by S E Zbasnik
From inside the tent, Hayley could hear Myra ask, “What happened?”
As Gavin began to explain Hayley stood guard outside as best she could. Last thing they needed was someone like Erin walking in and ruining everything. The pair were afforded their own time together to mourn what was lost and Hayley proved useless. No one wanted to talk to Gavin, almost as if they feared he might turn on them all next.
By the time Gavin emerged, he appeared to be his normal self save the white bandage knotted around his arm. He glared out at the sky, almost as if he too expected it to be white as a shroud instead of a perfect sapphire blue. “Squire,” he said, causing Hayley to rush closer before Myra stepped out behind him. Gavin barely noticed, his focus seemingly on the task ahead. “I have business to conclude with the Knight-Captain.”
“Should I come along?” Hayley asked instantly. “To, I mean in case something…”
“No, it will…it is not a problem. Why don’t you go and help Larissa become settled?”
Shit. Hayley’d rather fight Erin herself than play nursemaid to Larissa. Maybe she could do whatever Gavin had to. Paperwork. Shouting at a bunch of old men with caterpillars for eyebrows. Lashings. God, she would take a few lashings over having to talk to Larissa.
“Please,” Gavin said, “she’ll need a friend most of all now.”
Sighing, Hayley swallowed her ‘fine,’ but she didn’t hide the eye roll. As if it was all her fault Larissa had no friends so Hayley had to pretend to be one. Well, maybe she did have some, but Hayley didn’t know or care. Stomping towards the decimated tent of ex-Ser Frederick, Hayley kept slapping her hands to her thighs. If she was real lucky, Larissa was taken in by some other knight. Or Erin realized this would never work. Or maybe it would turn out there was some forgotten rule that knights couldn’t have two squires.
After darting around some gawkers, Hayley spotted her old foe standing practically where she was when the fighting stopped. Larissa kept darting her toe into a puddle of blood like she wanted to jump in it and play or something. Maybe she’d be nicer now. She’d have to be after that, right? It might not be so bad…
“Ahem,” Hayley coughed.
Larissa’s head shot up, her pale skin blushing as her eyes swung around until they landed upon the short girl before her. “It’s you. Wonderful.”
So much for thinking she’d be nice for a change.
“I’m supposed to get you settled in,” Hayley said, swaddling all her emotions in professional cotton. She had to pinch her thumb to keep steady.
Larissa’s snake eyes narrowed, “Where?”
“Uh…” Gavin hadn’t mentioned that part. Maybe she was supposed to stay in Frederick’s tent. “Well, there’s a tent right…” Hayley began, pointing to the empty and broken one when Larissa’s face wiped clean away. In the place of a sneering viper was terror, her slits for eyes wider than a pool, her snarling lips parted as if she had to suckle for breath. Larissa didn’t even look towards the downed tent, almost as if she couldn’t.
“Ah shit.” Hayley shook her head feeling the hot sense of pity again for Larissa. “Was that where he…?”
The viper snapped back instantly. “That is none of your business!”
For the love of Christ! Hayley slapped her hands to the heavens as if an angel might rescue her, but all she was left with was a spitting Larissa. “Fine.” She spun on her heels and, without any idea, marched back to her tent.
After a time, Larissa began to pursue, asking where they were going as if it’d better be a palace, but Hayley wasn’t in the mood to respond. It took a while before Larissa finally fell into silence, tramping behind. Her boots slapped into the dirt as if she was trying to beat the very ground itself. It drove Hayley’s teeth on edge.
Upon reaching their tent where this entire mess began, Hayley spotted Gavin, Myra, and Erin all standing near. Gavin and Erin were in a deep conversation while Myra kept a close watch on her husband. Almost as if she feared there was more to come. Please god, no. They couldn’t take anymore.
“Ah, Squire,” Gavin began before his eyes drifted over to the redhead bumbling in behind Hayley. “And…Squire. I shall have to think of a way around that.”
“I will answer to whatever you ask, Ser,” Larissa mumbled. Her head wouldn’t rise but she gave him the dignity of her eyes at least.
“Very well.” He tipped his head to her and silence thudded like an avalanche. Gavin’s lips worked through a few dozen words, all of which he seemed to both want and refuse to say. Erin was locked off with no key in sight, her eyes barely skipping to Larissa before she returned to the injured man.
Hayley could take no more, and out of her mouth flew, “I didn’t know what to do with her, so I brought her here. But there’s only enough room for two people inside!”
Grimacing at the veracity of her words, Gavin glanced to Erin as he said, “We can work with it for now. You both may share this tent and I will…find lodgings elsewhere.”
“Uh, Ser,” Hayley didn’t want to look over at Myra, but she couldn’t stop her eyes drifting. “Is that smart? Won’t there be…?”
“Do not concern yourself over it. I imagine the Knight-Captain here has room since you are without a squire at the moment?” Gavin turned to Erin who finally broke from wherever she drifted off to.
“Yes, that will… I suppose that will work for now. But it does not solve—”
Gavin extended his working hand. “In due time. We’re all making it up as we go. Squire,” he ordered, causing both girls to look to him. “Hayley,” he added with a blush, “why don’t you prepare the tent, help Larissa make it feel a bit homier.”
She accepted his words because Hayley could find no way out of this hell. When she’d let Larissa take her bed she thought it’d only be for a night, and now… Stomping into the tent, Hayley began to round up all of her mess. Tunics, socks, hose, and books filled her arms as she walked over to Gavin’s pallet.
“What are you doing?” Larissa sneered.
“As my knight said. Thought you’d catch on to that since you’re supposed to be so good at doing whatever you’re told,” Hayley muttered to herself. When a gasp broke from Larissa, Hayley played back her words. Wincing, she said, “I didn’t mean it like…that that. Just orders and…”
“Shut up,” Larissa hissed. “My point is that there is no reason for you to move your things. I’ll simply sleep there.” And without a care, she pointed at Gavin’s pallet which brought the entire situation crashing down on Hayley’s head. She was going to have to share a tent with Larissa. She was going to have to share meals with her, practice time, probably the little pantry/kitchen at the estate.
She had to share a knight with her. Damn it.
Scowling, with her arms still stuffed full of her private things, Hayley watched as Larissa walked over to what would be her bed. She drew her hand over the mat, trying to smooth some of it down. When she excised out a wad of bandages coated in bloody weep, Larissa sniffed as if she picked up a rat by its tail. “Disgusting.”
With each toss of Larissa’s red hair, and obvious displeasure at the arrangements, Hayley’s blood boiled over. Her arms locked tight around her things, things that Gavin gave to her. Entrusted her with. She spent months growing and bonding with him, and now, because Larissa had one bad night, now she got him too. It wasn’t fair!
“What is your problem?!” Hayley shouted as Larissa hurled Gavin’s book of prayers to the side of the tent.
“This is a sty, for starters,” she sighed to herself before glancing over, “and no doubt is mostly your doing.”
Snarling, Hayley hurled all of the clothing in her arms to the ground. “You come in here acting as if you’re the god damn queen, prissing all around with your nose in the sky like you don’t owe no one nothing. He broke his arm for you! You have no idea how much shit you ruined, what you’ve done to him.”
“I never asked him to do anything!” Larissa shouted in Hayley’s face. “You took away my knight
because you couldn’t keep your pox-infested face out of it. You’ve ruined my life and I am stuck with you for four cursed years!”
“Me?! I ruined your life? If I hadn’t said anything, then he would have just kept right on…”
“You don’t know that! You don’t know a god damn thing!” Larissa howled, spittle flying off her perfect lips. Out of words, she wrapped her hands around her face and screamed right into Hayley’s. The tears rose immediately, blinding her eyes as Larissa spun in place and buried herself into Gavin’s bed.
“You’re a nutter,” Hayley gasped, regret rising from her gut like a kraken. This was a mistake, a huge one.
“Leave. Me. Alone. Why can’t you just leave me alone and go away?” Larissa sobbed.
Screw her. Hayley scowled as she stomped out of the tent. She was trying to be nice. Despite hating Larissa with every bone in her body she thought it was the right thing to do. Hayley was a fool to care. She barely made it two steps into the Larissa-free air before an amber glare caught her eyes.
Great. Let’s all yell at Hayley for not being nice enough. For not being sweet and kind to someone who stomped around like she deserved the best of everything! In the end, Larissa got everything she wanted. She hated Hayley for scooping up Gavin, but who was the princess of the tournament? Who was the newest squire to serve under him?
Was he going to have to pick between them?
A sinkhole rose out of the ground to suck Hayley down to just her neck. She tried to rub the feeling away, her knuckles working over her gut, but it wouldn’t leave. Would he choose out of them? Pit Hayley and Larissa against each other and the best got to stay? Her fingers bumped into the sword at her side. Even after the night and sudden duel day, she hadn’t taken it off. His gift to her, his reward.
And Hayley didn’t cost him a chance to win the tournament. Larissa did that as she wailed on and on about how her life was ruined because he stepped up and did something. He deserved to know.
“Ser,” Hayley dashed for her knight who sat upon a stump with his eyes shut tight. It took a moment before he opened them, Hayley spotting a redness within.
“Yes?”
He looked terrible. The pain in his arm was easily doubled by the one in his heart. With so many people standing around, all the woman he loved could do was drift around near but not offer any succor. Pinching her nose, Hayley only said. “I did as told.”
“Good, good,” Gavin responded as if nothing was good in the world. “You can attend to the Tourney if you wish. I will remain here for a time. I doubt any will want to see my face.”
Hayley bobbed her head, the fight fully kicked out of her. She took a step towards the roar of the crowd who’d now have to face a week of scraps without their favorite. All because Hayley couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Her foot hovered above the ground, the toe straining to make contact as Hayley froze.
Eyes screwed up, she gasped, “I’m sorry.”
“Eh?” Gavin sat up higher upon his stump, the bandaged arm shifting.
Unable to face him, Hayley spat to the world, “I shouldn’t have said anything! I should have shut up and stayed out of it. Then you wouldn’t have been hurt, you wouldn’t have lost your chance to win, and-and…” Cold seeped into her heart, Hayley glancing over her shoulder, “You wouldn’t have lost your friend.”
Gavin’s lips flattened into a tight purse. “I lost that friend the moment he made those choices.”
“But it isn’t fair!” Hayley shouted at the broken man. “You stood up, you fought for what is right, and she’s…” jabbing a finger to the tent, Hayley’s screed grew louder, “she’s shouting how you shouldn’t have even done it! That you ruined her life! That I did. She don’t even care!”
“I doubt that,” Gavin whispered.
“No! I heard her. She hates you, she hates me, she hates everyone but the bastard that…” The word clogged in Hayley’s throat, her skin flushed with an achingly familiar shame. A locked bathhouse, a boy, and her foot. “Larissa didn’t even want help. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have done anything.”
A great sigh broke from Gavin, the man staggering to his feet. He walked closer, his tone softening to a whisper. “You did what was right, as did I.”
“But it cost you…” Hayley jerked towards Myra, then flinched at the bold move. Luckily, Gavin didn’t look or knock her in the ears for it.
“There are sometimes consequences for our actions.”
“Even for doing the right thing? The just thing?”
“Often, they are twice as harsh as doing the wrong, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I,” he shuddered, “I put my wants, my assurances ahead of a gut feeling for far too long.”
“She don’t care, not about you, or what it cost you.”
“Right now, she’s…” Gavin flinched and his amber eyes turned inward, the light fading to only a bare flame. After a steadying breath, he continued, “In time, I suspect she will be grateful—”
Hayley snorted hard at that. If Larissa ever acted grateful, the stars themselves would fall from the sky.
“Glad then, to no longer be trapped in her situation. Things are hard now, and there is much pain, also grief. It can be…it is like a butterfly trapped its whole life inside a jar. The moment it is set free to taste the wide open meadows, it fears this change and some part of it yearns for the glass. Even if it knows the jar is bad, it cannot help the thoughts.”
“That’s stupid.” Hayley shook her head, her ears growing hot.
“I suppose so,” Gavin said.
Her eyes darted around the other knights, the ones who stood around watching as hers stopped Frederick. They wouldn’t lift a finger or give a second glance, and now they all glared at Gavin for stirring up the nest. “What’s their problem? They’re acting like you’re the monster here. Like it’s all your fault.”
Ser Gavin was the golden boy, lofted on high and looked to for inspiration. Now they were all giving him a wide berth as if he was some leper that spit acid. It knotted her guts to watch.
“It is,” Gavin said softly. “There are more squires coming forward, speaking of problems they had with him in the past. No one is happy about this and they all want it to go away.”
“To stuff it back in its jar,” Hayley sputtered.
Her knight nodded solemnly, his good hand clenched in a fist. “But, what we did, what you did…it could have gone on for years without anyone knowing. You saved others from being hurt and, as much as you may not like her, Larissa too.”
“Why’d she have to stir this mess up? Why couldn’t she just…just…” Hayley kicked her toe into the ground. She didn’t feel as if she saved anyone from anything, just locked a millstone to both their necks.
“This is only one man’s doing. He made those choices and committed those sins with no other hand forcing them. It is upon his head and no other!” Gavin’s breath erupted from his nose at the end, almost as if there should be steam shooting free.
Hayley’s eyes shot up from under her hung brow to glare at him. No way they’d say that, no way they’d think that. Larissa was pretty and a pain. And they were already whispering that Gavin overreacted.
Her knight sighed, his sight sifting out to the others gossiping about him. “You have to tell yourself that often, or the world will convince you otherwise. Go and enjoy the tournament, Hayley. Please. You earned it.”
“What about you?” She hadn’t done much beyond sticking everyone else’s foot in her mouth. If anyone deserved to sit in the fancy box and sip wine it was him.
“I will…” Slowly Gavin turned to his wife, the pair locking eyes as if no one else in the world existed. “I need some time to cool down.”
With that he slipped back to his stump, his head hung so that his broken arm fell lower down his stomach. As if she didn’t have a care in the world, Myra curled her hand over the back of Gavin’s neck, caressing away a mass of worries Hayley couldn’t understand. Her skin prickled for answers or a face
to punch, but if she remained here any longer the only one she’d clobber would be Larissa.
Turning on her heel, Hayley made her way towards the arena, but whenever she overheard knights talking about the duel she’d make certain to tell them all it was Frederick’s fault. His crime should be burned into his skin and never allowed to heal.
She spent most of the day perched in the stands beside Ania, trying to cheer on other knights and laugh with clowns. It wasn’t easy, the crowd booing when it was time for Gavin’s fight and the announcement coming that he was out of the running. The booing grew to stomping and nearly fistfights when the next combatants came out. They wanted their glorious knight and he was snatched away for reasons no one went into. It was almost as if nothing unsavory happened behind the scenes, only rumors.
By the time Hayley wandered back to the tent, her cheeks and forehead crispy from the sun, and Ania off to find something tasty for supper, she spotted only Myra. The woman was patting Gringolet’s head and talking to the horse as he nosed around in a bucket they must have set up for him.
Hayley eyed up the horse out of the stable, then turned to Myra. “What’s he doing out?”
“It’s…” Myra flicked the mane up a moment, causing a cross horse eye to dart to her. “Sorry,” she apologized to the always serious horse. “Gavin needed him.”
“To travel?”
“To heal.” Her hands paused in roughing up Gringolet’s mane. “This horse has seen him through…” Myra caught herself and swiped at her eyes. “It is a long tale.”
“Where is he?” Hayley shifted on her toes, growing aware that the knight she was supposed to serve was nowhere to be found.
Myra’s graceful hand skirted through the air and pointed to Hayley’s greatest nightmare. Perched upon a hill sat not one but two silhouettes. Gavin’s was stoic, the spine straight as a rod while Larissa’s bobbed as if she was drunk. They were clearly talking, Larissa’s head twisting to Gavin more than the other way around. Hayley couldn’t hear a word, and she knew if she tried to get close she’d probably get yelled at.