by L A Cotton
“Way to make me feel better.”
“Oh, babe. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. But it is what it is. Besides, he’s so stuck on that ridiculous team rule. Honestly, I thought he’d make an exception for you. Or I at least thought it would push Zach into action.”
“W- what?” I gawked at her.
“He wants you, Calli. He might be trying to fight this thing between you, but I see it every time he looks at you.”
“Zach hates me, Jos.”
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you, love and hate are just the same emotions experienced in different ways?”
“Is this your psych classes talking?”
“What? It’s true.” She shrugged. “There’s this whole body of research that basically supports the hypothesis that the deeper the love, the stronger the hate.”
“Okay.” I frowned, not really sure where she was going with this.
“So... you keep saying Zach hates you, right?”
“Yeah...”
“Well, it’s been what, three years?”
I nodded. “So he must have really loved you, babe, if he’s still harboring all those angry vibes toward you.”
“Xavier should have cut you off at four.” I eyed her fresh beer.
“Oh, come on. Every time he looks at you, I get weak in the knees, babe. That boy is all twisted up inside for you, all that love and hate mixed up.” She gave a little shudder of excitement.
“Josie.” I averted my gaze. I didn’t want her to see how much her words affected me.
“I know something happened between you...”
My eyes snapped to hers, and I frowned. “How?”
“It’s written all over your face every time I mention him. Want to talk about it?”
Did I?
How did I possibly begin to explain what had happened between us?
“You can trust me, babe, I promise.”
I groaned, torn between keeping my secrets and sharing the burden.
Finally, I said, “I’m going to need more alcohol for this.”
“Xav,” she yelled, “we’re going to need something a little stronger.”
“For real?” He arched a brow.
“Just line ‘em up,” she waved him off, “me and my girl are having a moment.”
A couple of minutes later, he slid two shooters in front of us.
“Oooh, cherry sours, nice.”
I eyed the glasses and sighed. “I’m not sure I should—”
“Relax, it’s just a little Dutch courage.” Josie grabbed her shooter and gave me an encouraging smile. “I want details, babe. All the glorious and gory details.” Her brows waggled suggestively.
I snatched up my glass and brought it to my lips. “Promise me I won’t regret this.”
“Promise. Ready?” I nodded. “On three. One... two...”
Throwing the glass back, I downed it in one. Fire exploded in my throat, chased off by the sickly sweet taste of cherries.
“That was disgusting.” I grabbed my beer and washed the shooter down.
“You’ll live.” Josie chuckled. “Now, tell me everything.”
“Calliope James!” Her eyes almost bugged. “You’ve been holding out on me, babe.”
“Ssh.” I tried to smother her mouth with my hand, but she pushed it away.
“I’m proud of you.”
“Seriously?”
“Hell yes. You came to a college after losing your mom, knowing your brother and dad weren’t going to make it easy. On top of that, you find out that your high school sweetheart, the boy you’ve never gotten over, also goes here... and is harboring some major anger toward you. Throw in a basketball team who doesn’t know you exist, and a best friend who is pretty freakin’ awesome, and I think you’ve got yourself a script to any good soap opera.”
“Josie, this is my life.”
“I know. And it’s so damn juicy.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Am not.” She pouted. “I’m merely happy.”
“Well, drunk or not, I’m cutting you off,” Xavier said, glowering at her.
“You’re no fun.” She beeped his nose. “Xavier, back me up on something... if you, a guy, says he hates a girl, what’s really going on there?”
“Oh no, Jos, don’t be pulling me into your female psych class bullshit. I have drinks to serve.” He threw his towel over his shoulder and moved down the bar.
“Shall I order an Uber?” I asked. Campus was only a fifteen-minute walk, but I didn’t want to get halfway and have Josie pass out on me.
“I can probably get us a ride.” She started scanning the bar.
“What? No. No, Josie!”
“Consider it done.” She completely ignored me and marched off toward a group of mean looking bikers.
For a girl who claimed to have anxiety she sure did handle herself well.
Josie returned with a guy on tow. “Skeet, meet Calli. Calli meet Skeet. He’s going to give us a ride back to campus. Come on.”
“Oh no, that’s okay. I’m not sure—”
“Skeet will make sure you girls get back okay,” Xavier said. “You watch them good, okay? They’re precious cargo.”
It was silly, but his words warmed something inside me. I’d never had a brother who cared or looked out for me. Growing up, Callum had always been too busy with practice or training camps or games to care.
My heart clenched. Xavier was a good guy, and he clearly adored Josie, treating her like an annoying younger sister.
“See you soon.” Josie leaned over the counter and kissed his stubbled cheek.
“Thank you for having us,” I said.
“Anytime, Calli. And don’t be a stranger okay? It’s nice to see Josie bring a girlfriend around here.”
“Let’s bounce,” our ride home said.
“Are you sure about this?” I whispered to Josie as she pulled me along with her.
“Skeet is good people.”
“Josie, you think everyone is good people.”
She flashed me a knowing smile. “If he kidnaps us and turns us into his sex slaves, you can totally blame me.”
“You did not just say that.”
She chuckled as we spilled onto the sidewalk.
“I’m just down here.” Skeet motioned down the street. He didn’t seem like the chatty type, walking ahead of us with his hands in his pockets and head lowered.
When we reached his truck, I hesitated. “Are you sober?” I blurted out.
He gave me an amused smile. “Two years and four months.”
“Oh gosh, I didn’t mean—I’m sorry.”
“Relax.” He opened the passenger door and Josie climbed inside. “I’m not ashamed of my past.”
“And you shouldn’t be. It makes you who you are today,” I said, surprised at my boldness. Skeet gave me a nod, waiting while I clambered inside, and then slammed the door.
Josie laced her arm through mine, tucking her head into my shoulder. “Thank you for coming tonight, Calli.”
“Thank you for inviting me.”
We rode in silence, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Josie had said, about me and Zach.
By the time we reached campus, my head was swimming with memories and thoughts of him.
“Here we are.” Skeet pulled up at the main entrance. “You girls good to walk the rest of the way? I have some shit to take care of.”
“Sure thing.” Josie smiled at him. “Thanks for the ride.”
He nodded. “Anytime.”
We climbed out and set off toward the dorms. “Uh oh.” Josie read a text on her cell.
“Why do I not like the sound of that?”
“It’s Brad. He says Callum and Zach got into it tonight.”
“They did?” My heart raced in my chest.
“Yeah, at the bar.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know want to say to that, so I kept my eyes forward and kept walking.
“Don’t you want to know why they were fighting
?” Josie caught up to me.
“No, I really don’t.”
“Okay.” She shrugged, tucking herself against my arm. “Brad wants me to meet him... but I’m scared.”
“Scared?” I stopped to look at her.
“What if he never wants to tell the team about me?” Her eyes flickered with dejection. “I mean, it’s fun and all now. I enjoy being with him and we have a good time together, but all the sneaking around? I’m not sure I’m cut out for that... and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
Joel.
She meant she didn’t want Joel to get hurt.
“Has Brad said he doesn’t want to tell the guys?”
Josie shrugged, averting her gaze.
“Josie?”
“He doesn’t want my brother to find out, which means keeping it from everyone else. Zach knows, but since you and Zach have been sneaking around—”
“We haven’t been sneaking around,” I corrected her.
What Josie and Brad had, and me and Zach had, wasn’t the same.
Not by a long shot.
Her cell bleeped again.
“He must really want to see you.”
“I guess.” Josie chewed her bottom lip. “So you think I should do it?”
“I don’t think it’s for me to tell you what to do, Jos. But weren’t you the one who told me I was worthy and not to let any guy make me think otherwise?”
“Ugh, you’re right. You’re totally right. I’m going to tell him I want us to come clean to Joel. Do you mind if I bail? A bunch of them are at the frat house.”
“Be safe,” I said. “And text me when you’re back so I know you’re okay.”
“I will.” Josie leaned in for a hug. “I know things didn’t work out with you and my brother, but I’m really glad he bumped into you that day.”
“Yeah.” I smiled warmly. “Me too.”
We reached the split in the path that would take her to the team’s frat house, and me onto the dorms.
“See you tomorrow,” I said.
“Unless you come with me and see if a certain baller who shall not be named is there.”
“Somehow, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Especially if Zach and my brother had been fighting.
“Okay, you sure you’re okay walking back to Abrams?”
“Yeah, it’s like a two-minute walk. Go. Find Brad and enjoy... well, whatever it is that you two do.”
She grinned. “A girl never kisses and tells.”
“That’s not what you said earlier.” My brow rose and she chuckled.
“Night, Calli.”
“Night, Josie.” I took off down the path.
I really hoped Brad didn’t break Josie’s heart. He seemed to be into her as much as she was into him, but the team had rules, and to go against the rules would be to go against the team.
I’d almost reached Abrams when I heard male laughter. Instinctively, I picked up my pace. Until I saw the two guys round the corner and froze.
“Calli?” Zach gawked at me.
“Uh, hey.”
My eyes instantly went to the bruise kissing his eye. He noticed and ran a hand through his hair. I didn’t know if he was trying to distract me or if he was nervous.
But that was silly. Zachary Messiah didn’t get nervous.
“Hey, I’m Maverick,” the other guy said after a few painfully silent seconds. “Let me guess, you’re the sister.”
“Calli.” I blushed, trying not to read too much into the fact he seemed to know who I was.
“Nice to meet you, Calli. I’d say this one has told me all about you, but the guy is like a closed book.”
“Tell me about it,” I murmured, lifting my gaze to Zach again. He looked exhausted, his hair damp and skin glistening with sweat.
“What have the two of you been doing?”
“Maverick was putting me through my paces on the court.”
“On a Friday night?” I didn’t even know the gym was open that late.
“I have friends in high places.” Maverick winked. For a campus legend, he wasn’t anything like I expected. “What are you doing out here all alone?”
“I... uh...” Crap. I didn’t want to drop Josie in it. “I was out.”
“Out?” Zach finally spoke, although it was more of a growl.
“Yeah.” I steeled my spine. “I was at a bar.”
“You were at a bar? What the fuck, swe—Calli.”
My breath caught at the harshness in his voice.
“Where are you staying?” Maverick asked.
“Abrams.”
“We can walk you.”
“Oh, that’s okay, you don’t need to do that.”
“I insist. My girl would never let me live it down if she knew I hadn’t.”
They flanked me like two bodyguards as we headed for Abrams. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far because it was so suffocating under Zach’s hard stare that I could hardly breathe.
Maverick seemed all too happy to let us fester in the awkward tension.
“Must be hard,” he eventually said, breaking the silence, “being Callum’s little sister.”
“Not really.” I gave a little shrug.
“You’re not close?”
“Close?” Bitter laughter spilled from my lips. “Callum acts like I don’t exist.” I peeked up at Maverick, regretting it the second his dark gaze found mine.
“Want to know a secret about us guys?” He flashed me a knowing smile. “We’re idiots.”
“I couldn’t have put it better myself.”
“I can see why you’ve got Messiah all tied up in knots.” His eyes flicked over my head to the brooding guy on my other side. Zach mumbled something beneath his breath, but I knew I probably didn’t want to hear whatever it was.
When we finally reached Abrams, I exhaled a small breath. This entire night had been weird. From drinking at Steel ‘n’ Thunder with Josie to walking back to my dorm with Maverick and Zach.
“Well, this is me,” I said. “Thanks for walking me back.”
“Should I give the two of you some space?” Maverick glanced at me and then Zach.
“No,” I said, right as he said, “Yes.”
“I really should go. It’s late and I’m sure you have other things to—”
“Just five minutes. Please, Calli.”
“Give the boy a chance. After all, he did jump in and defend your honor tonight.”
My brows furrowed at that. They’d been fighting... over me?
Surely, Maverick had it all wrong.
“You can shut up now,” Zach grumbled.
“I think I should just go.” Giving Maverick a little wave, I took off toward the building. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to hear whatever Zach had to say. Not when it wouldn’t change anything.
“Calli...” My name pierced the air, the frustration in his voice hitting me right in the stomach. I ground to a stop, inhaling a shaky breath. Zach moved closer, the air shifting around me as he stepped up behind me. “Five minutes, please...”
Slowly, I turned to meet his conflicted gaze. “You’re hurt.” I reached for his face, snatching my hand to my side when I realized.
“You should see the other guy.” He let out a strained laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.
“What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
My stomach sank. Of course it didn’t. Because we were both going to keep pretending that this thing between us was nothing more than unfinished business. A volatile storm of pent up anger and frustration that we needed to let run its course.
“You were out?” I thought I heard a hint of jealousy in his voice.
“I wasn’t with Joel if that’s what you’re worried about. He hasn’t spoken to me all week.”
“Shit, Calli,” he breathed, “that’s not—”
“It doesn’t matter.”
We were going round in circles.
“I had all this stuff I want
ed to say...” Zach hesitated, a rare flash of vulnerability falling over his expression. It reminded me of the Zach I used to know, the boy who was uncertain of his place in the world.
I waited, trying to ignore the seed of hope taking root in my chest. Even though he constantly let me down, I still couldn’t help but cling onto a fifteen year’s old dream of forever.
A beat passed, and another as we stood there staring at one another.
But he couldn’t do it.
He still couldn’t talk to me.
“You know,” I gave him a sad smile, “Josie said something to me tonight. She said, the stronger the love, the deeper the hate. But she’s wrong, she has to be wrong. Because you walked away from me, Zach. You tossed me aside like I was nothing, like our love meant nothing.”
The tears I fought so hard to contain dripped down my cheeks as I inhaled a shuddering breath. “So don’t stand there acting like you care after everything we’ve been through. You say I betrayed you, but you never even gave me chance to fix it. You never even—”
An ugly sob tore from my throat. Swiping my eyes, I took a deep calming breath, meeting his dark gaze once more. “It doesn’t matter now. None of it matters. I lost my mom, Zach, the one person in the whole world I could count on. I am so tired of people leaving me... So this time, I’m walking away. It’s the only way I know how to protect myself.”
“Calli, please—”
“No.” I started backing away slowly, each step like a knife to my heart. “You had your chance, Zach.”
Goodbye.
Zach
“Fuck,” I snapped, watching as Calli walked away from me.
“What the hell did you say to her?” Maverick appeared, a deep frown crinkling his eyes.
“It’s complicated.”
“Doesn’t look complicated to me. It looks like you had your chance and blew it.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Hey,” he smirked, “just telling it like it is, man.” Maverick moved to a bench outside Abrams and sat down. I joined him, my eyes locked on the dorm building.
“She seems nice.”
“Calli...” Her name was like ash on my tongue. “She’s like no one else I ever met.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“She screwed me over when we were kids.”
“How kids are we talking? Like grade school or—”
“High school. It was my junior year, she was in tenth grade.”