by Treva Harte
When was he getting that last strike? Sarah swallowed, disgusted that she was shifting her feet as eagerly as Cole probably was. Cole was in pain, and she was waiting—anticipating—the final blow.
Thwack.
“Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus. Thank you, Sir.”
“You’re hard, boy. And dripping. You want to come.”
“Of course, Sir.”
“Can anyone else do this to you?”
“You’re my master. You’re the only one who can discipline me.” Sarah wasn’t sure if she heard tears or bliss in that voice, the way it wavered.
“It looks like you hurt your wrists against those ties. Were they too tight?”
“It’s only a little hurt. I’m fine. I swear.”
“If you’re fine, then you know what happens next.”
“God, yes! But can I… Can I have a minute? I need to settle, and my ass is on fire. Just like you promised.”
Sarah bit the knuckle of her thumb to keep from crying out.
“That’s not all I promised. Kiss the cane, boy.”
No! She wasn’t going to listen. Sarah moved forward. Toward the door. She swore to herself she was headed to the exit, not to get closer to the study.
But she couldn’t help hearing more as she slipped by the room, praying they were too involved to look out.
“God damn it. Thank you.” Cole’s voice was thready. Furniture rocked again. “More.”
She couldn’t help looking either. Before she moved away, she caught a glimpse of two bodies and Cole writhing against the study chair. His face was contorted with what could be pain or pleasure. And the tip of a cane was held against his ass.
“Please, Sir. Harder.”
How the hell was she supposed to compete with that? She couldn’t. She’d had less than an hour of what she’d thought was perfection with Cole. But Cole didn’t want that kind of perfect. He’d gone back to the scary-hot sex he knew. Really scary. And God knows, it was hot. Somehow she hadn’t known how hot it could be until she heard it.
Sarah forced the tears back. She’d have time to cry later. Plenty of time to realize just how stupid she’d been.
Her hands were so sweaty they slipped on the doorknob of the front door. She wiped them on her clothing and tried again. With a small snick the door opened.
Cole’s scream filled the house.
She crossed the threshold and took a deep breath to steady herself. Then, safely outside, she ran.
Jeff heard the door shut as he skimmed his fingers down his boy’s sweaty back. He smiled. Then his smile faded.
Chapter Five
Sarah stared at the blinking lights of the tree in the store window. Stupid lights. Stupid tree. Damn stupid holidays. She’d packed up since it was the last day to stay in the dorms, but she still hadn’t made any plans. She wasn’t in the mood to even pretend to celebrate.
She ignored her cell phone’s buzz. If Cole was trying to call—and he seemed to be the only other person left in town—she didn’t want to hear from him. She gave him points for trying to get in touch. But she wasn’t going to let anything or anyone make her feel as bad as she had last week, running from his stupid master’s house.
Merry fucking Christmas. It was supposed to snow in the mountains. Good skiing weather, if you could get there. Not that it mattered. She wasn’t going there. She might never ski again.
I hate him. No, him. Both of them.
“Sarah.”
“What the hell?” She jerked her head up at Jeff’s voice. “Why are you here?”
How had he found her? That seemed creepy. Except he didn’t look creepy. He actually appeared concerned.
“Because I wanted to find you. Let’s go.” She didn’t have to take orders from Jeff, but she found herself following him into the deli next to the department store.
Within a few minutes, they sat face-to-face in a corner booth, waiting for coffee. It was all very civilized. Sarah supposed there was no reason for him not to be. After all, caning a shared lover after that lover had sex with her might be normal for some people in the lifestyle.
That made her the abnormal one. Lovely. She needed out. Really, what could he possibly say to her?
“Sarah, I’m sorry.”
She couldn’t help it. She jerked her head up again and stared. An apology from Dr. God Almighty Jeffries? Before she’d completely recovered from the shock, she said exactly what was on her mind. “Don’t lie. You don’t think you have anything to apologize for.”
Oh, damn. It was never a good thing for her to say what she really thought about anything, and especially about this man.
He didn’t react the way she expected. He shook his head, still looking concerned. “I really am sorry. Not for the sex. But for starting a scene when I wasn’t in full control of myself, and for letting you see something you weren’t ready for.” He didn’t touch her, but his stare was almost as probing. She wouldn’t look down. She wouldn’t.
He turned his head away instead and nodded to the waitress who brought the steaming mugs of coffee. Sarah waited until the woman left before asking the only important question.
“Is Cole all right?”
He smiled. “Cole is worried about you, but otherwise fine. He’s waiting for me to call as soon as I find you.”
“Yet you haven’t called.” The coffee was too hot. It burned on the way down.
“He can wait a bit longer. I thought we needed to straighten out a few things between ourselves first.”
That sounded a lot like a stern lecture was coming. Sarah wasn’t in the mood. “Why?”
“Because Cole wants us to.”
“There is that. Why do we put up with him?” The minute she said it, she wanted to kick herself. That wasn’t what she should have said. There was no us vs. Cole here.
“He’s impossible. That’s part of what we love about him.” Jeff shrugged. “Besides, I don’t know about you, but I like a challenge.”
“Do you mean Cole or me?”
“Either. Both.” His smile could be charming. She didn’t want to melt under its influence.
“You don’t give a damn about me.”
“Actually, in some strange way, I do. Otherwise I would have done my best to have Cole leave you here. I would have managed it too, the way Cole was feeling about me and my skills last night.”
“That’s only because you got to him last.” Sarah wasn’t sure about that, but it could be true. Just as true as what Cole’s damned top was saying. “You shouldn’t have done that to him. Not while you were angry.”
“I probably shouldn’t. But I was even more careful with him because I knew I shouldn’t.”
“What I saw didn’t look careful!”
“Stop fighting for a minute and think. We both want the same thing.”
“Cole?”
He laughed. “Yes, but there’s something else that might keep us working together. We want to be sure Cole chooses the right person.”
Except we disagree who the right person is.
Sarah pushed her cup away. “I don’t think we’re going to reach a win-win here. One of us will lose. You know that.”
“If we aren’t careful, we could both lose. Cole is capable of saying to hell with both of us if we push him too hard.” He covered her hand with his, and for a moment her breath froze in her throat as she stared down at their fingers, seeing how they linked together. Was he trying to rattle her?
He’s doing it because he thinks he’ll win. Why else would he be…be generous and open?
I think he’ll win too. Because I’m starting to feel as seduced as Cole.
“So? What do you suggest, Jeff? Arm wrestling? Pistols at dawn?”
I won’t let him win without a fight.
“Nothing that dramatic. Come with us today. Up to my cabin.”
It seemed like a million years ago she’d first contemplated going, only to hesitate. Now she had even more reason to say no, and she was still hesitating.
“I fe
ll a little in love with you when I was a lit student. Back at one of those parties you used to throw for your students.” She had no idea why she felt compelled to say that to him after years of refusing to acknowledge it even to herself.
“I know. I remember. The night we talked for about an hour after almost everyone had left. About your classes and your goals and my teaching, and nothing about what we were really thinking.”
“Oh God. You knew?” She wasn’t going to crawl under the table. She was going to remember that had been long ago, and she was a different person now. The man in front of her was probably different too. She was ready to concede that much.
“Of course. I fell a little in love with you too. That’s why I told myself later on it was smarter for both of us you weren’t going to be one of my students.”
Was he blushing?
He said, “I apologize if that was any of the reason why I pushed you out. I didn’t think it was at the time, but…if it was, I am sorry.”
All this time she’d wanted an apology. Now she didn’t know what to do with it.
“Wonderful.” Cole’s voice at her ear made her jump. “Glad to see you both are having a nice cup of joe while I freeze my ass off looking for you, Miss Sarah.”
How dare he sound like a scolding parent? How dare he sound so completely normal?
“I’m not the one at fault here.” Sarah knew it sounded incredibly sulky.
“So we have to be at fault?” Jeff could no more help arguing than breathing.
“I don’t care who is. Just don’t try to make me feel guilty.” But she slid over as Cole settled in next to her.
He was right—he was cold. She shivered beside him.
“You guys make things so complicated.” Cole shook his head and took Sarah’s half-full coffee cup. “Do you want to keep spinning this out?”
“That’s incredibly unfair too. You’re always the one who gets into these complicated messes and expects me to pull you out.” Sarah wished she could just hit her own personal Mute button. She knew what she was acting and sounding like, but she couldn’t stop.
“That’s why you love me.” Cole put her cup down, empty. “And that’s why you don’t know how to act now. I’m keeping it very simple, Sarah. Sweetheart. Come with us. No drama. I’ll show you this can work.”
“You better show both of us. I’m not the only one with problems about this, Cole. Sweetheart. Mr. Dominant over there doesn’t like the idea.” She glared, and Cole leaned over to kiss her, tonguing her just long enough to make her blush.
And reconsider yet again.
Her holiday was already going to be a misery. Why not play this all the way out and show herself, and these two men, that it could never work? Was it any worse than hiding in a hotel room somewhere, anywhere, pretending she didn’t care?
“Sarah, it can work.” Cole sounded as if he were reading her mind.
God knows they’d spent so much time together that half the time he could, just the way she could tell his thoughts.
She looked over at Jeff, who was leaning back in his booth, eyes half shut, as if he were watching a somewhat uninteresting play. “What about you?”
“I’m in.” Jeff put some money on the table and straightened up, not answering the question she meant at all. Cole slid out of his seat.
“Let’s seal the deal, then.” Sarah stood up and caught Jeff before he slipped by her.
She didn’t know what pushed her—what dark, previously unexamined curiosity made her do it—but she tangled her hands in Jeff’s red hair and kissed him with as much tongue as Cole had given her, holding him just long enough for Jeff to tense and then relax against her. Long enough for him to return her kiss.
His tongue was soft and gentle once he stopped resisting. She slid her hands down farther, the muscles of his shoulders much harder than his lips. She had to stand on her toes to reach him, slightly off-balance as they swayed, joined mouth to mouth.
Hot. His mouth was hot, no longer gentle, and he pulled need out of her, making it flood through her. She caught herself from moaning just in time. So that was what being with a dom was like. Without her realizing how it happened, with his hands still off her, he was taking charge, and she wanted him to.
God. Sarah stepped back and stared at him, almost nose to nose. She could count each eyelash. He looked at her intensely, and it was suddenly hard to breathe. What had she started?
Jeff’s face was unreadable. When she turned her head, she saw Cole was smiling, as if he was genuinely pleased. She hadn’t wanted either reaction, but now she’d gone and silently agreed to join them.
She could change her mind. She should.
She picked up her duffel bag instead and followed them out of the restaurant.
“Sarah.” Cole held the door open for her, but his voice was tight.
“What? I’m going with you, aren’t I?”
“I see this is going to be difficult. Jeff, why don’t you go and hang out in that nice cold truck of yours for ten minutes? I need a quick talk with Sarah. Please.”
Jeff studied them before he touched Cole’s shoulder. “I’ll be back here to pick you up in ten minutes.”
Jeff took her bag and left. Obviously he was counting on Cole making sure she stuck with the program.
“So…what?” She sounded like a thirteen-year-old. Right now she didn’t care.
“You know what. We need to talk. About what you saw. About you and me and Jeff.”
“We don’t need to talk about you and me and Jeff. There is no you and me and Jeff. It doesn’t matter what you want to have happen. There never will be a you, me, and Jeff.”
“Sarah.”
“Sorry.” They walked down the sidewalk. “What am I supposed to tell you? No matter what I say, you’ll try to tell me I’m wrong.”
“I’ll talk about me, then. You know I like to do that. You can’t argue with me if I say how I feel.”
“What a stupid rule.”
Without her really agreeing, she found the two of them holding hands. So what? They used to do that. Besides, she was an idiot. None of what she said next mattered. She could drag her heels all she wanted, but everyone knew she had given in. Why pretend?
It was embarrassing to have two men manipulate her so easily.
“Sarah, you saved my life when I first got here.”
“What?” As always, Cole surprised her.
“I was so fucked-up, baby. You were the first friend I’d ever had.” He brushed his thumb against her palm, lingering in the sensitive hollow of her hand. “I mean that. The very first. Do you remember how we met?”
“At…at a bar near campus. I don’t remember which one.”
Cole, belligerent and provocative, had been arguing with one of the biggest guys in the department. One of the biggest and nastiest. Sarah hadn’t even had a chance to think about what she was doing before she stepped in.
“I would have been smacked down, literally, if you hadn’t intervened. Because I was just self-destructive enough to have kept going until he beat the piss out of me.”
“I know. I never got that.” Sarah swallowed. “Is it…is it because part of you wanted to submit?” That was as close as she wanted to get to asking whether he was looking for pain.
“Yes and no. I was used to being yelled at and hit. You don’t want to know what my parents were like.”
“You’re right. But I would have listened. You just never wanted to talk about it.”
“Still don’t want to. I suppose I was lucky I got to leave for college at fourteen. But while my home life lasted, it was ugly, and it helped make me respond the way I do to threats and… and sex. I was used to people’s abuse. I’d get in their faces and ask for it, because that’s how it always worked whether I was aggressive or not. I didn’t want to go down without a fight. I even learned to like the fight. I know that, but I can’t always stop myself. Then you stood up for me and made other folks back down.”
“Someone had to.” God
. Cole had acted like an ass to so many people for so long. She’d thought he’d been willful. Deliberately looking for a little edge to his sex. She hadn’t really considered he was desperate and wanted—expected—to get hurt. Not at first. By the time she’d wondered what was driving him, it was too late. They’d been friends. She’d cared.
“No one had to. No one ever had before. But you did.” Cole raised her hand to kiss it. “Do you know how much I love you for that?”
“That’s why you love me? You’re grateful?”
“One reason. Can’t deny it.” He grinned at her. “Plus you’re hot.”
She looked at the sleek blond perfection next to her and shook her head. “Right. If you really meant all that, especially the hot part, you may be more fucked-up than I thought.”
“Nah. I’m not. It’s you and Jeff who changed me. You’re the two people who make me think maybe I can get things right. I know I’m smart. But that didn’t seem to help me live my life.”
“So we changed you because I keep you from being hurt and because he hurts you?”
“You’re smarter than that. And not usually so bitchy. I guess seeing Jeff and me shook you up more than I expected.”
“What did you expect, Cole? What else am I supposed to think about you and him? And all those other guys who…who exploit you? You’re smarter and sweeter and better than all that shit.”
“Plus we made love, so you figured I was done with all that shit.”
She sniffed, fighting to keep from completely letting tears fall. “I hoped so.”
“I was afraid of that. It’s not that easy. Jeff saved me too. Because I need BDSM, honey. Maybe it’s because of my childhood, or maybe it’s just how I’m wired. But I do. And he’s… He’s the first one who has been willing to take care of me when I need it. He centers me.”
“Centers you? I saw what he did.”
And she could see how much calmer Cole was. Even his flirting was turned on low right now. But…
“And you saw how I reacted. I love it. Did you hear him check and see I was all right before we kept going? He does that for me. He knows when I lie and when I’ve gone past my limits. He cares enough to find out, because I sure as hell didn’t tell him so at first. I never had with anyone before. Shit, I never even wanted to admit I had limits.”