by Dani Hoots
Malcolm scowled at him. “How dare you go against my orders.” He looked as if he was going to hit him, but held it back. I was glad, though, I didn’t want to see another fist fight break out.
Morpheus laughed. “Seems you have a bit of a problem on your hands, Mad Hatter.”
“My name is Malcolm,” his voice was dark, sending shivers down my spine.
“But you were far more interesting as the Mad Hatter. Oh well, if you don’t want to take a trip into the past.” He tapped his cane on the ground. “Maybe Alice would like to know.”
Melvin and Davis stood in front of me.
“Oh, what do we have here? Two boys who think they can take on the God of Nightmares? How amusing.”
“You aren’t taking her, Morpheus,” Malcolm said.
He grinned widely, as if this was a game. “Oh, but I am! Haven’t you learned anything? I always get what I want.”
Malcolm pulled out his sword. It was a rapier, not a katana like I trained with. I felt against my side. My katana was awaiting my command. Was this the time to use it? Was I ready?
Malcolm pointed his sword at Morpheus. “You aren’t taking her. Not this time.”
“Oh ho! Brave little protector you are! Interesting given what you did to the last Alice.”
Malcolm shook his head. “Your words won’t distract me like they do others. Stop wasting your time.”
He laughed as he pulled a sword out of his cane. It was also a rapier, dull on the sides and only pointed at the end. “Fine, I will just kill you now and be done with this game!”
Morpheus leapt forward and the clash of their rapiers rasped as they hit each other. Again and again Morpheus struck at Malcolm and again and again Malcolm defended himself. Morpheus may have been fast in my eyes, but Malcolm was a lot faster. The sound was loud as they thrashed back and forth. Morpheus tried to lunge at Malcolm, but it was no use. Malcolm was indeed skilled in fighting with a rapier.
Melvin, Davis and Chase stayed by me, making sure I was protected in case Morpheus tried anything dirty. I wondered if I should pull out my katana and help, but I felt as if I would be of no help. They were on a whole different level of expertise than me. The others looked as if they wanted to help as well, but they stayed at my side, knowing Malcolm would be mad if they did otherwise.
A crowd started to gather around, watching as the two swordsmen battled it out. Neither of them were holding anything back and any second, one of them could strike a killing blow. It was like Princess Bride, with Wesley and Inigo fighting on top of the cliff. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Then something happened. Malcolm lost his footing and Morpheus thrusted his sword right into his shoulder. Malcolm fell back onto the ground, grabbing his wounded shoulder. Morpheus quickly stepped on his hand and kicked the sword away.
“Good bye, dear Hatter. You will be missed.” Morpheus pulled back his sword to give the killing thrust.
My heart was racing, and without thinking, I pulled out my katana and hurried to Malcolm. I pulled it up and blocked Morpheus’ sword, breathing heavily as I did so.
He let out a laugh. “Oh, miss Alice, do you really think you can defeat me? With a katana, no less.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think I can defeat you, but I’m not going to let you hurt my friends.” Taking a deep breath, I realized there was only one way to help them. “I will go with you, but you have to promise not to hurt any of them.”
Morpheus smiled. “Well, well, what do we have here? I guess you won the heart of this Alice as well, Hatter. How times have changed.” He looked over at Chase. “And how I bet some are jealous.”
“Alice, don’t.” Malcolm shook his head. “My life isn’t worth it. Just run away.”
“She has already made her choice.” Morpheus put his sword away and extended his hand out to me. “Now come, Alice. Wonders await you.”
I took his hand, fear engulfing me at his touch. He was powerful, that I could feel. I glanced back at the others who just stared at me, knowing they couldn’t do anything now that Morpheus had me in his hand. So I looked forward, realizing this was my choice and I had to face the consequences.
But what those were, I still had no idea.
“You’re a lot different than the Alice of legend, do you know that?” Morpheus said as he guided me through the crowd.
“I would hope so, a lot has changed in our world since then. Besides, I’m not that Alice, I’m an entirely different person.”
He laughed. “I would suppose so. The old Alice was curious, sticking her noise into things she didn’t need to. You, on the other hand, were dragged here, without choice, told to do this and that. You put on a brave face but, you know what? I can see the fear in your eyes. And they tell me you are screaming inside.”
I tried not to listen to his words. “I could say the same about you. You are afraid of me, that is why you want me away from the others.”
“Maybe, at one point, I heard whispers of your name and feared what you might bring. But now, seeing you as you are, I am no longer afraid.” He let out a laugh.
I felt a shiver go down my spine. I wanted to run, I wanted to run as far away as I could. He was right, I couldn’t beat him. He really doesn’t have anything to worry about. I tried not to seem afraid, but I knew he was aware of my fear. He was the master of nightmares, and I was exactly where he wanted me.
I shook my head. No, I wouldn’t let him manipulate me with words like that. I knew he was just trying to make me scared and I wouldn’t let him win. I had Chase and the others behind me, if anything happened they would save me, that much I knew.
We stopped in front of the main tent and he turned to the crowd. “Come one, come all to the Cirque de Rêves! Don’t let reality get you down, let your fears grow all around! Leave happiness outside, and let the darkness come alive! So grab your friends, grab you children, and join us as we bring you on an adventure that will change your life!”
I couldn’t believe it as people rushed towards the entrance. He talked of fears and death and yet people came. The people wanted to be afraid.
The dreams wanted to be destroyed. How was that possible? What was he doing that was so enticing, but at the same time destroying them one by one?
“Come, I have a seat saved especially for you.” Grabbing my hand, he led me into the darkness.
CHAPTER 15
Thousands of people crowded the benches to see the wonders of the show. Each of them with darkness encompassing their faces. It seemed darker here, as if the shadows were growing over their entire head. Was this how it worked, black clouds slowly clouding their eyes and then taking over their bodies? And would I become one of them? Would I lose my dreams?
Morpheus led me to a seat in the front, smiling as if it was all a game to him, and it probably was. I didn’t resist or try to run away, knowing there was no use, he was powerful enough to stop me. So I sat there and I waited for what was to come. And more importantly, I tried to prepare my mind.
I looked back behind me to find Malcolm and the others sitting a few rows up. They looked worried but they also knew they couldn’t do anything inside this tent. I whispered that I was sorry. It was my fault all of this happened. I should have thought it through, I wasn’t ready to face him.
The lights above the audience turned off and everything became silent. I felt uncomfortable, chilled by the pure black color. I couldn’t see anything, not even my hands in front of my face. I had always thought that living outside the city that it was dark at night, but at least then I had the stars and moon to guide me. This was nothing, trapped in a world I could not see.
And it was terrifying.
Never had I been so afraid as my heart pounded in my chest, my body not wanting to move in fear there was something out there. How was this a Circus? How was this entertaining? And how did this lead to people losing their dreams?
“Alice,” a whisper spoke in my ear. “What are you doing here?”
I didn’t recogni
ze the voice, it wasn’t Morpheus but something about it seemed familiar. I didn’t answer it but just tried to ignore it. I didn’t know if it was my mind playing tricks on me or if there was someone calling me.
“Alice, are you listening to me? Shouldn’t you be studying? Not wasting your time here.” Whatever it was kept bothering me. Then I recognized the voice; it was my father’s. Images swirled around me and all of a sudden I was at home.
“Alice?” My father was now sitting across from me. He was mad, his eyebrows down, eyes glaring at me, his face redder than I had ever seen it. “You have been failing your classes! Why aren’t you studying more?”
Report cards laid before me, F’s all across the page. I shook my head. “This isn’t real. I am in Wonderland”
“What are you talking about? This isn’t one of your stupid Japanese comics,” my mother said. “How could you do this to us? How could you bring shame upon our family?”
I tried to say something, but couldn’t. I had no idea what was going on, there was no way that this was possible. It was all fake, it had to be.
Or was Wonderland fake, and this was the truth? Had it all been just a dream? Was I back in reality?
I tried to remember how I could have gotten these scores. Did I forget to study for those tests? Was it finals? I kind of remembered finals coming up. Yeah, that’s right, finals were last week. I was going to study but I thought up some cool art subjects, and then there was the dance recital I had to prepare for. I didn’t have time to study.
“Your sisters had perfect scores throughout school, why can’t you be more like them and not waste your time with trivial things like art and dance? That’s it, I’m taking you out of dance until you can get your grades up. This isn’t acceptable.”
I shook my head. “No! You can’t do that! I love dance!”
“You should have thought of that before failing.” My father stood up and started for my room.
“Where are you going?” I called down the hallway.
“I’m getting rid of your art supplies. They are a distraction of what is really important. School.”
“No! This is a dream! This isn’t real!” I shouted, holding my head. It had to be, right? This couldn’t be possible.
“Stop saying nonsense. This is real life, Alice, you cannot escape reality. You will never achieve anything at this rate,” my mother yelled. “Why do you have to be such a problem for us?”
“No,” I shook my head. “You aren’t real! My parents care enough in the end to know what I want to do.”
“But you won’t make it as an artist, you will fail and be all alone,” the voice drifted through my mind. Colors changed around me and now I was at my graduation. Kate was next to me.
“What are you doing here, Alice? Didn’t you fail your finals? You can’t graduate if you don’t pass your classes. Didn’t you get kicked out of school a few months back?” Kate asked.
“What are you talking about Kate?” I said, tears falling down my face. She looked at me in disgust. I had never seen her give me that look before. It was the same look that my parents gave me, the one they gave me when I talked about my dreams.
“This can’t be real,” I whispered. “No, Kate, you are my best friend. You can’t leave me. You are the only one who believes in me. If you leave me, I don’ know what I am going to do. I can’t do this, Kate, please help me. Please tell me it is going to be all right like you always do. Tell me that you are on my side.”
“Get away from me Alice, I don’t want to be seen with a failure like you.” With that she walked off.
I shook my head. No, my best friend would never do that to me. She was always there for me, through being bullied, through each and every argument I had with my family. She would never leave my side.
“This isn’t real!” I screamed out.
Colors shifted and I found myself on the street, all alone. No sounds, nothing. It was wet, as if it had just rained. I looked up. It was pitch black, no stars or moon in the sky. All the light around me came off a dying light bulb in the streetlamp.
“Hello?” I questioned. There was no answer. “Is anyone there?” I started running and looking into shops. All of them were empty. No one was around. “Where is everybody?”
“Gone, Alice. You are all alone. No one wants to be with you.” Morpheus appeared before me.
I shook my head, realizing what had happened. He was tricking me, making me see things that weren’t there. “No, this isn’t real! You are trying to trick me!”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, Alice, this is your future, there’s no need to trick you. As you can see you have so many horrible things coming that I don’t even have to make any of them up. You will get nowhere and people will leave you.”
“That’s not true, I have people who love me!” I screamed out. I was starting to rock back and forth on my feet. There was no way this could be my future, I had so much more to complete. Sure, I wasn’t the best at school, but I was passing. There were plenty of art schools I could apply to, there were plenty of opportunities for me to succeed. I would never give up.
“That may be true now, but what if you fail? What if you don’t get where you want to go? Will people still be at your side? Think, Alice, will they still be there?”
More tears came flooding down my face. I didn’t know, I couldn’t think. He was right, if I couldn’t get into those schools, if I started failing my classes, there was no way I could succeed. “I don’t know!”
“To dream is to fail, Alice, you should know that. Why don’t you think practically? Why don’t you take the easy road? You were always trouble from the start, and now you have nothing to believe in.”
“I have a lot to believe in,” I whispered.
“Do you? Do you really?”
I tried to think of everything I believed in but nothing but fear was in my mind. Fear of everything I cared for leaving me. “Leave me alone! Get out of my head!”
He put his hand on my cheek. “Dear, dear Alice. If you wanted me gone you would have already done so. You know I speak the truth so you can’t get me out of my mind. You are nothing like the Alice of legend. You are just a scared little girl that has no hope for a future. I can’t believe anyone had trust in you. You are not her, you will never be her.”
I shook my head. “I’m not Alice, I never wanted to be Alice. I can never be as great, I can never defeat the Cirque de Rêves. I am just a failure, the Alice before me was so much stronger. I have failed.”
“That’s right. You aren’t worthy to carry the name of Alice. You are just an imposter, aren’t you?”
I slowly nodded, his words penetrating like a knife. How could I be foolish enough to think I could fill her shoes? How could I be so foolish to think I could do the things she has done. I wasn’t great, I barely was even living. I was just walking through life, not having a care. My parents were right, I was foolish.
Morpheus smiled. “But there is a way out, a way you can make all the pain go away.” He wiped away my tears. “A way you can make all the trouble you cause others to simply disappear.”
I looked up at him in hope. “There is?”
The image around me changed. I was at the coast now, standing at the edge of a cliff. Waves roared with the storm below me. I started to get dizzy looking straight below as the wind whipped around me.
“Jump Alice! End it all now!” I heard Morpheus call out.
I stared at the ocean below me. “But there is so much to live for,” I whispered.
“Is there? Think, Alice, you have lost everything. You have brought so much trouble to everyone around you. Your mother, your father, what do they need of you? They already have two perfect daughters, you are just a disgrace. Kate? Think of all the fun she could be having if she didn’t have you as a best friend. She has so much potential, you are just holding her back. If you jump now, you can let them all be free.”
It felt as the waves below me were calling to me. They wanted me to jump, they w
anted me to join them. They wanted me to be destroyed.
So I jumped.
CHAPTER 16
A shock went through my body as I hit the water. I sunk deeper and deeper, letting the water surround me. It felt warm and welcoming. I wanted to stay here forever. There were no worries here, there were no people here telling me what I could and could not do. Just the freedom to float and let my worries drift away. I could hide forever. I didn’t feel as if I was suffocating, I didn’t feel pain. I just felt nothing.
I could hear people calling my name in the distance, but their words were drowned out by the waves. I kept my eyes close, ignoring whoever it was. I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I just wanted to be left alone.
“Alice, wake up,” the voices called, but I ignored them. I didn’t want to wake up ever again. I didn’t want to go somewhere my fears awaited me when I could just let the current take me wherever I wanted. I would no longer feel pain, I would no longer feel worry. I would just be free. I would just float here and not have to face anything again. It was all I could do, it was all that I was worth, everyone made that clear.
Whoever thought I was the same as the Alice of legend was wrong. I was clearly a failure, clearly not set out to do the task to destroy the Circus. I couldn’t do anything to defeat Morpheus and I realized that now. I couldn’t succeed in anything I did, so I wanted to stay here and let my life pass me by. It was safe here, nothing to hurt me and nothing to make me afraid. It was peace. It was bliss.
Why didn’t people do this more often? Just sit back and let life pass them by. It was soothing, refreshing even. There would be no more wars, there would be no more pain. We could all live in harmony if everyone just gave into their fears and took the safe road. I could see that now, I had been a fool this whole time. This is what my parents wanted me to see and now my eyes were open and I could accept the fact. Dreams were worthless. They would never be achieved, not when reality would always get in the way, not when only pain awaited the dreams. Giving in to fear was the only way to go.