Entering the garden, I decided that instead of getting lost in the maze, I would take the more direct route to the fountain at the center. I needed to relax and calm myself. If I got lost in a maze and was late back to the house, that would’ve just caused more stress.
I’m definitely going to need to get my makeup and my hair touched up, I realized as I unzipped my light jacket and pulled my white t-shirt away from my body.
I stopped in mid-step as the shrubbery ended and opened up to a massive concrete fountain. Water spouted from the top and then cascaded over the ridges of each subsequent basin. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply and then exhaled the confusion I felt.
What am I doing?
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
The masculine voice caused my eyes to fly open and my heart to pound. My head was on a swivel as I looked in the direction of the sound.
“I was asking myself the same thing,” I mumbled honestly as I craned my neck to see if I recognized the man in the alcove.
I blinked, unsure of what I was seeing. I took tentative steps toward him.
Is that…is that Julian?
Wearing a pair of navy blue jogging pants with the matching jacket, Julian Winters was sitting on a concrete bench in the little alcove. He had a pair of black and red headphones pushed off of his ears and resting around his neck. A notebook occupied the space beside him. He wore black aviator sunglasses that somehow softened his chiseled features. He looked more like a mix of the boy in the picture Koko and I saw online and the man we were showed a picture of that morning. With each step I took toward him, he became even better looking.
His skin was the color of a rich almond cream and contrasted nicely with his short, black hair. His nose was narrow and symmetrical, anchoring his features. He didn’t have the five o’clock shadow covering his chiseled jawline that attracted me in the photos. But when his full lips parted into a smile, I decided that the beard would’ve only distracted me from the most attractive thing about him.
His smile grew with each step I took and that smile was everything. He was officially the most attractive man I’d ever seen in my life.
The nerves I felt about being on the show dissipated as soon as Julian and I were face to face. He had a calming demeanor and that effect wasn’t lost on me. The knots of anxiety that made me second-guess my decision to be on the show unraveled in his presence. For some reason, seeing him alone, with his notebook made me feel like I was seeing the real Julian and not Julian Winters, the star. And that made my heart race.
He held out his arms in confusion. “Are you trying to escape?”
Taken aback by his question, I couldn’t do anything but laugh. “Honestly, I needed to get away. It’s crazy over there.”
He let out a chuckle and the sound reeled me in. “Tell me about it. That’s why I came out here to write.”
Something stirred in me. His writing was the main thing that attracted me to him.
Well, until seeing him in person, I conceded, forcing myself to keep staring at my reflection in his glasses so I wouldn’t check him out.
My attraction to him went from an emotional attraction that stemmed from his ability to make me feel every single word he wrote and rolled into a sexual attraction that stemmed from his ability to make that jogging suit look like that.
I couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but I could feel his gaze sweeping over my body. Heat rose from beneath the surface of my skin. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other as my body reacted without my consent. I cleared my throat, pointing to the notepad. “You write when you’re stressed?”
He paused as if surprised by the question. He nodded, replying slowly, “I do.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “You haven’t gotten very far.”
“You’re right.” He smirked, appearing to hold back a laugh. “Do you mind helping me with something, Zoe?”
HE KNOWS MY NAME!
I grinned, just barely keeping the ridiculous giddiness that tickled my insides under wraps. “Of course,” I replied as coolly as possible.
He gestured for me to come closer and then he patted the bench beside him.
I ran my hands down the side of my jeans before I sat next to him. We were close, but not touching.
He licked his lips and my eyes automatically zeroed in on them. They were full and undeniably kissable. Realizing I was staring, I jerked my eyes back to his. I was certain I’d been caught, but if I had, he didn’t indicate that he’d seen me. Turning my head toward the fountain, I stared straight ahead.
I need to calm down.
“This garden is nice,” I mentioned for no reason in particular.
“Great place to escape,” he added.
Sneaking glances with my peripheral vision, I saw him reach up and pull his sunglasses off. He tucked the arm of them into the collar of his shirt. I put my hands on the cool concrete on either side of my knees and gripped the edge of the bench. Even the way he removed his glasses was sexy.
I swallowed hard, trying to get my brain to stop focusing on him. I had to coach myself up. It’s your turn to speak. Stop eyeing him and respond.
“I’m surprised more people aren’t here,” I offered, keeping the conversation going. I was glad no one else was around, but surprised sounded a little less anti-social. It wasn’t until after the words left my mouth that I realized that surprised didn’t fit either.
“Surprised or relieved?”
My head swung his way and my jaw dropped. I let out a short laugh. “Am I that transparent?”
When he turned his head and our eyes met for the first time, all the air along with all the amusement left my body. His eyes were grey, an intense shade that seemed to mimic the rolling shadows of overcast storm clouds. They were epically hypnotic. It was too much, but I couldn’t get enough.
My heart thundered in my chest. Pressing my palm harder into the concrete, I felt nothing but the intensity of his gaze. The silence between us only made the tension thicker. His eyes pierced me as if he could see into my soul. The energy between us was undeniable.
He blinked several times before dropping his head to his notebook.
“I’m working on something and when I get stuck, I like to bounce ideas around.” Julian picked up his pen and tapped it against the empty pad. “Would you mind giving me feedback?”
Fixating on the fountain, I watched the water dance. I ran my hands over my thighs, trying to shake the feeling of Julian looking into me like he had. “I can definitely do that.”
“I want you to listen to this and tell me how it makes you feel.”
I chanced it and looked over at him. He slipped his headphones from around his neck and stood. Throwing his long leg over the bench, he straddled it, facing me.
Instead of handing me the headphones, Julian flipped them upside down, letting the headband hang under my chin. His fingertips grazed my skin as he ensured the ear pads covered my ears. A shiver ran through me. His eyes searched my face and his hands lingered on the headphones for a second too long. As if snapping out of it, he sat back, giving me a thumbs-up after he hit play on his phone.
The music started and he turned it up gradually. I closed my eyes so I could focus on what I was hearing and not be distracted by anything. I first heard the agony of the strings and it was sexy. So sexy, in fact, that I felt my body reacting to the music. Violin strings strained against someone’s needy bow while guitar strings were plucked at a painstakingly slow rate. The song built from there and then ended the same way it began.
I opened my eyes and found Julian studying me. I didn’t take into consideration that even though I closed my eyes to block him out, he could still see me. I looked down as I slipped the headphones off and noticed that his paper was no longer blank. Unfortunately, since it was upside down, I couldn’t make out the words.
“It’s almost distracting how beautiful you are,” Julian commented, flipping to a new page in his notepad and slipping his headphones around his
neck. Not giving me a chance to reply, he continued. “What did you think of the music?”
My stomach was still quivering from his words. “It’s sexy. There’s no other way to describe it.” Wound up with a mixture of excitement and sexual tension, I started gesturing with my hands for emphasis. “From the way the strings sound like they’re crying out to the way the drum kept that steady, consistently pounding beat. It sounded like sex. It kept building and once it climaxed, it wound down like a heartbeat slowing.”
Julian ran his hand over his head, ruffling his hair. “First of all, hearing you describe it is sexy as hell. I like that you’re conducting the music as you talk about it.” A light chuckle escaped his lips. “But that’s perfect. That’s exactly what I hoped you’d feel. I just didn’t think you would be able to put it into words like that.” There was a bit of awe in his voice that made me curious.
Playfully, I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. “Oh because I’m a contestant on The One, you didn’t think I’d be able to string together a coherent sentence?”
“That’s not it at all.” Amusement still danced in his eyes.
I stood up and kicked my leg over the bench so that I was straddling it and we were facing each other. I folded my arms again and glared at him. I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips, but I did my best to look intimidating.
He reached out, pulling my elbow until he freed my arm. Taking my smaller hand between his larger ones, he said, “I don’t think that just because you are incredibly sexy and devastatingly beautiful, you can’t also be smart with a great personality.”
“An amazing personality,” I corrected, my heart in my throat.
“My mistake, an amazing personality,” he laughed, conceding my point. “It wasn’t that I didn’t think you could string a sentence together. I just didn’t expect you to be so spot on.” He shook his head. “Everything I thought when I produced the song is what you said. You hope someone gets what it is you’re saying, but you never expect it to be word for word what you were thinking. That’s unreal.”
I cocked my head to the side, gazing at him. “Great minds think alike.”
The silence enveloped us comfortably and the moment felt nice, but intimate since we were facing each other. We seemed to realize that we were still holding hands at the same time and quickly untangled our fingers.
I fixed my hair.
He grabbed his notepad and pen.
Julian bit down on his bottom lip. “Thanks for taking a listen. I needed an unbiased opinion. I’m figuring out which music I’m going to use on my album and which music I’m going to sell.”
I smiled. “I can imagine that being difficult. You work hard on a track and then you have to decide if you’re going to sell your hard work and run the risk of them ruining it with a crappy song.” I pursed my lips. “My opinion is that you keep it.”
He smiled, placing his pen and notepad on the bench space behind him. “Thanks, that helps.”
“I’m glad I could help. So what’s typically the next step in your process?”
“Next, I write. After I have the music, I use that to inspire me.”
An excited flutter ran through me. “Are you going to start writing right now?”
Silently, his eyes shifted from my face and swept over the landscape. After what felt like minutes, he reached behind him and grabbed the notepad. When he looked up, I thought I saw a flash of vulnerability in his eyes. He glanced down at the bound papers, opening to a page with writing on it.
Was that too much? Too pushy? Too forward?
Unsure of how to react to the look in his eyes, I backtracked. “I’m sorry if I came off…strong maybe. I was just really excited about your writing and your process. I know you’re stressed which is why you’re out here so I don’t want to put more pressure on you. If you want to write, I can leave you to it.”
He met my gaze and whatever I saw in his eyes earlier was gone. “No, it’s cool. I like having you here.” His smile was small, easy going. “It might help me through this block.”
“Maybe you’re just having writer’s block because you’re doing this show. The stress of it all could be blocking your creativity.” I paused for a beat. “Maybe you should go to your happy place and relax. I can go and let you get back to—”
Before I could finish my sentence, he shook his head. “Right now, with you, is the only time I haven’t felt stressed about all of this.”
I tried not to smile too hard. “Well good. I’m glad,” I replied almost shyly. “And I feel the same way.”
“Good.”
Glancing at his notebook, I gestured with my head. “So, what do you have so far?”
The corners of his lips crept up sexily. “I have the first verse and I just wrote down a couple of thoughts for the second while you were listening to the beat.”
I rubbed my hands together and lifted my eyebrows. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”
Julian laughed, disconnecting the headphones and pressing play on his phone. The music started pulsating through the speaker and he closed his eyes and belted out.
The sound of his voice blew me away. It was layered, husky, and raw. The way the melody of his voice carried over the music and tied together in perfect harmony made my heart swell. But his words took my breath away.
When Julian laid out his desire for this woman, he toed the line between implicit and explicit, love and lust, want and need. His lyrics felt different than his other stuff, more specific and real. But nonetheless, his wordplay captivated me. By the time he finished the first verse, I had to check to make sure drool wasn’t dripping from the corners of my mouth.
“I started this yesterday and I’ve been stuck here ever since,” he pointed out after he concluded.
I exhaled shakily and found myself at a loss for words.
His eyebrows lifted as he waited for me to find my voice.
I swallowed hard. “That was incredible, Julian. I mean, I—wow.”
His face lit up. “Thank you.”
“No, I don’t think you understand.” I put my hands on his knees and leaned forward, bringing my face closer to his. I knew I sounded like a swoony fan, but his talent was so attractive. “That was incredible. You are incredible. Your talent, your words, your emotion…God, your emotion.”
His eyes dipped to my lips and lingered. “Thank you.”
I wanted to close the six or seven inch gap between us and kiss him. The urge was so overwhelming, I started to shake. But I remembered that I was one of twelve women trapped in a house to compete for his affection.
Like Tate, he is weighing his options. I came here to get to know him, not to fall for him.
Rocking back, I removed my hands from his knees and clasped them in front of me.
“So, um, what do you have written down to start the second verse?” I stared at his notepad, trying to cool down.
He didn’t respond so I looked up. His smirk grew.
“What?” I poked him in the middle of his chest. “Will you sing a little bit of the end of the first verse and then go into the second for me? Maybe if I hear what you’re working with I can help you figure something out,” I requested.
He obliged, maintaining eye contact and something clicked.
He sang passionately while staring directly into my eyes. His voice carried the melody with such sincerity that I paid closer attention to his newfound lyrics.
“Stripped down, I see you
All of you
Down to your core.
And looking in your eyes
It’s no surprise
I want you much more.”
I smiled at him as he continued, the words seeming to flow out of him. I ignored the way my heart pounded in my chest. I ignored the way every inch of my body burned hot for the man who was exposing himself to me. There was something so vulnerable about how emotionally open and unguarded he was being. Once he finished and the music on his phone faded, he broke eye contact, jotting notes dow
n in his notepad.
“That sounded amazing. The lyrics teetered between lust and love and the music is almost erotic. It was great. You didn’t need any help at all,” I gushed. “I’m sorry. I probably sound like an obsessed fan. I swear I didn’t know who you were a couple of weeks ago.”
“No. You don’t sound obsessed.” His eyes glowed as he put his hand over his heart. “And ouch.”
I stifled my giggle. “I just meant that I’ve heard your songs, but I didn’t know they were your songs. Your songs are everywhere. But what you just did, that was something different. And it was special because you were the one actually singing it. It sounded personal.”
He stared at me, chest rising and falling steadily. “It sounds like you heard me.”
“Maybe you just needed someone to listen to you.”
“Maybe I just needed you to listen to me.”
I was drawn to him. “Maybe.”
As the quietness descended upon us, something was definitely brewing between us. It could’ve been the music or the lyrics or both, but it made it difficult for me to resist him.
And it’s probably for my own good if I didn’t get too attached considering I’m on a dating show where he decides to date multiple women at once to weigh his options. Kind of like Tate wanted to do.
Julian was the first to break the silence. “I don’t know where that came from. I had been stuck all day. That never happens to me.”
“What inspired the song to begin with?”
He smirked as if he had a secret. “A conversation I had at a bar.”
“Well it must have been a good conversation,” I joked, ignoring the pit that sat low and heavy in my stomach.
Great. More competition.
He seemed to sense where my mind was going. “She helped me see what it was that I wanted and needed in a woman. It gave me perspective. And since I usually use my life as inspiration and I had this beat that I hadn’t released yet, I thought why not?”
“That’s something I was wondering about.” I took the opportunity to change the subject. “Are all of your lyrics true to life? The song about ‘Ass Everywhere’ comes to mind.” I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.
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