by Hager, Mandy
How could he refuse? It was true he’d badgered Hunter to open up. Now he’d been hoist on his own — with his own — pet-something, damn what the hell was it? Ah, yes. A petard. They’d discussed it when they studied Hamlet. A kind of ancient bomb. Appropriate, when everything was blowing up around him.
‘Will! Answer me, you dick.’
‘Okay, I promise.’ He had a strong feeling he’d regret this.
‘Shut the door.’
‘But—’
‘Dude, just shut the effing door.’
‘Okay, okay.’ He did as he was told. Sat back down and struck the pose his counsellor used for ‘active listening’. The joke was lost on Hunter.
‘You know when you had to wake me from that intense dream?’ Will nodded, his dread returning. ‘It’s like Dad rattled something loose in my head. I’ve always remembered bits of what happened to Mum, but there were gaps — and if I tried to force them all together I’d get all panicky and stop.’ He rubbed his nose and Will recognised the signs of battling tears. Felt sick. Had a horrible feeling he knew what was coming. ‘Mum was a big drinker — I remember that, clear as anything — and before she died it got real bad. That night she was really pissed — two or three bottles of wine and then straight on to spirits. I’ve got this really strong memory of her burning something on the stove — a terrible smell — and when Dad had a go at her she threw the pan at him — and got him too. He went completely nuts, started yelling, then they were both at it. I hid behind the curtains — Dad never thought to look there — and he grabbed her, shook her real hard. That’s all I ever could remember. Until the other night.’
Will’s heart was beating a hundred k’s an hour. ‘You sure you want to tell me this?’ Please say no.
‘Look, this is really hard, okay? I need to say it out loud. Just once.’ Hunter flinched. Oh god. ‘So, yeah … he held her down and poured a whole bottle of whisky down her throat — I could hear her trying to swallow, but she kept choking. By the time Dad stopped she was pretty much out of it — I saw him pick her up and throw her on their bed, face down. He stormed out, left me terrified. I went to check but couldn’t wake her up.’ He stopped, his chin crumpling. Sniffed back tears. ‘I gave up after a while and went into my room. Closed the door. Thought she’d wake up grumpy. The next morning she was dead. Suffocated in the duvet. Dad told me it was my fault for not checking her.’
‘Jesus Christ! He killed her, then blamed you?’
Hunter nodded. ‘I think so. And I think he thinks so. He used to threaten me to keep my mouth shut and I never knew why. But now I’m having flashbacks, all mixed up with when he came at me the other day.’
‘Shit, man, I’m so sorry. I know how that feels.’
‘Yeah, figured you might.’
‘You know, they must have done an autopsy?’
‘All it showed was that she was totally tanked. And everyone knew what a boozer she was. In those days, Dad was the poor bastard whose drunk of a wife had died. They’re all anti the smacking ban down here, mate — it’s how they deal with shit. Old school. My grandad put Dad in hospital when he got Mum pregnant. Munted his head so bad he still loses it whenever he’s under too much stress. Poor Mum never stood a chance. Gabby’s dad’s a real prick as well.’
‘Come on, man. You have to tell someone.’
‘Just did.’
‘Not me! You have to tell the cops.’
‘What for? I’ve thought about this all night and today. I’ve got something concrete over the old prick now. I’m going to get him here, threaten to tell the cops unless he makes them drop the charges against you — Harley’s too. And I’m going to make him hand over all his shares of the business. He’s already in the shit, so I reckon right now’s good timing — he hasn’t got a lot to lose except more debt.’ He moved. Winced. ‘He’s nearly screwed it, but if me and Dean get hold of it, then Mike might partner up, bring in some iwi money, and we might really make a go of it. Make it sustainable. Make it the best bloody fish farm in the country.’ His face was flushed, the circles under his eyes nearly as bruised as Dean’s shiner.
Will blew out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. Hunter’s plan had a scary kind of logic. Damn smart, in fact. As cunning as Bruce, but without the rotten core. Anyone who thought Hunter was thick was seriously mistaken. If he did nothing and Bruce went down for assault and fraud, then the whole business would go under — all Hunter’s hard work … and Dean’s. They both deserved a break. If it meant him keeping quiet it was worth it. Blabbing wouldn’t bring back Hunter’s mum — and Hunter’s plan would screw Bruce over nicely.
He looked him in the eye. ‘Do it,’ he said. ‘But not for me. Do it to get the farms, then go for it. But here’s my condition: he never contacts you again unless you want it. And never want it, okay? He’s never going to change.’
‘I know.’ Now Hunter did cry, hiding his face behind his baseball-mitt hands, shoulders shaking like an earthquake going off. Will got up and patted his shoulder, couldn’t not.
‘It’s all right, man. Let it out.’ Poor Hunter, holding onto this since he was a little grieving kid, living with it festering away, blaming himself, not knowing, while that murderous prick threatened him and beat him up. His own life was a dawdle in the park compared to this. Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha! …
He clapped Hunter on the back. ‘Listen, will you at least promise that when you talk to him you have a cop right outside?’
‘Fair enough. It’s not like I expect him to be sorry.’
There was a knock on the door. They looked at each other. Will nodded and mimed buttoning his lips just as Dean walked in.
‘Gidday, mate,’ he said to Hunter. Turned to Will. ‘There’s someone who wants to see you.’ He jerked his head towards the corridor.
Pania, with any luck. He hadn’t had a chance to speak with her yet. Hoped to whisk her off somewhere quiet. Private. He walked out with a half smile — and looked up into the eyes of his dad.
‘Hey, buddy.’ His father spread his arms out wide.
It did Will in, the shock and the comfort of his father’s embrace. His familiar smell. His quiet show of love. Will cried into his shoulder, his father crying too.
‘Oh, matey, what a mess.’
‘How’d you get here so fast?’ Will said.
‘You don’t think I’d have sat around and waited, do you? Mum sends her love. She wanted to come, but, to be honest, I wanted you to myself. It feels so long since it’s been you and me. I’ve missed you, mate. We never should’ve left you here. I’m so sorry.’
‘I’m sorry. I’ve stuffed things up. I’ve been a real dick.’
‘Mum and I watched those videos on the internet last night — you and that little orca. My god, Will, what an amazing thing. It was incredible.’
‘He was so lonely, Dad, I couldn’t just leave him on his own.’
‘Course not, matey, course not. What you did was right — crazy, dangerous, and totally illegal, but your heart was in the right place and that’s all that matters. We’re just relieved you’re alive. You could’ve told us, you know. We would’ve helped.’
‘I love you, Dad.’
‘Love you too. And I’m proud of you. Never think otherwise, okay? That’s one incredible gift you’ve got, though god knows it didn’t come from me!’
‘I’ve missed you guys so much.’ He couldn’t remember when he’d last had such a real conversation with him. Liked it. Missed it. ‘Hey, come in and meet my friend Hunter. Poor bugger has a real dad from hell.’ He made a move but his father stopped him.
‘You know, I’ve kind of worried that’s how you felt about me. I’m sorry, mate. But my head’s clearer now, and things are looking up over there. When we’ve sorted out this business I want you to come back over with me.’
‘That’d be great! I miss Mum too.’ He realised he was still clutching tight to his dad like a four-year-old. He let go, but didn’t want to break the physical bond entirely, so put
his arm around his father’s shoulders. He’d grown since the last time he’d done this, and was now just as tall as him. ‘A couple of weeks in Aussie could be just what the doctor ordered!’
‘No, mate. Not a holiday. We want you to move over, join us there. You can finish your Correspondence off with us and Mum’s already sussed out a uni with a really good music degree you can apply for.’
Will dropped his arm. ‘But I can’t.’ He didn’t know what to say; how to translate what was shouting in his head. Didn’t even know he felt like this till now: he belonged here, and didn’t want to leave. Everyone in Blythe had stood by him — well, nearly everyone — made him feel part of them. ‘I want to see the year out with Dean, Dad. He’s been so cool about all this, I want to have some time to pay him back.’ This, at least, his father would understand.
Even so, his dad looked gutted. ‘Let’s talk about it later, eh? I promised Mum as soon as we got back to Dean’s we’d Skype.’
‘Yeah, sure.’
He led his father in to meet Hunter. Put one arm around Dean’s shoulders and pulled Dad in with the other. Was so damn lucky to have them. And Hunter too. And Pania … Who the hell was he kidding? There was no way he was moving away from her.
What a wonder it was, back in the bosom of my first family. We swam down to the depths that fell from shingle shelves; saw spoonworms spreading, crabs creeping, squids shimmer in their silver sheaths. The ocean’s skin was thick there, took on the changing hues of clouds, sky meeting sea, stacked with simple tiny teeming souls we turned to meaty meals.
Our friends the Sperm whales sheltered there, as did the humming Humpbacks, the Blues, the Beaked; dusky dolphins, fur seals — a wondrous world of air-breathers, fat full-bodied Beings — all gathered to gorge upon the riches rumbled by the tide in this, our summer store. I still recall this mellow mixing of our many kinds, a chummy crowd of cousins keen to hear my story, swapping tales of close calls with the Hungry Ones — though some had heard of other Beings and Boys, none could match the love I lucked onto with mine.
They fussed until my mind, again, filled up with foolish pride. To be fondled with such fawning stroked my simple make-up, made me smug — and I showed off, sought nods when no notice was due. In the end it was my aunt who slapped me down. She saw my plight, the pitfall I had tumbled into; took me well away from all the rest and turned my wrongs to rights.
We Beings can only live like this, she sang, so long as none nose higher than the rest. The Hungry Ones have never heeded this; is why they wage such bitter wars. Each heart must undermine its meanness, not seek to steal another’s song. Wanting more, moving to out-match, is for the small of mind; the weak. We Beings are better than that; she settled in my mind, a fair foresightful lesson I did not forget — although, from time to time, in truth, the whispers of wanting test me still.
When summer waned we set off back to White World, to spend the winter under our Mother’s most southern skies. A great gaggle of us set forth, flukes flicking, fins, flippers and flanks flying as shearwaters warned of windborne storms and albatrosses sniffed the briny breeze. Songs shimmered through the frosty sea so far, so fast, I shook off my fears and wandered. Wondered.
But as the days dragged on I missed my Boy, thoughts ever on him, heart heavy, a hole where once his songs had filled me up.
All winter long I watched and waited for the thaw, and when at last it came I took my aunt’s tidings with much merriment and mirth. My wait was over. We were going back.
As they walked towards the exit of the hospital Harley blew into the foyer on a squally gust of wind, hunched over a basket of oranges and grapes.
‘Oh, good,’ he said. He blocked them so they had to stop. ‘Can I have a word?’
Will tensed. Didn’t have the energy to face him now.
‘Give it a break, Harley,’ Dean said. ‘You’ve done enough.’
Harley’s wet moustache drooped like a dead lizard. ‘Please. Just listen. I’m so sorry. When I heard about this it made me do some major soul-searching.’ He shuddered, knocking an orange from the basket. Scrabbled to pick it up. ‘Forget the fine, okay? I’ll tell the boss we’ve reinvestigated the, ah, circumstances, and on balance …’ He ground to a halt. Shuffled his feet. Sighed. ‘The honest truth is, I was under pressure. I owed Bruce quite a bit of money. It’s my own fault. I lost everything when Southern Finance went under. Bruce said he’d help and I was dumb enough to take him up. I’ve handed in my resignation. Can’t believe I let myself get so sucked in.’
All Will could do was stare; couldn’t quite take it in.
Dean slapped him on the back. ‘No worries, eh? So long as Will is off the hook, no harm done then.’
‘How’s Hunter? Mike told me he was really bad.’
‘He’ll be okay. Don’t worry about him, we’ve got him covered. You just sort your shit.’
‘Yeah, yeah, I will. Thanks.’ He juggled the basket to offer an outstretched hand to Will. ‘No hard feelings? I hear you got the orca back to its pod. Good on you. Though next time, try to work within the law, eh?’
Will shook his hand. Wanted to laugh. Gabby had raised all that money, hung him and Pania out to dry, for nothing. B should be happy, oh so happy …
Back at Dean’s, they Skyped his mother, who’d taken the day off work to wait. It was so good to see her, had been too long. She looked stressed. Older. He was glad he was too knackered to cry; it would’ve upset her more than she already was. He tried to explain why he wanted to stay, couching it in terms he knew they couldn’t argue with: that he should repay Dean for his support; that he wanted to be there when Hunter came out. He promised he’d apply to the Music School back home — he could reconnect with Marilyn, his old voice teacher, who taught at the university too. They knew she always got the best out of his voice. Couldn’t really argue.
‘Are you sure, love? We’ve really been missing you.’ His mother looked so sad it wrenched his guts.
‘I know, Mum. Me too. But can I at least stay until the end of the year and then see how I feel? I have a feeling Dean’s going to be really busy with the business soon — I’d really like to help him out.’ An understatement, if Hunter played his trump card.
‘Can you at least come over next holidays?’ She laughed. ‘It’s a mother thing. I won’t know how you really are until I see you in the flesh.’
‘Yeah, that’d be great, so long as you can afford it.’
She reassured him and this seemed to satisfy them both for now. And if things didn’t pan out in Blythe, at least he had another option, although he hoped he wouldn’t need it.
After they ended the call he ran a bath. Washed his hair and soaked until his fingers went wrinkly. Pania would be home from school by now. He had to convince her to get Gabby to delete everything. She didn’t understand the risks.
He dressed again, still bone weary, and went back out to join his dad. Explained he needed to pop over to Pania’s house. Wouldn’t be long.
‘Excellent! I’ll come as well. It’s years since I’ve seen Cathy. Mum’d kill me if I didn’t make the effort while I’m here.’
If they were such good mates, how come Will hadn’t remembered them? Or was it that they didn’t trust Will now? His dad insisted they take Dean’s car. On the way, wind and rain hurled at the windscreen like toddlers in a tantrum.
Cathy answered the door. ‘Mark! How lovely to see you! Come in!’ She hugged him, smiling broadly.
Okay, so he did know her. Cathy pointed Will towards Pania’s room; said she was doing homework. He felt weird, invading her space. Knocked on the door but only cracked it open a bit.
‘Hiya.’
‘Will!’ She was sitting at a desk, its top littered with books. ‘Come in!’ She flushed as she scooped clothes off her floor and chucked them in one corner.
He edged in. Closed the door. Perched on the edge of her bed. All he could think about was that kiss. ‘How goes it?’
‘Tell me about Min!’
Her
face lit up as he described the moment when he’d realised Min had found his pod. His whānau. Loved how tears welled up in her eyes as he described the way they’d surfaced to check him out. He told her about meeting Harley; about the fine being dropped. He’d hoped he might be able to broach Gabby and the clips, but when she said nothing he worried he’d piss her off if he just blurted it out. He didn’t trust his anger at Gabby not to boil over. He stood and roamed her room, glancing at the books in front of her. Maths. Physics. Genetics. Computer coding.
‘Intense. You do all this at school?’
She laughed. ‘Doubt it. I want to study biotech down at Canterbury next year. Dad’s got some contacts there — thinks he can get me a job over next summer in their lab.’
‘Wow. You really are as brainy as you seem. No wonder you knew all about the GPS.’
‘Shut up!’
‘What’s wrong with being brainy? You should be proud of it.’
She smiled up at him and he couldn’t help it: bent over and kissed her. Not too hard or needy, just long enough not to torture himself when he had to pull away. He leaned against the side of the desk, his leg a hair-breadth from her knee. ‘Listen, I know what Gabby did.’ Keep control, remember Gabby is her friend.
Her smile dropped. ‘I’m sorry. I know you hate that kind of thing, but she was really trying to help — make up for being awful — and I didn’t stop her ’cause I couldn’t think of a better way to help. And it worked. She just didn’t tell me she’d edited us in together and posted it on YouTube too. I heard at school.’
No! ‘She has to take it down — right now! You’ve no idea how sick people are. They’ll hound you — share it everywhere; write stupid comments—’
‘You haven’t seen the comments then?’
He felt sick. Furious. Betrayed. ‘I know the kind of things people write. I’ve spent the last few months trying to forget them.’
She pulled her phone out of her pocket. ‘You have to see them, Will. This is different.’ He really wanted to snatch it off her; chuck it out the window. Felt dizzy. But she went ahead and accessed the site. Handed him her phone. ‘Sit down,’ she said. ‘Take your time. Read them all.’