by Jolie Day
She couldn’t say that she regretted anything they had done the night before, though. Or that morning. It was all very satisfying to have a man in her bed—and to be in another man’s bed, as well—again. Especially one as handsome and commanding as Lieutenant Carter McIntyre of the Navy SEALs. He was an attentive lover, if nothing else.
But he was everything else, too. He was strong and caring and affectionate, though a bit distant. She remembered the way he’d acted that morning after he’d obviously had a bad dream and she had been unable to comfort him with anything other than sex. Not that she had minded. If that’s what he needed to feel better, then she was more than happy to oblige.
She just wished that he would speak to her about it. Maybe there were more ways that she could help than just being a warm body in his bed. That’s not all he saw her as, right? Surely, they were more than that by now.
She would have to find a way to bring it up later, when they were working together again. Or, perhaps, even over lunch. If they made it to that today. She had a feeling that today’s photoshoot would be cut short once again for something that was definitely not safe to share with her clients. Liz got a thrill just thinking about it.
Drying off with a towel, she walked into her bedroom and sat down on the bed, wrapping up her hair and allowing herself a few brief moments to relax and stretch after her five-mile run. It was always nice to have these moments to just decompress. Today, however, she was wishing for a body next to hers.
She didn’t exactly want sex right now, but just to have somebody to talk to would be nice. She and Carter rarely spoke to each other, for real. He was either rushing off to another one of his appointments or luring her into bed.
Again, there were no complaints on Liz’s end, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want something a little deeper than sex and photography. Relationships with guys had always been an ‘All or Nothing’ type of deal, which usually ended up with the guy trying to make her give up something she loved—like photography or travel.
She wanted more than that with Carter, as hard as it was for her to admit to herself. She had known that professionalism wasn’t going to cut it almost as soon as she’d made the decision not to sleep with him anymore. That was a joke if she’d ever heard one. There was absolutely no resisting Carter McIntyre.
Still, even as she dressed and put on makeup to cover up the hickeys on her neck, she was wondering if there could possibly be a future between them. Carter was due to go back to the Navy and she would probably be moving on, as well. He was right about her; she was better than taking pictures of tourist attractions and landmarks. Liz Morgan could be making an even bigger name for herself with her photography. Why was she so scared of trying?
Her mother had always said that she was a rolling stone, but had she gotten herself stuck in her current ‘career’, taking the pictures that she was taking?
She hoped not.
Liz put her hair up in a ponytail and grabbed her phone, checking for messages.
Ready when you are. -Carter
She tried not to think of the irony of that statement as she headed down to meet him in the lobby, her camera bag at her hip. They were taking photographs on a hiking trail today. After that, there was only one more place that she wanted to photograph him and then their working relationship would be over with.
But where would that leave their personal relationship?
Liz tried to put those thoughts out of her mind as she saw Carter waiting for her in the lobby, sat down in one of the lounge chairs, pretending to read the newspaper. She snuck up on him, removing her camera from the bag and held it up to her eye, staring at him through the lens.
He really was a sight to see, she thought as she snapped the photo. A second after, he glanced up and gave her a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes, standing up to greet her. Carter surprised Liz with a peck to her cheek and his hand wrapped around hers as he led her outside to his Harley, which would take them to their destination.
She had no idea what had gotten into him, but somehow Liz knew that it couldn’t possibly last.
*****
“So what brought on these nightmares?” Admiral Maxwell asked.
“Finally sleeping is my guess,” retorted Carter as he watched the good doctor read his green notebook, which was filled with sloppily written notes in both pencil and pen. A few of the pages were bent or stained, but the writing was at least legible.
“You haven’t been sleeping well?” Dr. Maxwell asked. “That could be a symptom of Depression.”
“Look,” Carter huffed, “I’m not depressed, alright? I just came home from Afghanistan. My internal clock’s a little messed up.”
“Carter, you’ve been back in the States for six months now,” the doctor pointed out.
“Three of those months were spent in the hospital, though,” Carter retorted. “You think I had a real steady sleep schedule there? All doped out on pain medication.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that, actually,” the doctor said. “How was your detox?”
“Hurt like a bitch,” Carter informed him, “but not as bad as a night in the desert.”
The doctor laughed. “I concur,” he said. “Though I still have yet to detox.”
“You mean you’re high right now?” Carter asked, furrowing his brow as he surveyed the doc. “No wonder you’re so mellow.”
“I’m not high,” Dr. Maxwell sighed. “Just medicated. It’s for my leg and it doesn’t impede my judgement.”
“You’re sure about that?” Carter asked. “Because I wouldn’t want your addiction getting in the way of me going back to my base.”
“Carter, you may not go back if you don’t take this seriously,” the Admiral warned. “Now, tell me, why do you think sleeping has suddenly become so much easier? What’s changed recently?”
Carter shrugged and looked away, debating on whether or not he should tell the doctor about his recent relationship change with Liz. He didn’t know if the doctor would be impressed or concerned. For all he knew, he might tell Carter that their relationship was unhealthy and an impediment on his chances of going back to the war.
But he figured he might as well tell him anyway, because he was bound to find out eventually. The doc was smart like that.
“I’m sleeping with Liz.”
“The photographer’s daughter?”
“The photographer,” Carter corrected. “She’s more than just what’s-his-name’s daughter.”
“Of course,” the Admiral said. “My apologies.” But he was grinning, as if he’d just led Carter into some ingenious trap. “So tell me more about your relationship with Liz. Is it serious?”
“I’m not sure,” Carter said, honestly. “All we really do is take pictures and have sex. I don’t really even know that much about her.”
“How much does she know about you?”
“Even less,” Carter said, suddenly feeling…strange. He squirmed slightly in his navy blues and sighed. “We don’t really talk a lot; except pillow talk, I mean. I haven’t even really told her what brought me back here.”
“So she doesn’t know about the bomb, then.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s…personal.”
“Isn’t that a reason why you should confide in her, though?” Dr. Maxwell asked. “If you want to get closer, I mean.”
“Not sure if I do,” Carter said. “Especially if I’m just gonna end up going back to the desert in a few months anyway. What’s the point?”
“Life is the point, Lieutenant. You should learn to live it.”
“You sound like a fortune cookie,” Carter huffed.
“Fortune cookies hold infinite wisdom, sometimes,” Dr. Maxwell retorted. Then he looked at his watch and sighed. “I’m afraid our time is up. Same time next week?”
Carter nodded and the doctor handed him his green notebook back before standing himself and leading him to the door. Before Carter
left, however, the doc tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to him, one last time.
“Don’t be wary of going after what you really want,” he said. “You’re a strong young man, I can see that much. And after all you’ve been through, I can understand why you might be afraid of committing to something that isn’t war. You always know what you’re getting into with the Navy, but never with love. Don’t let that uncertainty keep you from taking risks, though. Embrace them like you do Afghanistan and your life might turn out better than you’ve ever imagined.
“Seriously man,” Carter retorted. “Lay off the Chinese food.”
The doctor laughed and tapped his arm with the cane, before allowing Carter to leave the room. As soon as the younger man was gone, he started to cough to hard that he almost fell to the ground. Dr. Maxwell caught himself on the back of a couch and reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, covering his mouth with it.
When he pulled his hand away, the white cloth was stained with deep red blood.
*****
Carter watched Liz work on her computer, the focus in her eyes mesmerizing as she stared at her screen, editing her photographs to fit the needs of her clients. He was supposed to be watching TV and relaxing after the day they’d had (a jog through the park, a photoshoot in front of a graffitied building, and a marathon of sex followed by leftover takeout from two days ago), but his gaze kept wandering to over where she sat, her legs folded underneath her, scrolling through her email and working on Photoshop. How was a guy supposed to focus on anything but her and the way she stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth when she was laser focused on something?
It just wasn’t possible.
“What are you even working on?” he asked, as casually as possible.
Liz jumped, as if noticing him for the first time. He couldn’t blame her, though. He tended to tune out the world when he was working, as well, focusing only on his task. It wasn’t good for a Navy SEAL to admit that, though. She flushed, embarrassedly and turned her camera toward him, showing him a picture of himself, looking out over the peak of a mountain. It was from the hiking trail from a few days earlier. It looked like the desert, but he was in running gear, clearly not in Afghanistan. She had caught him mid-pose, running his hand through his hair as he looked around the rolling landscape that was Southern California.
“Nice photo,” Carter murmured. “That’s one handsome fella.”
“Not handsome enough, I’m afraid,” Liz teased. “I had to do a lot of work to get him to look like this.” Carter growled and reached for her, tugging Liz into his body as she squealed, struggling to get out of his grasp, but not hard enough.
He attacked her neck with kisses and bites and she laughed hysterically, pushing him away.
“No more hickeys!” she exclaimed. “I can’t take anymore.”
“Oh, you definitely can,” Carter retorted, reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. He undid her bra next, disrobing Liz before she could even reach for the zip on his jeans. Carter trailed kisses down her body until he reached the apex of her thighs and dove straight between her legs, licking her to orgasms, one after another, until she was screaming out his name.
“Fuck, Carter!” she cried out, clawing at his shoulders. “Oh God! Baby, I love you!”
“What?” Carter asked, pulling back, his eyes wide with shock.
“What’s wrong?” Liz asked.
“You…you said you loved me,” Carter pointed out, backing away from her.
“Yeah…? Of course, I love you. You’re my husband, sweetheart.”
“Your what?” Carter gasped, looking down at the ring on his left hand and shaking his head. “What? When did we…? What the hell is going on?”
“Are you okay, baby?”
“I, uh, I need some air,” Carter said, jumping off the couch and running toward the door. The second it opened, however, he found himself standing at the end of a church aisle, watching as Liz came toward him, wearing a large white dress, a bouquet of flowers in her hands. She was smiling brightly at him and there were tears in her eyes. Carter felt his heart begin to pound in his chest.
He turned to race back out the door, but it was gone, replaced by a minister holding a bible in his hands. “Ready for your big day?” he whispered, giving Carter a friendly grin. Carter shook his head and backed away, turning to run down the aisle and past Liz, but once again the scene had changed.
Instead of being in a chapel, he was in the desert, surrounded by other soldiers dressed like him. “Hey, Buddy,” he heard and turned to find his late best friend, Jared Kane, smiling over at him. He was younger than Carter remembered him, but he still had that goofy grin. “You ready for your first day?”
“My first day?” Carter asked, looking down at the gun in his hand. It was heavy and his arms were smaller than they should have been. He was eighteen again, it seemed.
“Yeah. There’s nothing to be afraid of, you know? I’ve been here for a year already and it ain’t as bad as everybody says it is. We hardly ever see any action unless we get a major assignment. A lot of it is patrolling the nearby villages to make sure that nobody’s up to anything funny. No big deal.” He shrugged. “What’s your name, soldier?”
“Kane…” Carter said, still not believing his eyes.
“No…that’s my name, man,” Kane replied, laughing. “Your tag says McIntyre. Mind if I call you Mac?” Carter shook his head and started to reach out for the man in front of him.
Kane disappeared before his eyes.
Then Carter was alone, surround by gray smoke and sand and fire, but there was nobody else around for miles. All he could do was stand there and watch everything burn down around him. He shut his eyes, tight, praying for it to all go away.
When he woke up, he found Liz’s face above his, looking worried. She had her hands on his shoulders and was shaking him awake. “Carter? Carter, are you alright?” she said.
He sat up, dislodging her from his lap and Liz fell to the couch beside him. Carter wiped the sweat off his brow and took deep breaths as he stared around the familiar room. The TV was still going and Liz’s clothes were still on, her laptop still perched on the arm of the sofa. She was giving him a look full of concern.
“What…what happened?” Carter asked, keeping his distance. Her words and the images from his dreams played over and over in his mind.
“You fell asleep,” she informed him. “And then you started talking. And shouting.”
“Shouting?” Carter asked, furrowing his brows. “About what?”
“I have no idea,” Liz admitted. “You just kept yelling ‘no’ and you started to thrash, so I decided I had to wake you up.” She frowned at him, sympathetically. “Were you dreaming about the desert?” she asked.
Another image of her in a wedding dress flashed through his mind and Carter shut his eyes tight in an attempt to rid himself of it. He shook his head and stood up while Liz watched, rooted to the couch. “I don’t remember what I was dreaming about,” he lied, “but I know it’s none of your business.”
“What?” Liz gasped. “Where the hell is that coming from?”
“It’s coming from spending too much time with you on my case all the time,” Carter retorted, still not looking at her. “You’re always getting on my case about everything. Why can’t you just leave me alone.” His heart was still pounding. He could still hear her saying those words in his ear and he couldn’t take it. “You know what? I have to go,” he said, making his way toward the door.
“Wait! Carter!” Liz called out after him. He didn’t stop until he was back at his apartment, his chest heaving as he made his way toward the bathroom, reaching for his notebook and writing down everything that had happened in his dream. Dr. Maxwell’s words echoed in his head and suddenly Carter felt like a coward for running away from the woman that he might possibly—care about.
He started to put the notebook down and make his way back to her apartment, but a chirp from his pho
ne stopped him. Carter sighed as he sat back down and slipped the phone out of his pocket, expecting to see a confused text from Liz, asking him what his problem was.
Instead, a number he didn’t recognize had texted him coordinates and a time to meet. Carter knew exactly what this meant and Rusty’s warning echoed in his head before he could shoo it out of his mind. He had another job to do. Liz could wait.
Standing up, he made his way into his bedroom and took out his leather jacket, laying it out on the bed as he changed into more appropriate clothes. As soon as he was dressed, he shot a text back and made his way toward the door, heading out into the night.
*****
Liz sat alone in her apartment, thoroughly confused. She’d thought that she and Carter were getting closer, becoming more comfortable with one another, but maybe she was wrong. The way he had acted tonight was only proof of that. She wondered what had set him off. What could he possibly have been dreaming of that got him so worked up that he felt the need to yell at her and then leave? She had no idea, but her chest was beginning to ache.
She attempted to return to the work she had been doing before the whole ordeal, but it was a no go. She had lost all semblance of focus. Instead, she closed her laptop and headed to bed, laying herself down over the comforter and sighing as she willed her body to relax for once, without him there to ‘help’.
That, too, did not seem likely to happen. Liz turned her head to look at the clock. It was only a quarter past nine and she didn’t feel tired at all. All she really wanted to do was go down to Carter’s apartment to check on him, but she doubted that he would appreciate that. She would just have to give him his space. Again.
She was getting pretty tired of that.
Chapter Eight
The sun had long risen by the time Carter parked his bike at the curb in front of his apartment building. His knuckles were bloody and raw and his entire body ached from the night he had spent ‘collecting’ for the Hell’s Seven. He had taken the part-time gig as a way to earn money while he was back in the States, but he hadn’t counted on just how bloody it was.