting my hurt give me strength. “Then I guess you’re not the guy I thought you were.”
“I guess I’m not.” He gave me a sad smile. “See you around.” Joel ducked into the room, taking the air with him.
When I finally made myself go inside, I was hardly surprised to see Joel sitting down in one of the front rows.
He’d made his choice.
And it was the team.
“God, I live for these cupcakes.” Josie made a show of licking the frosting off her fingers. “You know, all this sugary goodness would probably make you feel a whole lot better.”
“I’m not hungry.” After my strained conversation with Joel, my stomach was still hollow.
“My brother is an ass, Calli.”
“He’s just loyal.”
“To a freakin’ game.”
My brow arched. “You know it’s more than that to these guys.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her expression fell. “It’s just so stupid. Like Brad,” she mouthed his name. “We just click, ya know? And he wants me, I know he does. But he’s worried about Joel and the team...” A defeated sigh escaped her lips. “I don’t want to be his dirty little secret, Calli.”