by L A Cotton
Slowly, she lifted her face to meet my soft gaze. The corner of her mouth kicked up a fraction. “You think my eyes are pretty?”
I did. They sparkled like the ocean as she gawked at me.
“They are.”
“I’m a freak,” she huffed indignantly, folding into herself. She radiated hostility, a fragile cyclone of pain and anger circling her. But there was something beneath the surface. Something I understood more than she realized.
Loneliness.
“I think most teenagers feel like that at some point. I know I did.”
She scoffed. “You felt like a freak when you were my age?” Her eyes narrowed at me. “I highly doubt that, Cantaloupe.”
“It’s true,” I said, ignoring her insult. “My brother was kind of a big deal growing up. You know, one of the popular kids. It wasn’t easy being in his shadow all the time.”
“Big whoop. At least you had a brother. I have—” Jasmine stopped herself, pressing her lips into a thin line. “This is all bullshit,” she mumbled. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Why don’t we go outside and check out some of the activities? It might be fun?” I got up, desperate for some fresh air.
Jasmine was hurting, that much was obvious, but I didn’t expect her to just open up to me after two minutes. When the people you loved—the people who were supposed to love you back—constantly let you down, the wall around your heart started to turn into a glacier. Cold and impenetrable. And before long, it would freeze everyone out.
I was lucky, I’d had my mom and Madison. But even their love and support hadn’t been able to undo the damage caused by my father and Callum. That gnawing feeling of never being good enough, of worthlessness, didn’t just vanish. Even now, I couldn’t allow myself to really reflect on everything without a huge pit carving through my stomach.
“Or we can sit here and talk some more,” I suggested.
Jasmine leaped up, scowling at me as she barged past me and took off for the door leading to the center’s huge yard. There was a basketball court and small patch of grass with a couple of benches. The wall had been decorated with spray art, another rainbow. It made me smile.
Mom would have loved this.
Forcing down the emptiness I felt whenever I thought about her, I turned my attention to Jasmine. She’d taken up residence at one of the tables. There was a bunch of art supplies: papers and crayons and markers. I grabbed some and began doodling, hoping to coax her into joining me. But Jasmine ignored me, watching the other kids play a game of kickball with one of the volunteers.
“You could join in, you know?” I suggested.
“Nah, they probably wouldn’t want me. I’m not very good at sports.”
“It’s just for fun, Jasmine. I’m sure they’d love to—”
“I said no.”
“Okay,” I conceded, smothering a small sigh. “What do you like to do?”
“This won’t work, you know.”
“What won’t work?” I asked, innocently.
“This, pretending you care. You’re only here to put something on your resume and make yourself look good.”
“Jasmine, that’s not—”
“Save it, Cantaloupe.” She got up. “You think you’re the first person to try to fix me? There’s been a long line of people who have already tried... and guess what? They all failed. So let’s not do this.” She stomped off toward the other side of the yard where a couple of kids were playing swing ball.
“How’s it going?” Maureen came over and sat down beside me.
“She’s...” I searched for the right words.
“Hurting,” she said softly. “Her pain is a shield. It’s going to take some patience and persistence to break through the armor she’s built.”
“How long have you been doing this?”
“Long enough that I’ve seen it all by now.” She got up again when two kids started fighting over the ball. “Patience and a whole lot of persistence.” Maureen smiled knowingly at me before taking off toward the fray.
Just then a commotion over by the doors caught my eye. Some of the kids began clapping and cheering and I wondered what all the fuss was about until I saw the telltale red, white, and black jerseys appear.
Jerseys worn by none other than my brother… and Zach.
“Calli?” Callum blurted out as they reached me. Neither one of them looked happy to be here, but my brother looked positively pissed.
“Uh... hey,” I croaked, hardly able to believe my eyes.
What the hell were they doing here?
“Ah, Mr. James and Mr. Messiah,” Freya joined us. “I see you made it. Coach Baxter reassured me you would be here, but I’ve got to say, I was a little skeptical. You’re both late.”
“You’re volunteering here?” Callum balked, ignoring Freya’s questioning stare.
“I... yes. It’s my first session today.”
“I’m sorry,” he finally looked at Freya, “but I can’t do this.” Callum spun around and disappeared back inside the center, leaving me with a giant hole in my stomach.
“Okay, what did I miss?” Freya glanced to me and then Zach, who was still staring at me as if he couldn’t believe I was here.
“I’m so sorry,” I rushed out, trying to smother my hurt. “I didn’t know...”
“Calli?” Her eyes filled with concern, but it was nothing compared to the violent storm raging inside me.
“Callum is my brother. Things are... complicated.”
“I see. Well, why don’t you help Zach get settled and I’ll go find your brother.”
My breath caught. “Sure,” I forced out the word. “I can do that.”
Oh God.
Why?
Why did the universe seem intent in forcing us together?
I’d walked away... and now he was here. No matter where I went or what I did, there was no escaping him.
Freya left, taking the air with her. Zach still hadn’t taken his eyes off me. His head was lowered as he cupped the back of his neck, looking up at me through those thick long lashes of his.
Dammit, why did he have to be so gorgeous?
Beautiful but deadly.
To my heart, at least.
“So this is a surprise,” he broke the awkward silence between us.
“I didn’t know... if I had—”
“You would have run the other way?”
“Something like that,” I mumbled.
“So what are you doing here?” He motioned to the bench.
“See that girl,” I pointed at Jasmine as we sat down, “she’s my new little sister.” His brows furrowed, and I chuckled. “I’m her buddy. Mentor. Wiser, older confidante. Although, I’m not feeling any of those things right now. It’s our first session and she already hates me.”
“Nah, not possible.” Zach leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he watched the kids play. “She’s just lost.”
“Yeah...”
Silence settled over us again. This was bad, very bad. I’d jumped into the volunteering gig with both feet to keep myself distracted, not to end up with another headache. Zach let out a weary sigh, and there was something so defeated about it, emotion slammed into me.
He must have felt it because he said, “Calli?”
I forced a smile. “So what brings you here?”
“Coach Baxter signed us up. Consider it punishment.”
“Punish—for the fight.”
He nodded. “I guess he thought it would help us bond.”
“I can’t believe he left.” Except, I could. That had been Callum’s MO my entire life. Pain lanced my chest.
“Who are you?” Jasmine loomed over us. I hadn’t even noticed her approach, too confused by Zach’s presence.
“Me? I’m Zach.” He frowned up at the timid girl. “Who are you?”
“Jasmine.”
“Calli was just telling me you two are going to be hanging out.”
“Whatever.” She shrugged around
the words, her eyes darting anywhere but at me. “How do you know her?”
She talked about me like I wasn’t sitting right there.
“Me and Calli?” He gave me a sideways glance and smirked. “We go way back, don’t we, sweet pea?”
Was he... flirting with me?
Why the hell was he flirting with me?
“Sweet pea? What kind of nickname is that?” Jasmine snickered.
“Zach,” I grumbled, although it was a damn sight better than Cantaloupe.
“So you’re like what, a basketball player?”
“You know about basketball?” he asked her.
“A little.” She blushed. “I like watching it on ESPN sometimes.”
“Yeah? You ever play?”
“Oh no. I’m not good at stuff like that.”
“Stuff like what?” Zach stood up. “Bouncing a ball? Come on, let’s go shoot some hoops.”
Her skittish gaze finally landed on mine and I gave her a reassuring smile. “You should go. He’s an excellent teacher.”
Crap.
I don’t know why I said that.
From the way Zach’s brow was raised, he didn’t either.
“Come on, Elsa.”
“E- Elsa?” She blushed deeper.
“Yeah, you remind me of Elsa. You know, from Frozen.”
“I know what Frozen is.” Her shyness gave way to a blinding smile but quickly fell. “The kids at school all call me Gandalf.”
“Well, the kids at school sounds like ass—” I shot Zach a warning look, and he corrected himself. “Douchebags, they sound like douchebags.”
I watched the two of them walk off to the basketball hoop. Zach snagged a ball from the huge crate and bounced it in front of him. Jasmine watched him with awe sparkling in her eyes. I couldn’t believe how good he’d been with her. How easy their banter came. I’d struggled to get her to say two words to me, yet she’d talked to Zach like he was an old friend. I tried not to take it personally, but it was hard. I wanted to build a rapport with her, to help her.
The lingering pang of dejection didn’t stop me from smiling as Zach talked her through a couple of moves. He ducked and dodged around her, cutting from side to side and putting on quite the show. So much so that everyone else in the yard stopped to watch the SU basketball star teach a fourteen-year-old girl, looking at him like he hung the moon, how to shoot hoops.
But something even more magical happened.
Jasmine snatched the ball from him and began dribbling it from side to side as she approached the hoop. “Take the shot,” someone yelled, and she pushed off on one foot, sailing into the air right as she released the ball. It hit the backboard, dropping clean through the hoop.
The whole yard applauded while Zach stood there, looking dumbfounded.
“Holy crap, Elsa’s got moves.” He grinned over at me and I couldn’t help but grin back as I approached them.
It felt like old times.
A glimpse of the boy who had spent hours with me as I dragged him all over Bay View, taking photograph after photograph. The boy who lay with me up with the treehouse, holding me as I cried for a father I’d been convinced didn’t love me.
“I... I practice sometimes,” Jasmine stuttered.
“What happened to ‘I don’t play sport’,” I teased but instantly realized my mistake. She folded into herself, averting her gaze to the ground. “Jasmine, I didn’t mean—”
“Hey, Elsa, how about you and me challenge some of the guys to a little two on two?”
Her head snapped up, her bewitching eyes full of wonder and awe. “Seriously? You want to play… with me?”
“Hell yeah, I do.”
I dropped back, kicking myself for messing it up again. Zach caught my eyes and mouthed, “Relax, she’ll come around.”
But I wasn’t so sure. If it wasn’t for Zach showing up, I doubted Jasmine would have spoken two words to me.
“He’s good with her.” Freya joined me on the bench.
“Apparently so.”
She chuckled. “He’s a college athlete who looks like... well, that. Don’t write yourself off too soon. I wouldn’t have paired you with Jasmine if I didn’t think you have what it takes to reach her.”
I managed a small nod, watching as Jasmine and Zach ran circles around another volunteer and a tall boy with floppy hair. Laughter filled the yard: Zach and Jasmine’s, their captivated audience. She seemed so carefree, so different to the girl who had turned up almost an hour ago.
She wasn’t the only one though. Zach looked happy. Gone was the angry brooding guy I’d bumped into at the beginning of semester, replaced with a guy who smiled and took the time to teach Jasmine and the boy his best moves. It wasn’t hard to believe he was the captain of the Scorpions. He oozed leadership but wielded it with humility. He wasn’t cocksure or conceited like so many athletes. He seemed genuinely happy to be here.
And I honestly didn’t know what to do with that.
On the one hand, I wanted to hate him a little bit more. He’d always turned his back on basketball. Rejected his destiny as the third Messiah to pursue a career in college ball. But watching him, seeing how easy he glided across the court and handled the ball, I knew I was witnessing something special.
It made my heart ache, knowing that my Zach, the boy who once refused to conform and walk in his brother and father’s footsteps, was gone. Because I knew enough about the game that haunted me, to know a great player when I saw one.
Zach set Jasmine up with a shot and she sank the ball, setting the yard off in another round of applause. Kids cheered and volunteers laughed and clapped. Magic was unfolding before my eyes and it was impossible not to be swept up in it.
There was just one problem with magic...
Eventually the spell wore off.
Zach
The session came to an end. My jersey was damp, and my skin felt tight from two hours under the afternoon sun, but most surprisingly, my cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun.
Well, I could... and every single one of those memories included Calli.
It had been a total shock walking into the yard at Next Steps and finding her sitting there. If I’d have known she was volunteering, I probably would have begged Coach to give us something else to do.
Or maybe I wouldn’t.
Because here, she couldn’t escape. And it was safe. It gave us a reason to be in close proximity without making it too awkward.
“Thanks,” Jasmine said quietly.
The second we’d finished playing, she’d shrunk back into herself. But man, had she blossomed with the ball in her hands. I’d never seen anything like it. She was a little rocket, zipping all over the court with some pretty impressive ball skills.
It was obvious she was self-taught, Her footwork was sloppy and more than once, she’d gotten confused about the rules, but she possessed a raw talent most kids didn’t have.
“Anytime, Elsa.” I teased. “You did good out there. You should think about playing for your team at school.”
“They wouldn’t let me.”
“What do you mean they wouldn’t let you?” My brows knitted.
“The kids... they don’t like me. They all think I’m this white-haired weirdo. I guess Elsa fits.” She shrugged, her words making my spine go rigid. I didn’t like hearing her talk about herself that way.
Looking down at her, I said, “Don’t ever let anyone tell you what you’re worth, Jasmine.”
“I...” She trailed off, ducking her head.
“That was amazing.” Calli joined us, my body hyperaware of her. It was as if every time we were near the air crackled and shifted around us; some invisible force trying to push us together.
“Yeah, whatever.” Jasmine shouldered past her and disappeared into the center.
“Maybe you should be her buddy.” A defeated sigh escaped Calli’s lips.
“Just give her t
ime.”
“Time, right. Because that fixes everything.” Her eyes widened with horror. “Crap, I didn’t mean—”
“Relax. It’s all good.”
It wasn’t though. Something had changed between us. The need to hurt her had been tamped down by her constant attempts at pushing me away. But it was more than that. It was her. The young woman she had become. Harder around the edges but still with a softness I wanted to bask in.
Fuck. I was losing my goddamn mind over the girl who had broken my heart into tiny little pieces when I was just a boy struggling to find his way.
We entered the center together in thick silence. Jasmine was talking to Freya, but the woman didn’t look pleased.
“Why not?” Jasmine cried with frustration. “I don’t like her, but I like Zach.”
Shit.
Calli gasped, her eyes brimming with tears. I’d only wanted to help when I saw how much she was struggling with Jasmine, not make things worse.
“Jasmine,” Freya said calmly. “Why don’t we talk about it in my office?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m telling you I don’t want her to be my buddy. What kind of stupid name is Calliope anyway?”
Freya realized we were standing there and shot Calli an apologetic look, but the damage was already done. My sweet pea was two seconds from falling apart in front of all the volunteers and about a dozen kids.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get out of here.”
Freya gave me an understanding nod as I guided Calli out of the center. The second we hit the sidewalk she dragged in a shaky breath.
“She’s just a kid,” I said.
“Who clearly hates me. This was supposed to make me feel better and now I just... ugh.” Calli buried her face into her hands but I didn’t let her wallow.
Sliding my fingers over hers, I gently pried them away, forcing her to look at me. “You’re going to let a fourteen-year-old kid upset you?”
“You don’t understand.” Her brows crinkled making her eyes look so sad it gutted me. In that moment, I didn’t want to hurt her, I wanted to take her pain and make it my own.
Fuck… this girl.
“So talk to me.”
“What are you doing, Zach?” Shirking out of my hold, Calli put some space between us.