He pulled the truck off the gravel road onto the paved highway and turned south. “The only ultrasound I’ve seen was on Slade’s liver last summer, but it didn’t seem too bad to me. The girl put some gel on his skin and then pushed what looked like a smooth microphone around on it. I don’t think he felt a thing.”
She turned to him. “You mean this isn’t the long needle into my stomach thing?” She shuddered as she asked.
Sheesh. No wonder she was nervous. “No. I don’t think there are any needles involved. You don’t need to worry at all.” He tried to reassure her, but she still seemed uptight all the way to the waiting room. When they called her name, she almost jumped and he decided he’d go with her if they’d let him.
He stood and offered her a hand to help her to her feet and asked, “Can I go back with you?”
She nodded almost woodenly and said, “Yes, please.” Her hand was like ice and he kept hold of it, trying to reassure her as they followed the tech.
She showed Kit to a changing room and gave her a hospital gown to change into. She came back out momentarily and they went into a darkened room where she instructed Kit to lie on her back on the table. As she placed pillows under Kit’s knees to support her back, Rossen felt compelled to explain. “I’m not her husband. Just a friend, but she’s a little nervous. Can I stay with her?”
“Sure. Why not? Are you the father?”
Rossen could feel himself blush and was grateful for the dim lighting. “No, just a friend friend. More like the baby’s uncle, sort of.”
The tech smiled as he stammered and said, “In that case, I’ll be careful to be discreet.” He breathed a sigh of relief.
He stood beside Kit’s head and she gripped his hand tightly in hers. Now he was nervous too.
The tech discreetly put a folded blanket under Kit’s gown and over her from the waist down, then pushed the gown up to expose her stomach. She pushed the blanket down slightly to reveal the smooth round bulge of the baby and Rossen swallowed hard. She proceeded to squeeze a bottle of gel over Kit’s brown skin. He felt torn about whether he should look away or watch the procedure. Telling himself she was covered more than a bathing suit, he watched in fascination.
The tech turned on her computer, put the rounded transmitter into the gel and slid it over and around Kit’s tummy trying to figure out where the baby was and in what position. Rossen alternated between watching what she was doing to Kit’s belly and watching the monitor.
****
Kit alternated between watching the monitor and watching Rossen. She was surprised that he'd come in with her, but very grateful. Holding his hand helped her to push her fears back so she could focus on what was going on. It didn’t hurt after all.
They were all three watching the monitor when the scrambled image cleared to distinctly become the form of a baby. Kit heard Rossen gasp above her, but was too fascinated to look away.
They could see its moving arms and legs and it turned its head slightly. They could even see its face. The tiny features showed up clearly. The tech was pushing buttons and sliding the transmitter and its miniature heart appeared in the image, its beat clear and rhythmic.
Kit laughed and Rossen was awestruck as the tiny fetus wiggled and floated completely upside down and then distinctly put its tiny thumb in its mouth. Rossen barely breathed, “No way!”
The tech smiled as she printed a still photo of the baby sucking it‘s thumb. “The more advanced our equipment gets, the more obvious it is that they have a personality even this early.” She took a few more measurements and asked, “Do you want to find out if it’s a boy or a girl this morning?”
Kit and Rossen turned to look at each other. She said, “No.” at the same instant he said, “Yes.”
The tech smiled again and leaned into Rossen to whisper something in his ear. He couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across his face.
When she was finished with her exam, the tech sent them on their way. “Everything looks good. I’ll get this report sent to your doctor. You look like you’re on track for twenty three weeks along.”
On the way out to the truck, he took her hand again on the icy walk and squeezed. “That was awesome! I’m so glad my mom and Isabel couldn’t come! Those images were unreal! It was such a little person!”
His voice was happy and filled with enthusiasm and Kit was relieved. She’d seen his face when the ultrasound technician uncovered her tummy and what she saw there made her pulse jump at the same time she began to worry. Every time she saw that he felt something for her, she knew soon thereafter he’d pull away from her hard. She couldn’t exactly name the emotion she’d seen on his face, but she knew without a doubt that he cared deeply for her, so she was glad that for once he wasn’t trying to push her away.
She smiled shyly. “You are never going to be able to keep its gender a secret. I’ll bet I know within the week.
He laughed and pulled her into a hug as he opened her truck door. “Never!”
Their next stop was Dr. Sundquist’s to have her arm checked and her cast redone. When he finished cutting it off, she was somewhat taken aback to see the three pins sticking out of her elbow. It was almost gruesome, but it felt fine. He declared everything looking perfect and put another one on and they set off for the art teacher’s.
Mr. Perkins was thrilled with her work. He thought they were every bit as good as Isabel had said and seconded her recommendation not to destroy any more.
They talked about finishes and glazes, and she asked him about a special treatment she'd read about on the internet, “Are you familiar with a process called Raku?”
“Absolutely.” He motioned them to follow him into another room. “That would actually be ideal for you to use on your work, because it doesn’t require a commercial kiln, so you could finish the final glaze right at the ranch. It can be fired in metal garbage cans filled with straw and an accelerant. You’d still have to bring in the green ware for the initial firing, but the rest you could do on site.”
He showed them a collection of pieces. “These are some samples of Raku finishes.” They were varied in colors and even sometimes in texture. The colors ran from cream to black with the vast majority being blues and purples. Most of it was a mottled metallic that at times looked crackled and sometimes even iridescent. It was striking and was exactly what she had in mind. She loved it!
“It’s perfect!” Her blue eyes were intense as she turned to her teacher. “How can I learn to do it?”
“I’ll take these in with me tomorrow and load them in the kiln. Could you come in to the school, say in a week, and I’ll show you and my school classes how it’s done at the same time?”
They finalized arrangements and Kit and Rossen loaded up on clay and headed home. She felt almost tired from the emotions she'd gone through this day. She glanced at Rossen, wondering what he was thinking so quietly on his side of the truck.
He looked over at her and gave a tired smile, and Kit thought to herself, There he goes. She could almost feel him distance himself from her.
Chapter 8
After Rossen’s initial reaction when Kit had asked about being baptized, she'd backed off and hadn’t said anything more, but she continued to go to church every week with the family. And privately, known only to Naomi, she had continued to study on her own. One day the bishop asked her about having the missionaries come and teach her, but she declined, thinking it would somehow strain her and Rossen’s relationship again.
She almost quit going to church altogether when she overheard two women in the restroom there talking about her. One was saying something about what Rossen had been doing while he was away rodeoing and then gave a nasty laugh about bringing home a pregnant girl. Kit was horrified! Only the other woman’s retort kept her from leaving the building in tears.
The other woman replied, “Gladys, don’t you dare insinuate what you are! We’ve known Rossen all his life and a more honorable man never lived. Don’t stand there and insult him
to me. I won’t have it!” Kit heard the women leave the room, but it took several minutes for her to gain enough composure to walk out into the hall.
She struggled through the rest of the meetings woodenly and when they got home, only the threat of nausea forced her to eat lunch before going to her room. She lay on her bed all afternoon, alternately crying and worrying, and when she came out for dinner she had almost nothing to add to the conversation over the meal.
She kept telling herself she'd been through a lot worse than this and that it was no big deal. She would just have to be sure to be discreet when she was in public. But she was much quieter over the next few days, and on Friday evening, the night of Slade and Isabel’s wedding, she didn’t really feel up to going at all. She had to drag herself into her room to dress in the exquisite sapphire dress with the princess cut. They’d brought in a stylist and she went from Isabel, to Joey, to Naomi and then to Kit, creating hairstyles for this momentous occasion.
Kit had never attended a wedding and had no idea how to behave or what was expected of her, but she did understand that at the reception that evening there would be a huge number of people who were the Rocklands’, Slade’s and Isabel’s friends. After the woman’s comments at church Sunday, Kit didn’t want to be seen anywhere that she could tarnish this great family's reputation.
Even the look on Rossen’s face, as she descended the stairs in her dress and an up-do of cascading curls studded with sparkling blue stone pins, couldn’t quell the ache in her heart.
She loved Slade and Isabel, and she was happy for them, but her smile hid a deep sadness as she discreetly slipped out the door of the reception room when it was time for the family photos. Outside, she found herself in a darkened hall and stood near a glass door to look out at the glittering cold stars above. She remained away most of the evening, aware that less tongues would wag concerning her and the Rocklands if she was out of sight.
At length, she found her way up a back stair to the landing Isabel had descended from to approach her groom and the others. Kit seated herself near the top step where the lights had been dimmed over the spiral staircase, and she watched the celebration from there. The whole family was wearing finery for the occasion and Rossen was more handsome than ever in a black tuxedo with a sapphire tie and cummerbund. She’d never actually been where there were tuxes and evening gowns and it would have been fun if she hadn’t been worried about protecting this family from gossip.
Eventually the evening wore down and they cut the wedding cake and threw a sacrificial bouquet. After the newlyweds slipped out to leave on their honeymoon, the guests began to leave. The family started to pack gifts out to the vehicles and gather up odds and ends that had to be taken care of. Kit slipped in beside Cooper to help carry packages with a smile pasted on to pretend like she had been a happy party goer the whole night. An hour later, riding home in the truck with Rossen, Cooper, Joey and Sean, she felt she’d pulled it off. She finally let her guard down some in the darkened cab and unconsciously released a deep, soft sigh.
****
Riding beside her, Rossen knew there was something terribly wrong, and had been for days, but he sure didn’t know what. Several times since she had come out for dinner Sunday evening with deep, sad eyes, he'd tried to encourage her to talk, but so far she hadn’t opened up even a crack. She hadn’t even said anything to Naomi, which worried Rossen all the more.
At home he helped her out of the truck and into the house, all the while trying to catch her eye, but she never once looked up before slipping into her room to quietly close the door.
After several minutes she came out in search of Naomi or Joey, but they’d both gone to Slade’s to unload gifts, so she hesitantly asked Rossen, “Would you mind helping me with my zipper? I’ve tried and tried and can’t manage it.”
He followed her back to her door in silence, but before starting to unzip her, he tipped up her chin to look into her eyes. “I’m a good listener. Are you ever going to tell me your troubles?” His blue eyes searched hers for a long moment, watching them wash with tears, but she only gave a miniscule negative nod and turned her back to him.
He unzipped her dress and watched her step away and close her door, feeling lonelier than he ever could have imagined. He climbed back into his truck and drove up the road to Slade’s, passing two truckloads of his family, before he pulled into a house now dark and quiet and empty. It was just the way his heart felt tonight. He’d been careful to keep his distance for weeks, sometimes consciously pushing away from her and apparently it had worked well. He couldn’t have felt more distant from her if she'd been in China.
He stepped into the house, pulling off his tie to toss it over a chair, as he walked through the lonely, dark silence. He went to stand before the wall of windows and stare out at the frozen river bottom below. The myriad of stars glittering white in the night sky reminded him of the way her hair had glittered and sparkled as she’d come down the stairs tonight. Her eyes had glittered like that too, with tears, just before she’d turned her back on him and stepped away.
He felt like he should pray, but for what? What he really wanted, he knew wasn’t right to ask, so he ended up just standing there not praying at all, feeling a deep, slow anger that was easier to deal with than a trampled heart.
He stood there like that until he finally backed up to sit in a recliner. Over the next several hours he took stock of his life, where he’d been, and where he was headed. Looking back, he didn’t know what he’d have done differently, and looking ahead simply made him tired. He knew he needed to get out of his home office to meet some girls and date, but to be honest; he only wanted to be with Kit. That led him around in the same dismal circle to the reality of her youth and his heart felt like it was in a trash compactor.
Eventually his exhaustion won out to ease his body into oblivion for a few peaceful hours.
He woke up stiff and irritable and stayed and ate cold cereal alone, rather than drive up home and have an undoubtedly good breakfast with the rest of his family.
He was still in his wrinkled tux, hunched over a bowl of Wheaties when his mom came in the door.
She poured herself a bowl and sat beside him. They ate in silence for awhile, the only sound the crunch of the cereal and the clink of their spoons against the dishes.
Finally, he asked, “Is Kit any better this morning?”
She finished chewing her bite and swallowed. “She’s okay, I think. Unless you look into her eyes.”
After another bite or two she glanced over at him. “She looks better than you. She’s at least trying to fake happy. You just look ticked. If you don’t mind my saying so.” She smiled sweetly.
“I am ticked. That’s exactly what I am. My whole life I’ve tried to do what I’ve been asked and be a good example. I followed the plan to the letter. Group date, single date, mission, college—the whole bit. Where has it gotten me?” He toyed with his spoon. “I had a shoe box full of women’s numbers just like Slade’s that Isabel gave the guys at Christmas. I’ve turned down a gob of trashy women over the last three years rodeoing.” He pushed his bowl aside roughly. “Listen to me. I sound like a pouty baby.
“Do you know what I spent half of last night doing? Trying to talk myself into wanting to go meet girls.” His voice was deeply bitter. “I’ve tried, Mom. I’ve honestly tried to do what I thought I should. Now I feel like I’ve been cheated for being a good Samaritan. Cursed by a sweet, beautiful, smart, cruel joke. I never thought I’d be mad at God, but I think I am. He’s in control. He could’ve helped me. You’re right. I am ticked. Royally ticked!”
He smiled ruefully and finished humbly, “So now I feel ticked, and guilty for feeling ticked.”
Naomi still had no answers and she placed her hand over his in silence.
Rossen’s voice softened, “She could have used a friend these last few days, but I’ve spent so much time trying to keep her at arms’ length that she won’t even talk to me. She seems more alone now than
when we first picked her up. And I can’t blame her. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. I catch myself enjoying her company, or noticing how she looks, or how smart she is, then I feel instant remorse, and fall all over myself trying to keep my distance. It’s killing me, and it’s not working anyway. I love her more than ever. I can’t even imagine what my moods are doing to her.”
He stood to walk to the window again. Finally he turned. “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Come on, Mom. You’re the parent. Where’s the wise counsel? The ‘mother knows everything’ solution? I could really use one about now.”
Naomi was slow to reply, “I don’t know how to make you not love her, Rossen. She’s very loveable. And I have no idea how to make you want to go out and date. I’m sorry to let you down. But I can tell you not to give up on God. It’s not that He’s not helping you right now. It’s just that we don’t understand His plan at the moment. I think He understands your anger. What He won’t understand, is if you don’t trust Him through it. He’s never failed you. He’s not going to start now, even though it feels like it.
“I wouldn’t have thought you’d need a refiner’s fire, but what do I know? Maybe it’s as simple as choosing you because you’re the only man strong enough to be selfless and resist her for her own good. That’s my theory. No other man could be around her and realize how beautiful, and smart, and talented she is, and still allow her to finish growing up. God knew she needed your goodness, and self control, and strength to give her the time and freedom she needs to reach her full potential.”
A shadow of Rossen’s true smile showed up. “Now you’re really making me feel like a shmuck.”
She laughed. “That’s what you get when you ask for mothers to know everything.”
She walked over and embraced him. “Now that we’ve got the answers to the universe figured out, help me figure out what happened to Kit at church. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m sure that’s when this all started.”
Above Rubies (Rockland Ranch) Page 9