by S E Zbasnik
Hayley swiped a hand over her eyes, scattering the icicle tears as she stumbled to a slow walk down the road. She wouldn’t cease walking, but she couldn’t keep running either. As if she had something to run to. She never had anywhere to go, just things to run from.
It wasn’t fair.
Who decided that they would get so much? Estates, servants, chests full of gold, and-and mermaids on their supper table! All she owned was a crusty kerchief in her pocket. What did she do to wind up with this lot in life?
No one cared. No one ever cared for her. She knew that as certain as she did her name. It was burned into her skin, for god’s sake. Not even god cared.
Her frozen fingers reached up to run over her hat, trying to drag it tighter down over her ears. It never fit right, far too big for her size, but she couldn’t get rid of it. Couldn’t walk away from it, not after…
The road was a dangerous place to be. History told her to get as far from it as possible, run into the brush to hide. Even if she lost her way, at least no one would find her. Let the vultures peck at her corpse, they could finally have their feast.
Twisting her feet, Hayley stumbled away from the dug out ruts and towards the bracken coated ditches. They weren’t thick, but they slowed her up immeasurably, branches and burrs whipping at her legs and thighs. Weeds of every prickle clung to her ankles, but Hayley stomped them down. Stomped them all down.
She did what she knew. Survived. It was take or be taken her whole life. There were swirls of memories of a warm hearth and a full belly tucked into the back of her mind, but they rotted like gangrene. Any touch of them caused Hayley to wither deeper into her husk.
Screw them all. Screw Lady Battle-Axe for bringing in all her fancy friends. Screw Finn for making her ride on that terrifying horse. Screw Larissa for existing. Screw Gavin for… For catching her. For trusting her instead of knowing she’d mess it all up.
The breath buffeted out of Hayley’s throat like a clogged chimney. Sobs were quick to follow, dragging her further down into the frost-coated grass. When her knee struck the frozen ground, Hayley gasped.
What did she do?
What she always did, ruined things. Let herself get comfortable, didn’t keep one eye on the door and…and it was all gone. Like that.
Stupid. She knew that wasn’t her place, she knew it would all go belly up.
But you wanted it to work. You wanted to have a…
No! Even with her knees tucked up to her chin, Hayley wouldn’t think the word. It was poison. Nobody and no how, a free life on her own. That was how she survived, that was how she kept going.
Her body felt weak, exhausted. Hayley scrunched up tighter, easing deeper into the bracken. Just fall asleep here, maybe never wake. Have her cheeks, her hair, her fingertips coat in frost. By the rising sun, she might actually look pretty. Dead, but pretty.
“Owe!” Hayley winced when her back struck something hard. Not downed log hard, this was a sharp edge. Reaching behind, her hand fumbled upon a wooden box, easily a foot long and six inches tall. She placed it in her lap, trying to get a look.
With only a hint of moonlight, it was almost impossible to see, but she spotted a trace of red velvet on the lid of the box. That might be worth something. A couple coins at least.
Curiosity taking control, Hayley cracked open the lid and the frozen breath stuck in her lungs. By the sky’s white moonlight, she stared down at a ruby the size of a walnut dangling off a gold necklace as pure as mountain air. Holy shit, this was worth a fortune!
Holy shit, this was the Countess’.
Hayley snorted at the imbecility of the universe and the flighty woman who failed to secure her most precious treasure. They’d never have found it, so far flung off the road, hidden inside the weeds and a good mile and a half from the estate.
They’d never know she had it.
With her grubby, unwashed fingers, Hayley scooped under the ruby and held it up towards the stars. It sparkled from within as if fairies were trapped inside. The jewel alone would get her a place. A real place with a bed and walls. The gold could be melted down, she knew a counterfeiter that could slap together coins by the boatload. All they needed was a gold outer layer to trick people and she’d be set for years.
A house of her own where she didn’t need to answer to a soul. Where she didn’t have to suffer goose attacks, or fray her hands with rope burn, or be berated by a man for doing what she had to. It’d be perfect.
Hayley wanted to smile at her good fortune, but her traitorous brain kept playing back the memory of Gavin slowly counting out the coins. It took him over a week to heal up his shoulder, and even then she still caught him favoring it time to time. He’d have to give all of his gold to the moronic Countess just because she couldn’t tie a strap right. And then he’d be back at it, fighting their battles, trying to buy his way out from under the yoke.
So what?
No one said he was her problem. No one said ‘Hayley, look after this man. It’s your duty on this earth.’ No one would even care.
Why did he choose her? Pick her, put so much stupid trust in her even knowing that she…she’d betray him.
Her fingers drew over the cold ruby, swiping away the frost until it nearly glowed from her body heat. This was her windfall, the greatest score in her life and no one could even tie it to her. There’d be no guards dragging her off, no magistrate pushing her towards the noose. A real life.
Keep it. Keep it! For the love of god, take it to Ostmount and sell it fast before anyone was the wiser! Rather than rise to her feet, she curled up tighter over the treasure. Her brain screamed at her to do one thing, but her foolish heart pleaded for another. Hayley hunched over the box, staring at her reflection in the crimson depths of the ruby necklace.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“My Lady.” Gavin bowed his head lower to the ground, arms outstretched with his box of gold. The Duchess and Countess both stood before him, Bernadine’s lips pursed in thought while the Countess’ fingers reached greedily for him.
“You think this is enough for the loss of my…” Dorean began when a gasp rose through the assembled guests.
It took a moment before Gavin too raised his contrite brow, his head turning back to find that woebegone Squire dragging her feet across the courtyard. “Hayley,” he breathed, his eyes blinking slowly.
The anger returned tenfold, his body snapping up high. “Squire, why have you—?”
Hayley cut him off, her body trembling at the cold she couldn’t escape. Walking right past Gavin, she stopped in front of the old Bat and yanked the box from behind her back. Gasps broke from everyone assembled, the Countess’ greedy fingers slapping to her mouth before her eyes narrowed upon Hayley.
“Where did you get this?” she sneered, cracking open the box to find the ruby was where it belonged. Without a by your leave, Dorean scraped the box out of Hayley’s arms and snuggled it tight to her breast.
“Yes, Squire?” It was Bernadine who took up the line of questioning.
“By the roadside, your Ladyship,” Hayley tipped her head to the Duchess before honing right on Dorean. “Seems you’re shite at securing your luggage.”
“Hayley!” Gavin snapped, but the spell the Countess put over the proceedings shattered. All of the guests who’d had their belongings searched, their meal interrupted, and were no doubt questioned by Dorean were ganging up on her. The harrumphs grew more incensed the longer Dorean refused to make eye contact.
She was busy twisting her precious mahogany box around for inspection. “There’s mud here, and a scratch.”
“Aye, from where it fell off your blighted horse you…”
Gavin’s hand cupped around Hayley’s arm, dragging her away. His fingers were nowhere near as deep as before, but she wasn’t breaking from him either. Lady Bernadine took control, clapping her hands together to announce, “Now that that minor crisis is handled, I say we should resume the feast.”
“And a grass stain as well,” the C
ountess grumbled.
Bernadine shot narrowed eyes at the woman and growled, “Dorean, honestly. Sit down!” The look on the Countess’ face was almost worth coming back, her pickled puss drawn in so tight it looked like a sinkhole. Hayley wanted to watch more, but Gavin was dragging her out of the grand hall and towards the door. She expected him to kick her ass down the stairs, but when he released her, he shut the door and stood very still.
His arm cradled all of his earnings tight in the crook, a hand patting it in reassurance that it was still there. “You…” Gavin began, his face wincing as if he suffered a headache. “You returned.”
Hayley bobbed her head, not certain how to answer. She was obviously here, so what more could she say.
“I don’t understand,” Gavin stuttered before he pinched into his forehead. “When you ran, I assumed that…”
Shaking away the thought, Gavin jabbed a hand to the stairs. “Sit,” he ordered. For a moment Hayley blanched. She was safest on her feet, ready to dodge should a hand or fist come at her, but he was already crumpling to his ass. Still, she sat as far away as she could, and on a lower stair for whenever the running was needed.
Gavin took his time, fingers prodding at the flimsy lock on his box. She could have picked it if she’d wanted for how cheap it was. Probably not something she should tell him though. His shoulders trembled and he stared at the smoky breath buffeting from his nose.
“The night is chilled,” Gavin remarked as if he hadn’t noticed at all. He blinked and turned to the skinny girl hunched tight on herself. “You must be cold.”
Hayley shook her head, but her entire body gave one huge shiver, betraying her bravado.
“Is that…that must be why. You feared freezing to death in the forest.”
“I’ve been in colder for longer,” Hayley admitted through tight lips.
“Then why? You had the necklace in your possession…” He waved back towards the closed door where cheers of merriment broke out as if none of this happened. What was a thousand meals for a poor was a minor inconvenience for the rich.
Hayley spat out, “I didn’t steal it!” For once the truth was on her side, though trust seemed to be impossible to hope for.
Her knight took in a slow breath while weighing her reaction. Sure, she took some things, but not that. She wasn’t stupid. Though, then she showed up as if by a miracle with the ruby necklace that’d been lost on the side of the road. Shit. Hayley’s entire face turned bright red. She thought bringing it back would clear her name, not… Damn, damn, damn it all!
“Regardless,” Gavin spoke softly, “that must have been a great jewel to have in your hands. Worthy of a true fortune.”
“I guess.” She scratched at her upper arm as if she hadn’t even considered it. Didn’t wonder for a second how much of her life she could buy with that in her possession.
“Why return with it? Why bring it back to those that you…” he winced, seeming to be unable to call her on her crimes, “you think so little of?”
Hayley narrowed her eyes, her hands digging into her propped up knees until both bounced together like rattles. It’d been tempting, so damn tempting for her to run off straight to Ostmount. Disappear into the slums until the attention died down and then buy her way out of the sewer. Gavin might have hunted for her, but there were lots of scraggly girls with pocked faces sleeping on the streets. His chances would have been low on finding her.
She thought she’d get away with it. Even had ideas on where to hide, and stash the jewel until she was ready to sell it off. It was a good plan all in all. Just one little thing couldn’t stop nagging at her. It chewed on her ear and wormed into her brain until she rose to blood-drained feet and stalked back to the estate.
“It wasn’t fair,” Hayley spat out. Her voice drained into the frost-tipped air while Gavin frowned. “She lost it, of her own stupidity, and you’d have to pay for it.”
His eyes widened, the man sitting back while Hayley slunk deeper to her knees. She knew her reasoning was stupid; it was as good as the escaped prisoner returning to the gallows because he accidentally ran away with the rope. But her guts churned like boiling acid at the thought of him paying for her choice.
“I didn’t want…I didn’t want it to…” She swiped a hand over her eyes, trying to shake away the tears falling at her foolishness. Living for the day was exhausting. She kept walking straight into massive pits because it was easier than thinking there might be a tomorrow.
“You shouldn’t have lost everything for it, to…to them that have it all. All those bruises and blood, and then they just come in and…” Hayley gulped deep in her throat, hot tears plopping onto her frozen wrists. “I’m sorry.” She bundled her face into the oasis formed between her arms and knees. There she was safe to cry. There no one could see her. There no one would drag her out to the yard for breaking. She learned it young.
When a hand thudded against the top of her back, Hayley froze. She expected it to yank on her shirt, pluck her off the ground and hurl her body to a stump. But instead, it rubbed a soothing pat over her shoulders. Not used to it, her neck remained tight and head scrunched in while Gavin seemed to be trying to make her feel better.
“I did not expect to see you again,” he said in a whisper, causing Hayley’s head to whip up. “Though, once the necklace matter was settled I did intend to hunt for you.”
“To drag me back to the prisons,” she said with a shrug.
His lips parted far, a gasp escaping at how quickly she knew what would come next. Blinking his amber eyes fast, Gavin shrunk deeper into himself. “I had not thought that far ahead. In truth, I doubted I would find you. I assumed…”
She was bad.
She was bad. Anyone who spent more than a minute with Hayley knew it. There was no soul worth saving, no better humanity to appeal to. She didn’t care, because she survived. Her knuckles may crack and bleed, her stomach roil with hunger, her conscience rot on the vine, but she got to live. It’d been enough all her life. All of her life that she chose to remember, anyway.
“What are you going to do with me?” Hayley whispered to the wind. She rocked back and forth on her haunches, trying to not remember the crack of lashes on her back.
Gavin bundled his hands in his lap, the man’s spine rising up straight as he gazed out at the silent courtyard. “The trust between us has been broken,” he said solemnly.
Hayley knew she was doomed, she just…hoped that he might let her go. Send her skipping back to the gutters with nothing to her name was a pretty good punishment. But he was so good and lawful, there wasn’t a chance in hell. Maybe she deserved it too.
“But,” he twisted his head to her, Hayley’s lips parting in confusion, “broken things can be repaired.”
“You…?” She whipped her head around fast, trying to make certain her ears weren’t stuffed with leaves or frost. “You…what? Want me to remain?”
“You are my squire, my responsibility,” he said.
He had to be lying. Or mad. Maybe both. She was a disgrace, everyone knew it. Larissa pinned down what she was on day one, and Hayley stupidly thought she could pull one over on them all before she got her windfall.
“Things will change,” Gavin intoned, his voice colder than the mountain breeze. “From the moment you stepped through that gate, you had one foot out the door.”
Hayley grimaced. She’d tried to hide it, but if he caught on did that mean others knew? Lady Bernadine? Knight-Captain Erin? Ania?
Finn? That brought an even more confusing cauldron of emotions to her guts, which she tried to stuff away.
“It was why you stole, wasn’t it? To aid in your escape.”
Hayley shrugged, swallowing deep. She didn’t want to admit that she stole at all, but she didn’t like being called on her inner thoughts either. “Maybe I just thought those things were pretty and wanted them.”
For a breath, Gavin snorted, but his pinprick eyes burned through Hayley and she shut her mouth tight. “No mo
re. No more living life as if you will be returning to the city, to whatever you left behind.”
Gavin twisted right to her, his hand slapping into the flat palm to emphasize the new rules of the land. “You are in this fully, or you are gone. You shall comport yourself to the rules of the order, or you are gone. And if I ever catch you with someone else’s possessions on your person…”
“I am gone?” Hayley asked.
“The owner will be informed and they shall take action according to the laws of the land,” he said, his voice like a hurricane over a graveyard. She gulped deeper, her ass trying to burrow through the stone stairs to save herself. “These are my rules. You will follow them all. You will behave with both nobility and your lessers. You will become a model squire or there is nothing for you here. Do I make myself clear?”
“Y…yes.” Hayley bobbed her head, her fingers digging tighter to her hose. The leggings were the same verdant color as the crest still pinned to her chest. She could have run from it. Should have at day one, but she kept coming back as if part of her didn’t want to remain in the cold any longer.
Gavin sneered, his head tipping to the side. He opened his mouth when Hayley blanched.
“Yes, Ser!” she shouted, remembering just in time.
“I want you in bed, Squire. Clean up the mess in our house, return everything to its place, then get to sleep. Training resumes in the morning. There is much to prepare you for.” With his proclamation finished, Gavin rose up to his full stance.
Hayley scattered as well, her legs feeling as weak as wet straw. She stumbled down a few stairs, watching her knight turn towards the feast. He’d have a night of eating fancy meats and trading laughs with the gentry while she would be attempting to fold away all the clothing he ransacked in the house. It was the lightest punishment she’d ever received in her life.
Twisting in place, Hayley began to dash down the stairs and over the courtyard. She had a place to stay. Sure it’d be under even more lock and key than before, but there’d be food and walls. Still…
“Why?” Hayley muttered to the world before turning to aim it at her knight, “Why give me a second chance at all?”