Secrets at St Jude’s: Rebel Girl

by Carmen Reid

  Amy looked at Gina seriously now. ‘Is that what you want to do? I mean really, really? This is Dermot we’re talking about. The lovely, lovely Dermot. Once you let him go, there will be a crowd, a flock, no a stampede at the café door. You won’t get him back, Gina. He’ll be buried under an avalanche of desperate girls.’

  ‘The lovely, lovely Dermot,’ Gina said. ‘That’s the problem. We’re like this comfortable old couple already. Everybody knows about us – everybody’s watching us and talking about us and wondering when we’re going to break up or have sex or get married. I feel claustrophobic. And it’s not just that . . . he’s had no time for me . . .’

  ‘It was the exams.’ Niffy defended him.

  ‘No Valentine’s card . . .’ Gina protested.

  ‘You got a cake,’ Amy reminded her.

  ‘His dad baked the cake. It was probably for the café. There was no card, there was no date. There is no sparkle. He’s just all about studying and revising and working in the café and saving up and it’s totally boring. Callum is fun. He’s exciting . . . Tomorrow, he’s taking me to a funfair. I like the fact that I don’t know him. It’s very exciting getting to know him.’

  ‘Poor Dermot.’ Amy had to sympathize as she took Gina’s money. ‘He’s mad about you. He’s going to feel so bad. He’s going to regret every second he spent with his books and not with you. And you’re going to dump him for his best friend!’

  ‘He’s not his best friend. He’s one of his friends.’ Gina tried to make it sound better than she knew it was.

  ‘Poor, poor Dermot.’ Amy shook her head. ‘He’s forgiven you about the cake fight, you’ve convinced him you were texting a friend about last Sunday, and now he thinks you’re going on a lovely make-up cinema trip. Poor Dermot.’

  ‘We have to go,’ Gina said, stuffing her change into her purse.

  ‘Don’t wear those boots or those leggings,’ Amy called out after her.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘You look too cute. Go looking plain . . . ugly, even.’

  As Gina walked towards the queue of people waiting outside the Filmhouse cinema, she felt properly nervous.

  Dermot was the first boy she’d really got to know well, her first real ‘boyfriend’.

  Dumping the guys she’d been on one or two squishy and embarrassing dates with back home had not exactly been hard. She’d just sent them a text saying: SORRY, I’M BUSY, and they had got the message. But this . . . this was going to be different. This was going to be difficult.

  There he was – she saw with a start – already in the queue, waving at her. She waved back and set a smile in place. Should she watch the film? she wondered. Should she tell him now, in the queue? Or should they watch the film together and should she tell him afterwards?

  All the way here she’d been wondering which would be better and she still hadn’t decided.

  ‘Hello, Gina, how are you doing?’ Dermot called over to her.

  She walked towards him and accepted the hug and kiss on the lips, but she pulled back before it could get any more intimate.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, and gave him a smile which she hoped didn’t look too sympathetic.

  ‘Gina, Gina.’ Dermot was smiling at her. He shook his head. ‘It’s been ages since we went out. I’m sorry it’s been so long.’

  ‘The cake disaster . . . I am so, so sorry about the cake disaster.’

  ‘The Valentine’s Day massacre? Yeah . . . that wasn’t great. If I ever see that Charlie prat, I’ll break his neck. Seriously, I’ll put the prick on crutches.’

  ‘What’s going to happen when your dad sees me?’ Gina wondered, forgetting for a moment that she was supposed to be breaking up with Dermot and never seeing him or his family again.

  ‘I don’t know. You, Amy and the Charlie gang are currently banned from the café. Dad is actually going to throw you out if you turn up again . . . well, so he says. But his bark has always been worse than his bite.’

  ‘It must be kinda difficult living with someone with so many anger issues.’

  ‘Anger issues?’ Dermot began to laugh. ‘That’s good, I like that. Nice way of putting it.’

  Gina couldn’t help it, she began to laugh too.

  She looked up at Dermot’s friendly and familiar face. His arm was round her shoulder and suddenly she wasn’t sure.

  Did she really want to go out with Callum more? Did she really not want to spend any more time with Dermot? Not want to get to know him even better?

  ‘What’s the film?’ she asked.

  ‘Ah . . . an experimental Polish biopic about the head of an asylum. Supposed to be fascinating. The Guardian gave it four stars.’

  See, that was so Dermot. He’d asked her out to an experimental Polish biopic.

  ‘Romantic.’ Gina giggled and took his arm. ‘Smoochy.’

  As she caught Dermot’s smile, she knew she wanted to kiss him. Very much. If she could just kiss him properly and see if the tingle was back, then she would know she should stay with him. She reached her face up towards his, but he moved back and her kiss landed on his jaw.

  ‘Well, if you want smooch,’ he said, ‘you could obviously go to the rom-com showing on screen two. If you look closely, over there in the queue, you can just make out Min. But her face is hidden because she is busy licking Greg’s lips off.’

  ‘What?!’

  Gina looked over in surprise. ‘I didn’t know they were going to the cinema tonight.’

  ‘She’s got her secrets then . . . just like you.’

  As Dermot said this, he tapped Gina lightly on the nose.

  Then his face turned all serious and Gina felt her heart begin to thud.

  ‘Dermot . . . there’s something we need to talk about . . .’ she began, her voice sounding all choked and tense.

  ‘I think you mean someone,’ Dermot said.

  ‘Someone?’ Gina repeated, barely above a whisper. ‘Do you know?’

  ‘Do you want to tell me what I should know?’

  Even in the dim street-lighting, Gina could see that Dermot’s face looked different. There was an embarrassed flush to it and he kept looking up, avoiding her eye, and he seemed to be clenching and unclenching his jaw.

  ‘Ummmm . . .’ Gina stalled. She looked down at the ground and felt Dermot’s arm drop from her shoulder. ‘I got a Valentine’s card and I thought it was from you, inviting me on a date. I went and it turned out to be . . . Callum.’

  She looked at Dermot pleadingly. Until she’d met him here tonight, she’d been certain that she wanted this friendship to end. But now she was almost certain that she didn’t. She really, really liked him.

  How could she have forgotten that?

  Dermot looked upwards and the muscle in his jaw flicked some more.

  ‘He was really good fun,’ Gina said in a low voice.

  Dermot drew his breath in sharply at this, making Gina feel like she’d hit him.

  ‘And well, we . . .’ She was about to say ‘kissed’, but decided that was totally unfair. ‘We thought at the time . . . that we might like to see each other again,’ she said instead, feeling like a total traitor now.

  ‘Well, that’s nice. I’m very happy for you both,’ Dermot said, his voice sounding strained.

  ‘Dermot! I came here to . . . to . . .’

  ‘Break up with me?’

  ‘I don’t know . . .’ she admitted. ‘I thought that’s what I wanted, but now I don’t think I do.’

  She put her hand over his, but he moved it away.

  ‘You’ve been snogging someone I consider a friend, behind my back,’ he said.

  ‘What?!’ Gina gasped, astonished that she’d been found out.

  ‘Yeah. Callum showed a picture to someone else and word got around . . .’ Looking directly at her, he added in a low voice, ‘There’s a St Jude’s boarder in the year above you who also considers herself his girlfriend. You might just like to know that.’ Dermot was trying to sound angry, but he just sounded up
set, which was making Gina’s insides squeeze with regret.

  ‘What?!’ she repeated.

  She’d made a huge mistake. A terrible mistake. She had to make up with Dermot, right now.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry . . . but you’ve been so busy. You’ve not had any time for me.’

  ‘I was studying. I don’t think that makes it OK for you to go off and snog my friend.’

  ‘Dermot, please, I’m sorry.’

  They stood looking at each other in silence for several moments. The queue moved forward, but Gina knew they couldn’t go and watch the film.

  ‘I thought I was going to meet you. I didn’t know it was going to be him,’ she tried again.

  ‘Well, let’s see . . . did you know you were kissing Callum? Or did he blindfold you and disguise his voice?’

  Gina didn’t want to reply to this.

  She looked around and her eye fell on Min again. She and Greg had stopped kissing and were chatting to each other. They looked so happy.

  But over here in the Gina and Dermot queue, everything was totally confused, snarled up, and she had a horrible feeling they were not going to get over this.

  The feeling was growing, like dread, in the pit of her stomach.

  ‘Dermot, I’m sorry,’ she said again, and began to feel a lump build in the back of her throat.

  He didn’t say anything. He just stood there with his arms crossed, looking away from her.

  ‘I think it’s too late,’ he said, his voice all strained and tense.

  ‘No! If I’m really sorry, it can’t be too late,’ Gina protested. She reached out for his arm and tried to slip her hand around it.

  Dermot kept his arm pressed tightly to his side.

  ‘Everyone knows about you and Callum,’ he muttered. ‘It’s a bit humiliating.’

  A bit?

  Dermot’s whole class was laughing at him and here he was calling it ‘a bit’ humiliating.

  That was so sweet. So Dermot.

  Gina’s hand dropped from his arm.

  ‘I’m so, so sorry,’ she whispered, and she did really, truly mean it.

  She would give anything for things to be back to normal again, for Dermot to have his arm around her and be telling her something funny.

  The queue moved forward again, but this time Dermot stepped out of it.

  ‘I don’t think we’re going to go and see this film, are we?’ he said. ‘Despite the fact that it’s a “flawless allegory on modern capitalism”.’

  Gina shook her head. ‘Could we go somewhere . . . to talk?’

  Now Dermot shook his. ‘I don’t think so, Gina.’

  Gina just stood there, still in the queue.

  ‘Is this it?’ she asked in a shaky voice.

  Dermot’s jaw was flicking again. She realized that he kept looking upwards because his eyes were watery, but he was determined not to cry.

  ‘Dermot? Really? I’m sorry,’ she pleaded. ‘Look at me. I’m really, really sorry.’

  But in a husky voice, he said, ‘I need to be clear, Gina. I can’t go out with someone who’d cheat on me with my friends. I need to be . . . clear.’

  The lump in her throat had become hard and choking. ‘I really liked you,’ she heard herself blurt out, and she reached out to touch his rough tweedy coat sleeve.

  Liked? She’d said ‘liked’ because she knew now that it was over.

  He was about to walk away and not come back.

  ‘I really liked you too.’

  It sounded so final, it made her shiver.

  ‘Please can I call you, Dermot? Later . . . maybe next week?’ she asked desperately, feeling her eyes well up now.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  With that he turned, said a brief, ‘Bye Gina,’ and began to walk away.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  AS SOON AS the phone bleeped in her handbag with a message, Gina slowed her tragic walk to the taxi rank and hurried to see who had texted her.

  Could it be Dermot? Could he possibly have changed his mind?

  She fumbled the phone out of her bag and took a look at the screen.

  ‘HOW DID IT GO? ARE YOU FREE? CAL’

  Gina was so annoyed by this, she actually let out a cry of frustration and stamped her foot.

  ‘WHY NOT GO BUG YR GIRLFRIEND?’ she texted back. Then she switched her phone off so that no matter what Callum replied, she wouldn’t have to deal with it.

  Gina had spent most of the past hour in a café on the phone to her mom; because there were some things that were so big, you just had to share with your mom.

  Lorelei had been at a lunch party, but as soon as she’d worked out how upset Gina was, she’d excused herself from the crowd and gone to sit somewhere quiet to listen and sympathize.

  ‘I can’t tell you what to do . . . and I can’t say what Dermot will do . . . or what will happen next,’ Lorelei had told her kindly, ‘but I can tell you, sweetheart, that even though this feels terrible now and like the worst thing that’s ever happened, you will feel better soon. Your heart will mend. I promise you.’

  In the back of the taxi back to the boarding house, Gina couldn’t help thinking about Dermot: always so hard-working and cheerful in the café, always cracking jokes, making the best of that tiny bedroom in the tiny house he shared with his family. Didn’t he always try to make the best of everything? Well, OK, except Charlie, maybe.

  Dermot was a great person . . . and she’d blown it! She’d so totally blown it. For Callum . . . who had another girlfriend! Suddenly Gina found it impossible to stop crying.

  But as the taxi rattled up Bute Gardens, she wiped her eyes and her nose, paid the fare, then walked slowly towards the front door, not wanting to go inside the boarding house until she had pulled herself together.

  ‘Psssssssst! Gina?’

  Gina looked around, not sure where the whisper had come from.

  ‘Pssssssssssssssst! Up here!’

  Gina looked up. Now she could see Amy and Niffy’s heads poking out of one of the upstairs windows.

  ‘We’re in Primrose dorm,’ Amy said, still keeping her voice low. ‘Come and see us.’

  ‘Nah, I’m going to bed,’ Gina replied.

  ‘Just come,’ Niffy added. ‘We’ve got news.’

  Gina went into the boarding house, signed the sheet in the sitting room, and spotted that only Miss McKinnon was on duty. Now she suspected the reason Niffy and Amy were on guard up at the window in Primrose.

  ‘Good film?’ Miss McKinnon asked.

  ‘Erm . . . not bad,’ Gina replied, desperate to get out of the room. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got a headache, I think I’ll just go up to bed.’

  ‘Oh dear, do you want me to get something from the medicine cupboard for you?’

  ‘No, I’ll be fine. I’ll just get to bed early.’

  ‘You look pale,’ Miss McKinnon added. ‘Just let me know if you need anything.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  With that Gina went out of the room and began to walk towards the dorm her friends were hanging out in. If she didn’t go and see them, they would probably just come and find her anyway to bug her about what had happened.

  ‘So, don’t tell me – you’re waiting for Mrs Knebworth to come back from her dinner date, right?’ she asked as she pulled open the dorm door and saw Niffy and Amy crouching at the window in the dark. ‘Why is this so interesting?’

  ‘This is more than just friends,’ Niffy answered. ‘This is Mrs Knebworth having a boyfriend . . . it’s big. It’s Earth-shifting-on-its-axis stuff. It’s unthinkable!’

  Amy turned from the window and told Gina, ‘We’re probably just doing this stuff because we’re bored. We didn’t have nice cinema dates to go on tonight. How did Dermot take the bad news?’

  At this question, Gina wilted and almost began to cry again.

  ‘Oh dear . . .’ Amy said. ‘Sit down beside us and tell.’

  Gina didn’t think she wanted to, but somehow once she was sque
ezed between them, it was quite comforting to go through it all blow by blow. Their sympathy was very kind.

  ‘That sounds hideous, horrible. You poor thing,’ Amy soothed.

  ‘Bit of a bummer that you changed your mind just as he decided he didn’t want to hang around with you,’ Niffy pointed out, earning herself a poke in the ribs from Amy.

  ‘He knew about Callum!’ Gina said, repeating the worst aspect of the entire evening. ‘Callum has been showing people his phone photo of us kissing. It’s so horrible.’ She pressed her hands to her eyes to stop herself from crying.

  Amy and Niffy exchanged a glance.

  ‘Gina . . . we found out something about Callum,’ Amy began. ‘Just tonight. We’d have told you if we’d known before.’

  ‘Yeah . . .’ Niffy agreed.

  Gina looked up and immediately guessed at what they were talking about.

  ‘Dermot said Callum has a girlfriend in St Jude’s . . . do you know who? Oh no . . . the card!’

  She suddenly remembered Milly walking past her on Valentine’s Day and pointing out that they’d been sent the same card.

  ‘It’s Milly, isn’t it?!’

  ‘Yeah,’ Niffy confirmed. ‘Callum was the guy standing in the garden that night at the start of term.’

  ‘Oh no . . .’ Gina’s lip wobbled dangerously. ‘Does Milly know about me?’

  ‘No,’ Amy reassured her friend, putting an arm around her. ‘I’m sorry, Gina. Breaking up is so horrible . . . and really upsetting. I should know. I’ve done it enough.’

  ‘I don’t want to break up with Dermot,’ Gina said in a small, sad voice.

  ‘Here comes Min,’ Niffy said, her head still craned in the direction of the window, ‘looking dreamy, her mind full of equations. Greg plus Min over cinema times popcorn equals love,’ she joked.

  Gina couldn’t help pulling out her phone and switching it on . . . just to see, just to check if there was any word at all from Dermot.

  Nothing.

  ‘Why don’t you phone him?’ Amy said. ‘Why don’t you tell him that you don’t want to break up?’

  Gina shook her head.

  ‘A text?’ Amy suggested. ‘C’mon, if you like him that much, he has to be worth another shot. Go on . . . it can’t make anything worse, can it?’